Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Wgww103112g2gaw

First Impressions. . . part 2



The Very Thought Of Him - GAYTWOGETHER.COM - click to enlarge
Posted: 31 Oct 2012 06:20 AM PDT

Whether you’re single and looking for “The One” or are trying to break into a social group or land a new job with a potential employer, you may only have one opportunity to peak someone’s interest and curiosity in who you are and what you might bring to the table.

( Continued from yesterday ) --- Part One: 8 Tips For Making A Solid Awesome First Impression )
5. Practice Core Mindfulness

In a first encounter with someone, it’s common to want to be liked and this can lead to being too much “in your head”. Thinking about what you’re going to say next in the interaction or worrying about the other guy’s perception of you can be distracting and take you away from being attentive from the man across from you. This can certainly bomb the guy’s opinion of you if he thinks you’re not paying attention to what he’s saying or if you appear distant and preoccupied.

Live in the here-and-now and be in the moment. Let all five of your senses go wild and make sure to mirror back and validate what’s being communicated so he knows you’re really listening. That’s an important skill that will help you stay centered and connected with your talking partner.

6. Be All That You Can Be

Although it’s controversial and can be viewed as shallow, physical appearance does play a huge role in someone’s estimation of you. Especially as men, we are generally cued in and attracted to the visual, so your looks and presentation will be important factors to consider. Pay attention to your grooming and hygiene, not to mention your clothes and accessories.

Exercise regularly to give yourself both inner and outer glow. Your internal life is also vitally important. When you have positive self-esteem, you unconsciously send off vibes of confidence, self-assuredness, and sexiness. These tend to be magnetic qualities. Really let your personality shine through and be unapologetically yourself.
7. Feed Your Brain

Sometimes being in a social situation can be overwhelming when you feel out of your element. And if the guy is really hot and you’re instantly smitten, it’s not uncommon to get tongue-tied and be at a loss for words. Always have a back-up arsenal of possible topics to have at your disposal should you need to spontaneously pull one out in an uncomfortable pause or silence with your conversational partner.

Keep up on current events or media and read books on flirting, mingling, or social skills to fine-tune and boost your confidence. Not only will this give you something to talk about, but it will also make you more interesting and intellectually stimulating to your audience. Just make sure to not sound rehearsed or forced and let the conversation flow naturally into a topic change.
8. Get Coached!

We often are not aware that people can perceive us differently than we see ourselves when socializing. Enlist the help of a trusted friend or coach to observe you in action at a social setting and listen to their feedback about your various strengths and weaknesses. Then you can develop a battle strategy for improving those areas in need of a work-out
.
You can also attend classes on public speaking, join your local Toast Masters club, or enroll in a local improvisational or acting course to help you practice your social skills and to learn how to feel more at ease with spontaneity and “thinking on your feet.”
CONCLUSION
First impressions are lasting, so you want to ensure that you give it all you’ve got without undue pressure to please. We can’t usually control the chemistry that we feel toward certain people, but you can promote your chances of dating success and/or building your friendship network and professional leads by letting your true personality shine through in your interactions with others and following the above tips to the best of your ability.

If you and that other guy don’t click, don’t sweat it. If nothing else, it was good practice with your social skills and it is definitely NOT a rejection of you…because they don’t know who you are on one interchange.

So get out there and mix and be fabulous! Who knows? Maybe one of those times you’ll snag someone special out of it. Cheers!

© Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach
The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.
Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc.http://thegaylovecoach.com


Thanks to Brian and to Michael@gaytwogether.com

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Saturday Morning Bible Study




Judas Asparagus

(This is amazing and should bring tears of laughter to your eyes. I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we were teaching?)

A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible. Here is what was written:

The Children's Bible in a Nutshell

 
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one,' but I think He must be a lot older than that.
 Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.
 Then God made the world.
 
 He split the Adam and made
 Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.
 Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.....Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.
 
 Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.
 
 Pretty soon all of the early people died
 off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something. 
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they wouldhave to take a rain check.
 
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.
 
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.
 

God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet yourneighbor's stuff.
 
Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.
 
One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.
 
After Joshua came David.. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.
 
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.
There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.
 
