Monday, April 30, 2012

 Homophobic? Maybe You’re Gay
Published: April 27, 2012

WHY are political and religious figures who campaign against gay rights so often implicated in sexual encounters with same-sex partners?

In recent years, Ted Haggard, an evangelical leader who preached that homosexuality was a sin, resigned after a scandal involving a former male prostitute; Larry Craig, a United States senator who opposed including sexual orientation in hate-crime legislation, was arrested on suspicion of lewd conduct in a men’s bathroom; and Glenn Murphy Jr., a leader of the Young Republican National Convention and an opponent of same-sex marriage, pleaded guilty to a lesser charge after being accused of sexually assaulting another man.
One theory is that homosexual urges, when repressed out of shame or fear, can be expressed as homophobia. Freud famously called this process a “reaction formation” — the angry battle against the outward symbol of feelings that are inwardly being stifled. Even Mr. Haggard seemed to endorse this idea when, apologizing after his scandal for his anti-gay rhetoric, he said, “I think I was partially so vehement because of my own war.”
It’s a compelling theory — and now there is scientific reason to believe it. In this month’s issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, we and our fellow researchers provide empirical evidencethat homophobia can result, at least in part, from the suppression of same-sex desire.
Our paper describes six studies conducted in the United States and Germany involving 784 university students. Participants rated their sexual orientation on a 10-point scale, ranging from gay to straight. Then they took a computer-administered test designed to measure their implicit sexual orientation. In the test, the participants were shown images and words indicative of hetero- and homosexuality (pictures of same-sex and straight couples, words like “homosexual” and “gay”) and were asked to sort them into the appropriate category, gay or straight, as quickly as possible. The computer measured their reaction times.
The twist was that before each word and image appeared, the word “me” or “other” was flashed on the screen for 35 milliseconds — long enough for participants to subliminally process the word but short enough that they could not consciously see it. The theory here, known as semantic association, is that when “me” precedes words or images that reflect your sexual orientation (for example, heterosexual images for a straight person), you will sort these images into the correct category faster than when “me” precedes words or images that are incongruent with your sexual orientation (for example, homosexual images for a straight person). This technique, adapted from similar tests used to assess attitudes like subconscious racial bias, reliably distinguishes between self-identified straight individuals and those who self-identify as lesbian, gay or bisexual.
Using this methodology we identified a subgroup of participants who, despite self-identifying as highly straight, indicated some level of same-sex attraction (that is, they associated “me” with gay-related words and pictures faster than they associated “me” with straight-related words and pictures). Over 20 percent of self-described highly straight individuals showed this discrepancy.
Notably, these “discrepant” individuals were also significantly more likely than other participants to favor anti-gay policies; to be willing to assign significantly harsher punishments to perpetrators of petty crimes if they were presumed to be homosexual; and to express greater implicit hostility toward gay subjects (also measured with the help of subliminal priming). Thus our research suggests that some who oppose homosexuality do tacitly harbor same-sex attraction.
What leads to this repression? We found that participants who reported having supportive and accepting parents were more in touch with their implicit sexual orientation and less susceptible to homophobia. Individuals whose sexual identity was at odds with their implicit sexual attraction were much more frequently raised by parents perceived to be controlling, less accepting and more prejudiced against homosexuals.
It’s important to stress the obvious: Not all those who campaign against gay men and lesbians secretly feel same-sex attractions. But at least some who oppose homosexuality are likely to be individuals struggling against parts of themselves, having themselves been victims of oppression and lack of acceptance. The costs are great, not only for the targets of anti-gay efforts but also often for the perpetrators. We would do well to remember that all involved deserve our compassion.
Richard M. Ryan is a professor of psychology, psychiatry and education at the University of Rochester. William S. Ryan is a doctoral student in psychology at the University of California, Santa Barbara.

On Apr 30, 2012, at 11:04 AM, Justin OShea wrote:

I like this reminder. . . .;-)

Thanks,  MICHAEL from

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Aussie Boi

G'day JustinO,
Just took a bit of a wander around the net and found this... a young Aussie spunk doin' his thang.

