Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Is there something for US in here. . . ???

10 Tips for Dating Your Best Friend

When you hear a wife or husband say that they ‘married their best friend’, you know that they have the basis for a very strong relationship. However, dating your best friend doesn’t always leave you with a life long relationship, in marriage or otherwise. Here are a few tips regarding this type of change in a relationship.

  1. Understand the risk. By moving from a close friendship to a dating relationship you automatically risk the loss of the friendship completely. Very few people are able to end a romantic relationship and remain close friends. Make sure you are willing to risk losing your best friend.
  2. Talk it through. Be open and honest with each other about your feelings. If you’re best friends, then you’re used to sharing with each other. Don’t let that change. Talk about the risk involved. Be sure that you are both feeling the same way, before you head in the new direction.
  3. Keep talking. Once you do start dating, don’t stop being best friends. Continue to share the things with each other that you used to.
  4. Stick with the group. Don’t isolate yourselves from your group of friends, just because you’ve become a couple. Continue to do things with your group(s) of friends, rather than doing things alone as a couple.
  5. Listen to other’s advice. If you have friends who know you both, don’t shut out their advice. They may see things about your relationship, positive or negative, that neither of you see. You don’t necessarily have to take their advice, but give it a weighty hearing.
  6. Take it slow. Don’t dive right into a heavy duty romantic relationship. This can be easy to do, when you already know each other so well. Take time to adjust to this new aspect of your relationship, and decide if it really is the direction you want to go.
  7. Avoid sexual involvement. This is especially important. Adding sex into the relationship is bound to complicate matters. Adding a sexual component to a relationship creates a whole different bond. Those physical feelings can then easily muddy the waters regarding your true feelings for each other.
  8. Find another (second) best friend. Now that your best friend is now your boyfriend/girlfriend, you need someone else to talk to that you can trust. You need someone whom you can share the joys and the struggles of the relationship, who is not part of the relationship.
  9. Be prepared. Think about how you will handle the situation, if and when, you should break off your romantic relationship. Don’t let it blindside you, if it happens.
  10. Never stop talking. Best friends talk about everything. Never let that stop. The biggest key to maintaining any relationship is to keep the communication flowing. As the relationship changes, be honest and open about what you’re feeling. Allow the other person that same privilege of being able to be honest about their feelings, even when it isn’t what you want to hear.

As we stated at the beginning, dating your best friend can be the beginning of a wonderful thing, but it can also be the road to losing your best friend. Approach with caution.


jimm said...

I was always afraid of losing friends, since it was so difficult for me to gain one.

GreginAdelaide said...

Hell, I've been "dating" my best friend for over 20 years now...shit! 26 years actually! Bloody hell! I keep forgetting that we're both no longer in our 20s!!!! Scary how time flies when you're having life. Sheesh!

You know the story, he's straight and married and nothing physical has ever happened between us.

He knows who and what I am and chooses not to talk about it.... I've told him on many occasions that I love him, in a matter of fact way of

But we are always close, always will be, we both know that each is an extremely important person in each other's lives.

So, unless a miracle happens.... I'm happy for it to stay this way. Life is good...and it could be much worse.

Gary Kelly said...

My dear Jimm, you can't lose a real friend. Know what I mean?

JustinO'Shea said...

JIMM. . .I hope you listen to what Gary just posted to you. . .

I hope this area is better now, for you. . . making/keeping friends is hard. . .and it is always a 2-way street. . .both are/must be involved.

It has been a full, busy day for these American Urchins in Montreal! LOL I wanted to get your comments posted. . . least i could do. . ;-))

Wish we lived closer. .JIMM, I'd like to be one of your friends. ..I hope you count me as one ;-)) I do.

Take care. . .Good night. ;-)


jimm said...

umm.. gee thanks... I consider all of you as friends.

I've followed Gary's site and books for a long time now. Green Room is so special.

And it seems like I have shared many personal experiences with you, Justin. I wouldn't do that unless I trusted you as a friend.

Some (ancient)history. Years ago, in junior-high, things with friendships went awry. Kids i thought were my friends, turned on me. I can't tell the whole story here, too long, but it is posted on my blog under Bullies (rt sidebar).

My best pal from my school years took his own life in his mid-20's, over a girl. I went into a tailspin for a few years until I finally came to terms with it all.

The friends i have had in this town, most move away because they grew up here and get sick of the long winters.

Chris was one of those. He would help me with the conversations whenever we were with a group of ppl. Afterwards, he would ask me if i understood everyone. It was fun and comfy to be around him. And i think he knew how i felt about him.

Losing them really hurts.

Justin, maybe someday I'll visit the cape again. I'd like to explore P-town and hangout at the pier.