Tuesday, June 29, 2010

HUGS BANNED IN SYDNEY???. . . .tsk...tsk....tsk


REALLY??? OH MY MY MY. . .. ;-)





This moved me to tears…perhaps it is because as a child of the 60’s I believed if we had enough love we could change the world…

perhaps it is because to give a hug we need open arms and an open heart…and that reminds me of Jesus’ love for us…see how many respond…and how many simply walk away…

is it like you when you are offering people the way to eternal life and they simply ignore it?

Yet to those who accept the hug…a smile comes over them and they seem affirmed in the wonderful sea of humanity and they are connected to the best that we humans have to offer: unconditional love and acceptance.


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Monday, June 28, 2010

"Sex education" ;-)

Red and Blue . . .

Stories about children and their views of the world are always touching.

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden.

He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was.

Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.

He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention.

He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

'Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?' she asked.

'They're mating,' her father replied.

'What do you call the spider on top?' she asked.

A Daddy Longlegs,' her father answered.

'So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?' the little girl asked.

As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied, 'No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.'

The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then lifted her foot and stomped them flat.

"Well", she said, "that may be OK in California, but we're not having any of that shit in Texas."

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Gay Relationships: Passion & The Meaning In Life

Why do so many of us have trouble finding out what we’re passionate about? I’m not talking about sexual heat or passionate relationships, although that excitement is certainly important. I’m thinking of passion in the broadest sense: an interest in life, in something beyond ourselves. Our society suffers from a sort of low-grade depression.

Many of us may not actually be hurting, but we’re pretty disinterested or disconnected. What’s going on, and what can we do about it?. Finding the juice in your life is important if you want to be truly happy. So, what gives your life meaning and purpose?

In our consumer society, it’s easy to distract ourselves from concerns that seem too abstract by substituting the pursuit of material things like bigger pecs, the latest car or dancing at the hottest club. That’s fun – but it rarely scratches that deepest itch, the one about whether life is ultimately fulfilling.

People who are parents often find ready-made purpose in life because of the importance human beings place on the rearing of children. Sure, continuation of the species is important, but let’s face it: biological reproduction is not such a big accomplishment. And when children grow up, parents speak of the “empty nest syndrome,” and end up facing many of the same challenges as everyone else.

Rather than adding more people to an already-crowded planet, many of us make find other ways to make a contribution. Some of us volunteer our time with organizations we value; others of us choose professions that put our nurturing instincts to work in other ways. Many of us make the world a better place through the arts. Others find that participating in the natural world –gardening, environmental awareness – fulfills our yearning to make things better.

One of the interesting things about finding your purpose is that no one else can find it for you. Maybe your parents or the preacher at your childhood church tried to give you answers, and maybe those worked for a while. Ultimately, however, success in life depends on you leading your life the way you choose to do lead it.

So what can you do?

Slow down. Give yourself a break from multitasking. Take a deep breath and relax. Life doesn’t become more meaningful if you simply fill it up with more busy-ness. Try doing less, and allow yourself to appreciate completing something you do well.

Stop distracting yourself. Pay attention to what’s going on around you right now. What clues do you find to what makes you happy?

If your life ended tomorrow, what would you want to have accomplished that you haven’t yet done? It’s probably not just spending more time at the office. How would you like your epitaph to read? What do you want your legacy to be?

What makes you happy? Too many of us live as if existence was supposed to be deadly serious. Passion happens when we’re feeling playful and exuberant. Start noticing your senses and what they have to teach you.

You’re in touch with your passion when you’re doing something just because you love it – not because you’re especially good at it, or other people tell you that you should do it or because you make a lot of money when you do it. Fun is the fuel that life runs on. How full is your tank?

John R. Ballew, M.S. an author and contributor to GAYTWOGETHER, is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality, relationships and spirituality. If you have any questions or comments you can submit them directly to GAYTWOGETHER or John R. Ballew, M.S. - www.bodymindsoul.org.

THANKS to Michael @ gaytwogether.com

Saturday, June 26, 2010

EVEN FOR 1st GRADERS ???????

Condoms for kids in Provincetown: Three newspapers, three angles

Posted by Mark Leccese June 24, 2010 11:35 AM

Just a glance at the headlines in the two Boston dailies this morning telegraphs each paper’s emphasis in a story about the Provincetown School Committee voting two weeks ago to make condoms available to students in its elementary school and high school.

Herald, top of page 7: P’Town puts condoms in kids’ hands

Globe, below the fold on page 1: Condoms, secrecy for Provincetown pupils: Parents, officials criticize policy

The first two paragraphs of each story expand on the headlines.

Here’s the top of the Herald story.

A new policy in Provincetown to make condoms available to even first-graders is being called “absurd” and a frantic overreaction to sex education.

“What’s next? Birth control pills?” asked Kris Mineau, head of the conservative group Massachusetts Family Institute.

Here’s the top of the Globe story.

Students in Provincetown — from elementary school to high school — will be able to get free condoms at school under a recently approved policy that takes effect this fall. The rule also requires school officials to keep student requests secret, and ignore parents’ objections.

“The intent is to protect kids,’’ said School Superintendent Beth Singer, who wrote the policy that the Cape Cod town’s School Committee unanimously passed two weeks ago. “We know that sexual experimentation is not limited to an age, so how does one put an age on it?’’

