Thursday, February 25, 2010

"You cannot discover new oceans unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore."


~~grateful to Michael.. . . gaytwogether.com

Gay Relationships: Building Your Risk-Taker Muscles - Part Two

Posted: 23 Feb 2010 10:07 PM PST

GAYTWOGETHER-070708-tvt We don’t have to be victimized by the system! In actuality, gay men and lesbians can take pride in the fact that we are quite resilient in the face of having to deal with so much stress to achieve the self-acceptance that can be more easily afforded heterosexuals just because their sexual orientation matches the expected mainstream norm. We rock! And that requires self-esteem.

8 Quick Tips for Greater Risk-Taking Efforts

If you find that you struggle with shyness, insecurity, anxiety, or inhibition about going after the things you want in your life, the following suggestions might help you in building more confidence and motivating you toward taking more initiative and being more proactive over making your desires come to fruition.

1. Taking risks builds self-esteem. The only way out of fear is through it. The more you avoid or run from fear, the stronger it actually gets and will continue to immobilize you until you face it and push through it.

2 . Consider doing a life review and write about all the consequences you’ve had to suffer as a result of your difficulties with self-esteem or lack of follow-through in moving toward your goals. What losses have you had to endure? Perhaps also look at the kinds of benefits and secondary gains you may receive from failing to take risks to help you identify some of your emotional blocks or barriers you put up that sabotage your goals.

3. Taking risks requires that we move out of our comfort zone. You have the power of choice in what risks you decide to take. Whenever you experience uncomfortable feelings as you’re stretching out of your comfort zone, realize that those are “growth spurts/growing pains”. Try to avoid succumbing to the panic and learn from these feelings as they are telling you something. What skills do you need to feel more confident pushing forward? Do you need more information? Fill in the gaps and keep facing the anxiety head-on. You’ll find that your comfort zone will begin to enlarge over time, increasing your sense of confidence and mastery. But risk-taking is very individual; everyone must determine for himself what risks he’s willing to take and when.

4. Take an inventory of all the risks you’ve taken in your life that had positive outcomes; use these as evidence to prove that you are capable of surviving a risk.

5. Examine your anxiety. Is it a real or imagined threat? What’s the worst possible thing that could happen and if it did happen, would it really be all that bad?

6. Build assertiveness. Know who you are and what you stand for by being aware of your values and act upon them. Realize the skills you need that will help you overcome fear. In the case of asking a guy out, determine your strengths and weaknesses as they pertain to your social skills and practice role-playing with a friend, join a Toastmaster’s Club to practice public speaking, practice relaxation/visualization/rehearsal techniques etc.

7.Act as if you were confident. The more times you consistently behave in your desired role, your thoughts and feelings will eventually catch up with the more successes you have.

8. Watch your self-talk. Negative thinking can kill your efforts. Become conscious of the things you’re telling yourself and develop positive counter-statements to dispute them. Sounds corny, but develop affirmations to help keep you motivated. Anytime you get a compliment o achieve something positive, write it down on a slip of paper and stick it in a jar. During times of low self-esteem or high anxiety, read the affirmation as a way to calm yourself and keep motivated to maintain your efforts.

Conclusion

You have the power to reach your potential. In what ways do you hold yourself back in your dating life or relationship? What are some small steps you can take this week to begin overcoming those barriers that keep you from having what you want? What will inspire you?

Consider making a collage that creatively represents your ideal life and post it in a place that you’ll see on a daily basis to help keep you centered and accountable for what you’re trying to do. Begin developing structured goals and tasks to begin the process of making those dreams a reality. Go approach that hottie across the room and introduce yourself.

Tell your partner how much he means to you. With every successive experience where you confront vulnerability and fear head-on, your risk-taker muscles will be throbbing with such strength and resilience that there will be nothing that can stand in the way of you and your goals. You totally can do it!

Risk: You cannot discover new oceans unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore
--Author Unknown

©2008 Brian L. Rzepczynski

Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: “I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right.” To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletterfilled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs, and teleclasses, please visit www.TheGayLoveCoach.com.


3 comments:

Gary Kelly said...

And you can't discover new shores unless you have the courage to lose sight of the ocean. :-P

Pardon my not commenting on relationships because I've given them up for Lent.

JustinO'Shea said...

Given up relationships for Lent? yes, I do understand the annual call to the hermitage. . . . zzzzzzzzzzzzz
hahahaha

Stew said...

--"You cannot discover new oceans unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore"

I heard that quote many, many years ago and adopted it right away. I like to think that it's become a way of life. It's always nice to remind myself to let go every now and then.