Wednesday, December 30, 2009

A PS to WInding Down

As I am thinking about my New Year's Day ritual at Race Point some thoughts about my previous post began to unwind I decided to put them down here. Let me say at the outset I sincerely hope what is said about a sociologist-novelist-daily columnist "he doesn't have an unpublished thought" would never apply to me! LOL

In all cultures down the years there have been the needed phenomena of Sacred Ritual and Psycho-Drama: two distinct yet closely related activities in humans. What relates to the Holy Other: YHWH, G-d, God, the gods, the Universe and the like, also related to the innate human expression of the self in what is the gradual unfolding personhood - the Self - or the psycho drama. Perhaps I could define psycho drama as the unfolding of that unique sequence of events in our personal journey by and thru which we come to fulness of Personhood.

There, that said. Now my little yearly ritual which has evolved for me, in me -- writing down things in the past year with which I have not been happy; things I have done that I do not wish to repeat in this New Year -- wrapping the wet paper around a rock, secrued with seaweed, and then thrown into the ocean -- falls into the realm of rite/ritual and my personal psychic/spiritual growth and awareness.

In dynamic this rite is very similar or in the same genre as what catholics do in Confession of Sin. First this: when I reflect on what I want to change from my conduct in the past year does not in any way or fashion deny or exclude all the good, positive, good things in my life during 2009, as my buddy COOP seems to suggest. I own and acknowledge the totality and connectedness of my life but by my ritual centering on one area of my life. . . what could be designated as 'negative'. . .

Let me say a bit about the Catholic Sacrament of Confession aka Penance. In this ritual, having owned my sins or my deviance into 'bad choices' or sin, I then confess to a minister of the church community against whom I have sinned -- all of my actions DO have communitarian affects . . on others -- and he acting as a minister of God and as a representative of the Community declares that my actions/bad choices/ sins are forgiven in the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.

At the end of the prayer 'the act of contrition' I say/it says. . "I firmly resolve with the help of Thy grace, to confess my sins, to do penance, and to amend my life. . ."
I have sinned and I intend to change (amend my life).

Now I do not claim that my yearly ritual is a Sacrament of Confession but when I think about this it certainly is akin to it.. . .it is an owning, a resolve, and a way to amend my life for the future.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009


Hello Everybody -

I notice off 'n a sudden. . .lol. . .that the year 2009 is almost over! Revelers for New Year's here most likely will encounter snow and rain on the Eve and rain on January 1st. at least here at Provincetown. . . .

When I was in high school in American literature we read some of the writings of Henry David Thoreau who, by the way, lived near Provincetown. He loved especially a section of the Cape on the ocean side of this crooked peninsula called Race Point. It is the point in the USA closest distance-wise to Europe.

So I began to go there and "stand and turn my back on the whole United States and look out into the vast Atlantic" and think my own thoughts and feel my own feelings.

I started going there, too, some time on New Year's Day to do what I heard somewhere was a practice of the Native Americans of Yesteryear. I prepare a paper on which I list the things I did in the past year that I was not happy about. Then I list the things I am going to do so as not repeat the same this New Year 2010.

Usually I read these aloud into the wind. . . on rare occasion is any one else there on that cold windy beach. Then I take my paper to water edge and soak it in the water. Then I carefully wrap my paper around a previously selected rock, and hold it in place by wrapping the paper-rock with seaweed.

Then I heave my rock into the sea.. . . ritualistically absolving the past and resolving the future. Ritual and symbol are important to the inner, the spirit part of a human.

I wish you all the clean blessings of a New Year 2010

Justin O'Shea

Tuesday, December 22, 2009



Christmas in Provincetown

A Lobster Pot Tree!

December 19th, 2009

Provincetown does everything a little bit different, and the Christmas tree is no exception. Forget fir or spruce, the Outer Cape’s stand on a narrow spit of land surrounded by sea breeds originality.

The Lobster Pot tree, built by Julian Popko and family, stands proud in Lopes Square over the duration of the holidays.

A tree of cod, you might imagine, or perhaps, a decorated dune. No, lobster traps are the answer. Once a year a Lobster Trap Christmas Tree is built to celebrate the winter holidays and honor the area’s connection to the Atlantic Ocean.

Made of lobster traps, plastic lobsters, and thousands of bulbs, the tree stands tall at the base of MacMillan Pier, with holiday splashes of red and green that fittingly coincide with a lobster’s change in color from live-green to red-and-ready-to-eat.

The Atlantic Lobster, or Homarus Americanus, was once found in such large numbers in the Cape region that locals reportedly served the culinary delicacy to their livestock. After the onset of boats that could keep the crustaceans alive in their holds, the export of lobster to inland markets and restaurants became a vibrant industry – one that Provincetown was in a prime position to benefit from for many years.

Today, lobstering is still an important part of Cape Cod and there are many lobstermen who still use some of the same techniques to gather the succulent arthropods as their counterparts did a century past.

Traps or lobster pots, albeit now often constructed of wire instead of wood, are strung on lines that lobstermen haul through every few days during the warmer months of the year, hoping to glimpse that green-brown color that marks a live lobster as they pull their traps to the water’s surface.

The Lobster Pot tree, built by Julian Popko and family, stands proud in Lopes Square over the duration of the holidays.

Aussie Statements

Allegedly there are true statements, rich in Aussie humor. I enjoyed the guffaws no end!!! ~ Justin

These Questions were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

> Q:
Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).