Saturday, April 28, 2012


Posted: 27 Apr 2012 02:06 PM PDT
L2hvbWUvaW5zdGluY3RtYWdhemluZS9wdWJsaWNfaHRtbC9pbWFnZXMvc3Rvcmllcy9ibG9ncy9qaGlnYmVlL2FwcmlsMjAxMi9tYXJpbmVwcm9wb3NhbC5qcGc=Navy Vet Cory Huston and Marine Avarice Guerrero will remember Southern California's Camp Pendleton as the spot they became engaged. The military and history will remember it as the first place a marriage proposal was popped from one veteran boyfriend to another.
Huston posed the question as Guerrero returned from service in Afghanistan. San Diego's LGBT Weekly was there for the big moment:

...After a few minutes of emotional holding and kissing, Huston went anxiously down on one knee; looked up at Guerrero, who was dressed from head to toe in military fatigues; and produced an engagement ring and the time-honored phrase, “Will you marry me?”

Huston’s mild tremble, a result of hours and days of anticipation about this day, was quickly quieted by the one word every hopeful fiancé wants to hear: “Yes.”
“I was blown away,” Guerrero said, staring at the shining ring on his finger shortly after the proposal. “I was shocked that after all we’d been through, he would honestly want to spend the rest of his life with someone like me.”  ( source


EXCLUSIVE: Gay Marine says I do on base; a first

Photos: James Freeman (c) LGBT Weekly
Balloons, signs, tears, and joy may not be unusual sights on military bases when family and friends await their returning veteran’s safe return home from a long deployment, but a wedding proposal by a boyfriend to his Marine boyfriend is. That’s what happened Tuesday at Camp Pendleton, when San Diego resident, Cory Huston, himself a Navy veteran once assigned to the Marines as a hospital corpsman asked Marine Avarice Guerrero to marry him. It is believed to be the first proposal of marriage and engagement between two gay men – not to mention two war vets – on a US military base. In an exclusive, San Diego LGBT Weekly was there to photograph the historic proposal.
April 24, under a bright Southern California sky at Camp Pendleton’s Camp Del Mar near Oceanside, Calif., a full two hours before his boyfriend’s return from the badlands of Afghanistan, Cory Huston waited nervously. Huston, who was discharged under the former Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy, chain smoked as he rehearsed the simple proposal he would deliver when Guerrero would arrive.

He told LGBT Weekly that by popping the question, and assuming Guerrero would say yes, he would not only be changing his and his beau’s lives forever, but also the landscape of marriage among gay servicemembers.

“This is a huge step for me,” Huston said while pacing and scanning the crowd of fellow friends and family members of returning Marines.

Finally, luggage in tow, Guerrero emerged with a smile on his face. Upon seeing Huston, Guerrero dropped his bags; aimed a kiss toward Huston’s lips; and opened his arms to his boyfriends waiting embrace. The time and distance of 10 months’ separation evaporated in a public show of affection that less than a year ago would have been cause for court martial. After a few minutes of emotional holding and kissing, Huston went anxiously down on one knee; looked up at Guerrero, who was dressed from head to toe in military fatigues; and produced an engagement ring and the time-honored phrase, “Will you marry me?”
Huston’s mild tremble, a result of hours and days of anticipation about this day, was quickly quieted by the one word every hopeful fiancé wants to hear: “Yes.”
“I was blown away,” Guerrero said, staring at the shining ring on his finger shortly after the proposal. “I was shocked that after all we’d been through, he would honestly want to spend the rest of his life with someone like me.

I wonder what the reaction was from all the other Marines and their families all there to greet the returning military. . . . Hats off to them. . . .that took huttzpah. . .aka BALLS! to do this in full sight of all the others at Camp Pendleton!  WoW.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Could HE be Mr Right? Naaaaw.. . .LOL

The Very Thought Of Him - GAYTWOGETHER.COM - click to enlarge

Posted: 26 Apr 2012 05:20 AM PDT
ASI3500f9624f68009a58d563078b8dbdda0_fullHow do you know when you’ve met the “right one?”  Our romantic culture promotes the idea that each of us has a Mr. or Ms. Right out there – the one perfect match who will light our fire and laugh at our jokes and generally be our just right soulmate.  In old musical comedies, an upbeat musical score and starry-eyed looks might accompany the appearance of Mr. Right from the object of his affection.

For most of us, reality looks rather different.  We find someone we like – a lot, in fact – but if we hang around long enough, we discover that he isn’t perfect.  He has a bad habit or two; he snores or belches or sings off key.  He’s special, sure, but he’s not perfect.  We find ourselves feeling ambivalent.  There are few dreamy songs celebrating romantic ambivalence.

