Saturday, December 31, 2011

GAYTWOGETHERtvt030409
  Mr. Porcupine 
Posted: 30 Dec 2011 06:20 AM PST
26
[ continued from yesterday ]
If you and your guy are busy people, a quiet getaway together can be an invitation to a passionate weekend. Don’t wait for that vacation you’ve been putting off!

There are gay bed-and-breakfasts all over the world; check one out.  Or think about what your boyfriend might like to do. Does he like to ski? Think about a trip to some snowy mountain that would allow him to hit the slopes. (And then there are those quiet evenings in front of the fireplace together.) Does he need time to relax after too much travel or time at work? Maybe a weekend at a cabin would fit the bill.

When the Holidays come around, they have been designed with ads and sales all over the place inviting you to open your wallet and show you care. Forgetting the romantic aspect of a Holiday Season is a sure way to look like an unromantic jerk, but don’t let any holiday be the only time you exercise your romance muscles. Let your boyfriend or partner know that he’s important to you 365 days a year. 

Many hotels offer inexpensive weekend getaway specials. You might even pretend to be a tourist in your own town. (Don’t phone home to check your answering machine for messages!) Better yet, see how much of the weekend the two of you could spend together naked.

When you’ve got his undivided attention, try new ways of being physically intimate together. Maybe get it together to offer one another a pedicure and foot massage. Get some special lotion or scented oil and take your time. It might become a part of your monthly schedule. Or ask him – in a playfully seductive voice – to teach you exactly how he likes to be kissed. Get lots of practice in to make sure you’ve got it right.

Look for ways to make your lovemaking special. Joe still talks about the time Randy cooked dinner for him and then excused himself for a few minutes – to light 50 little candles in his bedroom. “It was really dramatic and just took my breath away,” Joe recalled. “Everyone looks good by candle light. And it made me feel very special for him to go to all that planning and trouble!”

Remember that the key here is to make clear to your boyfriend that he has your undivided attention.

You feel like a lucky guy to have him in your life, and that nothing is more important than he is. Combine that with playfulness and some creativity, and you are well on your way to being the most romantic boyfriend he’s ever had.


John R. Ballew, M.S. an author and contributor to GAYTWOGETHER, is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality, relationships and spirituality. If you have any questions or comments you can submit them directly to GAYTWOGETHER or John R. Ballew, M.S. - www.bodymindsoul.org.

~~~~ thanks to Brian and to Michael@gaytwogether.com
CLICK

 
Posted: 29 Dec 2011 06:20 AM PST

26A candlelit table for two at the best table in a fancy restaurant.  Champagne.  Soft music.  Tender words   The essence of romance, right?  Maybe, but romance can mean many things.  “Sexual attraction, suitable conditions for lovemaking, fascination and enthusiasm” are a few of the definitions in my dictionary.  The trouble is, while many of us enjoy lovemaking we’re often a bit bewildered about how to actually be romantic.



The word 'romantic' can seem old-fashioned and strange; it makes us think of flowers, boxes of chocolates, and syrupy romance novels.  Not our style, we think. Romance is one of the things that make life with a boyfriend different from life with, well, a friend.  There’s a spark, a certain way of being with someone.  Romance is a type of fun that is the fuel that keeps a relationship running.  It’s more than simply being special; it’s a particular way of being special

Romance does not necessarily mean spending a lot of money on someone.  (It especially doesn’t mean spending lots of money on something he doesn’t really want just to try to impress him!)  Think of romance as a way of letting your guy know how important he is to you.  Romance comes from the heart.  It can involve great big things, but romance can just as easily be the sum of lots of little things done with care and attention. 

When was the last time you wrote your guy a love letter or bought him a romantic little card?  Admit it:  you like it when he sends you one.  (Email doesn’t count for as much; and those tacky virtual greeting cards hardly count at all.)  Taking time to put your thoughts down on paper in your own handwriting says that you are taking the time to do something just for him. 

Little love notes hidden around the house can be a wonderful way to show you are thinking of him – especially if you hide them where he will find them when you aren’t around.  Rick, a consultant who travels a lot with his work, often puts a little love note in his partner’s underwear drawer before leaving on a business trip, for instance.  “You don’t need to be flowery and poetic,” he says, “although you could try that, too.  Even a Post-It note on the pillow is a nice little gesture.” 

Partners who have been together long enough that they no longer think of themselves as dating might try implementing “love nights” once or twice a week.   Put it on the calendar and don’t let anything interfere – no work demands, no family obligations.  Let your boyfriend know that he is your number one priority.  Take turns telling each other what the other guy has done in the past week that has made you feel special, to feel loved by him.  Communicating this sort of love is important nourishment for a relationship, especially when you are both busy people. 

You might also take time to let the other person know other ways he might communicate his love to you.  Important:  don’t be critical of one another.  Nothing spoils a mood faster than feeling criticized.
[ Part Two - Continued Tomorrow ] 

. Ballew, M.S. an author and contributor to GAYTWOGETHER, is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality, relationships and spirituality. If you have any questions or comments you can submit them directly to GAYTWOGETHER or John R. Ballew, M.S. - www.bodymindsoul.org.

