Saturday, March 27, 2010


5 Common Dating Mistakes You Don't Know You're Making. . . .

Dating is hard. It's also annoying, self-esteem crushing, and time-consuming. But it can also be amazing, self-confidence boosting, and simply so much fun. Dating is about more than just finding a partner - it's a good way to meet new people, work on your social interaction and communication skills, and experience new things.

When you begin dating again after a relationship ends, it's very easy to bring residual thoughts and actions from the past to the forefront, which can often keep that tiny spark from igniting into something more. Here are 5 common mistakes that we make in dating, yet don't even realize we're making them:

1. Tunnel vision.

Don't limit your dating pool to your normal "type." Branch out of your dating comfort zone and give a chance to those you haven't previously considered (think age, looks, profession, location). You just might be surprised as to whom you meet and fall for.

2. Underestimating how much you have to offer.

Be you; not what you think other people want (i.e. your mother, your friends or that guy you've had your eye on). Authenticity is sexy, and it goes hand in hand with confidence, adding up to a very attractive combination. Plus, if it clicks with someone, you'll know it's real.

3. Judging yourself.

Confidence and friendliness count for way more than model looks -- in dating, and in life. You're human; you have flaws. Learn to rock your flaws instead of beating yourself up.

4. Expecting too much (or anything) on a first date.

Having expectations about a first date almost always leads to disappointment, especially when you're first diving back into the game when your fear level is high. Avoid this by enjoying the company no matter what they're like. If it's great? Great -- go out again. If the date totally tanked? Enjoy a bad date for what it is -- a great story to tell your friends. Taking the pressure off makes for an enjoyable time, no matter what happens.

5. Cynic-syndrome.

When you're in post break-up "I've-been-burned" mode, it's incredibly common (and natural) to assume the worst about people. Do your best to avoid this and you'll be pleasantly surprised how everyone isn't your evil ex. Letting go of cynicism is a major part of moving forward. This is a hard one, so be patient with yourself!

So, as you get back out into the dating world, take a step back and be aware of yourself, your thoughts, and how you are presenting yourself to the world. Remember these 5 common mistakes, know that you're not alone in thinking this way, and try to keep these mistakes from preventing a potential future happy relationship.

What are some other common mistakes you or people you know have made when they go back out in the dating world?


Jabacue said...

I can't remember the last time I had a 'date', except of course with my husband. But I have seen a few friends and family jump immediately into a relationship either before the present one is over or immediately after one ends. Not good!

Gary Kelly said...

If you've not seen John Hurt playing Quentin Crisp in An Englishman in New York, then you really must. How to be queer and happy... that about sums up Quentin.

Gary Kelly said...

Here's one of Quentin Crisp's quotes: “The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple: you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster”