Friday, December 4, 2009

MUCH ABOUT LOVE. . . or at least some more words about love.

Picturing This Thought: Guys Twogether

If Kisses Were Raindrops, I'd Send You A Storm

If Kisses Were Raindrops,
I'd Send You A Storm.

[borrowed from

Thanks for your continuing comments, COOP et al. This is an area which needs in each of us a lot of clarification and sorting of ideas.

One of the guys in our therapy-support group [made up of five gays and one str8 psych majors + our prof-mentor) was talking about this yesterday in session.

He was saying that way too many notions and variants of ersatz "love" are just swallowed [sic] without any kind of selectivity. It's "anything goes" whatever turns you on, baby", "f*^k you, I got mine" etc and we don't make intelligent choices and decions re:the highly volatile emotions we think of as 'love'.

Basically, qualified and time-tested authors and academicians talk about 2 kinds of love: 'agape' and 'eros'. Agape is that love for family, parents-children, buddies, best friends and so forth.

It is an "universal" love, admitting of different degrees of intensity. For christian writers this is the kind of challenging other-centered love best expressed in the words of Jesus "Love one another as I have love you." [Try it and see how much that really costs us! hehe]

"Eros" is erotic love which by its very nature knows an exclusivity about it. Erotic love is not the activity of a group=grope, orgy, circle jerk, whatever. That isn't erotic love.. . that is classic narcissism. Do you know the myth of Narcissus?

In Greek Mythology Narcissus was a handsome young sexy dude who was much taken up with himself. . his needs, desires, physical beauty, etc. You've met this dude before, right? Story says he liked sitting by a deep pool looking at his own reflection, struck by his own real -or imagined - beauty. . . .One day he was so enamored of himself that he leaned deep over the water to kiss his own image deeply and was sucked into the deep pool and drowned. Pity.

This is not, obviously, the example of a healthy normal erotic love between two people, which admits of all the multi-faceted variants and expressions of an exclusive love relationship.

Given the many many aspects and ideals of 'agape' and 'eros' it would seem both would be present in and define a committed relationship as in marriage. . .and I would add here whether heterosexual [one man, one woman. . . once! ] or homosexual [two persons, same sex] marriage.

As we well know this paragraph hints at the underlying basis for marriage. And because these elements are almost always clouded by prejudice, "traditions", fear, politics in civil and ecclesial arenas [I use this word arena deliberately] because all sorts of unsorted, undiscerned, just assumed dynamics are embattled there can be no logical, peaceful conclusions.

I would suggest too, for sake of dialog, if you look back over the posts in this one blog JustinDunes what I have thrown together here in this post summarizes the underlying theme of most of our posts and comments here.

The revived music of the Beatles this summer, and their philosphy All you need is love is fine. . . as long as you have sorted things out and really know what YOU need and how you plan to reach and fulfill this goal.

There, on this gloomy looming winter day, I will see what fires are lighted under my offered theses. LOL

ciao ciao, bambini
Justin O'Shea


J said...

I think the difference between love and lust is the presence in love of a mental connection. If you and your partner don't commune with the organ between the ears, the commerce between the legs is nothing but a transient experience.

Anonymous said...

Thank you Justin and everyone else for the discussion. I feel like I love this guy more than anyone else in the world. I am happy with that.
However, I see people on the street on the street and in pictures online and I do stuff to myself to satisfy Lust. I wish I could stop the lust.

Gary Kelly said...

What a great line! Now why didn't I think of that? Next time I walk up to a hunk at a bar I'll say, "Would you care for a transient experience?"

Oh yes, that's a classic!

Coop said...

So... masturbation = narcissism?? The connection makes perfect sense to me. However, I don't do it cause I love myself as much as I do it to quell the eros that I get when I fall 'in lust'.

I value monogamy; so if a relationship is based 100% agape which is Great and is a Beautiful Thing; what about the other love? Because, as we ALL know {ahem} ; ignoring 'those urges' makes life complicated and sometimes uncomfortable.

This is the written equivalent of marbles in my mouth; isn't it??