Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Hmmmmm What do you think of this. . . .?

"He is not my boyfriend; that's what you call someone when you're under thirty.  He is not my partner, because partners tend to agree on things.  He is my spouse."

What do you think of this?  Which term(s) do you use/prefer?

Would guys under 25yo use the term "spouse" do you suppose? ;-)


J said...

Why don't you just call him "my squeeze"? A rose by any other name....

Coop said...

Spouse is too generic. Boyfriend is thrilling... exciting

Hey wait! according to my birth certificate I'm over over 25 so my opinion doesn't count.

Jim said...

We are a tad over 25....we now use 'husband' since we married two years ago. Before that it was partner, for years.
I think once 'husband' becomes part of the vernacular, younger gays won't hesitate to use this term. It's just sounds 'straight' and old to them now, I think.

JustinO'Shea said...

Oh but there is so much more to 'spouse' than squeezing!

For thems who choose 'spouse' they should spell it ssspouse. . same-sex spouse. . . .with a lot of siblant sounds. . . LOL

I think Peter and I are boy-friends. . . . .to me, spouse spells marriage.


JustinO'Shea said...

Over 25???

On paper. . . . ;-)

JustinO'Shea said...

JIM. . .I agree with you. . .to me 'husband" does sound older. . .like something I am not ready for. . .plus
there is the instant association "husband and wife". . .NO WAY is Peter "my wife" any more than I am
"wife" to Peter.

I've heard people ask "Which one is 'the wife'. . ?" with a bit of a salacious grin. . .as if. . .well, you know. . . Just as I don't go for "Top or bottom?" Duuuuhhh. . .none of your business? Why would you even ask???

Maybe. . only maybe it might go for 'casual-play-around-sex'. . . NOT if you are in an exclusive relationship: that what?, why?. how? is no one's business. . .

"Making love" has the meaning of special, sacred, very private, intimate. . .no voyeurs, joiners, etc. are welcomed.

I believe the words we use to define ourselves are quite important.


Gary Kelly said...

How about housekeeper?

Stew said...

I noticed that in England and the part of Canada near us, that many straights are referring to eachother as partners.
I was very comfortable with partner until we officially married in '05. After that it has always been husband.

I think that the terms in general progress with your relationship. You go from dating to boyfriends then partner and eventually husband if the laws permit. Then one day maybe even widower.

Richard said...

After 28 years together, he is damned well my husband

JustinO'Shea said...

N.A.. . . .Too broad. ;-)

JustinO'Shea said...

Yes, Richard. . . 28 years is a long time. Congratulations. So you are probably in the 40-50yrs rsnge. . . do you "like" the word 'husband'?

Anonymous said...

Yep, not easy terms to apply to oneself.

A friend and his life-partner hated the "husband" term because it implied that one of them was the wife when in fact they both consider themselves and their partner as "husband"

There was/is no "wife" ...and if you knew them you would strongly agree, they are both so manly, so male, both gentle and strong, but male all the way.

They used to refer to each other as boyfriend but years later they now refer to themselves and each other as "life-partner". It suits them well and brings no preconceived connotation those "straight" terms imply.

Greg in Adelaide

Gary Kelly said...

I was raised during a time when men were men and women were women and never the twain shall meet. Of course, it's all different these days, but as much as I'm prepared to be open minded and tolerant of change, it's not easy for a bloke like me to adjust. I'm used to husbands being husbands and wives being wives. Partners were people you danced with or were in business with.

But many words we use today have changed their meanings over time, and I suppose the day will come when 'husband' and 'wife' don't necessarily denote man and woman.

Meantime, if Richard refers to his partner of 28 years as 'husband' what does a lesbian refer to her partner as? Wife?

JustinO'Shea said...

GARY, why not? Lesbians are women, ya know. . .lesbians aren't pretending to be men. . . .huh?
They are attracted to other women.
Gay men are attracted to other men.

For communication to happen it is important we all have the same...or close to same meaning for the words we use. . .or else we do not understand one another. . .right?

Coop said...

I agree with Gary in that a "partner" is somebody you dance with or collaborate with.
It seems so cold and impersonal.

"Husand" would be my choice. It comes with baggage from heterosexual marriage , but it's the best alternative I've heard so far.

Why not refer to yourselves as being "Together" in conversation and such.

Gary Kelly said...

Lesbians aren't pretending to be men?

Seems we mix in different circles, JustinO. I've known plenty who do.

I've been around, kiddo. I'm not the sweet and innocent little possum you think I am.

Coop said...

Maybe for us one word can't fit all situatuons? Just a thought. :)


JustinO'Shea said...

Hahaha,,, GARY, I do not think of you as "sweet and innocent" - - -tho you often pull that routine - - - ho ho ho

I readily admit we DO MIX in very different circles. Color me a tad naive. . . or evian. .. ;-)


JustinO'Shea said...

GREG in Adelaide. . .as I was saying P and I do share that same thing: neither of us is the 'wifey' kind. . and husband does readily evoke the wife in str8 routine. Years down the road, after we've settled in to mid-age or so, I suppose we would introduce one another as "my life partner".

I guess too being in our early 20s. .both 22. . .what fits older men wouldn't really fit us. . dont you think?


Coop said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Coop said...

ssspouse would fit the bill if my fabled hunky and I had a union or marriage. But "spouse" is what marital partners are called on all kinds of paperwork. We'd be people. Not blank lines. Ha!

I'd want something that invokes a romantic, loving commitment.
:p Does life partner, partner, spouse?? really do that.