We face a dilemma:  how special is “special enough?”  How do we decide whether we are settling for a relationship we don’t really want (on the one hand) or setting such a perfectionist standard that we are likely to be forever alone (on the other)?

While romantic mythology might make us think that we’ll surely know when the right one comes along, life is full of choices we must make with incomplete information.  Sure, someone “even better” might come along…. eventually.  But holding out for perfection in a mate is a great strategy for living life alone.

Attraction is a combination of similarities and differences between the individuals involved.  The precise recipe is probably unique to each of us.  If there isn’t sufficient attraction to keep us engaged, the fires will go out eventually, no matter how much we might hope that we had met our match.

If you find yourself in this situation, try to look at whether you are compromising on qualities that seem like essential elements for you.  Do you share compatible life goals, for instance?  What about values?  If one of you lives to party until dawn and the other hasn’t even been to a party since the first Bush administration, the two of you are either looking at significant compromises or a lifetime of arguments and disappointments.

 Are you friends?  Do the two of you work well together, helping each other solve life’s problems?  Does he help you feel more stable, more secure?

Think about what’s important to you.  Are you getting your core needs met?  If not, are the two of you able and willing to make changes so that you can get what you want?

If your tendency is to find fault with everyone you date, it is time to look at your expectations.  Often we project onto others attributes that we fear we have within our own selves.  We’ll never find someone if we play that game.

A degree of ambivalence is to be expected within most relationships.  Acknowledge your feelings to yourself, but don’t get sidetracked by them.  Getting lost in self-doubts can lead to sabotaging a relationship.  

It is possible to accept that a degree of ambivalence exists and still move forward with a commitment if you know your own mind and heart.

Should you share your feelings of uncertainty with your boyfriend?  Be careful.  Telling the truth is important, but so is being considerate of your partner’s feelings.  It is one thing to acknowledge that neither of you is perfect, but quite another to muse aloud about the possibility of someone better coming along.  If your speaking gives him the feeling you are about to leave the relationship, you may be being unfair to him and to yourself.  Talking through your feelings with a friend or a counselor is preferable to hurting someone you care about.

John R. Ballew, author and contributor to GAYTWOGETHER, is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality, relationships and spirituality. If you have any questions or comments you can submit them directly to GAYTWOGETHER or John R. Ballew, M.S. -


Marriage Equality: What some Catholics are Up To. . .

Minnesota Catholics Rely on Conscience and Each Other in Marriage Equality Debate

