Thursday, December 1, 2011

A Little Something for us Regular Guys

Posted: 30 Nov 2011 04:37 PM PST

2066611693_9236d9ee15_o Gay culture highlights youth, muscle, and good looks as valuable assets and commodities when it comes to sexuality and relationships.
All one has to do is turn the pages of your favorite gay newspaper or magazine (that doesn't necessarily have to be sexual in nature) and you'll be distracted by photographs and advertisements of attractive men with chiseled bodies oozing sex appeal to titillate the senses. Or log on to any dating or personals site on the Web and you'll find hosts of men demanding youth and rugged masculine good-looks as personal requirements in their profiles to consider even corresponding or chatting with them.

The harsh reality of the worldwide gay community and society at large is that physical attractiveness is deemed a significant value and those who fit the mold of how this description is defined are admired and rewarded with social privileges and positive reinforcement.
This isn't to say that being a "hottie" is all it's cracked up to be...they can struggle in the dating realm as well as they are often times pigeonholed with superficialities or viewed solely as sexual objects. Dating hardships for the "very good-looking" (VGL) could be a whole separate article! But it can often times be a different experience for those who do not espouse the redeeming qualities or status awarded to those labeled as "beautiful" by cultural standards. 

So what if you are a single gay man who might be lower on the "hotness scale" because of your physical appearance and looks, your age, your weight, or because you may have a disability? It can feel like your worth in the gay community means nothing and it can undermine your confidence in your dating efforts...but only if you let it!

This article will offer some insights and tips for helping the Gay Average or Not-So-Average Joe navigate through the sometimes cruel dating waters of the gay community to maximize their success as single men on the hunt for Mr. Right. This isn't intended to be a Pollyanna approach to the situation because the cold reality is that it is unfortunately more challenging and competitive for those that don't necessarily fit the prototype of "VGL". But it's also not a lost cause! 

As you will see, developing and accessing a positive self-esteem and sense of sexiness that we all embody, no matter who we are or what we look like, goes a long way toward attracting the attentions and affection of a significant other. 

 (continued tomorrow - Top 10 Dating Guidelines & Tips for the Gay Average Joe & Compatriots )

© 2008 Brian L. Rzepczynski
Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc.

thanks to Michael at

Love and pride Fashion


J said...

This fixation with "hotties" is a bit short-sighted. They are about as lasting as a hothouse flower. The skin quality of youth starts to go in your mid 20's. There's nothing more pathetic than a post-twink "Brent Corrigan" changing his appearance in an effort to get a legitimate acting job. Now if you have a successful career and money in the bank you can buy all the hotness you can handle, without being hot yourself. So I say rich trumps hot (and humps it as well).

JustinO'Shea said...

Huuuaaaaahhhhhhh! hahahaaaa. . . solution. .forget the Oil of Olay and pile up the $$$$$ for Hump Day. . hahahahaaaaaa ho ho ho hoot and a half!

Coop said...

In a different thread Justin asked about my use of "Hunky" ... and me thinks he had this article in mind. He asked if I would marry a guy who is NOT Hunky. Yes, I would. I am not looking for superficial beauty. "Hunky" = any guy who catches Coops' eye.

There's NO Exact list of ingredients. Does my future husband have to have a 6 pack? No. Does he have to be a triathlete? No. 6 feet tall? "Other" measurements? NOT Important. I wouldn't marry a guy who puts large amounts of sugar in his coffee, eats at McDonalds constantly, etc. etc. That shows me he has no respect for himself. I wouldn't want to date a man who is too into his own physical appearance/spends a lot of time at the gym or in gay clubs with that stupid music. I used to think I HAD to please the gay men who do nothing but criticize a guy who isn't their favorite body type. Now I just don't care what they think. :) The important thing is that a guy respects himself and people around him. He doesn't take life too seriously... has a positive outlook... cares about other people/things besides himself... must fit in with my network of Fab friends... commit to a monogamous relationship... And he has a cute smile.
And he has to tolerate me. That's a tough one.
Can he be a Yankees fan? a Montreal Canadians fan? a diet coke drinker? Uhhhh.... :b~~~

I used to read the men looking for men ads in the Herald in my teen years. I was such a voyeur. Heehee. I never understood why guys wanted to meet only black men/Asians/ men from Planet Claire. I still don't.

GreginAdelaide said...

Ho Coops!!!!!
Brilliant, I could not have said it any better.

You have a very similar outlook as I, as far as men on the shopping list goes....and more I suspect.

Ha! Speaking of shopping lists, your comment on "personal ads" certainly struck a chord with me. When I was younger and looking for anything to do with 'gay' and read those adverts I began to wonder if I was the odd one out.
Did all 'gay' men go for black/asian/cross dresser types? If so, then I was certainly not gay.

It all added to the confusion.

Oh how I wish I had a Justin Dunes I could have read and talked with back then!!!!!!

And back to my original comment, I just wish I could meet you and really get to know you, as so often, you come across as the type of person I like. .... and you have a quirky sense of often understated humour...something you didn't put on your list.

Happy day. Now I must get to work.

Coop said...

Greg, I wish we could meet as well. We compliment each other well.
You're making me turn blush.

JustinO'Shea said...

COOPSTA. . ..what the hell is that???
Got mucho time on your hands for sci-fi research?


Coop said...

That, Justin, is a song by the B-52s.
Did ya listen to the words? I forgot there was such a long instrumental.

Anyway, try this out:

Same band. Less weird, maybe?

Coop said...

The people IN the video aren't the real B52s. The audio is. Just listen to the lyrics. :)

Gary Kelly said...

We're all familiar with the term "the right chemistry" when it comes to relationships and being attracted to another person, right?

That's all it is: chemistry. We're all at the mercy of a bunch of chemicals telling us how to behave.

Take away the chemicals and you got a bunch of prepubescents who would rather make mud pies and play with frizbees or a bunch of geriatrics who would rather crochet or play gin rummy.

As J said, this fixation with "hotties" is a bit short-sighted. But he forgot to mention the chemicals.

Ya know, when people fall out of love, it's because the chemicals aren't working like they used to. All the bubbles and fizz have gone. And when that happens, we see the person we failed to see before. Same person, different chemical reaction (or lack of it).

Scary, huh?

JustinO'Shea said...

Yepper! Indeed. . . .
but good for the coffers of the psychotherapist who helps mend the broken hearts . . . . .

dr O'Shea ;-))

GreginAdelaide said...

B52s, loved them back when. Still do when they pop up...brings back some good memories of what I was doing then....especially Rock Lobster and strangely enough Planet Claire.
Yes, the words Coop, the words...ha!
Blushing? Hmmm.