~~~thanks to Brian and to Michael@gaytwogether.com

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Ben Breedlove

THANKS, Gary, for sending this along. . . .a sobering story. . . J.
 
 
G'day JustinO,
 
Just heard that Ben Breedlove died of heart failure on Christmas Day aged 18. He used Youtube to tell his story just recently. I think you'll find it most interesting for quite a few reasons.
 
 
Gary
 

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Qualities of Gay Super-Couples


Tvt120810g2gw 
 
Posted: 28 Dec 2011 06:20 AM PST

11-500 { Continued from yesterday } 
6. They enjoy a sensual and sexual camaraderie that helps them to meet their erotic potential.
The happiest couples tend to report enjoying nonsexual affection in their daily lives through spontaneous touch, verbal strokes, holding hands, cuddling, and massage. They also understand the importance of maintaining a passionate sexual connection through regular pleasuring sessions and keeping their erotic lives energetic and enjoyable. Even for those couples in "open relationships", the sexual relationship with their partner remains an important component of intimacy for them and they find ways to meet each other's needs, even when one isn't necessarily in the mood. 

7. They have a supportive network of family and friends who honor their relationship.
Having the backing and encouragement of loved ones can be a great impetus for reinforcing a gay couple's commitment. Surrounding themselves with positive and affirming people can be a great boost.

8. They are comfortable with their sexuality and not afraid to show it.
Sexual identity struggles and internalized homophobia can really drag a relationship down unless both men tend to be in the same boat with their levels of outness. Confident and successful gay couples are comfortable being in relationship with each other no matter the setting or public domain. Whether it's trying out a mattress at the local bedding store or attending a social function in a mixed-orientation crowd, these couples feel secure enough in their identities and relationship to combat any potential homophobia they may face by proudly being themselves. Being able to be free and uninhibited is a truly liberating feeling for a gay couple.

070500
9. They possess the following in their partnership: trust, commitment, honesty, openness, flexibility, loyalty, dedication and devotion, quality time, sensitivity, nonjudgmental attitudes, loving and unafraid to express their feelings and passionate side, etc.


These are obvious hallmark characteristics that typify a healthy relationship, but gay men in particular are vulnerable to power struggles, competition, and issues surrounding intimacy and closeness due to male socialization in their man-to-man relationships. Successful couples are aware of these pitfalls and work hard to embrace a holistic masculinity that counters the stereotypes they've been engrained with.

10. They place a high premium on their lives together and are focused on not taking each other for granted.
Successful gay couples realize that the busyness of life can very easily put their relationship on the back shelf, but they don't let it! They ensure that they devote quality time together, schedule special "date nights" with each other, and are attentive to each other's needs. They make sure they are diligently working toward their shared relationship vision, validate their partner in the ways he likes it most, and make sure to show through words and actions how much they appreciate their guy being in their lives.

Guys5806 Conclusion
So how did you and your partner do? These are only some of the qualities that comprise a healthy gay relationship and it's up to you and your man to define the parameters of what that would look and feel like for your unique relationship.
Use these tips as a springboard to discuss how things are going in your relationship to gauge your strengths and areas for growth and craft an action plan to make things even better between the two of you.

©2009 Brian Rzepczynski

Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc. http://thegaylovecoach.com

thanks to Brian and to Michael @gaytwogether.com

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

BOOK NOTICE

HELLO  GOOD  PEOPLE. . . .

I received this notice about a book which examines the issue of sexual orientation.  Easy reading, btw.  The link takes you to the adv/review on Amazon.  Check the preview links which permits you to read some of the material directly from the book.

Mike wrote:

 I'm writing to let you know about a recent book by the "gay-brain" scientist, Simon LeVay. It's title is "Gay, Straight, and the Reason Why: The Science of Sexual Orientation." It finally puts to rest the old "chosen lifestyle" theory of homosexuality which has done our community so much harm. Dr. LeVay has spoken at quite a few PFLAG chapters over the years. It would be great if you could let your membership know about this book, or post a link to it on your Facebook wall. Here's a link to the page which has more information about it: http://www.amazon.com/Gay-Straight-Reason-Why-Orientation/dp/0199737673/ref=cm_cr_dp_orig_subj
 
This is not an Amazon promotion. . .. ;-)   justin
Posted: 27 Dec 2011 06:20 AM PST
Stop, Look, & Listen: The 3-Step Approach to Understanding Your Partner - GAYTWOGETHER.COM Do you feel misunderstood by your partner? Seem to keep getting into repetitive arguments over the same things? Have hidden resentments toward him and a mountain of unmet needs? If you’re like a lot of other gay couples, chances are your listening skills might need a jump-start; and if it’s not that, then fine-tuning your ability to listen can go a long way toward bridging the gap between you and your lover and bringing about more clarity and connection in your relationship.