After the old Testament came the new testament. Jesus is the star of the New Testament.  He was born in Bethelem in a barn.  (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, "Close the door!  Were you born in a barn?  It would be nice to say, "As a matter of fact I was") 
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats.
 
Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.
 
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.
 
But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.
 
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminium. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.
 





 ------- Nothing bad will happen if you don't, but if you forward this delightful story you'll make someone LAUGH today and they'll keep spreading the laughter by sending it on!!
 





=


Monday, October 29, 2012

RIGHT? WRONG?


Posted: 29 Oct 2012 06:20 AM PDT
GAYTWOGETHERtvt051109When you’re dating someone, it’s very important to always be on alert to determine if you and he are compatible for the potential for a long-term relationship. This screening process should be done before and throughout the pre-commitment phase of the relationship.

 By gauging your goodness-of-fit early on in your dating relationship, you’ll either be laying the foundation for a bond of trust and intimacy or you’ll be disengaging from further connection before becoming too emotionally invested.

It’s critical to discover this information as early on in your dating as possible to avoid becoming overly-attached and developing expectations that would likely lead to disappointment and grief.

In determining your compatibility with a new guy you’re seeing, here are three categories of questions you might consider asking yourself to help along with your decision-making process:

1.  Does it logically make sense for me to be involved with this person?

Does this man match my vision and personal requirements for a partner and a relationship?

Do our value systems and philosophies of life mesh?

Does he intellectually stimulate me? Are we able to communicate and dialogue well with each other?

Am I able to see him and accept him for who he is with the knowledge that I can’t and shouldn’t change him to mold into my idealized image of a boyfriend?

Is he as relationship-minded and ready as I am? Are we able to negotiate our differences in a proactive and productive fashion with solid problem-solving and anger management skills?

Do we complement each other well?

2.  Do we have a solid emotional connection?

Do we have a strong friendship base?

Do we have a special feeling of bonding and closeness that draws us together?

Are we able to share our thoughts and feelings with each other without fear of judgment or rejection? Am I able to be vulnerable with him?

Are we empathic toward each other and able to validate each other’s feelings? Are we emotionally available to each other?
Do we strive to meet each other’s needs and devote time and energy to cultivating our relationship?

Are we able to strike a balance between togetherness and independence without feeling threatened and find this juggling act to be a source of enrichment for our relationship?

Do I like the man that I am when I’m around him? Do I have a sense of pride with this man whom I’m becoming involved?

3.  Do we have a mutual feeling of chemistry with each other?

Am I sexually and emotionally attracted to this man?

Do we share a passionate sexual life with each other that is satisfying and erotically fulfilling?

Can we be playful with each other and laugh?

Do I think of him often and miss him when he’s not around?

Do we positively feed off of each other with our personalities and experience a sense of vibrant energy whenever we’re together?

An affirmative “YES” to all of these questions is definitely a good sign that you and your new guy are well on your way to being a great match!

Any discrepancies that may exist will need to be evaluated against your personal requirements. Are any incompatibilities negotiable, or are they absolute deal-breakers? Be honest and stay true to yourself and your values! Settling will only lead to an ultimate loss of fulfillment, resentment, and sacrifice that will erode your quality of life.

And don’t forget…just because someone you start seeing may not turn out to be good dating material after going through this assessment process, he may actually be a better candidate for a friend or business contact. Happy screening!

© Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach
The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.
Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc.http://thegaylovecoach.com


Thanks to Brian and to Michael@gaytwogether.com

Sunday, October 28, 2012

"Getting to know you. . . "

Posted: 26 Oct 2012 06:20 AM PDT
GayI think dating is easier for straight couples. For one thing, if your straight everyone wants to fix you up with someone they know. But gay guys are really at a disadvantage when it comes to language about dating. And language often affects how we see and interpret reality.

Think about it. There is no gay equivalent of words like “fiancĂ©” or “engaged” that imply a relationship has progressed to a certain level of seriousness (though still short of lifetime commitment). If you go back 20 years or so, gay men didn’t talk about “dating” at all. Partners were divided into one of two discrete camps: tricks or lovers.

Perhaps as a result of this language shortage, it’s sometimes hard for dating couples to understand exactly where they are in the journey of exploration and commitment. That makes many of us too quick to presume there is more of a commitment than is warranted. Dating can be divided into three stages: prospecting, mutual discovery and exploring commitment. Each stage has it’s own tasks, joys and challenges.