For comparison’s sake, here’s the top of the June 11 story on the website of the Provincetown Banner, headlined “School leaders OK condom policy in Provincetown.”

A condom distribution policy at the elementary and high school here was approved by the school committee on Tuesday.

Some committee members were concerned that the policy requires students to speak with a school nurse or other trained counselor before receiving a condom. However, Dr. Beth Singer, school superintendent, argued that since there is no age limit on the distribution policy, she wanted to ensure that younger students requesting condoms receive information on their use.

The Banner begins its story by doing no more than stating the Provincetown School Committee took the action. It reports that some School Committee members were “concerned,” but immediately follows that up with reassurances from the superintendent of schools. The Banner story, which is only seven paragraphs long, quotes only the superintendent and three school committee members, all of whom were in favor of the policy. No controversy there.

The start of the Globe story only hints that this may be a controversial decision, emphasizing that the Provincetown policy requires school official to “ignore parents’ objections.” It doesn’t say the new policy is controversial, but “ignore” is a loaded verb (as opposed to, say, “not consider”) guaranteed to plant a thought in the reader’s mind that would go something like this: “Ignore the parents? Well, that’s going to tick off some people.”

The first paragraph of the Herald story — with its “even first-graders” and “‘absurd’” and “frantic overreaction” — makes it clear that giving condoms to school children is at least controversial and perhaps, as the British say, barmy.

Despite its beginning, the full 12-paragraph Herald story devotes six of its paragraphs to sources in favor of the policy (the superintendent and the School Committee chair) three paragraphs to reporting neutral information (including a neutral statement from a state Department of Education official). Only three of the paragraphs in the story are devoted to a vocal opponent (the head of the “conservative group” the Massachusetts Family Institute).

But those are the first three paragraphs of the story, and that makes the emphasis of the story clearly hostile to the Provincetown policy.

Counting sources and paragraphs in the Globe story reveals a textbook journalistic balance. There are three sources in favor of the policy (the superintendent, the School Committee chair, and the chair of the Board of Selectmen) and three against (a parent, the town manager, and the head of the Massachusetts Family Institute). Each side gets nine paragraphs. Eight paragraphs are devoted to reporting neutral facts.

Like the Herald story, though, what the reporters and editors chose to put at the top of the story — in the first five paragraphs — reveals an emphasis that appears to support the Provincetown policy.

A news story may be balanced in its distribution of sources and its quotes from the two sides, but it is the top of the story, the first few paragraphs, that signal what is most important in the story, which side gets the most prominent play, and what most readers will come away with.

Yet another reason to be glad we live in a city with two daily newspapers.


Today's Mangled Metaphor Of The Day comes from Republican gubernatorial candidate Charlie Baker, quoted in Yvonne Abraham's column in this morning's Globe on the mounting problems with state's finances and what Baker agues is Beacon Hill's inadequate response.

“I feel like we’re just kicking the can,’’ he says. “And eventually, it’s going to blow up.’’

What the heck is in that can?

Follow Mark Leccese on Twitter at @mleccese.

This blog is not written or edited by Boston.com or the Boston Globe.
The author is solely responsible for the content.

About the author

Mark Leccese, a journalism professor at Emerson College, covered Massachusetts politics, business and the arts for more than 25 years as a newspaper reporter, editor and magazine writer. He has More »


CLICK THIS LINK. . . .more stuff. . ..3 well done DVDs about Province Land, some good photography. . . etc


tell 'em Justin sent you. .. LOL
Admiral's Landing congratulates our past guest, Bob on winning the First Mate Contest, 2007

Most of the clubs are gay and lesbian, although there are a few places for straight people and everyone is welcome at all of the clubs.. First of all, Provincetown nightlife ends at 1 am (I’m not kidding). Although we may be one of the most liberal places on the face of the earth, we have the most conservative closing time. After the bars close everyone converges on Spiritus Pizza. Just follow the flow of people. They close the street and everyone hangs out for hours. Below are a selection of nightclubs, bars, cafes and lounges as well as entertainment.


Cover Charges at clubs vary depending on the night and time of year.

Tea Dance is a Provincetown Tradition. It starts at the Boatslip from 4-7 PM. There’s dancing inside and a large deck overlooking the beach that draws a crowd especially on July and August Weekends. For those that want to continue, there’s After Tea Tea at the Pied from 6-9:30 PM. It then turns back to being a women’s bar Cover charges vary from day to day at the above from $5-$10.

Tea Dances mainly draw men but some women do go.

Early Evening
The Porchside Bar at the Gifford House is a favorite meeting place as well as The Little Bar at the Atlantic House. There is also The Monkey Bar and Wave at the Crown. For women, there’s the Lobby Bar at Vixen.

Women’s Clubs
There’s the Pied after 10pm, and Vixen where you’ll find a dance club, entertainment in the early evening and a large bar with pool tables.

The Vault at the Crown, the Macho Bar, upstairs at the A-House are the main haunts. You’ll find a good crowd there on any night after 11 pm in the high season. On weekends there can be lines to get in since they fill to capacity.
The Vault moves to Paramount for At Large Leather Parties (check their site for dates).
has Leather night on Sundays.