Conflict is inevitable when you’re a couple, but how you go about negotiating it can mean the difference between cuddling on the couch together or sleeping on opposite sides of the bed when you retire for the evening. Being able to productively listen and attend to your partner is key for effective communication, and listening is also a pre-requisite for conflict resolution.

As men in our society, we haven’t been trained real well in matters of emotion and communication. This can create a tenuous backdrop in a relationship with two men operating from the same conditioning. Not only can it be an obstacle to achieving true intimacy, but it can also cause partners to withdraw emotionally, avoid dealing with problems, or become competitive towards one another if not careful.

Listening is a very complex communication skill that is best taught in counseling or coaching sessions and there are literally zillions of manuals and books out there on the subject. I will try to simplify this using the Stop-Look-Listen model that is typically taught to young children with impulse-control issues. And mind you, I am not comparing us gay men to children! But this is a simple framework to operate from and I encourage you to read up on this issue in the other literature out there for more depth. Listening and communication problems are the number one reasons for conflict in relationships, both straight and gay, and this model will help you learn how to be fully present with your partner.

Step 1: STOP!
You and your partner are in the midst of a disagreement; you’re both upset, tempers are beginning to flare, and the verbal lashings are about to begin… STOP! Remember that nothing of any positive consequence can come from an interaction where two people are angry and defensive. You’re not properly attending to the issues because you’re too busy trying to convince your man that you’re right! The first step to productive listening is to defuse any potential conflicts by each of you setting the tone for positive communication and approaching each other with conscious intent for trying to understand each other and define the problem. You may need to take a “Time-Out” before proceeding with your talk to help calm yourself down and get centered. Refer to the article “Calming the Storm In Your Relationship” from the second issue of The Gay Love Coach Newsletter here for how to properly conduct a Time-Out and other anger management strategies.

Step 2: LOOK!
So now you’ve come back together again after your cool-down period all relaxed and ready to be attentive. Great! You and your lover should go to a place free from distractions so nothing will disturb you and face each other, as you are now each going to take turns expressing your thoughts and feelings about your issue at-hand.

One of you will be the speaker and the other will be the listener. No interrupting, Listener! Speaker gets center stage right now—you’ll have your chance later! Speaker should have 3-5 minutes to share his perspective to keep the conversation concise and focused, and this also avoid the monopolizing of “airtime”; typically one partner can be more verbal than the other and this allows equal sharing-time.
[ continued tomorrow ]  

©2009 Brian Rzepczynski

Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc. http://thegaylovecoach.com

thanks to Brian and to Michael@gaytwogether.com
 

Monday, December 26, 2011

O'Shea Christmas 2011

This is one of the warm Christmas greetings we received, Peter and I.  Did you have Father Jon in for the Christmas Eve Mass....  And did
your nephew carry in the Christ Child and lay him in the Manger?
Your description of last years Beautiful Family Gathering was beyond
any  Christmas Get Together I have ever read of.  Hope you never
get over the Joy of Christmas-----Jesus, please aways Be with us.

Thanks again for you writings, they give me Inspirations.  Love to you
Justin and Peter.

Joseph Galant
Thanks, Uncle Joe.  ;-)  You have a terrific memory!  Yes, Father Jon was with us for Christmas so we had our family Christmas Mass. . . almost as much of a family tradition as the Christmas Tree.

My favorite niece ( and my only niece ;-) Tessa carried the little figure of the Baby Jesus to the creche. The boys got to do some of the other things. . .hehe  Two of the boys did readings and the third 
assisted Fr Jon with details at the Offertory. . .serving the wine and water, etc.

Even though the kids are getting older and often that ushers in, esp among the young males the pretended reluctance to sing at Mass. I noticed .. . .I notice too many things! ;-). . ..that didn't seem to stop or hinder the singing at all.  We've just "always done it".

In his homily Jon talked about things in our lives being "blessings in disguise".  He said that often it is mentioned how "there was no room for Joseph and his very pregnant wife in the inn" is often used as people not welcoming Christ into their lives. . . Not so, he said.  This was for them a real blessing in disguise: they had some privacy to birth the baby.  Had they been in the Inn. . .they'd be lucky to find a corner somewhere apart from all the other guests in the enclosed courtyard under the stars. . .away from nosey eyes and snooping kids!