Prospecting:

This is the initial stage where you find out the basics about your new guy and see if there is enough interest for him to be worth your time. You have a first date and decide if you’re interested in another one. If the chemistry is right, you may really click and feel like you’ve known him longer than you really have. But remember – you may like the guy, but you don’t yet really know him. And if there isn’t much attraction, calling it quits here hurts the least.

Mutual discovery:

OK, you’ve had a few dates and decide that you like this guy. In fact, you like him quite a bit. That’s good. But there is much to be learned about your new man, and this stuff can’t be completed in a few dates. What motivates him? Are his interests, values and lifestyle compatible with your own? If they aren’t, it doesn’t matter how great a guy he is – he’s someone else’s future partner, not yours. Ending a relationship at this stage is more painful, but if you haven’t rushed into commitment prematurely the bruises will heal quickly.

Exploring commitment:

Your basic questions have been answered and you’re getting a sense that this has real potential. The idea of dating other men has little appeal, and you’re pretty sure he feels the same. You’re not ready to put both your names on the checking account – you may never be – but where you are has gone beyond simply “going out” with the guy. Your friends are starting to think of you as a couple. If you were a hetero couple you might be thinking about announcing your engagement. This stage feels pretty intimate: you know your guy, and he knows you. And it feels good.

Now the question becomes, “Is it safe to trust you with my heart?” It’s more than just attraction now. You need to know more about his integrity and personality. Is he able to make the sort of commitment you want? If he’s not, the time to end it is now – not after years of unhappiness.

While people can get in trouble when they move too slowly to deepen commitment, more people probably suffer from moving too quickly to commit. After a few weeks or even a few months, you’re still getting to know one another. Taking a relationship seriously means not taking it too quickly.

John R. Ballew, M.S. an author and frequent contributor to GAYTWOGETHER, is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality, relationships and spirituality. If you have any questions or comments you can submit them directly to GAYTWOGETHER or John R. Ballew, M.S. -www.bodymindsoul.org



Saturday, October 27, 2012

Good morning, Stew:
I ran across these comments and thought of the property solution of a couple jointly buying a home and avoiding inheritance taxes.

This lady writes << If civil marriage is not authorized in this state, either my partner or I will have to pay federal inheritance tax on the home that we mutually purchased, as well as other tax penalties, because we are not civilly married. If you believe this is just, that imposing your religious views on those who are not members of your church, then explain to me how your church's stand on this issue is different from that of Sharia law, so much feared by the extreme right.>>>

Her comments:

I am a 75 year old gay woman who has been with a partner for 33 years. As we both confront the issues of aging, one item that lurks on the horizon is the Federal Defense of Marriage Act, a clearly unconstitutional law that discriminates against lawfully wedded gays and lesbians. When I say lawfully wedded, I am talking about civil law, not religious law. I am not Roman Catholic, although I do consider myself a member of God's holy catholic church. My state has a gay marriage issue on the ballot, and a good friend who works for the archdiocese has been ordered to work against it, even though it has nothing to do with his area of responsibility. If civil marriage is not authorized in this state, either my partner or I will have to pay federal inheritance tax on the home that we mutually purchased, as well as other tax penalties, because we are not civilly married. If you believe this is just, that imposing your religious views on those who are not members of your church, then explain to me how your church's stand on this issue is different from that of Sharia law, so much feared by the extreme right. I respect your religion and your right to practice it, but I am not asking your clergy to officiate at my wedding, nor do I seek to impose my religious practices on members of your church. Gay marriage as currently construed is a civil matter.

So it appears that after 33 years of "joint ownership" neither partner surviving the other really own the house.  WoW!  Not nice. . not nice at all.  So Yes, what is the difference then in our "law of the land" and "Sharia" ?  Seems, either system, they get you 'coming and going' !

So now what?  ;-)

           Peter and Justin 

  • Friday, October 26, 2012

    LIBERACE

    A new movie being made for HBO to be released next year
    has Michael Douglas and Matt Damon playing lovers in the 
    story about the flamboyant pianist- entertainer LIBERACE
    and his blonde boy-toy lover.

