Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Starting Anew - part 2

Posted: 28 Aug 2011 12:59 PM PDT
[ continued from yesterday ]

Nurturing new relationships takes time and effort. Let's look at two uncomfortable issues that can come up: arguments and sexual interest.

Perhaps you're home with Mr. Right and you have your first argument. Nothing too serious, but it's hard not to feel unsettled. What's going on here?

A piece of advice many couples have found works for them is: never go to bed angry. Stay with the argument until it gets resolved instead. Conflict can make you anxious when a relationship is new, but don't shy away from speaking your mind.

Relationships where one or both partners avoid showing their true feelings in disputes with one another are relationships that aren't going to last.

See if you can let your partner express what he's feeling upset about without getting defensive.

Acknowledge that you've heard what he's saying; if you think he's right, say so. If you think he's off base, let him know. Understand that relationships require compromise.  The optimal outcome isn't likely to be your partner unconditionally surrendering because you've out-argued him; the best outcome is going to be something that leaves each of you feeling well-heard and respected, and the issue in question moved toward resolution.

Maybe the biggest mistake partners make is believing "I know what he is thinking." You don't - at least not until you ask him. You think his lack of interest in sex last night meant he's getting bored; maybe it just means he's tired.

Don't make assumptions. Ask your partner what he's thinking or feeling.
In fact, taking a few minutes regularly each week to check in is great practice that can deepen relationships. Even ten minutes apiece to ask one another, "How are you this week?" can lead to better mutual understanding, greater closeness and more opportunity for intimacy.

Another difficult issue for couples moving beyond the newlywed stage is sexual interest. When you are dating, sex with your new boyfriend feels pretty special. After a while you will get to know every hair and freckle on your partner's body, and the novelty of sex will wear off.

Life's other demands can crowd out lovemaking. Most of us aren't all that eager for sex after working long hours and knowing we've got another exhausting day ahead of us tomorrow. Throw in household chores and a hundred other distractions and sex can get pretty stale before you know it.

It may feel unromantic to schedule date night together, but doing penciling it in your schedule is a lot more romantic than watching another week go by without making enough time for one another.

Some couples create routines or rituals that work for them: Friday nights are strictly for the two of them, no intrusions permitted, or Tuesday evenings are the night to cook a special dinner together rather than rely on the usual quick meal after work.
Keeping sex passionate requires paying attention.

When you are first together, the sex may be so hot it's hard to believe things will every cool down - but they probably will.  The frequency of lovemaking often slows down after a few months, but the satisfaction both partners receive from sex can increase as they learn more about how to turn one another on.

Take time to start your relationship off on the right foot and you'll like the results.

John R. Ballew, M.S. an author and contributor to GAYTWOGETHER, is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality, relationships and spirituality. If you have any questions or comments you can submit them directly to GAYTWOGETHER or John R. Ballew, M.S. - www.bodymindsoul.org.
==thanks, MICHAEL@gaytwogether.com 
Pgt 0909 g2g arms

Starting Anew

Posted: 28 Aug 2011 12:40 PM PDT

Starting a new relationship can feel a bit disorienting.  At first everything is exciting; this is what you’ve always wanted, right?  Months or years – seems like a lifetime – of dating, and all of a sudden here he is!  What’s next?

Relationships require care and encouragement and it helps to get things started on the right foot.  Perhaps your first thought is, “so when do we start living together?”  Whoa – slow down.  Most of us know guys who went home from the bar together the night they first met, and one of them basically never went home.  Other couples have been together for years, but find it more agreeable to keep separate households.

Take time to find out what the right rhythm is for each of you.  If your tendency in the past has been to make a commitment like moving in with someone after only a few weeks only to find that the relationship never should have happened, make a commitment to yourself that this time you are going to wait at least six months before combining your CD collections. What’s the rush?   

Part of dating is trying to make a positive impression – being thoughtful, considerate, romantic.  Those are good things in a relationship, too, but face it – if hehangs around, your lover is going to see you at times other than when you are on top of your game.

Allowing your partner to see you at times when you aren’t your best – when things haven’t gone well at work or you’ve had a painful conflict with your crazy family – isn’t stuff you would usually recommend for a first date.  But being yourself in good times and bad is the way he’ll get to know you and the way the bonds of intimacy will deepen between you.