Men’s Clubs
The Atlantic House (The A-House) has been The dance club for years. There is also an outside area since it gets really crowded on the dance floor. There are theme parties every Friday night but don’t feel you have to dress for the party — only a handful usually do except on major holidays such as the 4th of July and Carnival.

Paramount at the Crown has State of the art light and sound. You can also sit outside by the pool if you want some fresh air and some new scenery. Purgatory downstairs at the Gifford House also has a dance bar Wave at the Crown is a video bar with pool tables. A casual hangout anytime of day.

Women & Men: Clubs
Everyone is welcome at any of the above clubs. For those looking for a straight club, there's the Governor Bradford. They have pool tables downstairs, live music, backgammon, chess and a restaurant. The Pig is also very popular.

Many of the restaurants have casual bars where one can hang out once the dinner crowd is finished. The Commons has a nice outdoor area with great frozen drinks. The Mews also has a bar in their café upstairs. The Monkey Bar has become a popular hangout. The Landmark has a bar with a piano player on many nights as does the Lobby Bar at the Gifford House.

Yes, the clubs close at 1am but it's not the end of the night...


For circuit party info and special booze cruise parties, click here.


Friday, June 25, 2010


Gay Relationships: Ten Tips to Finding Your Gay Soul Mate Online

G2g 091409 First, most gay dating sites are specifically for gay and bisexual men or for gay and bisexual women. A good gay dating service does not even give members the option of being straight; they understand that people are going to the sites because they want someone who is gay.

Second, some online gay dating agencies have questions within your profile that ask you about your lifestyle or type preference. For example you may come across questions about femme/butch preference that a straight dating agency would not ask. In addition you are given the opportunity to write about what is important to you in a life partner. It is a great chance for you to explain what is important to you and what you are specifically looking for in a partner.

The key is to try a gay dating service and see if they meet your needs. It may be easier to sit back and hope someone falls in your lap but life rarely works that way. Everything worth something in life takes at least a little work on your part.

The following ten tips will help you make your best presentation online to help you find your gay soulmate.

Tip 1: Post a real photo of yourself. If you want to po st a picture of you at your best, then follow it up with a picture of you on a normal day. The first step to finding your soul mate is to be honest. If you talk about how important looks are or maybe how they aren't important but then post a picture of your beautiful sister or your better looking brother, you are only contradicting your values.

Tip 2: Do not disclose personal information on your profile. Unfortunately there will always be people in the world that lie, which means that some people on your gay dating site may not actually be gay or may just want to scam others. Even if you use a site that offers ID verification, make sure that the person is someone you are sure of before you start handing out any personal information.

Tip 3: Make sure that you verify the age range of your preferred gay match. Then double check everyone to see if they fall within that range. Don't be afraid to ask them directly what their age is. Some people will change their age just to meet you and others will do it as an extra precaution to hide their identity. Chances are that there is more than one person who is the same age as you in your town so you don't need to lie about it in your profile. Double checking someone's age is about protecting you as much as it is about making sure that the person is someone you want to get to know better.

Tip 4: Before registering with a gay dating agency, you should get a second email address if you don't already have one. There are many free services for emails such as Yahoo or Hotmail where you can set up an email using a name that doesn't have anything to do with your real identity. Many agencies for gay dating won't ask for your real address in your profile, only your city and zip code. Unfortunately many people have set up their permanent email address using their real addresses and they forget it when they are signing up for things online.

Tip 5: If a member starts to pressure you for your phone number, it raises a red flag. If you firmly state no and state your reasons but they still won't listen, don't hesitate to report them to the gay dating agency. All online dating agencies are on the lookout for people trying to run scams and they will appreciate your report (one more good reason for using a paid gay dating website). You will know when it is the right time to hand out your phone number and don't let anyone pressure you. The right person for you is the one that respects you and your wishes. Many gay dating services offer instant messaging services or video messaging so you can hear their voice or instantly chat with them if you need. Online gay dating can be a safe and fun way to meet others, if you take the proper precautions.

Tip 6: Read between the lines in the initial messages you get. Make sure that the things they state match up with the information in their profile. If someone is lying about something you are likely to catch it early on if you are looking for it. Remember just because you both are on a gay dating site doesn't mean you have the same values and beliefs. Don't carry on talking to them if you don't feel comfortable with them or if you just don't want to. The sooner you let the other person move on, the sooner you both will find your soulmates.

Tip 7: Find out about the things that are most important to you in a relationship. If income is important to you then verify what they report as their income, if children or children preference is important to you than talk about it and if smoking/drinking preferences are important than be sure to talk about that. Verify the information that is most important to you. You don't want to start falling for someone and then find out that they weren't being as honest as you in their profile. At the same time if someone seems too good to be true, don't just push them aside. Your soulmate is out there; just make sure you sift through gay dating partners with a fine-tooth comb.

Tip 8: Even though you are using a gay dating agency, that doesn't have an option for straight people, it doesn't mean they won't lie to get in. Protect yourself from people trying to run scams. A true straight person won't know everything about gay culture so you should be able to pick them out of the crowd.

Tip 9: Honesty can not be stressed enough just as it can't be stressed enough that not every one is honest. You can't base a good relationship on lies so you have to go into it being honest while being careful to protect yourself. You have to take the time to ask questions and pay attention to the answers. You have to help yourself find your soulmate and have faith that they are out there looking for you.