Jesus was born in a sheepbarn which gave Mary and Joseph privacy for the birth of their son.  Generally, too, sheep barns do not have the aromas generally associated with cow barns, etc. ;-)
And if some of the sheep were in the barn it would be a bit warmer
since the woolies give off a fair amount of warmth.

And his question "What are/were the blessings in disguise in our lives?" opened up some sharing of ideas.  It was interesting and a bit revealing in some of the blessings shared. . . and fun to hear what some of us thought of as real blessings. . . .often after the fact.  "Now wouldn't it have been a shame to have missed these?"
God touches our lives in many ways and places.

Our evening meal is "just family" and simpler than dinner on Christmas Day.  No bird or roasts, etc. . .nope. . traditional New England lobster bisque and French meat pies. . .'tortiere'. . .and several varieties.  Plus the green salad, of course. . .lol. . always gotta be green !  

Everybody, kids included, gets to drink "bubbly" from the tall flute glasses. . . sparkling cider. . . which is every bit as good as champagne and no alcohol. . . .We don't need it to have fun.  Don't need designated drivers. . . LOL

We don't do gifts until Christmas morning. . . . Santa comes only after we've all gone to bed.  ;-)  This year we tried something different:  we each drew a name of one of the family members and we MADE A GIFT for that person.  This was real fun. . .and interesting to see the creativity of each giver of gifts!  We all agreed we didn't need to go out and buy all the stuff we  have too much of already, things we wished they hadn't bought for us . . .stuff we probably won't wear.  LOL

I was very lucky. . and spoiled. . .lol. ... Grandma Mme Bouvier drew my name and made me a large beautiful afghan. . .made with multi-colored blocks of knitted wool yarn. (I think they are called "Granny Blocks")  Great to have on the couch to cover with on a chill night, watching TV. . .and long enough and large enough for "her boys" to use. hahahaaaaa.  Be good on the bed too.   ;-) 

So, Uncle Joe, something of our Christmas this year.
                                           Love,
                                             Justin and Peter

p.s. Peter was with his family of course. We do Christmas night pick-up supper at daSilvas. . . 


 

 

Saturday, December 24, 2011

HUUUAAAAAAAAAAAHHH. .. . ;-))

Merry Christmas from Brazil

G'day JustinO,
 
A Christmas message from my Brazilian mate, Joao.
 
 
Gary
 

Friday, December 23, 2011

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

MERRY  CHRISTMAS !  ALL GOOD WISHES FOR A CREATIVE, FULFILLING NEW YEAR 2012 !

 
 To keep all of this fittingly  generic, lest any one feel excluded, I want to add  something from a very proper and genteel British gentleman named  G.K.Chesterton.  . . .

  Good news!
                                       But if you ask me what it is,
                                       I know not:
                                       It is a track of feet in the snow.
                                       It is a lantern showing a path.
                                       It is a door set open.


In all of this  may you know real peace and joy, and thus find deep meaning in your life.
                                         cordially yours,
                                             Justin O'Shea
 

A Marker. . . ? ;-)


As of 1PM or 1300 today, December 23, 2011. . . .


JUSTIN DUNES  has been visited/ viewed  83,000 times.


Thank you all for your interest, support and contributions of your ideas and postings. . . . . .and especially for your friendship. . . . . .


May your hearts be merry and in that may you find JOY !


                                                                  j u s t i n

Holiday Tastes

MICHAEL at gaytwogether.com  has excellent tastes. . . . 




I approve of guys in white knit touques ! ;-)

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Come to Beth'lehem and SEE. . . .