If you let your partner see you warts and all, he’ll probably show you his less-attractive stuff as well.  It can be a little startling seeing Mr. Right’s flaws.
Don’t think you can change your partner.  The start of a relationship offers a great opportunity to learn all about his eccentricities:  the way he mispronounces that particular word of his, or his curious need to keep his checkbook in perfect balance.

See if you can practice just noticing rather than criticizing.  Who is this peculiar creature that now shares your life?  Promise yourself you won’t nit-pick these little things.  Learn to relax and laugh at yourself and your reactions to these little things.  Criticism and nagging aren’t going to get you off on the right foot.  

Some men handle intimacy easier than others.  Intimacy requires us to let down our guard and become more open and vulnerable.  The trouble is, most men have learned from an early age that making yourself letting down your defenses is a stupid thing to do because you’re likely to get hurt.  This makes closeness a real challenge for guys, even if it’s what we most want.  You really care about what this guy thinks of you, and the temptation is to try to look good rather than be genuine.

One of the secrets of relationships is that if the relationship is a healthy one, we actually become safer in it by lowering our defenses.  Our partner responds to our openness with more openness of his own, or we learn that the blemish that we worried would cause him to run away turns out to be no big deal.

(part two - tomorrow)
John R. Ballew, M.S. an author and contributor to GAYTWOGETHER, is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality, relationships and spirituality. If you have any questions or comments you can submit them directly to GAYTWOGETHER or John R. Ballew, M.S. - www.bodymindsoul.org.
 ===== thanks, Michael@gaytwogether.com

"Queering the Church" - Saints and Martyrs

Here is another  monastic saint, to go along with Benedictine St Anselm.  This one was a Cistercian monk [commonly know today as "Trappists"] and later Abbot of the Abbey of Rievaulx [ ree-vaauu] ( In the UK the abbey is pronounced like "Riv-xxxxx",,,figure. lol)


  St Aelred of Rievaulx, Patron of Same Sex Intimacy

St Aelred is recognised in all sources as an important English saint, who lived in the north of England in the 12 C. As a young man, he joined the Cistercian abbey of Rievaulx, later returning there as Abbott.  He is remembered especially for his writings on friendship, some of which have led gay writers such as John Boswell to claim him as 'homosexual'. For instances, Integrity USA, an Anglican LGBT organisation, have designated him as their patron. From the website of Integrity, this Collect for the feast of Aelred:


Pour into our hearts, 0 God, the Holy Spirit's gift of love, that we, clasping each the other's hand, may share the joy of friendship, human and divine, and with your servant Aelred draw many into your community of love; through Jesus Christ the Righteous, who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.

The regard given to St Aelred by gay writers is based on his book, "On Spiritual Friendship",[google it] in which he is clear in extolling the value of same-sex love. He does so on the basis of personal experience, and describes the impact that several of these friendships have had on him, and the desolation he has felt when a lover has died.
Continue reading here. . 

Alabama's New Immigrations Laws - 09.01.2011

The Nation's cruelest immigration law. . . . 

The article begins with this. . . . << The Alabama Legislature opened its session on March 1 on a note of humility and compassion. In the Senate, a Christian pastor asked God to grant members “wisdom and discernment” to do what is right. “Not what’s right in their own eyes,” he said, “but what’s right according to your word.” Soon after, both houses passed, and the governor signed, the country’s cruelest, most unforgiving immigration law. >>

Monday, August 29, 2011


Dan Savage- - FOUNDER of It Gets Better  claims Marcus Bachmann, husband of Michele, a reparative therapist, is a nelly queen / closeted, lying, cheating married gay man.. . .

Dan Savage has a "right" to "bully"  Marcus Bachmann???


True Colors Residence here. [click below]