    An unnamed film critic says this movie will be "a hit" for Gays
    and Old Ladies. . . .yawn. . . .

    http://blog.moviefone.com/2009/09/16/michael-douglas-and-matt-damon-to-play-lovers

    Read and Follow Directions ASAP. . . . .


    Good thing I have a doctor who makes sure this never happens to me!  Read on!

     
    CDC Medical Alert

    The CDC has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically.

    This virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK).

    If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT!!! This virus will wipe out your private life entirely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.


    Take two good friends to the nearest liquor store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.


    You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is, sadly, controlling your life.

    Thursday, October 25, 2012

    SEX. . . . .S E X . . . . . . . S E X. . . .


    Wwtt102512g2gaabbww


    Posted: 25 Oct 2012 06:20 AM PDT
    Gay Relationships: What Makes A Man Sexy?Our culture values sexiness very highly. But what is sexiness? A visitor from another planet who looked at our advertising might think it was something you get from purchasing products like cars, colognes or cognac. Everyone wants it, but it is hard to define.

    What makes a man sexy?  The sexiness we’re talking about here is more than a matter of firm pecs and washboard abs. Physical characteristics are part of the equation, but far from the whole answer.
    We find some men sexy even though they are far from conventionally handsome. Different people find different things sexually attractive, of course; sexy is a matter of personal taste.

    And what’s sexy to you when you are out dancing and looking for Mr. Right? Now may be very different from what you would find sexy in Mr. Right. A bad boy with broad shoulders and a cute butt may get your attention at a club when you’re looking for a hookup. If you’re serious about dating, sexy eyes may be less arousing than clues that the guy in question might make a decent husband.

    So what’s sexy?
      Here are some key ingredients:

    Self-acceptance is fundamentally sexy in just about anyone. For gay men, that includes being comfortable with your sexual orientation. It means being able to be yourself; after all, who is better qualified for the job?

    Self-confidence that allows you to take the initiative is something most people think of as masculine and appealing. Lots of people feel shy about approaching a stranger in a bar or starting up a conversation in a public place. They are relieved when someone else does that chore for them. And being able to look someone in the eye when you are speaking with them communicates a lot of positive things in our culture.

    Similarly, a bit of sexual aggressiveness can be very appealing. That’s primarily true if you’ve picked up on signals that the other person is receptive to an advance and if you make your move with some subtlety and style.

    Being able to truly listen to the other person and carry on a conversation communicates an ability to create emotional safety. If someone can share that kind of intimacy with you, it’s much easier for them to imagine being physically intimate as well. That’s also why paying attention to the other person’s needs and desires is so sexy. Candlelight helps!

    Taking care of your physical self is an important part of sexiness, but not as much as you might imagine. Grooming is important, but physical perfection is far less crucial than being at home in your body. (It’s that self-acceptance thing again.) If you seem alive, relaxed and free, your body is going to have some appeal.

    So what’s not sexy?  The list could be long, but the sexy list gives us some clues:
    Narcissism – always talking about yourself, for instance – is different from self-confidence; it’s boring and irritating.

    Being so aggressive that you don’t know when to back off or take "No" for an answer makes you a jerk, not a sexy man.

    Sexiness can’t be bought in a bottle or a shirt. It can, however, be cultivated.

    John R. Ballew, M.S. an author and contributor to GAYTWOGETHER, is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality, relationships and spirituality. If you have any questions or comments you can submit them directly to GAYTWOGETHER or John R. Ballew, M.S. -www.bodymindsoul.org.

    thanks MICHAEL@gaytwogether.com

    Wednesday, October 24, 2012

    BOUNDARIES. . . . . .part 2

    Posted: 24 Oct 2012 06:20 AM PDT


    Boundary Violations In Gay Relationships - We’ve talked about self-oriented boundary violations like straying from your diet or cheating on a test. Violations in your relationship with your partner can be particularly damaging, however, as they can diminish your trust in each other and cause significant conflicts and emotional distance that can tear down the foundation of commitment you’ve built.

    Again, it’s human to stray from our boundaries at times, but when it becomes pervasive and isn’t talked about with your partner to try and remedy it, serious consequences can arise.

    Here are some examples of common boundary violations in relationships to give you a better idea of what we’re talking about:

    You drink too much at the bar with your friends and flirt with all the men near you while your partner is away on business.