> A
We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

> Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )

> A:Depends how much you've been drinking.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
> Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden)

> A
Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK)

> A: What did your last slave die of?

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
> Q
:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )

> A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe ..

> Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
> ... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

> Q:Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )

> A
Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _

> Q:
Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )

> A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do...
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
> Q:Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (

> A
: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
> Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
> Q:
Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )

> A:
You are a British politician, right?
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
> Q:Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (
Germany )

> A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.

> Milk is illegal.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
> Q:Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA

> A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
> All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
> Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )

> A
: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking
underneath them.
> You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
> Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA)

> A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

> Q:Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ?
France )
> A
: Only at Christmas.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

> Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

> A
: Yes, but you'll have to learn it

5 Simple things Partners Can Do. . .

Gay Relationships: 5 Simple Things Gay Partners Can Do That Can Make All the Difference

ASI68298dfc38bd26e3d80eba0f75a6f0ec0_full You know how it is. You and your guy have been together for a long time now, way past “the honeymoon period” characteristic of the early stages of a relationship. You know each other inside and out and have worked hard to build a satisfying and comfortable lifestyle together as a committed couple. You’ve become settled into a familiar structure and routine in your lives.

Life is great! And it is! The love, companionship, and security that a partnership offers can be like no other and is one of the benefits of being in an intimate relationship. But beware…these same benefits can also put your partnership into jeopardy with subsequent boredom, feelings of being taken for granted, and eroticism decline in your relationship if you fail to consistently attend to the needs of your partner, yourself, and your relationship.

Life can become crazy and chaotic but it’s critical for your relationship’s overall success to keep it as a number one priority as you attempt to balance all your other life roles and responsibilities. It can definitely be a challenge, but a common myth is that a relationship will function on its own once it’s set into motion. Big misconception!

Relationships need constant feeding and nourishment to continue growing in positive directions. What follows are five simple tasks you can implement immediately to give your relationship that extra boost and to reinforce the importance and value you place on your partner and life together.

Don’t let your relationship get lost in the shuffle of all the other things going on around you! While this may seem like common sense, it’s amazing how complacent we can become and fall into unhealthy patterns of distraction that take energy away from the very center and haven of your life…your bond with your life partner.

Action Steps for Successful Gay Couples

1. Greet Him with a Hollywood-Style Kiss

So many couples that come through my therapy and coaching offices complain that their partners barely acknowledge them when they’re getting ready to leave in the morning or when they arrive back home after a long day’s work. Or worse yet, they only give them a “Grandma Kiss”, you know, the quick peck on the lips and then you’re out the door? Talk about feeling dismissed and minimized! Make every greeting and departure from each other like it’s your last.

Like those old Hollywood movies, give him a passionate kiss that leaves him reeling before leaving for the office. It doesn’t have to be melodramatic, but the point is to let your partner know how much he means to you and what better way to leave a lasting impression than to acknowledge the special place he holds in your life.

2. Date Him All Over Again

One effective way of ensuring that other roles and obligations don’t get in the way of maintaining your romance in the long-term is to schedule a “Date Night” once weekly…or at a minimum every other week. One week you take the reins and plan a creative date that the two of you can to do together and then the next week your partner does the same.

Alternating the planning puts both of you in the mindset of nourishing your relationship instead of just one person feeling burdened with doing everything. And remember, it’s not what you do together…it’s the fact that you’re spending quality time together that matters. “Court” each other all over again and avoid getting hung up on the specific activities you pursue. It’s about being together and having fun.

3. Unleash Your Inner Studs

The old saying is true that “if you don’t use it, you’ll lose it.” Make sex and intimacy an integral part of your relationship to help keep the spark alive. Never let things get to the point where “not tonight, honey” even gets started and also avoid getting into boring rituals and routines when it comes to your bedroom antics.

Pgt 71509Remember that sex is play, so allow your creativity to spruce things up with different positions and places for sexual expression. Be spontaneous, flirt, share your fantasies, employ seduction, etc. Creating an aura of mystery and intrigue always grabs attention and interest. Reinforce each other’s sex appeal and communicate your ultimate turn-ons for ongoing desire and erotic adventure.

4. Keep Him on His Toes & Begging For More

Nothing warms a partner’s heart and puts a big smile on his face than validating him through communication and physical actions. Acknowledge him when he does something positive. Share what you appreciate and are grateful for about him. Listen to him when he talks and show genuine interest in what’s going on in his life.

Do little things for him that you know he’d really appreciate without being asked. Surprise him with a meaningful and relevant gift that speaks to him. Making your partner feel good about himself and affirming how important he is to you will often create a reciprocal effect and you’ll both reap the rewards of such actions with a strengthened bond.

5. Keep the Dream Alive

Another critical thing that can help to ensure that you stay in control of your lives as a couple is to periodically check-in with each other to make sure you’re on the right path of your relationship vision. What’s been going well? What challenges have you been facing? Are you on the path toward your previously discussed relationship goals? How can you troubleshoot obstacles that arise?

By having these occasional talks, the likelihood of your becoming more relationship-centered is promoted and you can stave off potential problems before they latch on. You, your partner, and your relationship will always be growing and changing and it’s important to stay on top of all these transitions so you can go through them together as a team.


You’ve made a huge investment in your relationship and it’s important to protect it against anything that might interfere with its priority in your life. By doing these simple tasks (well, sometimes they’re not all that simple!), you’ll be bringing more positive energy and attention to your partnership that will help sustain your “dynamic duo” status.