by newwaysministryblog
Pride flag in front of the Twin Cities' St. Paul Cathedral.
Catholics are playing a major role in the marriage equality debate in Minnesota, where this November, voters in the state will go to the polls to vote on proposed constitutional amendment to ban marriage between people of the same gender. Bondings 2.0 has reported several times on the issue, particularly the good work that the group Catholics for Marriage Equality--Minnesotahas been doing.  (Links to previous posts can be found under the heading "Minnesota" in "Categories" listing in the right-hand column of this blog . →) recently featured the role that Catholics are playing in the debate in an article entitled "Conflicted Catholics: Consciences wrestle with church actions on marriage amendment."    The personal stories explain not only the division that the proposed amendment is causing among Catholics, but the faith journeys that many individuals and faith communities are experiencing  by becoming involved with the campaign to promote equal marriage rights for all.
The article profiles Lisa Vanderlinden, the mother of a gay son, whose family moved to a parish which has a public outreach to LGBT people.  Their former parish, she explains, has become heavily involved in work to support the ban on marriage equality:
"In keeping with orders from Archbishop John Nienstedt, a prayer is now said during Sunday services affirming marriage as the union of one man and one woman. A committee has been formed to work in favor of a proposed amendment to the Minnesota Constitution banning same-sex marriage that will appear on the November ballot.
"And a percentage of every dollar parishioners give goes to the archdiocese, which recently donated $650,000 to the group pushing for the ballot initiative."
But Vanderlinden and her family have taken a different Catholic approach:
“ 'The Catholic hierarchy would like the public to believe that it is the only voice of the people,' she said. 'Since Vatican II that’s not true. Our teaching says we must speak our conscience even when it conflicts with church authorities. . . .'
“ 'The silencing that’s going on is incredible,' said Vanderlinden. 'I know a lot of people are not giving money anymore. I know a lot of people are not going to church anymore.' ”
Laura Kuntz, another Twin Cities Catholic, found that the archdiocese's increasing political involvement to defeat marriage equality was having a detrimental effect on her identification with the Church.  And then, she got involved with Catholics for Marriage Equality--Minnesota:
"A year and a half ago when Nienstedt circulated a DVD calling for a same-sex marriage ban, Kuntz and her husband stopped giving to their church, because it was obligated to tithe 8 percent to 10 percent of their donation to the archdiocese.
"Two months ago, there were a series of communications about the marriage amendment in the church bulletin, including the announcement of a committee to manage communications about the amendment.
“ 'My heart just stopped,' she said. . . .
"At some point after she shared her feelings with a few fellow parishioners, she got a call from someone she describes only as a diocesan employee, who told her about a group called Catholics for Marriage Equality. Throughout Lent, the group held vigils outside the chancery in St. Paul. For Kuntz, participating brought comfort."
Some Catholic individuals and parishes are protesting by not reciting the prayer against marriage equality that the archdiocese has instructed communities to use at Masses:
One of the authors of the blog The Progressive Catholic Voice, Paula Ruddy is unconvinced the prayer is being said in very many parishes. “I don’t know anyone whose parish is pushing this,” she said. It doesn’t matter whether the priest agrees with it or not, the issue is introducing a potentially divisive element to a worship service.
“One of my friends said their deacon was asked to give it as part of the homily,” she said. “He said, ‘It’s not that I am opposed to it, but I don’t want to do something so controversial.’ ”
Her fellow blogger Mary Beckfeld has friends in four western suburban parishes who say the prayer is not being said there, either. A friend of hers was asked to read it on Good Friday and refused. Her pastor’s response: “Do what your conscience tells you.”
Ron Joki, a gay man who converted to Catholicism, speaks of the role that conscience plays in his decision to remain part of the church and to be involved in the struggle to secure marriage equality rights:
"Joki sees no contradiction between his sexual orientation and his faith. 'There are many ancient rules in the Bible that no longer serve us, that were cultural,' he said. 'We are not breaking the important rule, which we interpret as the basic rule of loving God and loving our neighbors.' ”
"He’s comfortable with the approach some liberal parishes are taking of engaging in discussions about the church’s support for the amendment, but making sure multiple viewpoints are represented. 'God speaks to us in our conscience,' Joki explained. 'We need to be respectful of all sides."
Joki sees the work of the Spirit in the differing voices present in the church on this issue:
“ 'The spirit works in many levels, not only at the top of the hierarchy but at every level,' Joki said. 'Many of the people the church now recognizes as saints, as heroes of the church, were originally people who were renounced and condemned.
“ 'Sometimes, the opinions that are the last to change are at the top.' ”
What are some of the lessons I've learned from the experience of these Minnesota Catholics?
1.  Follow your conscience.
2.  Seek out a supportive community.
3.  Work together with others to enact justice.
4.  Respect all, even those who disagree with you.
5.  Change comes from the bottom and rises to the top.
6.  The church doesn't always immediately recognize its saints who are working for justice.
--Francis DeBernardo, New Ways Ministry
newwaysministryblog | April 26, 2012 at 6:02 am | 

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Getting What You Want

Posted: 25 Apr 2012 05:20 AM PDT
6a00d83451c50069e200e5501bbe078834-800wi“Oh, baby, you’re the best!” In our fantasies, we’re always in bed with a guy who knows just how to push our buttons. He’s neither too rough nor too cautious. He knows all our hot spots. Maybe he even shows us some nerve endings we didn’t know we had. He knows just what to do. It’s as if he can read our mind.

“OW! Watch the teeth, okay?” In everyday reality, we find ourselves in bed with someone who can’t read our mind and who doesn’t know where our hot buttons are unless we tell him.  He makes missteps – just like we do. If we’re lucky he’s enthusiastic and attentive. Sometimes were not so lucky. If getting your erotic needs met feels like going to a pot-luck dinner – you take what you get; maybe it will be better next time – it’s time to learn new ways of communicating your desires with your partner....

Talking about sex can seem…unsexy. If we embarrass easily or if we don’t really know just what we want, the whole topic can make us anxious. We worry about sounding stupid or demanding. Worst of all, we worry that talking about sex will spoil the mood. Instead of getting what we want, we may not get anything at all.

