Monday, October 18, 2010

To Young Gay Males

I received this among my emails just now. . . . justin

Dear Justin, I sent this to the English gay mag Attitude. As you see I have never been in a closet, in fact if you have one I can come out of please let me know. Like the blog  Loll Alan
Dear Mathew,
I have now read the issue regarding the “state of mind”  of young gay men. I am 68 years old I have been the Mayor of my town and Chairman of the County Council. During the time I held the office of Chairman of the CC on the first possible date, 21-12-05, I think we beat Elton by 6 seconds,  I contracted a Civil Partnership with my partner of then 43 years, now 48 years. I chair numerous local organisations including the PRU schools for my area. That’s the background

In the course of my public life I meet many people who all know I am gay I have never been in the closet, in fact I am looking for a closet to come out of. I have I think a lot to offer as a role model, however If I talk or try to talk to young gay males I am seen as a old queen on the make, instead of being so preoccupied with their own youth, the trouble is they miss the chance of a  friendship of a gay grandpa. Yes I think they are very attractive and yes I would love a quick cuddle with them, but at my age and all the tablets I take, it don’t go much further than thought.

There are a lot of us out here who have a lot to offer. We are not major TV stars or news paper headline makers,  it would be nice to get a smile from these young instead of a scowl.

Kindest regards Alan


Gary Kelly said...

It's a sad fact of life I suppose that young gay males are suspicious of older gay males. They probably suspect that a smile instead of a frown might send the wrong message.

There's really only one way to earn trust, and that's over time.

jimm said...

Umm... well I'm guilty. Been on both sides of this issue. It seemed annoying at the time, as a youngster, when older guys were obviously hitting on me as I hiked along the park roads. They would drive a bit ahead, wait for me to walk by, then drive ahead again, leap frogging.

Nowadays, i admire the youngsters, for their youth. Jus reminds me of the past. Never been good at starting a conversation with strangers, tho.

But I don't pursue them like the older guys did to me. I'm not trying to 'get lucky.' It would be nice to chat, tho.

JustinO'Shea said...

Isn't it too bad that often if we just want to talk with someone it might be interpreted as hitting on him.
Part of me wants to say "Hey it's his problem". . .but because that is or might be present it takes away a lot of the fun and spontaneity.

Another reaction I have "Oh give me s break. Get over yourself, duuude."

Hey, do we think about sexual overtones/undertones too much?


JCinmeforever said...

I agree with you Jimm...I've been on both sides of that issue as well. I truly wish there wouldn't be negative inference between the youth and the mature...I admire the youth in many good and wholesome ways (non-sexual) to learn from and to mentor our wisdom of life experiences. I too would enjoy a great conversation.

Gary Kelly said...

When Sylvester looks at Tweetie Pie, does he see a roast chicken on a plate?

So the answer to your question, JustinO is yes, we do.

The next question is what do we do about it, and I don't have the answer to that one.

Anonymous said...

Yep, I can well identify with being seen as an old perve.
I've avoided younger gays as I've gotten older. I didn't want my motives to be misunderstood. It's just easier to not mix with them....but I do love to mix with younger people, have done all my life. Not because I was on the prowl, never. Only because I hate older stuck-in-their-ways older people.

All my best friends are younger than me...although they are getting older now too, scary!
Hell, I can't belive I'm as old as I am. It's a real pain to look in the mirror and be reminded of how others will see me. My exterior certainly does not reflect my interior. No way. In fact I reckon this getting old thing is way harder to deal with than the realisation that you'r gay!..Ha!

In fact I was (am?) still very cautious talking(writing) to you Justin.
I would hate to think that you, or anyone else, would see me as hitting on you.

Sure, I like your personality and how open you are and I absolutely love your sense of humour ..... and in my dreams, would love to love you, so to speak, but it's only in my dreams. Hell, you're on the other side of the world, in age as well as distance.

And it is that fact that has given me some courage to talk as often and openly as I do.

Sure, someone might work out who I am, but I'm not really concerned these days as while I am not openly "out", the vast majorty of those that are important to me either know first hand, or have guessed.