Posted: 28 Aug 2011 10:48 PM PDT
Cyndi-lauper_l Cyndi Lauper wears many hats. But the one we rarely gift - the disciplined, yet feisty title of gay icon - seems to fit her better than most.
Ever since she stormed the pop-music stage in the 1980s, she has put herself in our predicament. She launched the Give a Damn campaign to fight LGBT discrimination and created the annual True Colors Tour to benefit organizations that provide support to the gay community, including the Human Rights Campaign, PFLAG, and the Mathew Shepard Foundation.
Once again, Lauper will put her money where her mouth is.
On September 1, 2011, her True Colors Residence opens in Manhattan (near 154th and Frederick Douglass Blvd., in Harlem). The six-story, 30-bed housing facility for homeless LGBT youth between the ages of 18 - 24 stands as the first “permanent housing facility of its kind in the city." It comes equipped with a computer room, resource library, communal indoor and outdoor space and will also offer residents on-site job-training.
"Our primary goal is to provide a physically and emotionally safe and supportive environment that will empower our young residents to be the self-loving, happy and successful individuals they were meant to be," said Lauper.
Lauper decided to open the facility soon after she discovered that up to 40% of homeless youth living in New York City identify as LGBT.
"Even more disturbing are reports that these young people often face discrimination and at times physical assault in some of the very places they have to for help, said Lauper. “This is shocking and inexcusable!"
Let’s not pretend otherwise: Lauper knows no neutral ground. She has lobbied against compliance to make an invisible class more visible. And she has pushed back homophobic privilege by speaking out, by seeing us as equals, by paying attention to the needs of our community.
We can see your true colors shining though, Cyndi Lauper. They really are beautiful, like a rainbow.   More information about the True Colors Residence here.
Article By: Christopher Donaldson - Gay.net

I borrowed this from MICHAEL@haytwogether.com

Sunday, August 28, 2011

And not only that but...

  This is a gem of a sharing from GARY. . . take the time to explore and enjoy. . .esp the tour of his palazzo. . . and see what a handsome bloke he is. . . great style, facial expressions. . . well done. . .with more, for me, yet to explore.   JustinO

Sunday, August 28, 2011 12:28 AM

Message body

G'day JustinO,
I was out at Old Bar Beach today hoping to get shots of kite surfers but there weren't any. However I did manage a pretty good shot of an Aussie with a similar laugh to yours. Ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho, chuckle, chuckle.

Friday, August 26, 2011

 Does anyone spend more time online than gay men do? I mean, when was the last time you met a gay man who didn’t have an email address?Most of us have more than one. We’re accustomed to shopping online, buying airline tickets over the net, staying in touch with friends and ex-lovers via instant messaging and in general being the most connected people, ever.

Small wonder, then, that so many of us would turn to the web to look for other guys. Looking for a boyfriend? Online dating services are standing by with thousands of matches for your inspection. Looking for more immediate gratification? Other web sites offer even more guys who are looking for sex, some even searchable by who’s online from your zip code, right now. 

Everything, it seems, is available online. So now that we’re all connected via cyberspace we’ve gotten rid of loneliness and isolation, right? New friends and boyfriends are surely be right around the corner. We must be having better sex and more romantic connections than ever thanks to all this technology….
Well, maybe not.

Life in cyberspace is different. For one thing, the number of choices available can leave us paralyzed. There are thousands of profiles online from gay men in any large American city; even many rural areas have a few dozen. With numbers like that, how do you choose between one match and another? We end up screening candidates out based on trivia: this one misspelled two words in his profile, that one sounds a little too perfect. How many otherwise-appealing men get eliminated because they had a photo with an ugly old sofa in the background? 

It’s the same dilemma job seekers face: you can be in the top ten percent of someone’s choices and still not make the cut.
If scanning profiles offer an over-abundance of choices, chat rooms pose other challenges. Online conversations make a certain level of intimacy fairly quick and easy. In the absence of other information, IM responses look like Rorschach inkblots. Some are a turnoff and we sign-off. Others look empathic and make us think “Yes! What a great guy. He’s really something special.” 

At least until we lose contact with him because he’s having the same conversation with guys in three other states at the same moment. Sometimes quick and easy is…too quick and easy.

Cruising for sex online is at least more straightforward. Your stats get his; photos get exchanged. A little talk about sexual preferences and you’re ready to get it on. Small wonder that many of us spend hours at a time looking for sex online, even when we’re not all that horny. 

Connecting online can be wonderful, but many of us lose our way in the cyberspace wilderness. We feel like we’re starving in a land of plenty, caught in a maze where familiar signposts are missing. What to do? 

Here are some guidelines: If you’re looking at profiles, don’t lose sight of the forest for the trees. Your goal is to meet an interesting guy worth spending a night out with, right? You don’t need to meet the perfect one out of all 1105 profiles available. You’re looking for someone worth inviting out for coffee. After you’ve found a few guys who interest you, explore them a bit after you make contact. Don’t be so quick to troll for more matches that you put someone in the “no” file before you truly get to know them. 