But let’s face it…these are just a small handful of things that can promote a successful and fulfilling gay relationship. So how about it? What other things work for you and your partner? Do share!

© 2009 Brian L. Rzepczynski

Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is TheGay Love Coach: “I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right.” To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs, and teleclasses, please visit

~~borrowed with gratitude from Michael GAYTWOGETHER.COM

| link

Monday, December 21, 2009

Wisdom Word for Winter Break

A word of wisdom for winter break. . .

Sit down and be quiet. You are drunk, and this is the edge of the roof.

PEACE Quotes are offered by:
Living Compassion
transforming lives, ending suffering

Where DO you Aussies get these waves!!!

Can you imagine the totally-out-of-your mind terror and thrilling excstacy!!??

Australian surfer Mark Visser surfs an 11 m (36 ft) wave at Cow Bombie, near the West Australian town of Gracetown, 280km (174 mi) south of Perth, Australia in this photograph obtained September 28, 2009. The organisers claim that Visser had caught one of the biggest waves in Australia for 2009. (REUTERS/Calum Macauley/Handout) #

Sunday, December 20, 2009

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

Here is another great tune. . .with loverly photos. . . The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face. . .

Just a nice mellow song. . . . ;-)


A Song for your Honey

You want a change from the traditional seasonal tunes? Here's the revival in Broadway Jersey Boys "Can't Take My Eyes Off You". . . . If you don't have a honey to sing this to. . . them imagine someone you'd like to sing this to. . . .good for the soul of a Sunday morning. . .LOL

justin romantic. . . .

Church Doors Open Fully to Queers

Evangelical church opens doors fully to gays

DENVER — The auditorium lights turned low, the service begins with the familiar rhythms of church: children singing, hugs and handshakes of greeting, a plea for donations to fix the boiler.

Then the 55-year-old pastor with spiked gray hair and blue jeans launches into his weekly welcome, a poem-like litany that includes the line "queer or straight here, there's no hate here."

The Rev. Mark Tidd initially used the word "gay." But he changed it to "queer" because it's the preferred term of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people invited to participate fully at Highlands Church.

Tidd is an outlaw pastor of sorts. His community, less than a year old, is an evangelical Christian church guided both by the Apostle's Creed and the belief that gay people can embrace their sexual orientation as God-given and seek fulfillment in committed same-sex relationships.

Disagreements over homosexuality and the Bible have divided mainline Protestant churches for years. In evangelical churches, though, the majority view has held firm — the Bible clearly condemns homosexual acts. The common refrain at evangelical churches: "love the sinner, hate the sin."

But with younger evangelicals and broader society showing greater acceptance of homosexuality, many evangelical churches can expect, at the least, a deeper exploration of the issue.

"Highlands Church represents a breakout position, where you have a gay-affirming stance that moves beyond the traditional kind of liberal-conservative divide," said Mark Achtemeier, an associate professor at University of Dubuque Theological Seminary, which is affiliated with the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.). "I'm finding lots of moderate conservatives just think there's something wrong with a default position of excluding gays from the life of the church."

David Dockery, president of Union University, a Southern Baptist school in Jackson, Tenn., believes Highlands is — and is likely to remain — outside of the mainstream of evangelical churches.

"I don't think it can be taken for granted anymore that the traditional evangelical view will be adopted by the coming generations given the changes and shifts in our culture," Dockery said.

That makes it all the more important, he says, for evangelical leaders to clearly teach the traditional views on homosexuality.

The people of Highlands Church — those who stood with their renegade pastor and others who left feeling betrayed — have learned that taking an uncommon road comes at a cost.


Craig Ellsworth grew up in an Assemblies of God church and has spent most of his life in evangelical churches. He was an administrative pastor at a large church for 10 years.

But because Ellsworth is gay, he said he felt he could never fully be himself. While straight co-workers were encouraged to date and find partners, Ellsworth would risk losing his job if he did.

"There was what I was told in churches, and there was hearing God and knowing what I believe is true of God," said Ellsworth, 48, who is not in a relationship. "The two didn't really line up."

Ellsworth started attending Highlands Church last summer.

"I love being in a faith community that is loving and being Christlike to others without an agenda and without labels," said Ellsworth.

Tidd said Highlands is not a one-issue church but one committed to social justice. He describes it as "radically inclusive but still rooted in the essentials of the Gospel." The church discourages promiscuity and encourages healthy lifelong relationships.

Tidd said he supports gay marriage and would perform same-sex blessings if asked. A gay man in a committed relationship sits on the church's board of trustees.

"Our position is not one of lenience, but a matter of justice," said Tidd, a married father of five. "It's not that we don't acknowledge the reality of sin. It's not a sin to be gay or act in accordance with your nature."

Tidd was raised a nominal Catholic in Boulder, Colo. He had a born-again Christian experience and joined the Jesus movement of the 1960s, which blended hippie culture and Christianity. Eventually Tidd was ordained in the Christian Reformed Church and shared its conservative position of homosexuality.

His change of heart began when, as a pastor in Boulder, a distraught couple sought his counsel when their young daughter began identifying as a boy — introducing Tidd to the transgender issue.

He began to question applying the "plain meaning" of ancient Biblical text to here-and-now homosexuality. The Bible, read literally, suggests the earth is flat and could be used to justify slavery, he said.