Tip 10: Don't meet someone from the Gay Dating Service until you are sure about them. When you do meet, make sure that it is in a very public place with lots of people around. If you can, set it up as a double date with another couple that you are close to. The first meeting is like a blind date even if you have been talking for months (and you should talk for months first). Just be safe and have fun."

Jen Taylor is an expert author of dating advice and is a staff member of http://www.SoulmateHQ.coma website that provides expert reviews for dating websites, articles, tips, and safety tips for online dating.

---------THANKS again to MICHAEL for his permission to post some of his material in my blog.

Playing Hookie / OPTIMISM

" Y' know, Justin, I am jealous of your perennial optimism. "
One of my friends wrote me this comment recently, in the larger context of talking about "matters of consequence. . . .

My reaction is b l u s h . and then. . . .scratching my head. . .messing my hair. . .what there is of it. . .hehe. . .Is there a difference between jealousy and envy ?

I am home right now.
Went into work earier. Doctor's appointment. . . .check up and final clearance. LOL I suspect. Everything seems quite OK. SO I came home, showered, had some lunch and waiting for Peter. He has the afternoon free so he is coming with me to Hyannis. Then we are gonna chooch around that end of the Cape and see what we can stir up. . . ..hehehe.. . . we are going to play tourist and roam about and gawk! We get back home when we get there. yeeeehaaaaw.

Well you comment above is a compliment actually: you see something in me you like and I daresay, if you are jealous, it is something you'd like for yourself. OKay. . .if so, then work on it. You've heard of behavior modification, naturally. . . this sitz is a classic example of modifying your behavior.

Since I aim at simplicity without facades it is something anyone can work on. Faced with a situation. . ..any situation there are usually two reactions: positive or negative. Primal response is either to run away from it, or stand and fight it. . .fight/fight syndrome. If I choose a negative response. . .and we DO choose. . . .I can accept it gratefully and graciously and keep on growing. . . or I am threatened and I need to protect myself. . . "This is an attack. . I could get my ass kicked". . .my choice will be to stand and deal with it. . .aka fight IF I know I can beat the S#@% out of him/her/it. . . OR I know I cannot handle this here and know so I choose to extricate myself from this threatening situation and run like hell to save my ass. It means I choose to extricate myself from this the best way I know how. Now remember I am writing in metaphor. . . .right? ;-)

OK. . .my "perennial optimism". I know as long as I can breathe and have a pulse. . " .where there is life there is hope."
When my "existential realties" [ ho ho ho. . .fancy stuff, eh?"] or my here-and=now "sitz und leiben"( aka present reality) gives me nice juicy lemons I make lemonade. . and sell it out on The Duness. Aka, I turn the challenge into success.

Is all this unrealistic. . . ..as some woeful souls are apt to say. . .they are victims of any and all circumstances. . . .They've done that all their lives and use that as a tool with which to manipulate others. They keep a stick-on to the fridge door "Eat shit and die!" If you try to offer them another way or approach, an occasion and tools to change, they will sit there politely, listen to what you say, and at the end of the hour, thank you profusely "for all your valuable help, and go out the door.

They promptly dump all you have said in the first receptacle along the road and go on just as before.
They do not want to be free of all their negativity. They've worked hard to build up all their negative defenses to life: in a perverse way it has worked : they choose the life of victims. . . unhappy with it, etc etc, because they won't try another way. Too risky.

For me optimism is far more desirable and creatively productive than the opposite. I choose to be happy, to enjoy life, all of it, as much as I am reasonably able. In interactive situations with peers, other people, I find I am pretty much successful and so my past experience bolsters my confidence.
Though I am somewhat shy and reserved ----- Now please don't split a gut laughing and bleed all over the rug. . .so messy. . hahahahaaa ----- since I am somewhat shy and reserved I have learned where I am open and friendly, interested and engaging, most of the time I am accepted and liked.
In my thinking, my social successes far outweigh my failures. . ..and so forth. No need to belabor the facts.

I am hooked with cause-and-effect principles. To dip into the textbook a bit, each one of us has created our own unique perceptual field -- a $5.50 term for our own unique way of viewing reality.
SO our view of ourselves, others, our world, the events and happenings in our lives comes from [1] our own experiences in life. . .all of them. [2] things we have learned from others; [3] our own fears and desires. . . .all of these color our view of reality - ourselves in the world around us.

I enjoy being happy and so I work on it. . . .Some one said to me a long time ago "Justin, you have to make your own parties. . . " Don't sit and wait for something to happen. . .MAKE IT happen! "

Well, I have gone on long enough., . . .maybe too long? LOL Peter is here. . .time to go. See ya later, duude. .. . . . that's a threat. .. hahahaa


Monday, June 21, 2010

Falling in love? // Standing in love.

Over the several years, especially in our group sessions, this question was raised many times: Now, about all this professional ethics business. What happens if you fall madly in love with a client? How do you distinguish between that person being a lover as well as a client?

This time it is raised by our friend Gary. Good question. Fall madly in live with a client?

How about this? Love is a decision and a choice. I may be out of my mind attracted and aroused by someone. . . . I don't think I can control myself. . .I've got to have him. That is not love; it is lust. . .which is cool. . ..well, rather, hot. . . wicked hot. But it isn't love.

We only love someone we know. . . .because knowing someone takes time. . .sexual arousal, attraction, desire, passion happen instantly. . . .most of the time and have little or nothing to do with knowledge.

