Sunday, May 8, 2011

Posted: 06 May 2011 05:08 AM PDT
Pgt050211g2g What is it that attracts us to our spouse in the first place? Is it the likeness of ourselves or the fact that they're the exact opposite to how we are? We've all seen and commented on those couples who look like twins - from their physical similarities to the way they dress. Then there are the couples where people are left scratching their heads wondering what brought them together in the first place.

It's a little too easy to pass judgment on a relationship when peering in from the outside, but curiosity is definitely a factor in doing this, along with the fact that we can have a tendency to pull apart what we don't understand. 

Often in a relationship we tend to focus on our differences as being a stumbling block, a failing factor that is likely to lead to division instead of being a major part of the bonding that keeps things ticking. In reality would you really want to date yourself? Taking an honest inward look at all other faults; would you really want to put up with you and the things you inflict on your other half? 

Some people are going to say that they would, but to the majority, the thought of dealing with all their own insecurities and "inadequacies" is a nightmare scenario. On the other hand, it could be a major eye opener. We have a tendency to think we are actually pretty perfect and focus on the other person's inadequacies. This could be a result of the closet door finally opening and the culmination of prior years of unfulfilled fantasies leading us on a quest for our Prince who must be out there somewhere and must live up to all of our expectations? What about his expectations?

Perhaps you like to sleep late on the weekends whereas he's up with the birds? Maybe he likes to exercise every day and you're okay with twice a month, if you really must? Whatever the differences, and there are going to be a lot of them, they reflect who you both are and what attracted you to one another in the first place.

So instead of giving up on each other at that 3 month mark, when the differences start to glare a little more obviously, try finding a common ground. Acceptance of yourself and him on your own individual terms can be a tough achievement.  If you don't try, you'll never know what could have been. You may soon regret it and find that it becomes a repetitive stumbling block from one relationship to the next.

Article By: Hallil Thompson
Halil is a UK transplant who has lived in Southern California for the past 5 years, having spent the previous 10 years living in San Francisco. His career background to date has been in Commercial Insurance, Social Work and Counselling. Hallil spends his free time hiking, running, reading, writing, camping and kayaking. Having been around the block a few times on the dating circuit on both sides of the Atlantic, Hallil is looking forward to sharing his observations within the sphere of the gay dating world and relationships. He can be contacted at:


Coop said...

*Gasp* Are they saying it's possible for me... MOI... to be in a relationship with a man who is a New York Yankees fan!?!?

JustinO'Shea said...

Imagine that !

If anyone is dumb enough to allow a baseball game to get in the way of a good relationship. . . . ..well he deserves to lose! LOL

Coop said...

I was away from the intremanet for a couple of days and look what I strolled into. heehee.

I perceive the religion vs. atheism debate as "Creationism vs. Evolution".
I saw an interview with one of the astonomers at Castel Gandolfo.
He said GOD creatd the universe but science allows us to discover its inner workings.

Greg... I think the people who take reason out of faith are biblical fantatics.

There are many of them in the heartland and south of the U.S.
And they've hijacked the otherwise-sane conservative political party.
I'm sure you've noticed J and I lamenting.

I was raised Catholic, baptized, send to CCD and confirmed in an Augustinian parish.
THEN I met the Benedictines "Here... take your tools, go play in the sandbox and figure it out for yourself"

The first time I went to a parish curch and took a different lesson from the scriptures and disagreed with the priest... I was horrified!

JustinO'Shea said...

So you were "horrified". . .Yeah. . .so what? Did the sky fall in? Did the TV stop working? Did you fall out of love with Starbucks? So. .. .?

Could it be you took the Bennies seriously. . . .not bad. . .after all your parents shelled out a small fortune for your education. . .

You know, I think along the time, at some time or other, hopefully, we begin to shed some of the "bad theology" we picked up and created for ourselves and begin to "render to God our reasonalble/rational service. . " [that's from the Baiible, by the way. . LOL ]

When we shed some of the silly stuff we got on the back burner what do we replace it with?...more of the same? or NOTHING else. "Nature abhors a vacuum" is one of them scientific principles, by the way. . . . .;-)

We ARE responsbile for using or abusing the tools we have been given. . . .usually we neglect that out of laziness. . .or. . .or . . we really like being spoon-fed instead of using our intelligence.

Don't you think, Coopsta? Noice to see you back. . . .have you been away?? hahhahaaa [sorry. . .i like picking n you on a Monday morning. . ain't you lucky to have me for a friend? hahahahaa]

Justin from down The Dunes. . .

Coop said...

Justin Dude,

Nah. The TV didn't quit working. I didn't fall out of love with starbucks. The sky didn't fall in. I graduated college and had trouble re-adjusting to life as a mere parishoner in the pews.
So I walked away for years. I couldn't take the idea that a priest could send down all sorts of admonishments and "must believes" coming from On High. Where is the rational service in that?
By the way, I wasn't much of a church-goer on campus. I was busy exploring scripture stuff on my own. A dear friend helped reel me back in :)

In the church I go to, I do not sense of community. It's subuhhhban Boston too.
Very... eh... homogenous. Straight married folks. Parents with children and elderly.
But, it's a Catholic Church.

It's much simpler to be spoon fed and have things decided for you. There's a sense of security in that. "I KNOW because so and so told me" That's what I think. Humans also crave reassurance.

But, wouldn't one lose self esteem as well??
I am still having trouble grasping "replacing" silly stuff. Get rid of it, throw it out? Shoaaah.
The exact swap, replacement parts, meh.

I am lucky to have you Justino. :)

JustinO'Shea said...

You're damned right you're lucky. . . hahahahahaaa
Sheeeessshhhh I am so arrogant. .. naww. I am trying to pull your leg. . .I need sleep so I am off to bed.. .alone. . .aaaaa...blissss: zzzzz-time!