He accepted the Biblical interpretation of other gay-affirming Christians: that verses condemning homosexual behavior refer to idolatrous pagan worship or violence.

"We reach an understanding of the Bible not just by studying God's word, but by studying his world," Tidd said. "If you think he's the author of both, they both inform each other."

If evangelicals can disagree about end-times theology and baptism methods and still be considered authentic Christians, he thought, why can't the same tent hold disagreements about homosexuality?

Tidd took his beliefs in 2006 to a job as a pastor at Denver's Pathways Church, an urban evangelical congregation that prides itself as a safe place to ask questions. Tidd said he didn't hide his views from church leaders but didn't air them at length as a pastor, either; homosexuality was never a central issue for the church.

But behind the scenes, the societal debate over homosexuality and Pathways' welcoming posture had forced its hand. Ed Briscoe, a member of Pathways' board of elders, said leaders felt they needed guidance on whether gay and lesbian members not living in celibacy should be allowed in church leadership.

A church elder produced a nine-page case for the traditional evangelical stance. While making clear the church does not consider homosexuality "the worst sin or the most evil practice," the statement says the Bible uniformly condemns homosexual relationships and only permits sex between a man and woman united in marriage. "God made male and female to fit together," it says, and homosexual acts violate God's intent.

The door at Pathways would remain open to gays and lesbians. But with leadership had to come celibacy.


There is disagreement about how the issue played out as Tidd was to launch Highlands as a Pathways satellite in a gentrifying Denver neighborhood last year. Tidd said he was told his stance on homosexuality would not be a problem, but Briscoe said it wasn't clear what Tidd intended for the new site.

Last summer, the Pathways statement on homosexuality, which had not been intended for general distribution, began circulating among church members. Tidd, who said he had only recently learned of the paper, began fielding questions about where he stood. Some Pathways members made it known they would stop donating if Tidd remained on staff, he said.

So Tidd and Pathways parted ways. Highlands become a stand-alone church no longer under Pathways' authority and Tidd announced it would be open and affirming to LGBT people.

Tidd said that in light of the decision, he also plans to give up his Christian Reformed Church ministerial credentials because his position conflicts with the denomination's.

The exodus from Highlands began as the reason for the break became known. Tidd said over two months, the church lost half its attendance and two-thirds of its financial support.

Jim and Chris Stuhr, who were members of Highlands' leadership team, said they were initially troubled after learning of Tidd's views and set out to research a subject they didn't know well.

Their conclusion — that the Bible strictly prohibits the practice of homosexuality — led to what the couple called a heart-wrenching decision to leave a church they had such hopes for.

"I have read the explanations and Biblical arguments of those who promote the gay lifestyle as acceptable in the Bible and it seems to me that they are an exercise in hermeneutical gymnastics," Jim Stuhr said.

At the same time, the church's position began to attract new members and strengthened the resolve of existing ones like Maura Weiler and Chad DiPrince, a married couple from the neighborhood.

"We have no real reason to champion this thing, other than we think it's right," said DiPrince, a 34-year-old Web developer and artist. "I just didn't feel God would tell a person to deny a big part of who they are and to keep it a secret."

For others, it's not black and white. Briscoe, the Pathways elder, said he and his wife are still weighing where they stand and worship at both Highlands and Pathways.

"I think people are going to reopen their Bible and look at it and not assume anymore," Briscoe said, adding that he thinks the Highlands position can be held by "mature, faithful, Bible-believing people."

The two churches maintain a relationship — their members will head to New Orleans over spring break to work on a housing rehabilitation project, and other joint service projects are planned.

Just over a month ago, 81 adults showed up for 10 a.m. services at Highlands Church. Tidd started draping white ribbon over the back rows so people would sit together up front.

Last Sunday, there was a record crowd of 220. The auditorium was twinkling with Christmas lights. And four couples carried babies to the front of the church for Tidd to bless.


On the Net:

Copyright 2009 The Associated Press.

Copyright © Cape Cod Media Group, a division of Ottaway Newspapers, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

History of Rudolph story (TRUE STORY)

A man named Bob May, depressed and brokenhearted, stared out his drafty apartment window into the chilling December night.

His 4-year-old daughter Barbara sat on his lap quietly sobbing. Bob's wife, Evelyn, was dying of cancer. Little Barbara couldn't understand why her mommy could never come home. Barbara looked up into her dad's eyes and asked, "Why isn't Mommy just like everybody else's Mommy?" Bob's jaw tightened and his eyes welled with tears. Her question brought waves of grief, but also of anger. It had been the story of Bob's life. Life always had to be different for Bob.

Small when he was a kid, Bob was often bullied by other boys. He was too little at the time to compete in sports. He was often called names he'd rather not remember. From childhood, Bob was different and never seemed to fit in. Bob did complete college, married his loving wife and was grateful to get his job as a copywriter at Montgomery Ward during the Great Depression. Then he was blessed with his little girl. But it was all short-lived. Evelyn's bout with cancer stripped them of all their savings and now Bob and his daughter were forced to live in a two-room apartment in the Chicago slums. Evelyn died just days before Christmas in 1938.