Remember that a profile is only a brief snapshot of an actual living, breathing human being. Don’t be so quick to move on to the next guy that you run through lots of profiles without ever really getting to know the guys behind them. 

Don’t mistake good conversational skills for really getting to know someone. The combination of online chats and email volleys can be a hothouse that allows connections to grow quickly – without much substance. Getting to know someone takes time.
Recently I spoke with someone who said, “I wasn’t sure if he had read my profile or if I was actually going to have to talk with him about who I am.” Not too long ago, boys and girls, we lived without profiles. Yes! If you wanted to get to know someone in those days, you had to talk with him/her. And even though some of us regularly Google our dates ahead of time these days, you still have to talk face-to-face with someone in order to really get to know them.

It’s not unusual nowadays to hear about someone deciding to move to a distant city to be with a guy they literally haven’t met. That’s generally a terrible idea. Slow things down. Don’t get ahead of yourself and imagine there is a commitment when you’re really still getting to know someone. Rushing online connections isn’t any better strategy for happiness than hurrying through dating would be. 

Sex is easy online; intimacy isn’t. Online life has been called the “Home Cruising Network.” Hookin’ up is quick and easy. That can be lots of fun. It can also lead to wasting lots of time, distracting yourself from what you most deeply want and self-destructive, compulsive patterns.

Cyberspace hook-ups have become associated with rising rates of STD infections. Cruising online can become compulsive (some would say addictive) in ways that create real problems for the guys involved. The problem is that cruising electronically can be so pleasurable that it takes over more and more of a person’s life. See if it works to set limits regarding how much time you allow yourself online. Don’t let your online life squeeze out time for making time with friends and dates. 

Following common sense guidelines can help you avoid getting lost in cyberspace. Be mindful of what you really want, and don’t let the bright lights of Cyber City distract you from getting what you really want in life.
John R. Ballew, M.S. an author and contributor to GAYTWOGETHER, is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality, relationships and spirituality. If you have any questions or comments you can submit them directly to GAYTWOGETHER or John R. Ballew, M.S. - www.bodymindsoul.org.

thanks, MICHAEL@gaytwogether

Gay Relationships: 8 Tips For An Awesome First Impression - Part 2


Posted: 23 Aug 2011 11:02 AM PDT
 Whether you’re single and looking for “The One” or are trying to break into a social group or land a new job with a potential employer, you may only have one opportunity to peak someone’s interest and curiosity in who you are and what you might bring to the table.
( Continued from Part One: 8 Tips For Making A Solid Awesome First Impression )
8 Tips For Making A Solid Awesome First Impression - Part 2 
5. Practice Core Mindfulness

In a first encounter with someone, it’s common to want to be liked and this can lead to being too much “in your head”. Thinking about what you’re going to say next in the interaction or worrying about the other guy’s perception of you can be distracting and take you away from being attentive from the man across from you. This can certainly bomb the guy’s opinion of you if he thinks you’re not paying attention to what he’s saying or if you appear distant and preoccupied.

Live in the here-and-now and be in the moment. Let all five of your senses go wild and make sure to mirror back and validate what’s being communicated so he knows you’re really listening. That’s an important skill that will help you stay centered and connected with your talking partner.
6. Be All That You Can Be

Although it’s controversial and can be viewed as shallow, physical appearance does play a huge role in someone’s estimation of you. Especially as men, we are generally cued in and attracted to the visual, so your looks and presentation will be important factors to consider. Pay attention to your grooming and hygiene, not to mention your clothes and accessories. Exercise regularly to give yourself both inner and outer glow. Your internal life is also vitally important. When you have positive self-esteem, you unconsciously send off vibes of confidence, self-assuredness, and sexiness. These tend to be magnetic qualities. Really let your personality shine through and be unapologetically yourself.
7. Feed Your Brain

Sometimes being in a social situation can be overwhelming when you feel out of your element. And if the guy is really hot and you’re instantly smitten, it’s not uncommon to get tongue-tied and be at a loss for words. Always have a back-up arsenal of possible topics to have at your disposal should you need to spontaneously pull one out in an uncomfortable pause or silence with your conversational partner.

Keep up on current events or media and read books on flirting, mingling, or social skills to fine-tune and boost your confidence. Not only will this give you something to talk about, but it will also make you more interesting and intellectually stimulating to your audience. Just make sure to not sound rehearsed or forced and let the conversation flow naturally into a topic change.
8. Get Coached!

