Friday, December 3, 2010

72 Years Old, Gay and Married

From time to time we have had a few entries/comments from
some of our senior gays who read Justin Dunes.  Often, I have been
told, older gay men feel excluded in deference to "the younger set".
I think we have a lot to learn from our Seniors. . .Joe asked if he could
tell his story for benefit of others. . .and for himself, too.  I hope others
will feel free to contribute, offer comments, suggestion, words of encouragement.
Send them to me and I will post them for you, or make the comments direct on line
after this article.
THANKS, Joe, and thanks to others who have posted. , , , Justin

My Best Friend Ever, Justin,
 I finished the sketch that I said I would get to you before week's end.  I tried to edit, but am
terrible in writing sentence structure.  Hope it isn't to boring. Edit what you want. Please
just call me Old Joe.  I thought about using my full name but to cover the innocent, LOL,
I guess I am a bit reluctant.   May some day become like you and use my full name.
 Thank you O Good and Kind Friend, so Young you are
so Good, May God always keep you this way, always.    Joe
Almost 72 years of Being Gay
This is Joe, born 12.14.38.  I was 6th in a very poor family of 7. We had a coal furnace in
our dining room in Detroit Mi..  2 Bedroom, 1 bath, older 4 brothers slept in attic, no
insulation,  no heat up there. Just blankets.  They were happy, I guess.  I got to sleep
downstairs. My dad bought a Frig., later sold it because it used too much electricity
, and  there was not much money back in the 40's. In fact, he usually worked at work, sanding, painting
cars as well as bumping, sanding and painting them out, at home, and plowing an acre of
ground, and planting all kinds of vegetables, and the squatters would get most of the crop.
He had  built a small shed, on the acre, and also and had built 3 homes in Springfield, Illinois,
 they are still standing today, 2010 where he and my mom are buried.
He had a 3rd grade education, but was made (6'5") to go to work at 10ys of age in the coal mines of
Pennsylvania. He died at 48, in 1948 mostly from black lung. 7 of us from 7 to 16yrs of age.
My mom raised us all, by herself. Hardly any money, but she went to work in a Kresge's
dime store downtown as a waitress. Then she went back to work as a telephone Operator,
later became Supervisor Operator at Wayne State University. (She had been a Supervisor in 
Springfield at 18), When she passed in my arms in 1968, she was making $125 a week, and a month away from retirement..

I being 6'0" was a guy who at Christmas wanted a doll, at 4ys old. Couldn't throw a baseball
cause brother said I threw like a girl. I finally agreed he was right. Also BLM had a video, a
few weeks back, on recognizing traits when you were you were young and those 2 came up.
Well some of the reasons I had playing tennis, was I had problem with vision trying to see tennis
ball coming at me.  When I was eight yrs old,   I lost my left eye,
and eyelids and surrounding orbital mass, because of a benign tumor that kept closing
my eye very slowly, this was on Dec. 31, 1946, Today the same operation, is done by going
into the side of the head and removing it with no sign of an operation.  I didn't have that
back then, and had a 50/50 chance of surviving the operation. But here I am by the grace of God, a
gay man whom God has taken care of, and has loved me. 

I always had a feeling for men. I remember at 13, watching a jack hammer man outside my house,
with muscles, sweating, and no shirt on, tearing up the street in front. I couldn't take
my eye off of him.  That is my first remembering.  Then there was an Italian kid at school
I was in grade 7, he was grade 8, that I could not get enough of looking and drooling over him.
Never had any contact, but he played the organ, was overly talented.  I found out just a
few years ago that he was always gay, and lives that way today. An opportunity missed.
But because of my eye, (I have always worn a Full prosthesis since I was 9). First one was made
in Southbridge Ma. at American Optical Co.

I don't want to bore everyone, but what can you do being a Catholic, and going to confession
almost every week or two, to confess that you have been happily jacking off.
Went to a priest in the down town chancellor office.  I went to confession. That I was later to
regret.  Also told him before I was getting marriage, and how happy I was.

So in 1965, on 9-11, got married.  Sex was like pulling teeth. "I don't want another child,
I am too tired, I am not speaking to you for the next 3months"; it was always 3months. I don't
know how we got 3 beautiful Children,  2 boys, then a girl..
Everyone of my kids are straight as an arrow. I told my oldest son and my wife this past spring,
that I am gay.  My wife is still trying to accept it.  Son is non committal to say anything, I know none of them
will ever be happy about my being gay. I wouldn't dare tell Second Son or Daughter, the son
hates gays. So I let well enough alone.

 What could I expect from a wife of 45ys,(I do feel bad that she got me being a latent gay,
but cannot be undone) who for the past ten year, has not had any kind of real touching or
 kissing (except at church, which I call a Judas Kiss, I guess I am the Judas, but it is only
 to show that there is complete happiness between us) I really don't want to kiss but I keep
 her happy.  We so far have stayed together, because of our financial status. 