Bob struggled to give hope to his child, for whom he couldn't even afford to buy a Christmas gift. But if he couldn't buy a gift, he was determined a make one - a storybook! Bob had created an animal character in his own mind and told the animal's story to little Barbara to give her comfort and hope. Again and again Bob told the story, embellishing it more with each telling. Who was the character? What was the story all about? The story Bob May created was his own autobiography in fable form. The character he created was a misfit outcast like he was. The name of the character? A little reindeer named Rudolph, with a big shiny nose. Bob finished the book just in time to give it to his little girl onChristmas Day. But the story doesn't end there.

The general manager of Montgomery Ward caught wind of the little storybook and offered Bob May a nominal fee to purchase the rights to print the book. Wards went on to print,Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and distribute it to children visiting Santa Claus in their stores. By 1946 Wards had printed and distributed more than six million copies of Rudolph. That same year, a major publisher wanted to purchase the rights from Wards to print an updated version of the book. In an unprecedented gesture of kindness, the CEO of Wards returned all rights back to Bob May. The book became a best seller. Many toy and marketing deals followed and Bob May, now remarried with a growing family, became wealthy from the story he created to comfort his grieving daughter. But the story doesn't end there either.

Bob's brother-in-law, Johnny Marks, made a song adaptation to Rudolph. Though the song was turned down by such popular vocalists as Bing Crosby and Dinah Shore, it was recorded by the singing cowboy, Gene Autry. "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" was released in 1949 and became a phenomenal success, selling more records than any other Christmas song, with the exception of "White Christmas."

The gift of love that Bob May created for his daughter so long ago kept on returning back to bless him again and again. And Bob May learned the lesson, just like his dear friend Rudolph, that being different isn't so bad. In fact, being different can be a blessing.


Friday, December 18, 2009


COOP's weather update. . . .

Coop said...

North Shore is getting 4-7 inches... I have it easy. I'll be homo erectus for sure. P-Town is getting NAILED! Like 2 feet. hohohoho.

I didn't ask St Nick for anything. He knows though... Money, Mercedes, cute dude boyfriend, etc. etc. etc.


Sharing The Visions Of This Holiday Season - CLICK TO ENLARGE

"This Year We Could Bear-ly Wait For The Holidays."

Personal Note

Last week one of the group asked about how to write to me personally. 1. Post your comment, as you would to any post.
2. In subject line type: DO NOT PUBLISH.
3. I read all messages before posting them on the blog.
4. Include an email address for a personal reply. If not, I shall try to respond to you online and still respect your privacy.
5. Be nice. ;-)


Thursday, December 17, 2009

C O L D in the T U N D R A

Hey Troops. . . .here is the current temp for Provincetown. . .-8* C, feels like -18* C. . . . or 18*F. . .feels like 1*F

a tad nippy. . . . .


There are a few items I'd like to comment on from Coop's post. . . easier for me this way.

"A Chat with Greg" and "Lost in Love" are running together in my mind.

I think sometimes academics and working folks don't understand each other. The fishermen might wonder how academics can be paid to sit around and think big thoughts whilst the fishermen do dangerous work to make an honest living. And some Academics look at the working class as afraid of change, NOT doing what is "ultimately right" for themselves, maybe being "low brow" etc. To wit, the President made a comment during his campaign about rural folk clinging to God and guns... very unhelpful that is.
There may be some truth here but for every statement I can point out the opposite. As for the President's comment there is a lot of truth to this: There are folk who quote the "Baaible' and tote a shotgun to back it up.

The important thing is that Justin and Peter LOVE each other. The two of you grew up in the same place, have the same background, same values, etc. etc. etc. "THE ONLY GIFT I WANT FROM YOU IS THAT YOU LOVE ME TOMORROW AS YOU HAVE YESTERDAY AND AS YOU DO RIGHT NOW." Justino, Question for ya, do all your books TEACH about love, or do they help other people deal with their feelings, anxietys, etc. etc. etc.? I perceive pyschology as helping people with their anxietys.

My views here will differ from yours, of course. Do my courses, text books, lived-experiences teach about love or do they help people with their anxieties? Yes, they do. . .and a lot more. Psychology courses in an academic setting such as ours and our text books are much more than a collection of recipes, folk tales, herbs and spices to be applied as needed.

Psychology does not teach us how to love or how to do this and that. A good course in psychology gives us general principles on how to live well and happily, creatively and productively. It teach us to think, analyse, observe, reflect of the existential cirsumstance of my life and how to think out and work out the emotional, cognitive difficulties or challenges I may encounter.

A good therapist doesn't tell you how to see yourself and your frustrations and anxieties, difficulties. Rather a therapist listens and suggests, or helps a person to come to articulate for himself what is going on, what is causing the stress, problem, etc and arrive at an awareness of areas for growth. . all growth involves change, etc. The therapist help a person to discover new responses to life and stop doing the same old things which haven't worked thus far, over and over.

I perceive pychology as helping people to live. I do not exclude but I do not see the work of a psycologist as prinarily applying bandaids to boo-boos, or dispensing pills to keep one fears and anxieties sedated and calmed.

Are you and Peter worried about each other's acquaintances saying "How could you end up with so and so" because the two of you come from allegedly different worlds? If you love each other and you have stuff in common, then I think the two of you will be happy together. True friends will see the good in each of you and be happy for you. I reckon that you will help balance each other off.

