Gay Relationships: Looking for Yourself or Another?

Posted: 06 May 2011 05:08 AM PDT

What is it that attracts us to our spouse in the first place? Is it the likeness of ourselves or the fact that they're the exact opposite to how we are? We've all seen and commented on those couples who look like twins - from their physical similarities to the way they dress. Then there are the couples where people are left scratching their heads wondering what brought them together in the first place.

It's a little too easy to pass judgment on a relationship when peering in from the outside, but curiosity is definitely a factor in doing this, along with the fact that we can have a tendency to pull apart what we don't understand. 

Often in a relationship we tend to focus on our differences as being a stumbling block, a failing factor that is likely to lead to division instead of being a major part of the bonding that keeps things ticking. In reality would you really want to date yourself? Taking an honest inward look at all other faults; would you really want to put up with you and the things you inflict on your other half? 

Some people are going to say that they would, but to the majority, the thought of dealing with all their own insecurities and "inadequacies" is a nightmare scenario. On the other hand, it could be a major eye opener. We have a tendency to think we are actually pretty perfect and focus on the other person's inadequacies. This could be a result of the closet door finally opening and the culmination of prior years of unfulfilled fantasies leading us on a quest for our Prince who must be out there somewhere and must live up to all of our expectations? What about his expectations?

Perhaps you like to sleep late on the weekends whereas he's up with the birds? Maybe he likes to exercise every day and you're okay with twice a month, if you really must? Whatever the differences, and there are going to be a lot of them, they reflect who you both are and what attracted you to one another in the first place.

So instead of giving up on each other at that 3 month mark, when the differences start to glare a little more obviously, try finding a common ground. Acceptance of yourself and him on your own individual terms can be a tough achievement.  If you don't try, you'll never know what could have been. You may soon regret it and find that it becomes a repetitive stumbling block from one relationship to the next.

Article By: Hallil Thompson
Halil is a UK transplant who has lived in Southern California for the past 5 years, having spent the previous 10 years living in San Francisco. His career background to date has been in Commercial Insurance, Social Work and Counselling. Hallil spends his free time hiking, running, reading, writing, camping and kayaking. Having been around the block a few times on the dating circuit on both sides of the Atlantic, Hallil is looking forward to sharing his observations within the sphere of the gay dating world and relationships. He can be contacted at: hallil.thompson@gmail.com

 

THANKS to MICHAEL from  gaytwogether.com