I have gone to book stores all my life, bought magazines, and the peep hole videos, and
went to bath houses in Detroit, mutually jacked off a guy my age, in 1979 then left, was
so guilty went to confession. I went to Key West, found a Bath House, Jacked off a guy laying
in bed, then left. I went several times in Orlando BH.. I guess that I was
scared for Aids and knew I couldn't take it, and that I better leave. That BH is torn down.
Don't think they have any in Orlando any more. I think they have some in Tampa.
My retirement, like I said, has been for crap. Had the last of any sex in 2000.  Period.
My wife has been upset, cause I look at guys on the Net too much.

So now the Depression has set in.  I worked 8yrs at Disney World, my wife had 28yrs,
both in reservations.  I have been a Real Estate Broker for 35yrs. and have sold, but but life,
doesn't get easier when after they look at you with only one eye, they want to take
separate cars. I have driven well over a million miles so far in my life since I was 17, and
drive with extra sensitivity.

I have tried all my life to Love my wife and still do, but I found out a few years ago
that she never wanted children, what a kick in the Ass. Then she denies that.  Just like
pulling the plug when my oldest brother died, She told his wife that if it was me, she
would pull the plug, Ha  Jokingly. Then the saying is "I thought I made a mistake
yesterday, but I was wrong.".
I went to a psychologist  2 weeks ago.  He has referred  me to a woman Phys Doctor, He was
trained same as she, what is he taking the money for?????????? Can't believe it.
Guess I will have to see how my life got screwed up, almost 72yrs ago..  But the Kids are the most
beautiful part of it all. The oldest has a Masters in Safety Management (MPH) from USF,
as well as a bachelor in Chemistry from UWF(University of West Florida), and daughter,
has a Bachelor degree, from UCF. Second son is an Over the road Truck Driver.
The loneliness is hell, and where I live, there are no Gay organizations. Also the leash
is short and I don't want to live out my life in a cardboard Box.  I have started a Seniors
Group at Church, Called Fun After 50,  Casinos, trips to St Augustine, Science Museum,
 restaurants, etc.

But I would rather be starting a Gay Group.  LOL  The town of where I live, has a Village
Idiot for a Sherriff, He has a Baptist attitude, no Adult Bookstores, etc.
The reason, I live here is that I moved from a beautiful home In Orlando, in 2000,   We inherited 5.8 acres,
built a home, then decided to put in a  137 peach trees and 50 blackberry cuttings.
Also had 12 fig trees and etc.  The Peaches brought in over 1,600 lbs and Blackberry,
brought in 500 lbs both of them for 2yrs straight. (Was told I didn't know how to raise
anything, that Pecan trees were the crops of the area) I came back to Fl in 2004,
(just 14 days before Ivan hit),(we were only 10 miles north of the Gulf) and homes
had gone up 3 times higher than it for sold in 2000, to $300,000 and $400,000.
 That is the reason I came here.
But Oh how I miss my peach trees and blackberry's. And I as well miss Orlando, 22ys is
a great area, Guess I will live out my life here, being that everything has deflated.
A long road from 2 bedroom house and a Coal Stove.

Good Old Joe,  Am I Right Or Wrong.

Thanks for letting me Talk, Justin.



Gary Kelly said...

If a bloke can survive all that and still believe that God has taken care of him and loves him, I'm lost for words.

jimm said...

Joe, sounds like you lived a tough life , but made the best of it. I wish I had that much courage.

I've listened to other seniors tell their stories. One thing I've come to realize is that most of them are a product of their times.

Remaining in the closet for a lifetime, saddled with fear or shame, for example. Others have religious or race prejudices because that is what ppl believed.

Now comes the pc era, and it's a huge game changer.

JCinmeforever said...

Thank you 'old Joe' for sharing a mere glimps of your life story. Thank you Jusin, for posting it.

Life as it is in this world is not a bowl of cherries for everyone. Some of us have it tough, like 'old Joe', but having the Lord Jesus as your strong-hold sustains and gives peace and direction in our lives. He and only He can bring peace and understanding in the midst of life's thorns. We all have them to some degree.
I have great compassion and empathy for a man like Joe. A product of his time, like Jimm has mentioned. Time has made things easier in some respects for those, like you Justin, to live in a time in which not all is perfect to be openly gay or even openly gay as a Christian, but somewhat thankful that it is easier, than say our loving brother 'old Joe' has had. My heart is hugging you Sir, for your belief in Him, and a sharing heart-felt love to Justin and all of us here on the 'Dunes'.

My prayers are with you all. Hugs! JCinmeforever.

JustinO'Shea said...

Hey HEY e v e r y b o d y. . . . .JOE has a birthday coming up Dec.14..a week from Tuesday. Put it on your calendar. . :-)