NO, NO, NO. . . We are not concerned what our friends say or do not say. That is not an issue for us at all. I guess you could say we are both rather independent guys and don't worry about public opinion or social commentary. hahahaaa We are who we are. . . . and peeps who disagree will eventually get over us/it and get a life of their own. [I guess this is being "cheeky"? huh? LOL ]

We must all bear the indignity of hanging out with people we don't really like. Some of 'em, I wonder why they're attached to the school of fish I've been running with for eeons. Then there are Friends of Friends of Friends that one somehow winds up stuck with at huge get togethers.
Oy Vey.

Aaaaaand thoughts running into athird post. Quote Gary Don't let people intimidate you about your choices. I'm reading between the lines and sensing your discomfort at times when Peter sees your school friends. "Pssst... Justin's boyfriend doesn't know about Pavolv's dogs" etc. etc. etc.

Our issue is none of the above. . . it is more personal than any of these. It concerns how ans where we can live together. Peter is part of a strong-knit family/clan. They have a fishing business and a well- long-established bakery business. They are part and parcel of the local scene, and leaders among the Portugese community. Peter wants to be part of all this. . . .it is all part of who the daSilvas are, who Peter is.

I love the field of psychology, I have a 'knack' for it, or a sixth sense about people/situations. I am strongly intuitive. I do well at college/university. I was invited by department faculty into the degree program, I work as a teaching assistant, and received a major grant for the degree program. I plan on working for a doctorate in psychology. Hopefully the better prepared I am the better "healer" i will become. A psychotherapist heals/repairs hearts. . .

Peter and I are very much a part of our roots, here. We "fit", we belong. My question is how will I be able to find work in my profession in a primarily tourist environment. People do not come to Provincetown to work on their issues. Year-round population in Provincetown is about 5,000 or so.
In high season it swells to 50 - 60,000. A two-four hour commute daily to-from work would not allow much time at home evenings with Peter. We'd be apart. . . a lot.

That is our issue. Yes, I am willing to live in the here and now -- which does really exist, lol -- and Peter is too. But. . . what about a few years down the road. . .and our lives become more and more closely entwined. . . .and my profession and duties get in the way of our love and life? Then. . . .?

I appreciate our online blog and email chats, COOP. . . here is my reply.

Ciao, babe. . .


Tuesday, December 15, 2009


Greg said...

There is so much I would love to say/comment in response to your wonderful post Justin. It brought to me a heap of pleasant imagery.
I would love to know you better, and I don't mean physically.

To comment and ask questions here would be too public for me.... and to be honest could really only be expressed face to face in a reactive conversation that is not possible like this.
I wish.....nah, ah well....

But of course I only know the one side of the story, and only what you write for public consumption. So, I really don't have a full picture of Peter or your relationship.

It is a great pity that we cannot talk face to face and I could enjoy your impish humour first hand....ha! I love it.

But of course I can only leave that to my imagination. Keep feeding it..haha.

From what I've read, and more importantly from what I've read between the lines, I trust that you have the good sense not to hurt either of you if you two do grow apart. I feel you will always be friends, if you have anything to do with it.

I wish you both all the best and I do, very much, love your style and humour, you do make me smile and laugh, keep it up my friend, you appear to be a special person indeed. In fact I am sure of it.

Greg in Adelaide.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

ARE YOU LOST IN LOVE - some personal stuff

Good morning. . . .Gonna be warm today. . .50f!!! - for you oth-ers 10* celsius. . . hehe. I repost STEW's comments to use as touch-stone for some comments I'd like to share. Right now these are good tghings for me to mull over. . . and 'wear'. .


STEW...."It's easy to lose yourself sometimes. But, while you want to hold on to who you are..... don't forget to grow."
OK, while I DO want to be Justin, I think that being in this relationship with Peter I am going to change too and take on some of his traits, ways of seeing things, and experiencing and learning from our relationship. While we are the same age, our everyday lives are so different.

Most of my time during three quarters of the year are lived away from Provincetown, in a large university city, almost, with people from all over the world, pursuing all kinds of differing nd challenging goals. Just in our psychology program we are exposed to a broad spectrum of academics directions. As a part of the medical college here at the University our curriculum dovetails in several areas with pre-med and med students studying to be doctors, nurses and other areas of medical care, social work, psycho-therapy and -- would you believe? -- even the drama department.

When I return home on a later Friday afternoon to the Cape. . .and specifically
to the Upper Cape, I mean the smaller bedroom communities on the "elbow" and then north to the resort town - Provincetown being the largest, it is quite another world. And while I am deeply rooted in my coastal New England, gay friendly mecca as it were, moving from the more cosmopolitan 'university city' I sometimes feel the concerns of a seasonal gay resort/beach community with its own gossip I find this P'town environment some what stifling and, I hate to say it, a tad narrow.

S. :: "I noticed that with straight couples the guy will have his friends and the girl hers. I find that with my relationship, I have to share my friends with him. It's a rare day that I can go out without the tag-a-long (meant in the nicest way). I love him, but sometimes you need a break."

I see this part from Stew very significant. Hadn't thought of it this way. Yes, it is very true my straight buds DO hangout with their other male friends and do have time away from their GF and her crowd, and vice versa. When I come home and am with Peter it's like his friends are now, of course my friends too. FALSE. Tho' that seems par for the course, it isn't totally true. Sure I know many of these guys pre-Peter-Justin, and so forth, but I do not like some of his friends and mind having to spend an evening with them.

