Monday, October 11, 2010

Posted: 07 Oct 2010 10:18 PM PDT
Dating Gay culture highlights youth, muscle, and good looks as valuable assets and commodities when it comes to sexuality and relationships. All one has to do is turn the pages of your favorite gay newspaper or magazine (that doesn't necessarily have to be sexual in nature) and you'll be distracted by photographs and advertisements of attractive men with chiseled bodies oozing sex appeal to titillate the senses. Or log on to any dating or personals site on the Web and you'll find hosts of men demanding youth and rugged masculine good-looks as personal requirements in their profiles to consider even corresponding or chatting with them.

The harsh reality of the worldwide gay community and society at large is that physical attractiveness is deemed a significant value and those who fit the mold of how this description is defined are admired and rewarded with social privileges and positive reinforcement.This isn't to say that being a "hottie" is all it's cracked up to be...they can struggle in the dating realm as well as they are often times pigeonholed with superficialities or viewed solely as sexual objects.

Dating hardships for the "very good-looking" (VGL) could be a whole separate article! But it can often times be a different experience for those who do not espouse the redeeming qualities or status awarded to those labeled as "beautiful" by cultural standards.So what if you are a single gay man who might be lower on the "hotness scale" because of your physical appearance and looks, your age, your weight, or because you may have a disability?It can feel like your worth in the gay community means nothing and it can undermine your confidence in your dating efforts...but only if you let it!
This article will offer some insights and tips for helping the Gay Average or Not-So-Average Joe navigate through the sometimes cruel dating waters of the gay community to maximize their success as single men on the hunt for Mr. Right 
This isn't intended to be a Pollyanna approach to the situation because the cold reality is that it is unfortunately more challenging and competitive for those that don't necessarily fit the prototype of "VGL". But it's also not a lost cause! As you will see, developing and accessing a positive self-esteem and sense of sexiness that we all embody, no matter who we are or what we look like, goes a long way toward attracting the attentions and affection of a significant other.

Tomorrow - Part Two:
The Top 10 Dating Guidelines & Tips for the Gay Average Joe & Compatriots
© 2008 Brian L. Rzepczynski
Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: "I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right." To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, program and teleclasses, please visit


Gary Kelly said...

I'm a big fan of Stephen Fry who is not a pretty boy by any stretch of the imagination. But he's a brilliant intellect, a master of language, and an endlessly fascinating man. He's openly gay but his millions of fans include representations from the entire spectrum of humanity (with the possible exception of dummies).

I'm not sure if this is an appropriate analogy but I liken physical attraction to what's available at a street magazine stand and intellectual attraction to what's available in a large city library.

Anonymous said...

Ooo how I wish I could have had the chance to experience first had the 'problems' of being vgl

Seriously, now that my "use by date" has expired, and any possibility that youthful looks may have been a substitute for vgl, I do have regrets.

I regret I did not use what I had, I regret that my ignorance of the gay world and the possibilities that were available were no realised and taken up.

"If I could have it over again...."

But I didn't and I can't, so I will live with that reality.

My message to any young gay person is to ealise who you are, realise that your youthful appearance, if not in the vgl class, should not be wasted.

Youth and vgl no doubt increase the chances of you finding 'that someone'.

I did not need anyone else in my life, perhaps I still don't NEED someone, but I would sometimes like that someone, especially when I read Justin's blog and see his life, and love.

I've been so busy and so active that I've not bothered to go on that search for a partner. I've always considered myself as a self sufficient soul. (in more ways than one...hee hee!)

However, as the years have passed on me, the complications and chances of me finding that "him" are too many and too slim.

So, being a slacker, I'll just not bother, and get on with my life as I have always done....with just a hint of regret.

Don't you do the same, young one.

Greg in Adelaide.

Plain Greg in Adelaide