photo

Gay Nativity Scene with Dog: Love Makes a Holy Family series

Gay Nativity Scene (Love Makes a Holy Family series)
Photo by Kittredge Cherry ©2009
What if the child of God was born to a lesbian couple… or a gay couple? Because, after all, LOVE makes a family, including the Holy Family.
I created my own gay and lesbian nativity scenes this Christmas season. One has two Marys at the manger with the baby Jesus, and the other has two Josephs with the Christ child. I put Mary with Mary and Joseph with Joseph -- like putting two brides or two grooms on top of a wedding cake!
I believe that they are true to the spirit of the Christmas story in the Bible: God’s child conceived in an extraordinary way and born into disreputable circumstances. Everyone should be able to see themselves in the Christmas story, including the growing number of GLBT parents and their children.
Now available as a Christmas card at the Jesus in Love Store
Video version:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=rssFgK6pW30
Posted: 22 Dec 2011 06:20 AM PST
2148216290500 As gay men, you've struggled through and endured all the challenges inherent in finding true love with another man in this homophobic society, but you did it! You found your Mr. Right! So now what?!
Not only did we as gay men not receive any education or guidance in how to date another man, but we certainly didn't get the training manual on how to sustain a healthy, intimate partnership with him once we found our ideal guy and decided to form a commitment with him.
Gay partnerships can be very rewarding and fulfilling, but they require conscious effort and attentiveness to foster their successful growth and intimacy. What follows is a short tips list that gay couples can use as a quick-reference guide for keeping their relationships on track. Keep these bullet points in mind and you'll have a solid foundation in place to make your relationship solid gold!
Relationship Success Tips
1. Avoid placing all your emotional needs on your partner. Develop your own individual identity and through those experiences, your relationship will be enriched as you keep breathing new life into it.
2. Even if you’ve been together a long time, never expect your partner to know what your needs are. Mind-reading and making assumptions only leads to misunderstandings and potential conflicts. Learn to be assertive and ask directly for what you want.
3. Periodically have a “check-in” with your partner to reexamine how the relationship is going and how satisfied you and your partner are. This keeps the channels of communication open and can help renew the relationship, reinforcing the positives and uncovering areas in need of attention before things get too misguided.
4. Characteristic of relationship development, most couples have a diminishment of that honeymoon phase “high” that’s experienced in the beginning of a relationship when they first started dating. This is normal and not a reason to be concerned that there is something necessarily wrong. When this occurs, strive to bring more creativity and vitality into your relationship and sex life to spice things up. Surprise your partner. Be spontaneous and playful. Make him see how special and important he is to you.
5. Examine your satisfaction with the roles you play in your relationship. A real advantage of gay relationships is the ability to be flexible with life roles and not to have to ascribe to traditional sex role stereotypes commonly held in heterosexual relationships. Negotiate such roles and tasks openly and freely with your partner, acknowledging areas of strength and talent in this decision-making.
6. Avoid letting disagreements turn into ugly verbal battles where things could be said that are later regretted. Learn basic anger management principles and know when to call a “Time-Out” to defuse unproductive anger. Also learn how to re-engage following the cool-down period so issues can be resolved peacefully.
7. Protect your relationship legally by seeking assistance from an attorney to obtain the necessary legal documents befitting your particular relationship situation, including such things as power of attorney, wills, beneficiary designations, etc. Planning ahead with such things can insure that you’re each taken care of in the event that something was to jeopardize your union.
8. Don't let the busyness of life take away from your relationship. Find a balance between work, alone time, friends, family, and time spent as a couple. Make “Date Night” a regular part of your lifestyle where you avoid discussing your problems or issues and just enjoy spending that quality time together. Never take each other for granted and remember that you’re a team.
©2004 Brian L. Rzepczynski
Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc. http://thegaylovecoach.com

thanks to Brian, , ,and to Michael @gaytwogether,com

WoWzzer . . .One Year Already . . . !!!

Grand  Old  Pricks

Isn't it funny that the House Republican caucus can fairly nonchalantly impose a 2% tax increase on working Americans but talk about a 3.8% increase on the highest income earners and you're simply unAmerican, a socialist, nazi, communist (what other terms do they throw out there?) Is hypocrisy... More


The House Republicans like to combine unrelated issues together like the oil pipeline being combined with the payroll tax. This is underhanded and crooked. That is why the GOP is failing the American public. People are starting to see through their Games.

      from the non-partisan O'Shea Kid from Chatham, a quaint
      drinking village with a fishing problem. . . .lol



Wednesday, December 21, 2011

A meditation

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DXL9vIUbWg&feature=youtube_gdata_player

MERRY  CHRISTMAS  ONE AND ALL. . .



Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Oh Holy Night


G'day JustinO,
 
Even for a grumpy old fart like me, this is very moving.
 
Welsh singer Aled Jones performs “O Holy Night.” Once a boy chorister of great renown, Jones has survived voice change and become a popular tenor and television personality. Here's a nice video of Jones the boy and Jones the man performing a duet:
 
 
Gary
 

Caption this photo. . . . .





This photo comes from gaytwogether used with permission of Michael

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Merry Christmas! 1

HO HO HO 


Sunday, December 18, 2011 5:59 PM
G'day JustinO,
 
Season's Greetings to y'all up there.
 
Gary
 

NICE CHRISTMAS SWEATER. . . . .


Sunday "Dumb. . . .Dumber. . . .Dumbest. . ."

Minnesota Archbishop wants Catholics to recite prayer opposing gay marriage

 
 
 
Isn't this is  direct violation of religion tax exempt status?
 
Seems to me it is. . . .  justin 

 

Dumb. . ..Dumber. . . . Dumbest

This just in. . . .

"On the campaign trail, Ron Paul said he does not like his milk homogenized.   After this, Rick Perry said, 'I also am not a fan of
gay milk.' "

Conan O'Brien

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Home for the Holidays

For the third morning in  row I have awakened in my own room, and stood here looking out the windows. . .there are six of them. . .and not another building in sight!  The absolutely wonderful event of SPACE!  No one looking out their window. . . just across the alley. . .and no concern for what I might be wearing or not wearing. . .Over the last few years I have consciously worked on what I call "the Attitude of Gratitude" - - being deliberately grateful for everything, big or small, in my life. . . .I look out over the scrub pine which is peculiar to dunes areas along the Cape. . . .and other places with a proximity to The Ocean, the winds, salt air and all those other peculiar qualities of living here. . . it is about 45*f. and "partly cloudy" which means, too, it is also "partly sunny". . . .so this morning I take the time to allow The Gratitude to wash over me. . . 
just sorta breathing in and breathing out. . . .and I realize again how blessed, how fortunate I am . . . .with all that has been given to me..  . . for it is all gift. . . .freely given and freely gratefully received.

Late afternoon on Wednesday, after having completed and turned in all the required "matters of consequence",  Grandmama and I loaded into the Fit all of our varied treasures and necessities of life and headed South-SouthEast toward the Cape and Home.  As it was "that time of day" when highway traffic gets heavier and more people just want to get home, I veered away from the routes which would eventually force me to join the "Boston Escape Routes", instead aiming for route 495 South and then curling Eastward. . . .
conditions  were still "breath-able" and we could move along fairly well, with lots of space --- an important word for me these days, I notice --- between cars and trucks.  For me 495 is a much better route than Int 93 headed South to the Cape. It was already getting dark when we left the "mainland", crossed the Bourne Bridge and picked up Route Six which begins, in the West, to the South of San Francisco, wends and winds its way across the USA, eventually coming to its terminus at the end of CapeCod outside of Provincetown.  It is the major route on the Cape.


It was quite dark, and very quiet when we turned into "our" road into The Dunes, and then there they were: the welcoming lights at our destination:  HOME.   As we drove toward the side steps to that big Porch, aka Veranda. . ;-)). . .Mom and Dad came out to meet us. . . Soon we had Mme Bouvier . . .my Mom's Mother. . .and all her many parcels and packages into the house. . . I made the several trips to her room on the main floor on the back of the house and got her things settled, and then upstairs to my room to dump my stuff  . . . .stuff is such a lovely word: it covers "a multitude of sin, junk and treasure". . hahahhaaaa.

Supper was ready. . . .I had been inhaling the aromas. . . .lobster bisque. . . .with a heavy dollop of sherry, I  could detect. . the big nose has to be good for something!. hehe. . the alcohol had long evaporated but left its distinct aroma and taste to the soup. Man, it tasted good. . . with enough lobster to know  it had done more than just wiggle in and  out of the broth!. . .nice crusty Portuguese rolls, and small salad of greens, with avacado and cherry tomatoes. . . .yummmers!  ;-). . . with a nice, light, sparkling beverage. . . . ;-)


I best get moving, dressed, a cuppa or two. . .and to work: today is set-up and decorate the Christmas tree.   More later. . . . ;-)

Friday, December 16, 2011

Posted: 16 Dec 2011 06:20 AM PST
Gay Relationships: The Ingredients For Success
When you’re on the dating scene, it can seem overwhelming trying to remain centered on staying true to your personal requirements for a compatible partner and potential relationship when you have so many competing forces vying for your attention.


Not only do you have to keep the other parts of your life (work, family, friends, recreation, etc.) in balance and attended to, but you also can become easily distracted and confused when you meet a variety of men as potential dating prospects who trigger various forms of chemistry and attraction within you that may or may not necessarily align with your vision for an ideal partner.

For example, have you ever been in a situation where you met a totally hot guy who filled you with feelings of lust and were tempted to continue seeing him despite the fact you saw “red flags” of his incompatibility with your values? Yep, we’ve all been there and it can create all sorts of inner turmoil and indecision if you let it.
Not only is it important to know who you are and what you’re looking for, but there are also some essential ingredients that are common to all intimate relationships that will be important to be present in a dating situation with men you become involved with.

What follows is a list of those critical relational elements that you’ll want to be attuned to as you’re dating to help you with your decision-making about whether you and a certain guy are truly a goodness-of-fit before actually committing to each other. These aren’t hard-fast rules, but the more of these characteristics that are present in your relationship with your dating partner, the greater the chances are of your becoming a successful couple. So be observant of the presence, or lack thereof, of these qualities as you’re getting to know each new guy until you land a winner!