We often are not aware that people can perceive us differently than we see ourselves when socializing. Enlist the help of a trusted friend or coach to observe you in action at a social setting and listen to their feedback about your various strengths and weaknesses. Then you can develop a battle strategy for improving those areas in need of a work-out.

You can also attend classes on public speaking, join your local Toast Masters club, or enroll in a local improvisational or acting course to help you practice your social skills and to learn how to feel more at ease with spontaneity and “thinking on your feet.”
First impressions are lasting, so you want to ensure that you give it all you’ve got without undue pressure to please. We can’t usually control the chemistry that we feel toward certain people, but you can promote your chances of dating success and/or building your friendship network and professional leads by letting your true personality shine through in your interactions with others and following the above tips to the best of your ability.

If you and that other guy don’t click, don’t sweat it. If nothing else, it was good practice with your social skills and it is definitely NOT a rejection of you…because they don’t know who you are on one interchange.
So get out there and mix and be fabulous! Who knows? Maybe one of those times you’ll snag someone special out of it. Cheers!

©2009 Brian Rzepczynski
Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc. http://thegaylovecoach.com

thanks BRIAN and Michael @gaytwogether.com

Some very good advice. . . . . . .

"Kindness in words creates confidence, kindness in thinking creates profoundness, kindness in feeling creates love." – Lao-Tzu

Rick Perry's economy: Texas miracle or Texas curse?

Friday, August 26, 2011 12:41 AM

Message body

G'day JustinO,
Interesting article about the Perry influence in Texas from the BBC.

IRENE is not the only "Storm" ready to sweep the Country-side

Perry leading Gallup Poll nationally. . . .

                                                  "RegalPerry"  Handsome president?
Perry, publicly declared candidate2 weeks ago, would change Constitution 7 ways. . . . .(-This has been in the works for some time. . . .? )

And, you guessed it, DOMA to be re-established nationally in all 50 State. . . .the end of "any rights for GAY people. . . "
6. The federal Constitution should define marriage as between one man and one woman in all 50 states.
Despite saying last month that he was "fine with" states like New York allowing gay marriage, Perry has now said he supports a constitutional amendment that would permanently ban gay marriage throughout the country and overturn any state laws that define marriage beyond a relationship between one man and one woman.

Now, in your mind, tick off the power-groups which would whole-heartedly support #6 and others.  Remember, Mr Perry and the Apostolic Reformation Church will have only as much power as WE allow them to hold and exercise.  HEADS UP!  "See the lovely ovens they are preparing for us. . ."

Thursday, August 25, 2011

IRENE's a-comin'. . . there's trouble in sight. . . . .

Still early to tell for sure, but the Winds  are already messing up planes from JFK. . . .(Stew sent  us that 'un. . .lol )  No one is exactly sure just here. . . BUT  IRENE is a comin'. . . .

In a way Peter and I kinda wish we were home. . . there's always excitement, but we are better off here, miles away, maybe on the Western fringe. . .maybe . . .but  out of trouble and not in the way. . .



New Numbers, and Geography, for Gay Couples - NYTimes.com

Thursday, August 25, 2011 8:10 AM

Message body

Ptown is number one.  Surprise, surprise!


Wednesday, August 24, 2011

LOOK at the lovely oven they will build for us. . .!

Click here to find out more!

Opinion L.A.

Observations and provocations
from The Times' Opinion staff

2012 campaign: Republicans wax medieval on gay marriage in Iowa

Since gay-baiting worked so well the last time a Republican won the White House, same-sex marriage was destined to come up in Thursday’s GOP debate in Iowa. Nevermind that public opinion is moving steadily in favor of recognizing gay marriage; conservative journalist Byron York invited the candidates to address the topic, and most were happy to oblige.
Former Sen. Rick Santorum (R-Penn.) offered his tired polygamy slippery-slope argument, which Rep. Ron Paul (R-Texas) rightly derided as just as pointless as questioning whether some states will legalize slavery (though he did express his personal support for opposite-sex-only marriage as a practice but not law). Former Utah Gov. Jon Huntsman said he supports civil unions and doing more to protect minority rights -- not bad, for a Republican running for president. Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) declared her record "unblemished" on this issue and reiterated her support for a federal marriage amendment. Mitt Romney, the impostor liberal front-runner and former Massachusetts governor, also called for a marriage amendment:
I believe the issue of marriage should be decided at the federal level.