    Your partner pressures you to experiment with sexual practices you’re not comfortable with.

    You don’t stick up for your partner when your family badmouths him.

    Your partner makes other things, like work or his hobbies, more of a priority than spending quality time with you.

    You don’t voice your opinions about the way you would like things to function in your relationship and then harbor feelings of resentment toward your partner when he makes all the decisions.

    Your partner strays from your monogamous relationship by cheating with someone he met on the Internet.

    Negativity, jealousy, passive-aggressiveness, lying, withdrawal, blaming…these are also “red flags”.

    And the list goes on and on! It is only a violation if either of you behave in a way that contradicts the relationship vision or mission that the two of you should have and should continue to be co-creating from the inception of your partnership.

    Communication of your expectations and values is critical from the very beginning of your relationship and should continue to be re-visited periodically to ensure you both are still “on the same page”. Your relationship and the players involved in it will grow and change, which is a normal part of your maturation, and you’ll need to be open to this and make revisions to your original “contract” as necessary.

    Tips For Boundary-Setting Success

    As an individual, determine whether you struggle with maintaining healthy boundaries in your relationships and life in general. Difficulties with boundaries can come from many sources, including: being raised in a dysfunctional family where unhealthy boundaries were modeled, low self-esteem, lack of individual identity and codependency, poor assertiveness and social skills, being in an abusive or toxic relationship, being easily guilt-prone, having addictions of any kind, having power/control issues, getting a sense of validation for catering to a relationship partner, etc. Try to identify where your struggles with boundaries originate and keep track of what triggers your self-sabotaging behavior. Work aggressively at overcoming these personal hurdles to promote a more solid and confident sense of self. 

    Take a class on assertiveness training or get some counseling to help you build skills in identifying your needs and feelings and how to directly express them without guilt or qualification. 

    As a couple, plot out a relationship mission statement that specifies your values and expectations for behavioral conduct as individuals and as a couple.This becomes your “relationship contract” that will give you a structure by which to live your life with integrity and stability. Introduce spontaneity and novelty into your relationship from time to time so you don’t feel like you’re living according to a policies and procedures manual and to keep the spark alive. 

    Make sure that you both define your particular boundaries around money, household management and domestics/division of labor, sex, monogamy vs. non-monogamy, parenting roles (if applicable), work, friends, family, health, spirituality, the way anger is dealt with, how you spend your time, etc. It may seem like a lot of material to cover, but the more that’s communicated will lessen the opportunity for surprise violations to occur in the future. It’s a great way to learn more about each other too and create further growth as a couple. 

    Realize that you and your guy will not always see eye-to-eye on things. It will be important to recognize and appreciate your differences and have systems in place to manage disagreements (eg. fair-fight rules, taking Time-Outs when anger gets unproductive, following the problem-solving process for reaching win/win solutions, practicing forgiveness and compromise, etc.). Communication is key of course! Make sure you’re both well adept in the fine art of active listening to help pave the way toward resolution. 

    Boundaries protect your relationship from outside forces as well. Should family or friends try to come between you, even if well-intentioned, always stand by your man and reinforce your commitment to each other. Don’t enable other peoples’ efforts to force their viewpoints and projections onto your relationship.

    Conclusion - So whether you’re single and looking for Mr. Right or you’ve already found him, recognize the profound importance boundaries have on your well-being and quality of life. Without them, you’re left in a vulnerable position and can make poor choices that could adversely affect the course of your life. Knowing yourself and standing up for what you believe in can empower you to enjoy life to the fullest and accomplish great things in your relationships.

    © Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach
    The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.
    Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc.http://thegaylovecoach.com


    Thanks to Brian and to Michael@gaytwogether.com

    BOUNDARIES . . . . .part 1


    The Very Thought Of Him - GAYTWOGETHER.COM - click to enlarge
    Posted: 23 Oct 2012 06:20 AM PDT
    ASI3500f9624f68009a58d563078b8dbdda0_fullHave you ever skipped going to the health club one day because you just absolutely had no motivation to get all sweaty and tired?  Or what about gorging on a half-gallon of ice cream to cope with your stress? Ever leave the mall wondering what the heck you were thinking maxing out your credit card? Do you work more hours at your job than need be? These are situations where a boundary violation of the self has occurred and we’ve all been there.