1. Friendship
This may seem obvious, but it’s important to like the man you’re with and to enjoy spending time with each other. The two of you share a special and meaningful camaraderie that is unique only to you and you have a solid foundation built for intimacy and sharing.


2. Respect

You honor and celebrate your guy for who he is, not who you want him to be, and treat him with dignity and admiration.


3.  Companionship

The two of you have compatible interests and you can share these experiences to enrich your relationship and build a history. You have the ability to play with each other and also have your own separate pursuits that diversify your identities, which only serves to benefit your relationship.


4.  Shared Values
The most successful couples have a shared value system and philosophies of life. This is perhaps the #1 cause of many conflicts in a relationship when the partners don’t share similar visions and often times leads to break-ups due to the “deal-breaker” nature of such beliefs and stances on issues. Discover each other’s values VERY early on in your dating to avoid becoming too emotionally invested should a serious discrepancy emerge later on down the road.


5.  Trust

Without trust there is no relationship. To be a couple requires both men to be vulnerable, open, loyal, and committed to honesty. A climate of safety must be established and evolves slowly over time with each experience and behavioral action. Making sure you do what you say you’re going to do consistently is a hallmark of integrity.


6.  Communication

You must be able to openly dialog about your thoughts and feelings and also be able to listen to each other non-defensively and without judgment.


7.  Good Conflict Resolution Skills

This requires you both to be able to mange anger and conflict appropriately without lashing out and learning how to compromise and problem-solve dilemmas that will inevitably emerge in the relationship. Developing a collaborative “teamwork” approach to challenges is essential, as is learning to how to deal with stalemates and respecting each other’s differences and perspectives.


8.  Affection & Sexual Passion

A healthy intimacy fueled with passion, desire, and attraction keeps the spark alive in a long-term relationship. Creativity, variety, and spontaneity are all important in manifesting continued captivation and intrigue. Nonsexual affection is also critically vital.


9.  Compatible Levels of ‘Outness’ and Gay Pride

Men with similar comfort levels with their sexual orientation tend to fare better (two closeted men and two “out” men as opposed to a variation of these themes) overall due to the shared understandings of those lifestyles. Couples with greater pride in being gay also tend to enjoy in most cases higher satisfaction levels due to the ability to be uninhibited and free with their partnership in all settings.


10.  Sound Mental Health & Well-Being

Men who are devoted to personal growth and are motivated to stay healthy physically, emotionally, mentally, sexually, and spiritually are in great positions for solid relationship potential. This entails healing emotional wounds from the past, completing unfinished baggage from the past, building a solid self-esteem, cultivating a positive relationship with their sexual identity and masculinity, and developing resilience to life’s challenges. These men are open and available for men free from unsettling distractions.
There are of course many more characteristics that go into crafting a healthy relationship, but by keeping these foundational elements in the back of your mind as you’re building rapport and friendship with a dating prospect, you’ll be able to use these as an additional screening tool toward selecting the best potential Mr. Right for yourself.
Enjoy the process!


(c) Brian L Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach

Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc. http://thegaylovecoach.com

THanks Michael at gaytwogether.com

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Gay marriage may improve health


Thursday, December 15, 2011 9:01 PM
G'day JustinO,
 
Legalising same-sex marriage may create a healthier environment for gay men, say US researchers.
 
Check out the BBC article: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-16203621
 
Gary
Posted: 15 Dec 2011 06:20 AM PST
081607cSo you’re on the prowl for a boyfriend, hunting for Mr. Right to potentially build a lasting and fulfilling relationship?  You feel like you’ve got your head on straight, your life is in order, and you’re ready and available for love.  Perfect

The most important pre-requisite that’s needed before embarking out into the dating jungle is a solid sense of self, an understanding of your needs and values, and a psychological readiness and maturity for navigating through a variety of interpersonal situations and relationship issues.

You’re equipped, motivated, excited… so where in the world do you find those quality guys to get acquainted with?


As gay men, it can be a bit more challenging in our quest for potential dating partners since we’re not always easily recognizable, that is unless you’ve got a finely-tuned sense of “gaydar.”
  We don’t have a rubber stamp with the word “GAY” printed on our foreheads to cause us to stand out from the crowd, so knowing who it’s safe to approach can be made more difficult than our heterosexual counterparts face. But, it is not impossible, for as the saying goes: “We are everywhere!”This article will offer possible settings that will increase your chances for meeting other gay men, as well as to provide some practical tips for approaching these venues.