You might wonder why is that? Why wouldn't you just let each state make their own decision? And the reason is because people move from state to state of course in a society like ours, they have children. As to go to different states, if one state recognizes a marriage and the other does not, what’s the right of that child? What kind of divorce proceeding potential would there be in a state that didn’t recognize a marriage in the first place?

There are -- marriage is a status. It's not an activity that goes on within the walls of a state. And a result our marriage status relationship should be constant across the country.
Americans move from state to state; we need a single federal standard; laws need to be consistent -- Obamacare, anyone?
But seriously, Republicans: This is 2012 we're talking about. Even the Bushes are coming around on gay marriage. Plus, your insistence on prolonging this battle could have political consequences, as your party faces serious demographic challenges. In short, continue raising an issue such as this, and you won't need Democrats to make the GOP irrelevant.
That the question was asked at all shows why it's a bad idea to have a small, rural state such as Iowa set the conversation for 2012 by holding its caucuses first. I doubt Santorum would blurt his dubious polygamy argument in, say, Massachusetts. Or California.
Defending Michele Bachmann (generically)
The conversation: Did Obama win the GOP debate?
Most commented: Third-party presidential candidate? Not happening
-- Paul Thornton

Rick Perry, hi-jacked GOPs and the Apostolics Reformation Church

This info is enough to curl your toes and crink your hair! LOL
Perry's recent Saturday all-day Prayer Vigil for the Nation was staged, directed, casting, message, etc was ALL prepared and put on by the leadership of this Apostolic Reformation Movement. . . 
according to Terry Gross program today there was a lot of 'under cover and coded words in their  propaganda that day. .. "innocent life" = abortion; repentance from sin = "the homosexual agenda". .and "conversion of the Jews to Jesus as Lord and Messiah" .and the like. 
Remember, as I mentioned earlier in the week, when Perry announced his candidacy for GOP president, he said he
"had been called" to run for office.  "Called by whom?"  The Apostles. . .the official leaders on the Reformation Movement, who were very much in evidence in number and presence at the Prayer Vigil.   

It would appear Rick Perry's program is a full religious movement. ." .lock, stock and barrel".  Any way, be informed.  Gays are a direct target of this Reformation Movement.
                                                                         Justin O'Shea 

August 24, 2011
Wednesday's Show
Texas Gov. Rick Perry prays at The Response, his call to prayer for a nation in crisis, on Aug. 6 in Houston. The event was organized, in part, by members of the New Apostolic Reformation.
View caption David J. Phillip/AP

The Evangelicals Engaged In Spiritual Warfare

(286)  (130) A new Christian movement that seeks to take dominion over politics, business and culture in preparation for the end times and Jesus' return is becoming more of a presence in American politics. Rachel Tabachnick, who researches the religious right, explains its beliefs and influences.
Listen       Playlist 

Perry and the New Apostolic Reformation


First Impression

Posted: 23 Aug 2011 10:55 AM PDT
 Whether you’re single and looking for “The One” or are trying to break into a social group or land a new job with a potential employer, you may only have one opportunity to peak someone’s interest and curiosity in who you are and what you might bring to the table.

It’s commonly said that people form a first impression of someone within minutes, and sometimes even seconds, of meeting him. Unlike those in your support system who know you intimately, new people only have limited knowledge about who you are and will form a judgment or an image about you by what they see and observe in their brief encounter with you.

This hardcore reality can make or break an interaction, so you want to make sure you put your best foot forward to increase your chances of success in whatever outcome you’re seeking to accomplish in that particular social exchange.

This article will offer some tips on how to make the most of your initial contacts with potential dating prospects so you can leave a favorable impression of yourself in their minds.This intrigue will compel them to want to learn more and then you’ll be well on your way toward landing that first date to gauge if there is any compatibility for some form of relationship moving forward.

Trying to “get your foot in the door” with someone can sometimes feel anxiety-provoking and laden with pressure, especially if you tend to be shy or find yourself in a situation that’s foreign or out of sorts for you. But by applying some of these suggestions and being yourself, you just might find yourself in the position to make your relationship goals come to fruition.