So if I am an honest, ethical man, and I find myself sexually attracted to a client
I will recuse myself and transfer him to another therapist. I could hardly be able to remain objective in therapy and be if any real help to him.

Knowing someone also engenders care and respect. . . .seeing someone as he really is, not as I desire him to be, and caring for what is best for him, not for my need or passion.

Professional ethics stresses the need for discipline in our conduct and interactions with clients. Self-control is possible and even desirable! ;-) I guess this is sufficient; you get my ideas.


I OWE. . .I OWE. . it's off to work I go. . . .;-)

Yes, the enforced vacation is over and I am heading back to work. Feeling OK. Wrist seems fine, etc. It will be good to have some more structure in my life.

Thanks for your interest and cautions re: my Dunes Wanderer. In classes and various sessions there is much emphasis on Professional Ethics. In recent years, due to divergent circumstances, there has been much attention paid to this professionalism both by educators and the various vulture media.

An allegation of any kind of impropriety, provable or not, is enough to put one's professional future in jeopardy,including loss of license and a smirched record. Similar to allegations made against clergypersons of betrayal of trust, and the ensuing sex abuse scandal, the various service professions have all had allegations made, and damage following, etc.

So I am well aware of boundaries and ethical practices. Dune Wanderer is safe with me because of my own personal convictions and discipline. I am not a predator. hehe I do know and observe boundaries.

After our conversations and the personal issues he has disclosed making any type of improper moves or overtures would be gross violation of my own professional ethics. It would be a betrayal of what I believe and discipline myself to maintain.

I appreciate your concerns and care for me. Thank you. I write this so you do not worry. ;-)



Saturday, June 19, 2010


I met this guy a couple afternoons ago wandering around the Dunes and hanging out down on the beach below our place. He looked as if he were at the end of his rope. . .to coin a phrase. . . We started some very casual and generic chat. . . . .which began to get more specific as time passed. He really seemed in need of someone to listen to him, so listen I did.. . . .only adding ideas as seemed appropriate. (Now, for me, that is real virtue! hahaa. . .something I am working on. . really)

He is younger-looking than his real age. I thought at first he was a teenager. Mid-20s, works in town, seasonal. From small town, western Pennsylvania. Is he gay? Yep. He works in an eatery Peter and I often enough frequent. He said he had asked around who and what I might be. . .LOL. Then he came looking to see if we might meet so he could talk. . . yep, talk. . .he'd learned I was studying psychology.

Anyway, we talked the rest of the afternoon. . . .then I drove him back to town as I was meeting Peter for supper and a sweet hang-out evening. He came back yesterday afternoon. . .this time pre-arranged and not the chancey meeting.

This is not therapy. . . as I am not licensed damned close. LOL Basically we talked gay-guy-talk, who we are, why, how, what, etc etc. He had come to the Cape early May, with a broken heart, looking for work, etc.
The heart is healing. . . .

I've reflected how this all happened. . . .another instance of our instinctual seeking out the help we know we need. . .and how things fall into place. I guess one thing I would say is that we eventually get what we want, need and are looking for. . . if we keep our eyes open. . .usually the "answers" are right in front of us, we're "tripping over them". . ..and often all it takes is someone else to say "Hey. . LOOK. . .there. . .now." LOL

I shared stuff from my own life experience, things I've learned in psych.
Oh yes, BTW, I told him about my blog and asked if it was okay to write a bit about our meeting, without revealing much of anything about him.
He said I could even add his photo, if I wanted to, LOL I didn't question that. . . .taking gratefully what I am offered.

Good stuff happens. . . if you just show up. . . hahaaaa


Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Sex Gets Boring ???

Gay Relationships: When Sex Gets Boring

Posted: 28 May 2009 11:51 PM PDT

ASI175476I’ve got to beat the clock before we each lose interest.” Someone recently made that statement to me about his erotic life with his partner. His experience has been that erotic interest between two people dies pretty quickly, so you better get in as much sex as possible during the early years of the relationship.

If you don’t have good sex early on, it’s never going to get any better. Single guys sometimes tell me they get tired of their sexual routine, too: sex may be easy to get, but it’s often not deeply satisfying. They find themselves in a rut, feeling like they ought to be enjoying themselves more than they actually do....

Feeling like sex has become a chore can take a toll on how you feel about yourself. If you’re in a relationship, a sex life that’s as predictable as a 70’s sitcom rerun can make you feel like you with the wrong guy. Ruts suck. They’re boring and the siphon the juice out of just about anything: your job, your diet, and your relationships.

People are creatures of habit, whether we’re talking grocery shopping or lovemaking. Habits aren’t necessarily bad if they work for you. Trouble is, routines can become so…routine. We want a little variety, some jalapeno peppers spicing up the same old dish.

How to change things? A good place to start is with yourself. What’s it like when you’re feeling sexual and you’re also alone? Many of us have been pleasuring ourselves in the same way since we left adolescence. Get out the lube, turn on the VCR, enjoy yourself for 5 minutes, get a towel to clean up and turn out the lights for the evening.

Talk about ruts! What would it be like to take your time, to really notice how your body feels, to run your hands over the smooth places and furry places, etc? Or to get off your back, put on some music and touch yourself while you move and dance.