Some conversations are easiest to have away from the bedroom and well before you and the object of your affection are naked.  “I always talk about safer sex stuff before we get to my place,” Joe says. “It’s easier to ask about how he feels about condoms over dinner than when we’re between the sheets.” Joe’s other tip: he lowers his voice, looks his partner in the eye and tells him how much he wants to ride his partner’s dick all night long – if they can wrap that rascal first. Who could resist an invitation like that?

It’s easier to talk about problems outside the bedroom. “I would really like us to take it slower” is easy to hear over a glass of chardonnay at dinner. “Hey, slow down!” in an irritated voice when you’re getting pounded in bed is more likely to bruise your guy’s feelings. No one wants to feel like a klutz in bed.

Feelings are easy to bruise, especially around sex. Be kind rather than accusatory. See if you can frame requests in a way that is positive. “You know what would drive me crazy? I’d love for you to…” Try to make only one request at a time. If you bombard your partner with suggestions he may feel you are telling him he’s sexually incompetent. No one wants to hear that. Instead, be encouraging. Give him compliments if they are sincere. Sit close; maybe touch him gently and reassuringly.

And when you are getting it on and you get what you want, let him know it. Tell him “Yeah, that’s it!” or moan and sigh, move around, smile. Psychologists like to say when a certain behavior is rewarded, it happens more often. Compliment your partner often (without going overboard). Catch him doing something right, and let him know you love it. Building up his erotic self-confidence is good for you, too. This is one time when it can be very good manners to talk with your mouth full!

Take responsibility for your desires. Make “I” statements rather than “You” statements. There is a big difference between “I’d love you to get more forceful with me” and “You aren’t aggressive enough.”

Almost every man has had the experience of losing an erection during lovemaking. This is not fun. It can be pretty embarrassing. Talking about it is difficult, but discussing your concerns with your partner can be the path to resolving the issue. “I decided I shouldn’t be having sex with anyone if I was afraid to lose an erection with him,” Jorge says. “If I couldn’t feel secure enough for that, I was putting to much performance pressure on myself.” Letting his partners know that his body was sometimes slow to respond even if he was really enjoying himself helped him relax and be less distracted
Ever heard the advice that to be considered a good conversationalist, you really need to be a good listener? It’s the same with sex. Often we give someone what we hope he’ll give us. We like having our nipples played with, so we play with his – even though it seems to annoy him. This isn’t likely to get you what you want, and it’s also not the way to be the most skilled lover around. You would be much better off telling him what you want and touching him the way he wants to be touched
Ah, touch. There are so many ways to make physical contact with someone. Touching or being touched in exactly the same manner all the time can become irritating. Enough of exactly the same touch and our brains shut down – you will stop feeling the touch altogether. This is not pleasant. Better to vary how you make physical contact, alternating light touch with firmer, fingernail scratches with holding, teasing with squeezing.

If you are going to try to get more of what you want, it’s only fair that you give your partner more of what he wants, too. Ask him about particular turn-ons or fantasies. What gets him going? What turns him off? Don’t be defensive. You might even see if you can be sexy or playful when you initiate this conversation. You are telling him that he’s important and you want to give him pleasure. This is can be very different from a clichéd what-are-you-into conversation.

Don’t be afraid. Speak up. You will be imperfect and make mistakes. So what? Taking the initiative is masculine and sexy, and makes it much more likely that you will get what you want and deserve.

John R. Ballew, M.S. an author and contributor to GAYTWOGETHER, is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality, relationships and spirituality. If you have any questions or comments you can submit them directly to GAYTWOGETHER or John R. Ballew, M.S. -


Tuesday, April 24, 2012


Posted: 24 Apr 2012 05:20 AM PDT
When A Lover Cheats: Relationship Repair For Gay Couples; Part 2
When the “relationship contract” has been broken by an infidelity in a gay couple’s partnership, the foundation of trust and respect has likely been damaged. Some men opt to sever their ties, unable to cope with the boundary violation that’s occurred, while others decide to work at rebuilding their relationship. Each couple must decide for themselves which option best suits their needs and will be determined largely by the level of investment and commitment each has to endure through the painful tasks involved in recovering from an affair.