1. It’s All About Him!

This is probably the most important rule that the socially savvy gay dater must always follow if he wants to leave a lasting positive impression in the minds of any guy he’s interested in getting to know better. To snag the attentions of a guy, it’s always important to make him feel like the star. While reciprocation is important, the lead-in contact should be about meeting his needs first. Take the initial emphasis off yourself and instead show lots of curiosity and interest about him. Capitalize on commonalities and try to make him feel good about his strengths you observe.
Avoid comments about physical appearance unless your intent is more about sexual cruising because this can be off-putting and may seem insincere and superficial. If the other guy is equally as savvy, he’ll mirror back the same style and the dialog will likely deepen.

2. Body Language is Key

Your words are only one part of the equation. Your non-verbal communication is probably more attuned to by your conversational partner than what you say and can have more power and believability to his interpretations of your credibility and character.
Make sure to smile, lean in when speaking to show interest, maintain good eye contact, watch your voice tone and rate of speech, and be as relaxed as possible to show a smooth composure. And make sure your body language and verbal speech are congruent and match.

3. Watch Your Communication Style

It’s important to have a balanced dialog with the guy you’re speaking with. Try to match each other’s style and avoid monopolizing the conversation or being a non-participant.
There should be a nice back-and-forth rhythm between the two of you and learn to become adept at reading social cues that indicate his interest or a lack thereof so that boundaries can be respected.

4. Be Yourself!

Even though you want to make a good impression, remember that this isn’t a performance. It’s essential to be the “real you”.  Be authentic, fun, and interesting and use an appropriate amount of self-disclosure. People can spot an impostor a mile away.
Being fake is deceitful and starts relationships off on a dishonest foot. It also tends to attract the type of men who probably aren’t compatible with your relational partner vision anyway and wastes precious time and energy.

Part 2 - Tomorrow

©2009 Brian Rzepczynski

Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc. http://thegaylovecoach.com
thanks BRIAN and MICHAEL@gaytwogether.com

And this from GREG is OZ-Land

Katter chatter - gay marriage and politics

Tuesday, August 23, 2011 11:28 PM

Message body

What a hoot!
Today our parliament considers gay marriage, ....waiting on the news, but not holding breath for half a second, we've a long way to go here in Oz yet for that to happen.

But, you may recall Gary and I mentioned our red-neck politician Bob Katter and his hateful words etc, well it turns out that his half brother is ....wait for it...GAY!!!

What's more he is working with StandUp to get things changed.



Homophobia Alive and Well Down-Under

Tuesday, August 23, 2011 11:44 PM

Message body

G'day JustinO,
The other day I sent you a link to a GetUp story about homophobia in Oz politics, in particular a quote from independent MP Bob Katter who said that the idea of legalizing gay marriage deserves to be ridiculed and laughed at. Bob's brother Carl, who is gay, has a different view, and has spoken out in public against his brother's homophobic hatred. After you watch Carl's video, watch him interviewed by veteran interviewer George Negus on national television.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Yearning . . . .

A yearning for things lost

A tip of the hat to Andrew Sullivan for directing us to this lovely passage from a recent essay by Tony Woodlief at Image Journal:

We are god-obsessed because we have lost God or we are running from God or we are hopelessly seeking Him, and maybe all of these at once.

We are god-obsessed the way a child snatched from his mother will always have his heart and flesh tuned to her, even after he forgets her face. Cover the earth with orphans and you will find grown men fashioning images of mothers and worshipping strong women and crafting myths about mothers who have left or were taken or whose spirits dwell in the trees.

And at the edges of their tribal fires will stand the anthropologist and the philosopher, reasoning that all this mother-talk is simply proof that men are prone to invent stories about mothers, which is itself proof that no single story about a mother could be true, which is proof that the brain just evolved to work that way.
Richard sent this along. . ..some news of the finale of Carnivale 2011. . . enjoy!  ;-))

Notes from Land's End: Aug. 22 :: Parties :: Provincetown.com
Source: provincetown.com

Just in time, the skies cleared, bringing sunshine and light to this years glorious Cant Stop the Music Carnival Parade . . .


