Wednesday, July 9, 2014

TIPS FOR COUPLES


Posted: 08 Jul 2014 05:25 AM PDT
Gay Relationships: 8 Success Tips For CouplesAs gay men, you've struggled through and endured all the challenges inherent in finding true love with another man in this homophobic society, but you did it! You found your Mr. Right! So now what?!
Not only did we as gay men not receive any education or guidance in how to date another man,but we certainly didn't get the training manual on how to sustain a healthy, intimate partnership with him once we found our ideal guy and decided to form a commitment with him.
Gay partnerships can be very rewarding and fulfilling, but they require conscious effort and attentiveness to foster their successful growth and intimacy. What follows is a short tips list that gay couples can use as a quick-reference guide for keeping their relationships on track. Keep these bullet points in mind and you'll have a solid foundation in place to make your relationship solid gold!
Relationship Success Tips
1. Avoid placing all your emotional needs on your partner. Develop your own individual identity and through those experiences, your relationship will be enriched as you keep breathing new life into it.
2. Even if you’ve been together a long time, never expect your partner to know what your needs are. Mind-reading and making assumptions only leads to misunderstandings and potential conflicts. Learn to be assertive and ask directly for what you want.
3. Periodically have a “check-in” with your partner to reexamine how the relationship is going and how satisfied you and your partner are. This keeps the channels of communication open and can help renew the relationship, reinforcing the positives and uncovering areas in need of attention before things get too misguided.
4. Characteristic of relationship development, most couples have a diminishment of that honeymoon phase “high” that’s experienced in the beginning of a relationship when they first started dating. This is normal and not a reason to be concerned that there is something necessarily wrong. When this occurs, strive to bring more creativity and vitality into your relationship and sex life to spice things up. Surprise your partner. Be spontaneous and playful. Make him see how special and important he is to you.
5. Examine your satisfaction with the roles you play in your relationship. A real advantage of gay relationships is the ability to be flexible with life roles and not to have to ascribe to traditional sex role stereotypes commonly held in heterosexual relationships. Negotiate such roles and tasks openly and freely with your partner, acknowledging areas of strength and talent in this decision-making.
6. Avoid letting disagreements turn into ugly verbal battles where things could be said that are later regretted. Learn basic anger management principles and know when to call a “Time-Out” to defuse unproductive anger. Also learn how to re-engage following the cool-down period so issues can be resolved peacefully.
7. Protect your relationship legally by seeking assistance from an attorney to obtain the necessary legal documents befitting your particular relationship situation, including such things as power of attorney, wills, beneficiary designations, etc. Planning ahead with such things can insure that you’re each taken care of in the event that something was to jeopardize your union.
8. Don't let the busyness of life take away from your relationship. Find a balance between work, alone time, friends, family, and time spent as a couple. Make “Date Night” a regular part of your lifestyle where you avoid discussing your problems or issues and just enjoy spending that quality time together. Never take each other for granted and remember that you’re a team.
Love and pride Fashion
© Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach
The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.
Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc. http://thegaylovecoach.com

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Saturday, June 21, 2014

SUMMER IS A-CUMMIN- IN. . .SING ,,COOKOO. . .COOKOOOO

A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE

Posted: 18 Jun 2014 05:25 AM PDT
20502500tvt
"Systemic challenges due pose potential barriers to your dating life, they only have to have power if you allow them to do so. We are not victims; growing up gay requires significant courage, perseverance, and resilience. To survive and prosper through this means we can handle anything."
Step one requires taking back personal control and refusing to allow these dating challenges and disappointments to have emotional power over you.

* Start keeping a journal and write about your dating efforts and lessons learned to watch your evolution in progress. Make a list of all the reasons why you’re a “good catch” and why it’s important to keep your head held high when things aren’t going so well
. Write about the benefits of being single and what this affords you. Refer to this when you get into “funks” as a way to keep yourself motivated and centered on the positive. When you hear a quote or motivational saying that resonates with you, add this to your journal for additional affirmation and incentive.

* Since we are only in control of ourselves and cannot change other people, avoid blaming “the system” or other gay men for the current state-of-affairs as they are.It’s much more productive to focus more on yourself and dig deep to identify any potential areas where you might be contributing to difficulties. For some ideas on where to get started with this, check out my article on “Am I Mr. Right?”  and break out your journal and start writing and tackling those issues that will improve your quality-of-life.

* A recent survey I took indicated that the vast majority of gay men do not initiate conversations with gay men they find attractive, preferring instead to take the passive stance of waiting for others to approach them. Huge mistake! Imagine how many relationships could have started had these men made the first move. Make it a habit every time you go out to initiate conversations with at least one person. If this is a scary thought, take a class in public speaking or join your local Toast Masters club for practice. This very important social skill could really give your dating life that extra boost!

