Saturday, March 13, 2010

Four F's. . . . Emotional reaction. . .and all the rest

A chat between J and me and all on the blog. . .which, due to subject, I'd like to move out of the comments field into the bright spring-time sun. . .wherever it is. ;-) As you may surmise this scenario J describes hit a big nerve and deep knee-jerk reaction. . hahahaa. I am interested in any and all comments. Thanks. justin
J said...

Why is it that I find an honest merchantile transaction far less repulsive than the predation you describe? The latter is more likely to be the product of dishonesty and victimization.
A while back a blogger whose work I like described a Four F's encounter on a beach which he found quite satisfying until the youngster he shagged spoiled everything by asking to see him again and getting emotional when he coldly refused to reciprocate. The blogger was slightly amused/annoyed that the boy didn't know the drill and allowed himself the unwarranted luxury of becoming emotionally involved in the afternoon's escapades.
There must be some aspect of our genetic makeup that encourages this stuff: Our reluctance to succumb to old-fashioned feelings of guilt or conscience. I for one am incapable of turning those feelings off like a spigot, and wonder if I'm an aberation living in the quixotic world of a Norman Rockwell painting--a Mayberry of the mind.

Justin O'Shea said...

J. . . like you, I guess, I too am repulsed by the blogger whose afternoon-beach-shag is described.

Thus far, I've not been able to separate sex from some sort of emotional involvement. I feel with and like the poor shagged kid on the beach. . .who was emotionally into the sex. . and thought his user was also. "Let's do it again" seems to me a reanbable request after an afternoon of intimacy. . it shows some sort of feeling for the shagger.

That the shagger was annoyed is one thing. . .he didnt like the prick of his conscience, likely. BUT that he was amused by this emotional kid. . . what a friggin' fuck-face he is! That is cruelty.

I am 'with the shaggee' in this. . I think the shagger is a cruel narcissist.

Frankly, on this matter, I don't personally care if others agree or not. To engage in what seems to be loving,caring, passionate intimacy. . . and especially over a period of time. . . and then to turn it off like a spigot, as you say, J, is totally mean. . . If someone told me this scenario in therapy, I would press him to examine -- maybe for the first time ever -- his feelings in this matter; press him to look at the whys and wherefores.

Using someone as an object. . .after professing mutually active emotional involvement -- is totally reprehensible and cruel.

Also, to use the crap "everybody does that" is simplistic stupidity.
Leading someone on just to get your rocks off is immature narcissism.

And, please, don't ask me what planet I come from. . . . instead, ask yourself WHY you're even considering that.

If I found out. . ..and I always give someone special the benefit of a doubt. . . .someone was using me, lying to me, etc. . I'd cut this person off and out so quick..... . . .and then grieve, even if he doesnt deserve it!

Pheewww. . ..deep feelings here. .says a LOT about Justin O'Shea. .


J said...

A man after my own heart!

Gary Kelly said...

It's not just sex some people look for when they con you... and there's no shortage of con merchants in this world. They're heartless bastards whose only mission is to use others for whatever they can get.

But, of course, they're all children of God, let's not forget that.

Yeah, right. Hehe.

Anonymous said...

Can't say that I disagree with any part of what you said Justin,

For me, and it has always been so, in my sober state, even though I’ve been physically attracted to many, I’ve never taken it any further unless I feel a strong emotional attraction.

But I have to say that I have indulged on more than one occasion without the emotional connection with the person involved.
Youth, alcohol and opportunity is my defence for indulging without commitment. But never did I turn the other person away and sever all contact after the event…..I just carefully cooled and weaned them if in the cold sober light of day they proved not to be the person I wanted a continuing emotional involvement with.

Cold hearted sex-hunting is not my style, like most of us (I hope) I have a far greater need for a real connection with others, the physical act, as pleasurable it is, is only a minor part of a relationship, casual as it might be.

Greg in Adelaide

Gary Kelly said...

I don't remember whether I mentioned this on your blog before, Justin, but, speaking of therapy sessions and shrinks, I was about 18 when it occurred to me that I was into blokes. So I booked myself into a psychiatric hospital. I walked into the shrink's office and sat down. The first thing he said after I'd made my confession was, "Do you fuck or suck?"

I had done neither. I was horrified and walked out.

I was about 25 the next time I visited a shrink. I spent a couple of sessions chatting about my "problem". He hardly said a word. In the end, he said, "Well, Gary, you seem to have sorted it all out... there's really nothing I can add." Then he gave me his bill.

The only other time I sought "professional" help with my homosexuality was when I visited a priest. I think I was late teens. He recommended saying three Hail Marys and everything would be fine.

After those three episodes, I chose to do my own analysis. For one thing, it was cheaper.

JustinO'Shea said...

GARY. . .the priest's "three Hail Marys" worked have worked. . .IF. . .IF you had said them piously, meditatively, and slowly. . .if you had, the guy you wanted to put the makes on would have left and be long gone: end of temptation! hahahahahaha


JustinO'Shea said...

and. . .with a great external show of devotion! ;-))

Gary Kelly said...

Cheeky bugger.

Coop said...

YES folks.
There is a place for cold hearted sex hunting. Just linking up to get one's rocks off. BOTH people need to know what the deal is. Toby Keith sings a song about it. The song depictss a man making a propsition to a woman. I think it applies to two men as well . . .

"I'm just talkin bout two lonely people
who might reach a little understanding.
I'm not talkin bout knocking out heaven
with whether we're wrong or we're right.
I'm not talkin bout hooking up and hanging out.
I'm just talkin bout tonight."

The blogger was heartless and Cruel. I question why he chose to tell the public that he was annoyed at the youngster's emotions. Gary is on to something. If the blogger did THIS... what else has he done?

I Personally feel that sex should involve an intimate connection AND strong emotional attractions.
Why should I seperate the two? It's MY life :)

Stew said...

It is very interesting to me that the blogger would be disturbed by the tricks emotions. I could never be this way to anyone in any situation. Yet, you see it every day. How many times do other people become objects or obsticles for your daily life. Those other cars on the road represent other people. Real people that are just trying to go somewhere. When they go slower than you want them to or are just in your way, then you turn into this same kind of heartless person and wish them all away.
We need to look at everyone for who they are. When we do this, we start caring about everyone.
Sex to me has always been about sharing myself with my partner. Never have I looked at it as getting my rocks off.
Even when I know someone and totaly don't like them, I could never be so cold.

JustinO'Shea said...

At the end of the Olympics Brian Williams, anchor for NBC wrote a Thank You to the people of Canada for their gracious hospitality and civility. . . that care and concern for others, the respect and consideration shown.

Then he wondered aloud if we USA people had lost much of and could learn again from the Canadians how to be civil with one another.

Think how rude drivers can be and actually are during the daily commutes to and from work.. . the pushiness, peevishness, anger of drivers. . . .civility? Much of the weaving in and out of lanes of traffic might be indicative of just how #1 a drivers thinks he is; the rest of you drivers be damned.
Do they still instruct learners how and when to use directional signals? If you haven't noticed it, just observe in your next commute how rarely these signals are used!
I think drivers from the Commonwealth of Massachusetts are among the worst in the world. We drive as if we owned all highways and as if no driving laws applied to us. . .just to the other peons!

Might it be that our crassness and incivility shown in our driving also show up in our sex drives?


Gary Kelly said...

I met a Canadian bloke one time and asked if his accent was from North America. "I'm on the other side of the border," he said, "we're civilized." Hehe.

I agree with Coop... BOTH people should know. Or, in certain cases, all the people in the room. :)