Surviving and healing from an affair is possible and requires both partners to take responsibility and channel all their energies into repairing their relationship. Part 1 of this 2-part article series addressed the possible reasons why we cheat and the impact this can have on a relationship. In this article, specific tips and strategies will be offered for those couples who are motivated to overcome the non-monogamy that has occurred in their relationship, thereby promoting their chances for a successful resolution to this crisis.

Tips For The Man Who Was Cheated Upon:
You are likely experiencing a lot of emotional ups and downs as you process what’s happened. Give yourself time to grieve the loss of the relationship you thought you had with your partner and be kind to yourself. Ease the pain with self-nurturing activities. Also manage any triggers that may signal unfinished business from the past for you (eg. being cheated on by a former boyfriend) so this doesn’t contaminate your current relationship.

Especially in the beginning, anticipate a period of obsessing and being preoccupied with the affair and its details. This is normal as you come to make sense of what’s happened, but set limits with yourself so as not to let it become all-consuming. Keep your focus on the fact that your vision is to come through this a stronger couple. Work hard at countering negative thoughts.

* It could be easy to get stuck into feeling like “the victim.” Avoid this by identifying the role you may have played in the affair’s existence. While you’re not responsible for your partner’s choice to cheat, how may you have contributed to the unfolding drama? Become an active participant in making things better between the two of you.

Your partner made a mistake and is trying to make amends now. Don’t make any unfounded accusations or assumptions. Avoid blame, verbal aggression, passive-aggressive “pay-backs”, or behaviors aimed at making him feel guilty or attempts to punish him. This will only create more division and nobody will feel any better. Find healthy outlets for your anger and hurt. And don’t turn on yourself either. Identify what you need to be able to forgive him and yourself.

Your biggest challenge is going to be risking being emotionally vulnerable again with your partner. This will take time. Pace the relationship at a rate where you can gradually “let him back in” again. Have your boundaries to protect your heart, but not so solidly-built that he has no chance of proving his trust and commitment to you. As time passes and your trust strengthens, the boundaries can loosen.
Tips For The Man Who Cheated:
First and foremost, end any and all third-party relationships. No more contact! Your relationship won’t have a chance if it’s competing for your attention and energy. You may need time to grieve the loss of your relationship with your lover depending on if there was an emotional attachment.
You’re human and made a mistake. Avoid beating up on yourself and channel that energy into your partner and rebuilding a relationship with him. Take responsibility for your indiscretion and identify the reasons behind the affair. Develop a plan of action so it never happens again.

Your partner is hurting and requires your support. He will likely go through a period where he asks you a barrage of questions about a whole host of issues pertaining to the infidelity. His distrust in you will take such forms as suspiciousness and insecurity. Even when you feel like you can’t take it anymore, it’s important to tolerate his moods and answer his questions honestly and non-defensively. This is part of his healing process that he needs to go through and helps to plant the seeds of his beginning to trust you again.

Be aware that your partner will most likely be afraid to re-commit to you. Focus your efforts on regaining his trust, communicate more, acknowledge and validate his feelings, and help him to feel special and wanted.

Tips For The Recovering Gay Couple:
Make your relationship the #1 priority! Work hard at identifying and meeting each other’s needs, increase communication, and negotiate your differences. Never take the relationship for granted again and keep it alive with shared, meaningful experiences and rituals. No more secrets!

“Court” each other all over again. Set a “first date” and build from there. Encourage each other and share your appreciations for one another frequently.

* Be cautious about telling too many of the people in your support system about the affair. This can create additional stressors for you with the possibility of torn loyalties being created and your relationship not being supported. Keep your boundaries on this private couple issue and be very selective in who you confide in.

Becoming sexual again with each other could be a “loaded” issue here because of the infidelity. Ease into this if you’re not comfortable and start with nonsexual expressions of affection first to re-establish the foundation of intimacy. Be sure to communicate your expectations about monogamy vs. non-monogamy in your relationship moving forward.

It’s not always easy, but relationships do triumph over infidelity, and you can even come out better and stronger if approached the right way. Don’t hesitate to contact a couple’s therapist who specializes in gay relationships if you still struggle with “putting the pieces back together” again. View the affair as a wake-up call to attend to the unmet needs and unresolved issues that likely exist between the two of you

Finally, patience and dedication is key and keep focused on your vision for the type of relationship with each other that you’re ultimately dreaming of…and make it happen!
© Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach
( The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions. )
Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc.

Thanks Dr Brian and