Attraction Venues
According to David Steele,M.A. and Marvin Cohen,M.A. from The Relationship Coaching Institute (*)in their program for relationship success training for singles, attraction venues are places and activities to meet potential dating partners, and there are four levels:

Level 1: Public Places. These are places such as malls, festivals, banks, grocery stores, etc. It’s possible to meet 
someone compatible in these places, but not likely because there’s such a large diversity of people to pool through.

Level 2: Generic Singles Settings. These would include bars, singles clubs, personal ads; places where you would specifically expect to find singles congregating. The odds are increased for meeting someone in these venues, but can still be difficult to find “qualified” partners.

Level 3: Special Interest Settings. Sports clubs, fitness classes, targeted workshops on a particular topic, etc. An even better place to meet people because you’re living your life doing something that you enjoy with other like-minded people, already giving you something in common to build from. These are great places to make new friends too!

Level 4: Shared Mission Sites. This is the best venue to meet your life partner because it’s a place where the people have a shared sense of values, purpose, and passion, which are important ingredients for relationship success. Places like churches, service clubs, and personal growth venues would be examples of such settings where they act as a community with mutual support and involvement.

You can meet the man of your dreams in any of these venues, however the more aligned the venue is with who you are and what you’re looking for, the higher probability of success exists. Choose to involve yourself in settings that will attract the type of men you want to affiliate with.  

Top 5 Places to Meet Gay Men
Through interviews and polls taken with clients and men in the gay community, the following are the top popular picks for meeting potential guys for dating and mating.

1. Gay Bars & Dance Clubs: While these may be obvious places that gay men can flock to, be careful. You can meet a lot of nice guys in these venues, however the environment can be highly sexualized and prone to draw men who abuse drugs or alcohol and are only “cruising” for sex. If you’re seeking a boyfriend, be clear on that and screen the men you meet carefully.

2. Personal Ads & Internet Chatrooms: Whether it be newspaper or telephone ads, online personals, or dating services, these can be ideal places to search for men, particularly for those who have extra-busy lifestyles or who don’t live in large gay urban areas. These ads are a great way to creatively spell out exactly what you’re looking for. Always meet in a public place if it gets that far and don’t rely solely on this method at the expense of live human contact and social interaction.

3. Volunteering: Get to know the resources and organizations available in your nearest gay community and volunteer your time to some that resonate with and are meaningful to you. Examples might include The Human Rights Campaign, gay youth groups, gay community centers and health clinics, task forces, etc.

4. Friends: Build your gay social support system and expand your gay friendship circle. The more people you know, the more people your friends might be able to introduce you to. Lots of fulfilling relationships have started from “set-ups” by friends. It doesn’t always work out, but friends can be a valuable resource because they know you and your interests.

5. Gay-Themed Events: Pride parades and festivals, drag queen shows, gay theatrical productions, charity events, classes and workshops with gay topics, parties, gay support groups, church activities, gay trade shows, gay speed dating events, etc.

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Also, don’t forget other places such as coffee shops, beaches, work, business networking events, restaurants, art galleries, museums, and health clubs as other possible gay guy meeting places.
   
Dating Tips for the Hunt
·Meeting Mr. Right takes careful planning and preparation; it’s typically not always a spontaneous, out-of-the-blue experience. Know yourself and what you believe in and stand for, as well as what you’re looking for. Ensure that you’re emotionally available and ready for a possible relationship.

·Be friendly, open, receptive, and assertive when socializing. Your life partner could be anywhere, so don’t limit yourself exclusively to certain meeting places. Expand your horizons and be open to new possibilities.

·Avoid expecting every encounter to lead somewhere. Not every hot guy you meet is Mr. Right. Use your screening skills and assess true goodness-of-fit.

·Don’t let dating consume your life. Live your life in a balanced and fulfilling way. Be happily single.

·Defeat negative thinking that could undermine your confidence in social situations. Be affirming toward yourself and let each experience be a new learning opportunity to help you improve yourself and your approaches.

Conclusion - So there you have it! Mr. Right is anywhere and everywhere; you just need the readiness and emotional reserves to take the risks inherent in meeting new people. While dating venues can be important in helping you increase the odds of finding a good match, the most important ingredients are what you bring to the table.
As long as you bring a positive attitude, strong self-esteem, good social skills, and an upbeat and assertive demeanor to the playing field, your chances of narrowing the market down and having a triumphant hunt for your future husband are great. Don’t delay… boyfriend hunting season opens now!

*Reference: Steele, David & Cohen, Marvin (2003). Conscious Dating: Relationship Success Training For Singles. Relationship Coaching Institute. www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com and www.consciousdating.org.
© 2005 Brian L. Rzepczynski
Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc. http://thegaylovecoach.com

Thanks, Brian. . . ..and thanks to MICHAEL @gaytwogether.com