Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Extrovert - Introvert ? Fisherman. . Thief. . ? ;-)A

Greg from Adelaide succinctly put it this way "So, which was do you swing Justin? (and I don't need to qualify that a second time, heehee!) " And another Aussie put it this way:  Gary Kelly said...You're an introvert who likes to be seen, JustinO. Hehe  And that, I think, puts is right on center. . .And I expressed it this way online: <<  .and I didn't cling to my dad's leg like the boy in the photo: I'd bring you my toy, whatever. . always watching your eyes for approval which I think I just assumed would be there since it always was en famille. . .when I didn't see it I was savvy enough to back off. . .and ultimately ignore you. . .hehe  >>

There are those who hold that, by the age of 3 yo, we are pretty much shaped or set for life even before we head off to school "to be educated".   If we accept this, then "education" makes sense:  educare = to draw out of someone.  When we are in school the teachers' imput "draws out" the patterns already formed from the influences of family life and our own choices to be sure our needs are met.

As I had stated earlier, I'd watch your eyes looking for the approval I had met in my home. . . and thought, too, I was smart enough to back away . . . .and ultimately ignore you.

Again, as has been expressed, I'd "reject" you before you had the chance to reject me. . .and so move on. . .

One of the major factors in my personality development has long been  the  need for the time and space to think my own thoughts and feel my own feelings.  This is essential to understanding me, and more importantly, essential that I do make and take the time for this.  That time alone to asses and evaluate stuff is essential to my balance in activities, relationships, to feeling that I know what I am doing and why,. . . just to maintain a certain amount of harmony and focus in my life.

One of the. ways I have learned to realize when I am ignoring and neglecting that quiet time, the reflective part of myself, etc, is that I become edgy, annoyed, too quick to react. . .quick, knee-jerk reactions to people and situations.
Or, more simply, I become less loving and caring about the people with whom I share my life.

That need for time and space. . . the care for the contemplative aspects of my personality. . . is totally essential if I am to be of any good to others, to myself.  It has been suggested that this is "a selfish side" or a "self centered" side of my make-up.  I do not agree with this at all.  Loving others begins with knowing how to properly love myself and care for the needs of my inner-most being.  If I cannot accept and love myself how can I ever be ready to love and care for another?

As a budding therapist if I can not and do not take care of me how can I possibly be any good for someone else? And who else knows better what I need, what I am feeling, what I am dealing with?  I learned this from "my medical staff". . those enlightened women and men who have cared for me over the years:  they taught me this and work on this premise -  "You are the best judge of what is going on inside you.  Tell us about that. . . perhaps we can help you." Good physical and mental health is a team effort. . . . like that bit of insight:  "It takes a village to raise a child".

So, yes, I am an outgoing introvert. . . and being an introvert doesn't mean living in a cave "far from the haunts of men". .LOL. . any more than being an extrovert means you "do not have an unpublished thought."

                                                       justin o'shea


Jim said...

I'd say you are pretty 'well-rounded' Justin! Giving yourself the permission to care for yourself and that you ARE worthy of such attention is a huge step towards being a compassionate and effective human being.

JustinO'Shea said...

Sure and I hope so!
Thanks, JIM>

gp said...

It seems to me that the percentages of people who are very introverted or very extroverted are pretty small. The large majority is somewhere close to the middle, some people a little more introverted than extroverted or vice versa.

I think it's also affected by what's happening in our lives. There may be times that circumstances bring out the introverted or extroverted aspects of our personalities.

This is all, needless to say, speculation on my part, just based on what i've observed during the course of far too many solar revolutions.

GreginAdelaide said...

I wrote that: "I'm an ambidextrous-vert, a chameleon-vert, a phantom-vert, a wannabe-vert."

Thinking more on that self-description; to be more accurate, I reckon I'm a fairly successful introvert who presents a first impression to strangers as a moderately, but not flamboyant, self-confident person.

But I need to work at it and do make slipups.

So from what you've said, you are an introvert who practises extrovertism .... a "smart-vert"

Yes, time for oneself, time for consideration of our actions, reactions, that is what I need too.
When I'm short of it, I too can become short.
You are not alone there boyo!

It's funny. As I get older I feel that I take longer to consider things, to reach a balanced decision on how to act/react to a situation, a person. In the best possible way....for them and for me.

But I've only recetnly come to realise that it isn't that I am slowing up, it's that I'm considering more factors in trying to reach that balance, that considered action/reaction.

I guess I'm still learning.

GreginAdelaide said...

Well said "gp", I agree.

But, it is a very wide range, either side of neutral.

Thoughts: Intro-v-extro.
Does it all comes down to self confidence?

Consider a strongly self confident person.
Am I correct in thinking that an overtly self-confident person comes from either one of two directions?
That is, they:
-Have a good understanding of their own capabilities?
- Have a poor understanding of those capabilities, or more to the point their limitations?

I think so.

And, strongly self-confident people can be annoying either way.
They are either:
-Painfully just plain dumb confident
-Smart confident, the ones that are invariably correct, and let everyone know it....all the damned time.

Thankfully gp, as you say, the majority of us are somewhere near centre.

But I'd guess that while there are more than a few of us intros out there who'd like to be more extro, ie outwardly self confident, I would not think there are many on the extro side of the fence who are aware of it and consciously strive to be more intro?

That's a good question?

Time for me to DO SOME MORE WORK and get offa this blog ...haha!

J said...

Isn't this what you mean: You've been under a lot of pressure at work, and your irritability has become noticable to those at home. Now the man who posts all the relationship tutorials confronts what all this teaching tells him--he must mend himself before he can hope to mend others.
Is this right, or a lot of psychobabble?

Coop said...

My inner circle is full of extroverted, assertive people. They won't LET me have a shell to hide in.

P.S. Why the hell would I want to live "far away from the haunts of men" I like men. ?? {-:

Anonymous said...

I like this kind of post. I commented earlier ,but it was lost because i didn't click anon. My pc is down.

Myself, deeply introverted. Don't really like that. As I tried to be extroverted, my attempts seemed to be snuffed out, along with my confidence.

You can only have your ego bashed in so many times. So I kept to myself more and more. And this all as a youngster.

Today, like you Justin, I need my own time and space. When I reach that point, I tend to temporary shut ppl out. They don't like that, but it is a kind of defensive manuever for me.

One other thing, you said, " If I cannot accept and love myself how can I ever be ready to love and care for another?"

When I was in a 2 year college, looking to transfer, that was the exact question I asked myself. I couldn't answer that question, and so I took the wrong path.

Sometimes I would think, it sucks to be me. But now I realize I haven't lived an ordinary life.

I guess what I am trying to say is that introverted and shyness shouldn't necessarily be accepted as okay.