    Boundaries are the limits we set around ourselves to keep safe, centered, and accountable. They are usually drawn from our values and they define who we are and what we will and won’t accept in our lives to keep our integrity and well-being intact. The more aligned our behavior is with our defined boundaries, the more balance and harmony we tend to experience in our lives.

    When we act outside the confines of our boundaries, our self-esteem can take a hit and we actually can create a whole host of other stressors that will disrupt us and leave us feeling badly and out-of-integrity. It is human nature to stumble outside our boundaries from time to time, but when it becomes a way of life, underlying issues may be at play that will require some attention and intervention to avoid ongoing conflicts in one’s life.

    Not only do we have self-imposed boundaries, but boundaries also pertain to our relationships. A healthy relationship is comprised of two men with a solid sense of self and identity. Boundaries help protect the partners of a couple from abuse or outside influences of others. They help create a sense of security in the partnership, allowing safe communication of needs and feelings between the partners that helps to solidify a positive connection and intimacy. Boundaries help cement what is deemed appropriate and inappropriate conduct both within and outside the context of being a couple and help to define who you are and what you stand for as life partners.

    Boundaries & Relationship Types - Here’s an illustration as to why boundaries are important to your relationship. Take out a piece of paper. At the top of the page, draw two circles on opposite sides of the page. This represents the type of relationship where the couple identifies themselves as a pair, however they have little connection with each other and live parallel lives with minimal contact, sharing, or interaction that would support an intimate commitment. This relationship exhibits boundaries that are too strong to allow closeness and which there’s too much separateness and division between the two men. Little will grow from this except more of a “roommate feeling” and dissension. This style has too much individual identity.

    In the middle of the page, draw two circles with one on top of the other. This relationship type is called enmeshed, where the couple is practically one whole. You are your partner; you live and breathe your partner with very little independence and individuality. You are merged together so completely that you lose your sense of self because you’re so fused and any perceived threat that exists to your relationship is thought of as devastating. The problem with this relationship style is that partners can feel suffocated and overly-dependent on each other; controlling behaviors are not uncommon and you can feel restricted and trapped. This style has too much couple identity.

    At the bottom of the page, draw two circles that are mildly intertwined at the sides. This is a healthy relationship where the partners are slightly merged.There is a healthy balance of separateness and togetherness. The couple is flexible, honoring their uniqueness as individuals and their shared connection as partners. Because of this balance, “fresh air” is constantly being breathed into the relationship, revitalizing it and making it exciting, unlike the staleness of the former relationship type where everything is about the other person. This style works because the boundaries aren’t too rigid or loose and they take into account that healthy relationships have both individual and couple identities. This is what you want to shoot for!

    (Part Two  - Tomorrow)



    © Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach
    The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.
    Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc.http://thegaylovecoach.com

    Thanks to Brian and to Michael@gaytwogether,com

    Tuesday, October 23, 2012

    HEY WORLD !!! WHO'D YOU VOTE FOR????


    G'day JustinO,
     
    We see plenty of polls in the States about the race to the White House. The contenders are neck and neck. But what does the rest of the world think? Who would they vote for if they could? The BBC commissioned a poll of many countries to gauge world opinion. Veeeeeery interesting.
     
     
    Gary



    THANKS, GARY. . . . LOOKS INTERESTING. . . ;-) 

    Saturday, October 20, 2012


    G'day JustinO,
     
    Not sure if you guys can receive stuff from ABC TV here in Oz but here's a link to a 1/2 hour program called One Plus One. In the first half, there's an interview with a transgender person who began as a cross-dresser in his teens. He married, fathered 3 girls and lived a relatively normal life until his '50s when his marriage broke up, and he became estranged from his wife and 2 of his daughters because he wanted to become a woman.
     
    In the second half, there's an interview with futurist Jason Silva who talks about how humanity has constantly challenged its biological limitations. These days, we can do all kinds of things that were once considered impossible. His ideas got me to thinking about the same sex marriage issue... challenging the traditional belief that marriage and raising a family is exclusively the role a man and a woman. Another biological limitation to be overcome? Why not?
     
     
    Gary


    OK, Gary. . .let's give it a try. . . . ;-)