If you’re you may find your eyes starting to glaze over when you hear “So what are you into?” For too many men words like “top” or “bottom” become like straightjackets, confining sex to predictable routines. Why not mix it up?

Whether tricking, dating or relating, too many of us have picked up the mistaken message that a good lover is in charge of his partner’s pleasure. This is actually a little grandiose; how are you supposed to know what makes him feel good, especially if he doesn’t tell you? “I’m responsible for his pleasure” leads to disappointment. Try replacing it with “I’m responsible for my own pleasure and for being present with my partner.”

A problem some men experience when they are in relationships is that we seek unconditional love from our partner, but that sort of love can seem less sexy. In fact, the affection that builds over time can make the other guy feel like family – and sex with him feel incestuous on an unconscious level. Keeping a relationship sexy means breaking that taboo.

With a partner or someone else with whom you’re sharing erotic life, it can be fun to play the “Your Turn/My Turn Game.” It goes like this: Ask your partner to undress and lay back while you explore his body. (You may want to have some conversation first about his general likes and dislikes.) Explore touching different places in his body – including touching with your hands, fingertips, fingernails, lips, etc.

Try varying the pressure – light sometimes, more forceful. ake it playful; imagine a devilish look in your eyes, asking him “Which feels better, A or B?” See if you can learn what sort of touch doesn’t work for him, what’s pleasurable, what’s a major turn-on. When you’ve finished, it’s his turn to give and your turn to receive. The object of the game is for each guy to find out more about what sort of touch feels pleasurable to receive, and for each man to learn something about how to touch the other.

Don’t let your erotic life get boring. A guy could spend an entire lifetime learning about the landscape of his own desires and learning how to be a good lover. Turn off the TV and see what happens.

