Tuesday, October 13, 2009


Hey Everybody. . . . how all y'all doing? Drab dreary day here in gorgeous transitional New England.

A buddy of mine sent me this article from the New York Times mag section.

about kids coming out in middle school. . . like that is 7th, 8th, 9th grades. . .right?
Think back when you were in those grades. . .did you do it? could you do it? would you even think of it?

I was 14-verging-on-15 when I told my parents. As I posted early on in my coming-out story in this blog my parents were really great. . .as Mom said, "We know, honey. Your father and I were wondering when you were going to tell us."
That was the opener for a long really open conversation. . . not that different from all the other "long really open conversations" we've always had.

So, guys, what's your thinking. . . . I be really interested to read your comments and toss thos around a bit. . . .hmmm?



Pilgrim said...

So what? I´ve read a boy´s blog these daethat he is 13, and came out last may. He has my respect! Propz Pilgrim

Stew said...

The more visible we all are, the more people will know that it's not so odd. That everyone knows one. And that translates to young kids not feeling so alone in the world. The fact that these community centers exist to hold dances is a huge step.
In my buisness, my husband thinks that we should "be descreet". But I will not go back in the closet for anyone. And if me being out helps someone else than I have lived a good life.

loki4469 said...

I wish I had that kind of courage when I was that age, I have spent 41 years in the closet and let me tell you it is a lonely place to grow old.

JustinO'Shea said...

LOKI. . . .it's never too late. ;-)
where there is life there is hope.

There are so many good people around to help us. . .if we decide to reach out of the closet. . .

Stuff i have heard and read from others encouraged me to pursue my academic career, preparing to be a qualified and quality educated guy to assist others. . . As Gary said one, I have been been "spoiled" and i take that in the good sense. I am very fortunate in the life I have enjoyed and still do enjoy.

"To whom much is given, much will be expected." All that i have and all that i will become is not just for me. . it is to be shared. . .I have received freely. . .so I am to give freely. . . I do believe that is my call. . .

So bro. . .ask. . seek. . .knock. . the one you need will reply. . eyes and heart open. . .and watch what happens. ;-)

Often events in life drive one into a closet for safety. . .trusting to come out often needs a helping hand. . .ASK. Don'tgrow older alone. . .you're young enough to change all that. . .

Gary Kelly said...

I appreciate where Stew and Loki are coming from. "The more visible we all are, the more people will know that it's not so odd."

The situation was much different was I was a teen. There was no shortage of gays... they would leap out at you from behind trees in the middle of the night. But nothing was said. And it was illegal.

My younger bro died a month ago and I didn't attend his funeral. He would not have wanted me there anyway. He was homophobic, as is my older bro.

Yes, things are different now, and I'm glad they are. Being gay should be no biggie. It doesn't DESERVE to be a biggie.

But whereas people like Shannon say "out and proud" I prefer "out and so what?"

As to Loki's reference to courage, 41 years in the closet is an absurd price to pay. Loki has to ask himself, "whose fault is that?"

Like I said, being gay should be no biggie, and if some people think it is, that's their problem.

Coop said...

One is a total hornball from the start of puberty until age 18 or 19. Some never give up on that and become the human equivalent of Family Guy's Quagmire. Age 12 or 13 or whatever is the start of sexual maturity. As the article says-- so much of a teen's life is fluid at that age. One week a jock, next week a skater. I was in 5th grade when I KNEW I liked boys. However, I liked girls too and figured I'd wind up with a girl. I'm rambling. How can anybody know FOR SURE in their tweens/early teens?? My attraction for girls weakened as the years went by... but now it's gone.

In many coming out videos that I've seen on Youtube, a guy came out to a friend at 15 or 16 and told Friend to keep it a secret. Friend does not and spreads it around, etc. etc. etc. The person coming out suddenly finds himself a social outcast and breaks into tears in his coming out video. The adolescent years are rotten. My memories of 6th grade through 10th grade are "If you aren't one of us, you aren't human... and there is no such thing as a secret."

I once posted three and a half cents worth of advice that amounted to: 'Wait until AFTER you get out of high school cause you have enough to worry about. The last thing you need in the grades where boys grow ugly mustaches just cause they can is to have people snickering behind you in the hall cause your Gay. They'll be gossiping behind your back about plenty of meaningless details and cause you enough headaches anyway.'

Anyone who DOES decides to "come out" at 13 or whatever age deserves our support. My advice to anyone at that stage who might read this is to TOUGH IT OUT. When you get older, people will realize that it's okay to think their own thoughts.
Also, don't listen to gay pop culture. It's not all about having sex.

loki4469 said...

I could blame a number of things Cary the times, my family, my friends, lack of any gay role models growing up but in the end it was my perception of what other people would think and say that kept me in the closet. So to answer your question it is my fault and I have had to live with the consequences of my choices. To clarify my point from my previous post "I am happy for the people that can come out so young and live a health normal life." No one should live the life I have, whether it is by their choice or by others.

Gary Kelly said...

Well said, Coop.

Coop said...

Thanks, Gary. I keep thinking that I'm in the minority. That age is all about finding identity/ exploration. Unfortunately, saying "I'm Gay" is STILL not like saying "I'm a coffee drinker."
A coffee drinker can start drinking tea... even on occasion with little drama.
I equate being outwardly Gay with having it tattoed on your forehead. I'd like to society get to the point where homosexual couples get the same lack of attention as heterosexual couples.

What if a poor kid (girl or boy) suddenly realizes they like the opposite sex?

loki... it's not too late.