When Peter comes to my place . . .and Mme Bouvier loves to have both her boys home as Gramm puts it, Peter is away from his everyday life, and though he has met many of my friends here at school, we just naturally tend to spend most of the short weekend with one another. Please, don't get me wrong here, ok? I do not think "we academics" are somehow better than the poor peons from the gay resort/fishing villages of the outer cape. . .but we are different.

At first meets my friends find Peter facinating: this real, alive, gorgeous creature who is a baker and works in the family fishing business. . . and actually makes a living this way. But it isn't long before conversation wears thin; they do not know enough about his world and he doesn't know about their world and ways. And Justin is in the middle, trying to bridge the gap. Personally, I just rather be with Peter. . . bridging over troubled waters. . . . .or stirring up them waters.. . LOL

S:: "I like the saucepan idea." At first the idea of whacking Peter. . . .weel, NO. . .but as I thought of Gary's train, some times you do have to say WHOAAAA. . .I need some space. . .to breathe on my own. . . not always sucking from the same oxygen tank. . . . . .eeewwwww. . .LOL

As for "Justin the Baker" or "Justin the Fisherman". . . .while I've dabbled. . . .and you do not make your livelihood from / by dabbling. . . how do I combine this very important part of Peter and his wonderful Portuguese family and ancestry with a future Dr O'Shea, PhD psychotherapist blah blah blah. We've talked a bit abouth this part and decided it is not an issue we need to decide on last month. . we are enjoying the NOW and live in the NOW. . . the future isn't here yet. . . but ...well. . . "but" for another time. . . LOL

It is clear while the needs are real, people do not come to a gay resort area to actively deal with their hang-ups, neuroses and psychoses. . . .they do that 'closer to home'. How will I make a living in this Upper-Cape-Cod area, without moonlighting as a baker/fisherman. . . . .which really are not up my alley? DO I want a daily roundtrip four hours on the road in going-to-going-from traffic, to the Boston-area every day? No decision today. . . . but one day. . . it will be some years before I have my PhD.

S:: "I feel your cold... I live on the shores of Lake Huron." "Oh Mister Man, the winds she blows up dere off de Lake Huron. by gar. . . ". . . .and "Here also, dahhling, across the marshes, off Herring Cove and thru the Enchanted Forest. . hahahaaaa. Some of the poor dears were out there yesterday researching. . . .saw quite a few bikes parked by the trees along the road, near the various paths inward to the Enchanted Forest. . . . .

Peter and I have a very good relationship. . . . our emotional-physicality is quite nice. Another point in his favor, Peter came 'looking' for me. hehehe. As I must have written early on in my summer Dunes narratives, one evening I was hanging out at the pool lounge at the Boat Slip talking with friends. Across the room I noticed Peter da Silva, hunky, sexy Portugese Pete, from the bakery in town. I sorta knew him from high school,. . .sorta. I kept talking, one eye sorta straying. .. Eventually he got up and came over to me and said, "Can we talk? Please say Yes. I've been sitting over there watching you, trying to get up my nerve to come over and talk with you. Can we talk?" To myself I said "You bet your sweet ass we can talk!" and to Peter I politely said "Yes, by all means, let's talk. . . .I am all ears. . .and all eyes. . . You definitely have my attention!" hehheee.

And talk we did. I never got home till near 4 a.m., we had put Commercial Street, Spiritus Pizza, and Provincetown to bed. . . it was getting light over the Dunes. . .and Peter had the early shift at the bakery. I floated home to Chatham and our big old white house on the dunes, and sat on the wrap-around porch, breathing in the Atlantic. . . man, I was in love. . . .and it was delicious. hahahaa

Oh yeah. . .Chatham. . . .a quaint drinking village with a fishing problem. . .;-)

And, I welcome any and all comments. Just be nice. . .heehee

ciao ciao ~

Justin O'Shea

Saturday, December 12, 2009


I think this paragraph contains important check points to help maintain your own identity. Sometimes the stronger of the couple may, unwittingly, take over and control. . . .without seeing his partner fading/drifting away in need for personal survival.

"Make some time for yourself. Find pursuits that are yours alone, as well as ones to share with your boyfriend. Exercise, read a book, visit friends. Spending every moment with your partner isn’t necessarily a sign of your deep love and commitment, and it can become boring! Better to find a balance – there’s that word again – between things you do together and things you do by yourself. "

I invite, solicit, encourage any and all comments from your personal experiences regarding these issues. Thanks. Justin ( Btw, it is 30*F, bright sun, here out in the Atlantic at the upper tip of Cape Cod. There is a brisk 'breeze' blowing onshore from the cold ocean. brrrrr. . . )

Gay Relationships: Are You Lost In Love?

ASI2ebd9cbc3f3c1dc9cf2ca08c0f426ef60_full_resize Relationships are a dance in which sometimes one person leads and sometimes the other does. The dance can be awkward – especially if you are first learning the steps or when you have a new dance partner. Perhaps your partner crowds you and steps on your toes, or maybe he bobs and weaves and makes you dizzy. Often, however, we feel pulled in different directions at the same time. One pull is towards growing closer to the beloved.

Western religious marriage rites celebrate the idea of “the two becoming one flesh.” The other pull is towards safety and independence, and it can be just as powerful as this urge to merge. We fear being engulfed by the other, becoming lost in love. Both of these urges are normal and understandable. If you had no desire to mesh with your partner, you might as well be roommates. But healthy relationships allow each partner to maintain his identity, distinct from the shared identity as a couple.