John R. Ballew, M.S. an author and contributor to GAYTWOGETHER, is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality, relationships and spirituality. If you have any questions or comments you can submit them directly to GAYTWOGETHER or John R. Ballew, M.S. - www.bodymindsoul.org.

~~~~~~thanks to Michael @ gaytwogether.com

Tuesday, June 15, 2010




41 Pics of assorted dicks that ought to remain covered, hidden from the lusty eyes of the public. For pics of a younger set cf Bel Ami. . hahahahaha

See. . .too much time on my hands. . .out here on the 'veranda'. . . . .aaaaaaahhhh ;-)
IN REPLY to my post " J " has left a new comment on your post "THE SWALLOWS":

"Justin, if you weren't such a romantic we wouldn't care for you as we do. A good friend of mine, now deceased, was known to embellish the stories he told, and they ended up 10 times the better for his editorialization. God how I miss those stories, because if they weren't true they damned well should have been. So if it is a fraud, it's our kind of fraud. "

With more than enough time on my hands days and nights while my bruised bod heals, I went immediately to google "a romantic". . . .I like a lot of the items I read but chose to post this story-article by Ms Medeiros to explain "being a romantic". . . . 770 other people recommend this. ;-)

A romantic hero wouldn't do that

By Teresa Medeiros, Special to CNN
May 31, 2010 11:05 a.m. EDT

  • Heroes in romance novels can be flawed, but not serial cheaters, writer says
  • Heroines would never put up with men who remain beasts, Teresa Medeiros says
  • She says it's not too late for women to find a happy ending with hero worthy of their love

Editor's note:[Of Portuguese ethnicity, btw] Teresa Medeiros is a New York Times and USA Today best-selling author of 19 romance novels. Her latest novel, "The Devil Wears Plaid," will be out this September from Pocket Books.

(CNN) -- Romance writers and readers have one thing in common: We love men.

We love men in kilts. We love men in faded Levis and black leather jackets. We even love men in skin-tight riding breeches and puffy shirts.

But it takes more than just a puffy shirt or a sardonic quirk of the lip to make a man a romance hero.

Which is exactly why it makes us a little crazy when people compare the drama unfolding in the lives of wronged wives Elin Nordegren and Sandra Bullock to the conflict you'd find between the pages of a best-selling romance novel.

I've always said a romance hero can be deeply flawed ... as long as he's willing to rush into a burning building to rescue a basket of kittens.

He might be a haughty Brit looking down his nose from the lofty edifice of his pride, like Mr. Darcy. He might be a brawny Scot so blinded by hatred for his enemy that he nearly misses the chance for love standing right in front of him. These days, he might even be a werewolf or a vampire, sparkly or not.

But the one thing he will never be is a serial cheater who repeatedly betrays the woman he claims to love.

I'm not here to kick a man while he's down. (Although hitting his SUV with a golf club always remains a viable option.) But once a romance hero meets his true love's gaze for the first time across a crowded ballroom or at his kid's kindergarten picnic, he only has eyes for her.

You won't catch him hanging out down at the strip club with a wannabe porn star or a chick sporting a neo-Nazi tattoo. His unofficial last name is, after all, "Hero," which implies a certain degree of core integrity. In fiction as in real life, whether you're a sports star, a rock star or a politician, if you'll lie to your wife, then you'll lie to me.

There's another reason Tiger Woods and Jesse James wouldn't survive for more than a paragraph in one of our novels. Our heroines would never put up with them. We write about strong women with strong self-esteem. Our Beauties have too much self-respect to put up with a man who insists on remaining a Beast instead of allowing the power of true love to transform him into a Prince. As Tim McGraw might say, our heroes may start out as bad boys, but they always end up as real good men.

So what does all of this have to do with real life and real men, you might ask?

Don't romance novels simply cater to the twin female fantasies of lifelong monogamy and happily ever after?

The most ridiculous question I ever heard came from a female journalist when I was serving on a panel at the annual Romance Writers of America conference: "Now that the life span of human beings has been extended, do you think it's realistic to commit your life to one person for the duration?"

The implication is simple -- once the first spark of infatuation begins to dim, be it in six months or 10 years, shouldn't you be prepared to trade in your partner for a newer model? (Or in Tiger's case, a lingerie model?)

It's true that romance novels do detail the courtship phase of a relationship. We usually write "And they lived happily ever after" before our heroine starts snoring or our hero starts tossing his socks over the hamper. But with genuine commitment and tender nurturing, it's possible for that initial spark of infatuation to deepen into a glowing ember hot and steady enough to last a lifetime.

I've been married for over 20 years, and my heart still lights up every time my husband walks in the room. My parents have been married for 51 years. Their marriage has survived two years of separation while my dad was fighting in Vietnam, my mom's lifelong struggle with bipolar disease and her current battle with early onset dementia. Even now, when my dad visits her in the nursing home, he still sees the beautiful, brilliant girl he fell in love with all those years ago.

Both my husband and my father are true heroes in every sense of the word. That's exactly why I have to believe in my own heart that it's not too late for Elin and Sandra Bullock to find their own happy endings with heroes worthy of their love... and a romance novel.

Monday, June 14, 2010


A tale of tragic swallow love


Love and Sorrow. Here a female mate is injured and the condition is soon fatal. She was hit by a car as she swooped low across the road.

Her mate brought her food and attended to her with love and compassion.

He brought her food again but was shocked to find her dead.

He tried to move her ... a rarely-seen effort for swallows!

Aware that his mate is dead and will never come back to him again, He cries with adoring love.

He stood beside her, saddened of her death. Finally aware she would never return to him, he stood beside her body with sadness and sorrow.

Millions of people cried after seeing these photos in America , Europe , Australia , and even India . The photographer sold these pictures for a nominal fee to a famous newspaper in France . All copies of that edition were sold out on the day these pictures were published. And many people think animals don't have feelings. You have just witnessed Love and Sorrow felt by one of God's creatures. The Bible says God knows when a sparrow (swallow) falls. How much more He cares for US.

Isn't this a great happy smile?! I'd hang out with him. . . lol

Sunday, June 13, 2010


A good presentation to celebrate OUR True Colors as People of Rainbow Colors. . . . .



"Riots to Rights: 1970 - 2010" theme.

Heavy rain kept this hurting puppy at home and I 'missed' the Pride Parade, one of a 10-day Pride Party. With my sprained wrist, hanging limp in its sling . .hahahaa. . . . I could have been the gay stereotype on the sidelines. . . except I dont lisp and I don't strut my stuff in a sashshay. . . . . Honestly, I hurt too much to ride the two hours to Boston on Rte 3 and 93, and parking, and the crowds. . . .and the heavy rain. . . so I stayed home and did stuff I ordinarily put off doing. . . . .Later Peter came over to hang out, stayed for dinner after much arm-twisting. . .NOT. . .and then spent the evening. We watched a bit of John Travolta's FROM PARIS WITH LOVE. . . .his side-kick is the actor who played Henry VIII on the series THE TUDORS. . . . . .we didn't stay too long with this movie. . . .BORRRRRRIIINNNGGG and dumb. So we watched some of the last season of QUEER AS FOLK. . . .on dvd. . . .then did our own partying. ;-)

Boston Pride Parade 2010

