Saturday, January 16, 2010

SEXY MAN

Gay Relationships: What Makes A Man Sexy?


Gay Relationships: What Makes A Man Sexy? Our culture values sexiness very highly. But what is sexiness? A visitor from another planet who looked at our advertising might think it was something you get from purchasing products like cars, colognes or cognac. Everyone wants it, but it is hard to define. What makes a man sexy?The sexiness we’re talking about here is more than a matter of firm pecs and washboard abs. Physical characteristics are part of the equation, but far from the whole answer.

We find some men sexy even though they are far from conventionally handsome. Different people find different things sexually attractive, of course; sexy is a matter of personal taste. And what’s sexy to you when you are out dancing and looking for Mr. Right? Now may be very different from what you would find sexy in Mr. Right. A bad boy with broad shoulders and a cute butt may get your attention at a club when you’re looking for a hookup. If you’re serious about dating, sexy eyes may be less arousing than clues that the guy in question might make a decent husband. So what’s sexy? Here are some key ingredients:

Self-acceptance is fundamentally sexy in just about anyone. For gay men, that includes being comfortable with your sexual orientation. It means being able to be yourself; after all, who is better qualified for the job?

Self-confidence that allows you to take the initiative is something most people think of as masculine and appealing. Lots of people feel shy about approaching a stranger in a bar or starting up a conversation in a public place. They are relieved when someone else does that chore for them. And being able to look someone in the eye when you are speaking with them communicates a lot of positive things in our culture.

Similarly, a bit of sexual aggressiveness can be very appealing. That’s primarily true if you’ve picked up on signals that the other person is receptive to an advance and if you make your move with some subtlety and style.

Being able to truly listen to the other person and carry on a conversation communicates an ability to create emotional safety. If someone can share that kind of intimacy with you, it’s much easier for them to imagine being physically intimate as well. That’s also why paying attention to the other person’s needs and desires is so sexy. Candlelight helps!

Taking care of your physical self is an important part of sexiness, but not as much as you might imagine. Grooming is important, but physical perfection is far less crucial than being at home in your body. (It’s that self-acceptance thing again.) If you seem alive, relaxed and free, your body is going to have some appeal.

So what’s not sexy? The list could be long, but the sexy list gives us some clues:

Narcissism – always talking about yourself, for instance – is different from self-confidence; it’s boring and irritating.

Being so aggressive that you don’t know when to back off or take "No" for an answer makes you a jerk, not a sexy man.

Sexiness can’t be bought in a bottle or a shirt. It can, however, be cultivated.

John R. Ballew, M.S. an author and contributor to GAYTWOGETHER, is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality, relationships and spirituality. If you have any questions or comments you can submit them directly to GAYTWOGETHER or John R. Ballew, M.S. - www.bodymindsoul.org.

AGAIN. . .THANK YOU to Michael GAYTWOGETHER.COM

7 comments:

Gary Kelly said...

I think if you want a truly enlightened answer to the question 'what makes someone else sexy?' you should ask a hippopotamus.

Anonymous said...

"Different stroks for different folks" ... nand that's just as well otherwise we'd all be looking for Justin ..ha!

Eyes do it for me...and your eyes Justin, are too sexy, what little of them I have seen.

Eyes are the first thing, smile second, then it fast becomes a task to learn if the mind is sexy, if they are the sort of person I can like, or should I say, like a lot.
The body shape is in there somewhere, but nowhere near the top. This is not a symptom of errr...ahem, 'age', no, it's always been that way my shopping list priority.

Sure, a brilliant body and face can get ahead on the list and be hard to ignore, but after a while I usually come to my senses and try harder to work the person out and see if they are really worth knowing....someone I want to spend some effort in getting to know better.

Of course this shopping list can be modified temporarily by a few drings...haha, but like a hangover, reality always follows.

My 2c worth.

Greg in Adelaide

Anonymous said...

...and hell, I forgot to say (perhaps it should have been in the comments to your last article) that I HOPE, that there are some people out there of your age Justin, that are reading your blog, otherwise you might not feel you have the right audience and may not feel inclined to put in the same effort and time communicating to older, not-so-tasty guys.

I am sure none if us want to lose you, your humour and witty banter.... thought-provoking and interesting posts.

Argh!!!! I'm sorry I fell out of my age-closet, I sort of wish I'd stayed age-anonymous now...haha!

Greg in Adelaide

JustinO'Shea said...

GREG:
Thank you for your very flattering words and comments. I blushed as I was reading and enjoyed every bit of it. . .LOL

As for the age card. . unless you tell me I have know way of knowing your age or anything else about you.

Guys can acquire hardening of the categories at any age. . .even at 21! Reading what you post gives me my impressions of you. . .not your age.
People are people. If I associate only with guys my age I am limiting my personal growth. . there is a knowledge and wisdom which comes from having lived long enough to be able to back one's thoughts with real experience.

No, not to worry . .I will "do my possible". . .both a promise and a threat. LOL

SO it's the eyes, hmmm. . .let's see what I can do. . . LOL

justin

JustinO'Shea said...

GREG:
Thank you for your very flattering words and comments. I blushed as I was reading and enjoyed every bit of it. . .LOL

As for the age card. . unless you tell me I have know way of knowing your age or anything else about you.

Guys can acquire hardening of the categories at any age. . .even at 21! Reading what you post gives me my impressions of you. . .not your age.
People are people. If I associate only with guys my age I am limiting my personal growth. . there is a knowledge and wisdom which comes from having lived long enough to be able to back one's thoughts with real experience.

No, not to worry . .I will "do my possible". . .both a promise and a threat. LOL

SO it's the eyes, hmmm. . .let's see what I can do. . . LOL

justin

Anonymous said...

Shit! It seems like I am flirting with ya!....lol....maybe I am.....sheesh!....but thanks for the 'eyes' pic.
The smile is cute too. (There I go again!)

And I do love your 'hardening of the categories' comment, I'll use that for sure.
It is so true, I was thinking that only last evening while listening to a younger friend and remember thinking that he'd gotten old and set in his ways back when he was in his early 20s and has not changed much at all in his outlook.

Now that I think more about it, he's not really developed as a person much at all since back then. He got set in concrete sometime back in the mid 90s.

As I write this I am thinking on all my friends .... trying to figure who has changed and how.
Have they become frozen in time, or have they developed and continue to develop?

Hmmmm...it should be an interesting reflection on which of them have open and flexible minds....it should keep me occupied while I work today, thanks for that.

Greg in Adelaide

Coop said...

A-ha! Someone else is saying it's in the eyes.

The eyes tell me a lot about a guy--the type of personality he has and how he looks upon the world.
"Mad at the world people" and concited people have a certain look about them.

I think a lot of this is a chain reaction. Someone who looks down on the rest of world is a narcissist and won't listen to the other person. And an "I'm better lookin and better at (insert activity here) than all of you" attitude isn't self-confidence to me.

Would Cap'n Sully be such a hero in our hearts and minds if he was all "I landed that plane safetly on the Hudson River I'm the MAN"?