Wednesday, July 13, 2011


The following paragraph is extracted from the previous article on Risk Taking in order to build self-acceptance and ensuing self-esteem and integrating into a heterosexist society.  This previous article and this situation in the following paragraph resonates with many of us.

 We gay men were vulnerable and susceptible to self-esteem deficiencies from the get-go because of our cultural backdrop. It was a set-up for emotional torture and turmoil from the beginning, something we didn’t have control over and had to learn to face and overcome as we grew into adulthood. Discrimination and the threat of potential violence for discovery of our sexual orientation are realities and these fears keep us inhibited and stifled, thwarting our development if we let it. In addition to the ordinary developmental tasks and challenges that all members of our society must tackle as we grow through the life cycle, we gay men must also cope with integrating a sexual identity that is not accepted by the society at large and learning how to function with a sexual minority status. Not easy! 

What is described here is a fairly common experience. How have you handled this in your own life?
If you would like to write about your own experiences and wish to do so anonymously write your story and email it to me. . . . and I will publish it for you without revealing your identity.  Thanks for your help in helping others and gathering info for future research.
    justin o'shea


Gary Kelly said...

I went through all the self-loathing bullshit as a teen. My younger bro told me to "grow up". An elder bro accused me of "choosing an alternative lifestyle". My father said "where did I (meaning himself) go wrong?" And my mother said I was gay "because you think you're gay". In other words I'd talked myself into it.

I'm no hero, not brave by any stretch. But I can tell you this: it takes a pretty tough dude to cop all that crap and rise above it. I figure if I can do it, anyone can.

Don't take shit from anyone. That's my motto.

J said...

Good for you, Gary. I keep quiet about it because I don't want to give the assholes ammunition. Sexual preferences are not important enough to me to wear them on my sleeve. We all have our ways of dealing with these matters. Your course is admirable.

Coop said...

The beer commercials bug me.
Miller Lite has one where 'lite guards' (think lifeguards who are women). intervene to stop men from buying a different beer cause that would be "un-manly".
I'm secure in my masculinity. Why can't they use male lifeguards :p

I'll drink beer when I'm socializing but I don't keep any in my fridge. It's not my intoxicant of choice. Not only do I have to see a beer ad. It also presumes I'm a HET. LOL

GreginAdelaide said...

Well said J.
I've never had any bad comment, physical abuse or discrimination directed against me...that I'm aware of, in my life because I chose who I shared my preferences with.
Not openly gay, but not in denial either.

Works for me, but to each his own I guess.

However, it is nice to have a in Justin's world, where I am not guarded and feel at home speaking my mind whenever, thanks Justy.

JustinO'Shea said...

Welcome, Greg, my pleasure to provide you a place to BE. . . .always nice.

Hmmm. . . 'Justy". . . .s'what the urchins call me. . .niece and nephewsprefixed with 'unca'. . . unresolved baby talk. . lol

JustinO'Shea said...

Welcome, Greg, my pleasure to provide you a place to BE. . . .always nice.

Hmmm. . . 'Justy". . . .s'what the urchins call me. . .niece and nephewsprefixed with 'unca'. . . unresolved baby talk. . lol

Gary Kelly said...

I don't consider myself to be out, in, or anywhere twixt the two. I just am.

J mentioned ammunition - I discovered a long time ago that if you're upfront and honest about who and/or what you are, the bullets bounce off.

A few years ago, a bloke across the street yelled, "Gary's a cocksucker!" And I yelled back, "So what else is new?"

The only way anyone can take the wind out of your sails is if they own the wind.

By the same token, I have no desire to flaunt who/what I am. Gay pride to me is an overreaction. I don't need to march down any street to be free. I'm free already.

I figure the most important acceptance is one's own acceptance of self. If others wanna come along for the ride, cool. If not, stick it up ya clacker.

Dealing with homophobes is like dealing with dogs. If you show fear, the dog will attack. If you want respect, show leadership. Most people (like dogs) are followers of example.

However, I'm mindful of the position people like J and Greg find themselves in. I don't mean to be harsh, but they have painted themselves into a corner.

If J and Greg are happy with that arrangement, fine. That's their business.

My advice to young people of any and all persuasions, political, sexual, religious or whatever, is to be yourself with no apologies. No one can ever blackmail you if you have nothing to hide.

Gary Kelly said...

I should also have mentioned that JustinO is a good example of a young bloke who has set the benchmark at a young age. He will never have anything to regret. What you see is what you get. Onya Jussie babes. Hehe.

JustinO'Shea said...

WoW, Gary. . .thank you for your comment! I am rather speechless. . .;-) and very greatful for your recognition.

Coop said...

I am in the same place as Greg. Not in denial but not "openly Gay" either.
I'm trying to move closer to "openly Gay"... taking a few steps in that direction.

Thanks for letting me speak mah mind in your world, Justino :)