There is a dynamic balance that allows both connection and detachment. We’ve all grown up with the myths about relationships that are pervasive in our culture and in the media. Models of healthy relationships are rare.

One model most of us have tucked away somewhere inside us – for better or for worse – is the model presented by our parents. Did your parents model a healthy blending of connection and closeness, while also permitting individuality and distinctness?

Balance means sometimes putting your partners’ needs before your own – but not always doing so. Your partner may need more support around some challenge in his own life, for instance, or around a particular problem or challenge.

Being supportive of each other and feeling that support back is part of the joy of being in a relationship. But if you are always doing the supporting and rarely feel that backing in return, it’s time to change course. Another clue: if you find that after entering into the relationship you find that you no longer have time for your old friends or old hobbies and activities that had great meaning for you.

Or you are constantly rearranging your schedule to accommodate the needs, or potential needs, or your boyfriend. Do you know your own needs and desires, or do you find yourself just going along with your partner in everything from what to eat for dinner to what you want out of life?

Knowing yourself can be difficult, but it is not your partner’s job to give you the answers – even if you hope that he will. This taking responsibility for yourself is for you to do.

Make some time for yourself. Find pursuits that are yours alone, as well as ones to share with your boyfriend. Exercise, read a book, visit friends. Spending every moment with your partner isn’t necessarily a sign of your deep love and commitment, and it can become boring! Better to find a balance – there’s that word again – between things you do together and things you do by yourself.

Losing your identity and your sense of yourself is not a testimony to your great love for your partner. It’s a problem, and one that can undermine a relationship. Only when you have a sense of yourself can you truly connect with another in a healthy way.

John R. Ballew, M.S. an author and contributor to GAYTWOGETHER, is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality, relationships and spirituality. If you have any questions or comments you can submit them directly to GAYTWOGETHER or John R. Ballew, M.S. -

Again borrowed, with gratitude, from Michael. . GAYTWOGETHER.COM

Wednesday, December 9, 2009


I saw this the other day....

Instructions on a bottle of bathtub cleaner---


a funny. . . ;-)

Overheard At The Watercooler

Overheard At The Watercooler - GAYTWOGETHER.COM


Gay Relationships: Gay Dating Tactics: Your First-Date Do’s & Don’ts - Part Two

Pgt-081009-g2g2qw Nothing gets the heart pumping quite like the nervous anticipation that goes along with going out on a first date with a guy.


During the Date:

Be attentive to your date. Show respect by maintaining good eye contact and don’t let those eyes stray if there are other attractive men in the room. Have an open posture and let your nonverbal communication and body language convey interest in learning about your date.

Stay out of your own head and shut off those distracting thoughts; really listen to what he’s saying. Balance active listening with sharing things about yourself. Ask open-ended questions to gain more elaboration on points made in your discussion to stretch out conversations and learn more about your date. This is especially effective if you’re feeling shy or are short on things to say because it gets the other person talking more, allowing for more tidbits that you can start other dialogues about. Be positive and let your sense of humor shine through.

Avoid controversial topics of discussion as these may be offensive to your date. You can ease into these the more you get to know him. Avoid alcohol, as this may alter your behavior, and stay away from sexual content and innuendo. Unless sex is the motivation for your date, introducing sexual talk into your first date can set the tone in an inappropriate direction. Discussions about sex and sexual preferences can come later after you’ve been able to establish more of a genuine, mature connection. Questions like “Are you a top or a bottom?” may appear crass at a first meeting and may cause an unfavorable impression of you to form in your date’s mind.

After the Date:

Whether your date was a smash hit or a disaster, exercise good manners and thank your new acquaintance for the date. If you’d like to see him again, state this and call him in a day or so to ask him out again. Don’t get caught up in the whole dating game of “How many days should I hold off to call him to avoid looking desperate?” or “I’m going to let him be the one to call me.” If you like him, take charge of your life and make that call.

If you didn’t feel a “love connection” with the guy, thank him for the date and kindly and tactfully tell him that it’s not a match. While this may be extremely difficult, it’s always best to be honest and direct in a gentle, polite way. If you’d like to try to develop a friendship instead, suggest that. But be honest and direct and don’t tell him you’ll call him again if you really have no intention of doing so. That’s cruel.

Do some de-briefing after your date and reflect on your conduct, as well as your date’s, and perhaps journal about the experience. How did you feel? How did you manage yourself during the date? What would you have changed? What went well? What did you learn about yourself as a result of this date? How would you rate the date and the guy you met? From what you can tell so far, is there compatibility with your personal requirements and vision for a life partner? Is he matching up thus far with your needs, wants, goals, and values?


Dating can be a nerve-wracking, daunting task, particularly with the absence of dating education available to us as gay men. What traditions and roles that our heterosexual counterparts have for dating are applicable for us, if any? What are we supposed to do?

The key is to have fun with dating and take a light approach. Dating is both an art and a science in my belief, combining common sense decision-making with self-awareness of what one wants and needs for a happy and fulfilling lifestyle.

When your dating behavior is in alignment with your values and vision for a relationship, you’ll be living with integrity and will be able to approach all your dates with a more relaxed tone and confident demeanor. It will make the process much more easy-going and rewarding. Cheers to your dating success!

© 2005 Brian L. Rzepczynski

Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: “I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right.” To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs, and teleclasses, please visit

~~~ Borrowed, with gratitude, from Michael's GAYTWOGETHER.COM