YES, I am in a soliciting mode. I'd like your frank and honest comments about this "collection" of loosely connected thoughts and ideas. I pulled this together in reply to some direct questions from a couple of students. Tell me your thoughts, please?
Thank you. justin
Now my time to be honest with you. Falling for one a guy and growing in love with one another is not having a collection of trick or routines that one can perform or not. It does not include a repetoire of sexual tricks which one has practiced and perfected and carts around like a menu. LOL Falling in Love and then the next stage of Standing in Love I think involves getting to know one another, discovering the fascinating and quirky things about each other which make it fun being in love. . . . Entering into, deciding the stay with each other in a relationship is a lovely process of "getting to know you. . .getting to like you. . .getting to hoping you like me too".
Each relationship is different; we do not relate the same with different people. . . .each new person is different from the others and so this process of 'standing in love' is the time I take and make to learn how to react to his words, his actions, looks, smiles, touches, hugging, kissing. We do not kiss several persons exactly the same. If we do then the relationship is OFF on the wrong course. We are treating him as a thing, not as the unique special individual he is and you are also. That is why we have to take care [ notice what those two words really say. . we take care. . . .of each other. . .caring means responding to him as he needs to be cared for. . ..similar, yepper, but but but very different from the other gup I slept with the other night". [ I use this blunt phrase to make the point HE is different and I do not do the same things with HIM that I have done with others in the past. That is why I insist that sex between two guys who have fallen for the other, and are now standing in love cannot be unrolling the menu and ticking off, one after the other. . .Ok. . hugging. . .check. . .pushing closer and into him. . . .check. . . .pulling his grin closer to mine. . ..check. . ..soul kissing. . ..check. . . ..french kissing . . . check. . ..heavy breathing. . .. ..check. . . . .and so forth. You get the point.
Getting to know one another is the delightful, scary, fun, careful discovering how to relate/respond to each other. Every invitation asks for some sort of response. . . .we invite one another to come closer to, to enter deeper into each other. In responding to his invitation I am discovering HOW to do that. . . .with HIM. . . .not like I did with the other one, with one I casually encountered late in the night, or the one I thought I was deeply in love with . . . .once upon a time. . .
I think that "making love", expressing my love, esteem, affection, desire and passion for physically and emotionally is going to be different from any before. . . . .if we are taking the time to know one another. Remember the phrase carnal knowlege . . . . .David knew his wife and she conceived. . . . .How can this be for I know not man?. . . Well, now, this is the knowing one another I am talking about.
You ask specifically about sexual intercourse, physical penetration and orgasm. You wonder if this has to be part of 'making love', whether it is expected. . . .will he think i am weird if I do not and have never done "IT" ? NO to all of these. Unfortunately, this kind of sexual expression has become too common, part of one's rainy day program, "If I wanna keep him then I gotta put out". . .or however one might express it. Someone said in group therapy the other day "Sexual intercourse has become boring, meaningless, a series of gymnastics one does to 'get off'. . . " Note the words: the emphasis or aim of the act is for ME to get off. . . Yeah but. . .what about my partner? Another said "Have you noticed in porn movies sexual intercourse ends with withdrawal, yanking the condom off, and then jacking off and shooting any where, or all over the partner. . ..so often his face." I experience orgasm; to hell with my "partner", in the loosest meaning of that word. Or, "we cannot cum unless we are watching porn"!!!
All of this to say that, ideally, as we grow standing in love we are learning how to express ourselves to each other. . .and our words and actions are expressions of our feelings, our respect, our caring for each other in our unique joining of two very different people seeking for union - one-ness - with the other.
Hang in there. . .we are all beginners. . . .