News, Analysis, Opinion On Gay Rights And Marriage Equality

Hate Crime: 19-Year Old Kicked, Beaten To Death As Anti-Gay Slurs Hurled

by David Badash on August 22, 2011
Post image for Hate Crime: 19-Year Old Kicked, Beaten To Death As Anti-Gay Slurs Hurled
A 19-​year old teen, Marcellus Andrews, was kicked and beaten to death early Friday morning in Waterloo, Iowa, as anti-​gay slurs were hurled by as yet unknown assailants. The teen was taken off life support Saturday after spending the night in the hospital. Andrews had been waiting at a friend’s house when a group drove up in a truck and hurled anti-​gay slurs at the teen. No one knows why the mob attacked Andrews, but it is apparent they new him as they knew his name.
Via the WCF Courier:
Officers and paramedics said they found Andrews unconscious with severe head injuries in the early morning hours Friday.
Andrews, who was slated to start studying interior design at Hawkeye Community College, spent part of Thursday practicing with members of the Crusaders, a drill team sponsored by Union Missionary Baptist Church. He led the step team for the group, which was days away from competing in March Against Darkness.
[A witness] said the problems started at about 12:45 a.m. Friday when she and Tudia Simpson, her cousin, went for a walk down the street. Andrews opted to stay behind, waiting on the enclosed porch, she said.
The two women hadn’t made it as far as Adams Street a block away when they heard yelling back at the house. They ran back and found a truck stopped in the street, and the occupants were taunting Andrews, calling him “faggot” and “Mercedes,” a feminization of his first name, Simpson said.”
I tried to help him up, and then this boy ran back and kicked him in his face,” Nakita Wright said.
After the brawl ended, she tried helping Andrews to his feet. He appeared dazed. She grabbed one arm and coaxed him as she lifted. He pushed up with his other arm, but then gave up.
Nakita Wright dialed 911.”
A Facebook page has been set up in his memory.
(Hat tip: Towleroad)

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Now let's see - who went running around Iowa recently, fanning the flames of anti-gay hatred? Could it have been NOM's Maggie Gallagher and Brian Brown, along with Mitt Romney, Michele Bachmann, and Rick Santorum? Did this hate crime victim not die in Michele Bachmann's hometown?

Monday, August 22, 2011


Gaddafi Found Running for Republican Nomination

Monday, August 22, 2011 6:57 PM

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G'day JustinO,
CONCORD, NH (The Borowitz Report) – The mystery surrounding Col. Muammar Gaddafi’s whereabouts was resolved today as the dictator announced his candidacy for the Republican presidential nomination in a town hall meeting in Concord, New Hampshire.


US will undertake case-by-case review of deportation cases

The Obama administration said yesterday that they will indefinitely delay deporting many illegal immigrants who don't have criminal records and will offer them a chance to apply for a work permit. Deportation efforts will instead focus on convicted criminals and those who might be a national security or public safety threat.
The policy change will mean a case-by-case review of approximately 300,000 illegal immigrants facing possible deportation in federal immigration courts, Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano said.... "...From a law enforcement and public safety perspective, DHS enforcement resources must continue to be focused on our highest priorities," Napolitano wrote a group of senators involved in supporting immigration legislation. The Associated Press obtained a copy of the letter.
"Doing otherwise hinders our public safety mission -- clogging immigration court dockets and diverting DHS enforcement resources away from the individuals who pose a threat to public safety."
The New York Times says that the new policy is expected to help thousands of illegal immigrants who came to the United States as young children, graduated from high school and want to go on to college or serve in the armed forces.:
Under the new policy, the secretary of homeland security, Janet Napolitano, can provide relief, on a case-by-case basis, to young people who are in the country illegally but pose no threat to national security or to the public safety. The decision would, through administrative action, help many intended beneficiaries of legislation that has been stalled in Congress for a decade. The sponsor of the legislation, Senator Richard J. Durbin of Illinois, the No. 2 Senate Democrat, has argued that “these young people should not be punished for their parents’ mistakes.”
Directives given to agents will give authorities the chance to keep some cases from even reaching the court system.
The message to agents in the field, the official said, would be "you do not need to put everyone you come across in the system...." ...In June, the director of Immigration and Customs Enforcement sent a memo to agents outlining when and how they could use discretion in immigration cases. That guidance also covered
The memo from John Morton also suggested that agents consider how long someone has been in the United State, whether that person's spouse or children are U.S. citizens and whether or not that person has a criminal record.
A senior administration official said delaying deportation decisions in cases for some noncriminals would allow the quicker deportation of serious criminals. The indefinite stay will not give illegal immigrants a path to legal permanent residency, but will let them apply for a work permit.