Heavy rains didn't stop Gay Pride celebrations today as many took to the streets for this year's Boston Pride Parade, which was titled, "Riots to Rights: 1970-2010."[ed note: nothing compared to Sydney. . . .ehehe]

Right: Members of the group Keshet, which works for the full inclusion gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender Jews in Jewish life, and supporters from The Workmen's Circle marched.

Click through for more scenes from the parade.
Heavy rains didn't stop Gay Pride celebrations today as many took  to the streets for this year's Boston Pride Parade, which was titled,  'Riots to Rights: 1970-2010.' Right: Members of the group Keshet , which  works for the full inclusion gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender  Jews in Jewish life, and supporters from The Workmen's Circle marched.  Click through for more scenes from the parade.
Essdras M. Suarez/ Globe Staff

Wednesday, June 9, 2010


Well, Tinker-Beau flies with Peter Pan in faeries tales, but in real life Justin cannot walk in space, two feet from the floor! ;-)

Yesterday afternoon, we had one last 8'x4' drywall board to finish the ceiling. We were doing great time. . . .until I walked off the plank, holding the sheet rock above me, over my head, placing it. . . .I thought. Down i went, trying to break the fall. . .I fell on my right hand unfortunately attached to my right shoulder which had been wrecked a couple years ago in a ski accident which tore the four rotator cuff muscles, pulled my arm out of that socket, crushing 90% the anxial nerve which supplies power to my upper arm/shoulder. A palsied arm. . ..which fortunately healed itself, after the surgeon sewed the muscles and titanium-nailed them to the arm bone. He told me he could fix my shoulder very well. . . ".but only God can restore that nerve!" And God did!

As I lay there covered with broken sheet rock I did an examination of my arm and shoulder. . . Dr O'Shea diagnosed a bad wrist sprain and no apparent damage to my shoulder. . .just bad bruises.

A trip down-Cape to trauma center ER. Xrays and exam revealed no new damage; just bruises. "A sprain is more painful than a fracture." And I am sore, sore like hell. . . .and now "on vacation" for a few days. damn! ;-)

SO, voila! The latest news in the fantabulous life of one dry-wall hanger with a happy grateful heart and a life filled with fantastic people.


Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Gay Relationships: Life and Love Online


Does anyone spend more time online than gay men do? I mean, when was the last time you met a gay man who didn’t have an email address?Most of us have more than one. We’re accustomed to shopping online, buying airline tickets over the net, staying in touch with friends and ex-lovers via instant messaging and in general being the most connected people, ever.

Small wonder, then, that so many of us would turn to the web to look for other guys. Looking for a boyfriend? Online dating services are standing by with thousands of matches for your inspection. Looking for more immediate gratification? Other web sites offer even more guys who are looking for sex, some even searchable by who’s online from your zip code, right now.

Everything, it seems, is available online. So now that we’re all connected via cyberspace we’ve gotten rid of loneliness and isolation, right? New friends and boyfriends are surely be right around the corner. We must be having better sex and more romantic connections than ever thanks to all this technology….

Well, maybe not.

Life in cyberspace is different. For one thing, the number of choices available can leave us paralyzed. There are thousands of profiles online from gay men in any large American city; even many rural areas have a few dozen. With numbers like that, how do you choose between one match and another? We end up screening candidates out based on trivia: this one misspelled two words in his profile, that one sounds a little too perfect. How many otherwise-appealing men get eliminated because they had a photo with an ugly old sofa in the background?

It’s the same dilemma job seekers face: you can be in the top ten percent of someone’s choices and still not make the cut.

If scanning profiles offer an over-abundance of choices, chat rooms pose other challenges. Online conversations make a certain level of intimacy fairly quick and easy. In the absence of other information, IM responses look like Rorschach inkblots. Some are a turnoff and we sign-off. Others look empathic and make us think “Yes! What a great guy. He’s really something special.”

At least until we lose contact with him because he’s having the same conversation with guys in three other states at the same moment. Sometimes quick and easy is…too quick and easy.

Cruising for sex online is at least more straightforward. Your stats get his; photos get exchanged. A little talk about sexual preferences and you’re ready to get it on. Small wonder that many of us spend hours at a time looking for sex online, even when we’re not all that horny.

Connecting online can be wonderful, but many of us lose our way in the cyberspace wilderness. We feel like we’re starving in a land of plenty, caught in a maze where familiar signposts are missing. What to do? Love A500

Here are some guidelines: If you’re looking at profiles, don’t lose sight of the forest for the trees. Your goal is to meet an interesting guy worth spending a night out with, right? You don’t need to meet the perfect one out of all 1105 profiles available. You’re looking for someone worth inviting out for coffee. After you’ve found a few guys who interest you, explore them a bit after you make contact. Don’t be so quick to troll for more matches that you put someone in the “no” file before you truly get to know them.

Remember that a profile is only a brief snapshot of an actual living, breathing human being. Don’t be so quick to move on to the next guy that you run through lots of profiles without ever really getting to know the guys behind them.

Don’t mistake good conversational skills for really getting to know someone. The combination of online chats and email volleys can be a hothouse that allows connections to grow quickly – without much substance. Getting to know someone takes time.

Recently I spoke with someone who said, “I wasn’t sure if he had read my profile or if I was actually going to have to talk with him about who I am.” Not too long ago, boys and girls, we lived without profiles. Yes! If you wanted to get to know someone in those days, you had to talk with him/her. And even though some of us regularly Google our dates ahead of time these days, you still have to talk face-to-face with someone in order to really get to know them.

It’s not unusual nowadays to hear about someone deciding to move to a distant city to be with a guy they literally haven’t met. That’s generally a terrible idea. Slow things down. Don’t get ahead of yourself and imagine there is a commitment when you’re really still getting to know someone. Rushing online connections isn’t any better strategy for happiness than hurrying through dating would be.

Sex is easy online; intimacy isn’t. Online life has been called the “Home Cruising Network.” Hookin’ up is quick and easy. That can be lots of fun. It can also lead to wasting lots of time, distracting yourself from what you most deeply want and self-destructive, compulsive patterns.

Cyberspace hook-ups have become associated with rising rates of STD infections. Cruising online can become compulsive (some would say addictive) in ways that create real problems for the guys involved. The problem is that cruising electronically can be so pleasurable that it takes over more and more of a person’s life. See if it works to set limits regarding how much time you allow yourself online. Don’t let your online life squeeze out time for making time with friends and dates.

Following common sense guidelines can help you avoid getting lost in cyberspace. Be mindful of what you really want, and don’t let the bright lights of Cyber City distract you from getting what you really want in life.

John R. Ballew, M.S. an author and contributor to GAYTWOGETHER, is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality, relationships and spirituality. If you have any questions or comments you can submit them directly to GAYTWOGETHER or John R. Ballew, M.S. - www.bodymindsoul.org.