Why don't I really come out then?
Well, there's no point. Nothing to be gained, not that my used-by date has gone by.

I've never felt disgust or hate at who I am. I'm just me and I've always accepted that. Different.. and not just in my sexuality either. I'm an individual like you/we all are, but I am aware of it and I like it.
I'm gay and I got on with it, no biggie. Nothing worse than a lot of other shite we have to deal with as we grow up and grow older indeed.

Perhaps I hid from it? No idea, but I certainly did 'use it"...perhaps not as much as I now wish...and I don't have a lifetime partner, to my regret. But I just never really felt the need until perhaps the last year or so.
Too bad, someone's bad luck, ha! I'll just get on with being me, like I always do.

So, damn, what was my point going to be? why did I start writing? ...haha...
Yeah that's it, just like that guy who wrote to you, I'd be happy to communicate with any younger gay person to assist them understand and deal with who they are, if they so wish. I've got half a lifetime (!) of experience of dealing with being gay, it wasn't a chore, it was just different. If I can help someone get their life into proportion then I'd be very happy to help.

No strings attached other than friendship....and the person would be safe cos I would probably be a half a world away from them...and don't need to really know where they are.

So the offer is there.

Greg in warmer-summer-is-on-the-way Adelaide

Gary Kelly said...

Greg: Never apologize for your maturity and never apologize for your sexuality. Maturity is a bonus, and needs to be treated as such.

I'm not a great advocate of gay pride but I am an advocate of gray pride. :)

And if the kids don't like it they can stick it up their jumper.

JustinO'Shea said...

Now. . .a "jumper" is a sweater. . .right?

Phew!! LOL

Anonymous said...

Ha Gary!
Yeah, you are correct, no need to apologise for maturity, just that I regret it, the age thing, the sagging and wilting....but it's inevitable and wishing it hadn't happened is saying I wish I was dead ages ago...hee hee!

No, I just feel sadness that the "package", the body, shows the mileage. That is my only regret.

I don't regret the experience, I don't regret what I've been or done in my life....apart from perhaps not having the urge, the need to partner up.

Some straight friends have their lives driven, shaped, totally moulded by the need to have a partner.

Some of them search for and find sex, all their lives even though they have a partner.

Some can't go 5 minutes without someone around available to have sex with.
I am continually amazed how some people have that over-riding need and drive to couple.

I guess the gene that ensures the continuation of the species is strong in them.
Haha, I sometimes joke about that, call it "The Force" as in Star Wars.... The "Force in their pants" hee hee.....their whole lives are driven mercilessly by their dicks!

Obviously the gene is not strong in us gays, to procreate that is. Of course, some gays certainly have seek sex all the time, or to couple, but that wasn't me, more the pity.

Ah well we are what we make ourselves, mostly.

This has been a good subject Justin, as often is the case, I learn something new about myself...or gain the words to realise it, through your blog.

Thanks mate,...and oh yeah, "jumper" is a "sweater" but your first instinctive reaction to Gary's use of that expression (purely Australian?) was correct as you probably know.
That is, stick it "Where the sun don't shine"

Greg in Adelaide

Banister said...

Speaking for myself I can say that I harbor no suspicions about older gay men. I'm not old enough to get into gay bars so I don't see or interact with many older gay men, but I think it would be very interesting to have the mentorship of a gay man who was in an engineering career similar to the one for which I am studying.

I'm not speaking here so much about getting love life advice or advice about hooking boyfriends. The Internet is full of such advice, and Justin has been posting a series about relationships that are terrific. I was thinking more along the lines of how a younger gay man, who doesn't wear his sexuality on his sleeve, manage to navigate the corporate world.

Justin, I think "we" think about sexual "tones" so much is because gay boys are just so sexual to begin with. There are days when all I seem to think about is sex! Everything seems to have a sexual tone to it; every conversation, every chance meeting, every glance from another dude. Those days are when I think "My roommate better damn sight be out because when I get back I need to go nuts with the hand lotion and box of kleenex."