* Be visible in as many different venues as you can. Live your life to the max and join as many social groups, classes, volunteer activities, and events that cater to your hobbies that will get you into the mix with other gay men. If you happen to meet someone special there…bonus! Go into these situations with no expectation of outcome (and that won’t be difficult because you’re in a venue doing something you love to do!).

* If you have a personals ad, make sure you have a captivating headline that draws attention and make sure your personal requirements for a partner and relationship are sprinkled throughout the content to screen appropriate candidates better. Heck, could even start your own gay singles support group or recreation club in your own community. All it takes is some creativity and imagination!

* Alone we can’t change unhealthy scripts in the gay community, but one person at a time and banding together can create a shift in eradicating stereotypes, objectification, and creating value in relationships and intimacy. Is there anything that you’re willing to do to make that impact?

Conclusion

Being single has its pros and cons just like anything else. The trick is to make the most of this time of your life and to view it as an opportunity rather than a liability and explore different ways you can bring more meaning and purpose to your life rather than defining success around having a boyfriend.

When that time comes, it will make the experience that much more rewarding and fulfilling.It absolutely can make you go stark-raving-mad when that guy doesn’t call you back when he says he will or if it doesn’t seem like you’ll ever meet a guy who wants more than just sex. The point is to acknowledge these feelings, but then redirect yourself and re-frame this by recognizing the disguised blessing in these happenings–this void may actually be preparing you for when the right time does come and has just freed you from missing out on such a potential opportunity.

By taking control of your dating life and living a rich and enjoyable lifestyle, you’ll have the power to cope with dating woes and view them from a more positive perspective.

© Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach
The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.
Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc. http://thegaylovecoach.com

Friday, June 20, 2014

Thursday, June 19, 2014

THEY JUST WANDERED IN. . .. .

. . ..AND SAID "WE'RE STAYING. . " AND. . .STAY THEY DID.

HUAAAAAAAAAHHHHH

The Truth About Eating Before Bed

June 17, 2014

MUST SEE NUTRITION VIDEOS

Leslie Bonci on Nutrition Mistakes
J.J. Watt Talks Practicing Hard and Eating Right at Super Bowl XLVII
Wheaties Presents: Nutrition for Performance
"Eating before bed makes you gain fat." Sigh. Eating right before bed does notmake you gain fat. It's actually quite the opposite. Eating before bed will not only help you build muscle, it will also improve recovery between training sessions, games and practices.
Just be sure to follow these simple rules when you eat before bed.

Rule 1: Choose Slow-Digesting Protein

This can come from cottage cheese, chicken breast, lean turkey breast or casein supplements. Each of these protein sources contains protein that digests slowly and feeds the muscles throughout the night. They are also high in leucine, the amino acid responsible for stimulating the protein mTOR, which activates muscle protein synthesis. Consume 14-30 grams of slow-digesting protein 30 minutes before bed. Stay away from red meat, whey concentrate and isolate proteins, since these digest more quickly, leaving you without critical nutrients.

Rule 2: Choose Carbohydrates Wisely

Carbohydrates don't deserve their bad rap. The body needs them to replenish glycogen stores post-workout and to limit the rate of muscle protein breakdown. Having carbohydrates at night can diminish the rate at which muscle protein breakdown occurs while you sleep.
The key is to stick with high-fiber vegetables and fruits that are low in sugar and won't elicit too large of an insulin response, especially if your goals are to lose fat and build muscle. Cherries and berries are good selections, because they are low on the glycemic index. Each is high in vitamins C and E, which play important roles in controlling inflammation and soreness.
Stay away from starches high in sugar like candy, chips and bread. These foods generate a large insulin response, which aids in storing fat, and sugar can interfere with the sleep cycle. Consume under 20 grams of carbohydrates 30 to 60 minutes before bed.

Rule 3: Eat a Small Amount of Fat

Healthy fats from sources like oils and nuts are a great addition to your bedtime protein snack. Fats are resistant to water and, when ingested, slow the emptying of food in your stomach through the release of the hormone cholecystokinin. Therefore, the ingestion of fat helps those slow-digesting proteins feed your muscles even longer through the night. Almonds, nut butters and fish oil are great choices.

Examples of Easy Bedtime Meals

  • 1 cup 2% low-fat cottage cheese
  • 2-4 oz. chicken breast with 1 cup red peppers and 1/2 cup bing cherries
  • 2-4 oz. turkey with 1 cup almonds and 1 cup broccoli
  • Protein shake with 1 scoop of a low-carb protein blend, 1 cup unsweetened almond milk, and 1 tbsp. of almond or peanut butter