Thursday, December 17, 2009


There are a few items I'd like to comment on from Coop's post. . . easier for me this way.

"A Chat with Greg" and "Lost in Love" are running together in my mind.

I think sometimes academics and working folks don't understand each other. The fishermen might wonder how academics can be paid to sit around and think big thoughts whilst the fishermen do dangerous work to make an honest living. And some Academics look at the working class as afraid of change, NOT doing what is "ultimately right" for themselves, maybe being "low brow" etc. To wit, the President made a comment during his campaign about rural folk clinging to God and guns... very unhelpful that is.
There may be some truth here but for every statement I can point out the opposite. As for the President's comment there is a lot of truth to this: There are folk who quote the "Baaible' and tote a shotgun to back it up.

The important thing is that Justin and Peter LOVE each other. The two of you grew up in the same place, have the same background, same values, etc. etc. etc. "THE ONLY GIFT I WANT FROM YOU IS THAT YOU LOVE ME TOMORROW AS YOU HAVE YESTERDAY AND AS YOU DO RIGHT NOW." Justino, Question for ya, do all your books TEACH about love, or do they help other people deal with their feelings, anxietys, etc. etc. etc.? I perceive pyschology as helping people with their anxietys.

My views here will differ from yours, of course. Do my courses, text books, lived-experiences teach about love or do they help people with their anxieties? Yes, they do. . .and a lot more. Psychology courses in an academic setting such as ours and our text books are much more than a collection of recipes, folk tales, herbs and spices to be applied as needed.

Psychology does not teach us how to love or how to do this and that. A good course in psychology gives us general principles on how to live well and happily, creatively and productively. It teach us to think, analyse, observe, reflect of the existential cirsumstance of my life and how to think out and work out the emotional, cognitive difficulties or challenges I may encounter.

A good therapist doesn't tell you how to see yourself and your frustrations and anxieties, difficulties. Rather a therapist listens and suggests, or helps a person to come to articulate for himself what is going on, what is causing the stress, problem, etc and arrive at an awareness of areas for growth. . all growth involves change, etc. The therapist help a person to discover new responses to life and stop doing the same old things which haven't worked thus far, over and over.

I perceive pychology as helping people to live. I do not exclude but I do not see the work of a psycologist as prinarily applying bandaids to boo-boos, or dispensing pills to keep one fears and anxieties sedated and calmed.

Are you and Peter worried about each other's acquaintances saying "How could you end up with so and so" because the two of you come from allegedly different worlds? If you love each other and you have stuff in common, then I think the two of you will be happy together. True friends will see the good in each of you and be happy for you. I reckon that you will help balance each other off.

NO, NO, NO. . . We are not concerned what our friends say or do not say. That is not an issue for us at all. I guess you could say we are both rather independent guys and don't worry about public opinion or social commentary. hahahaaa We are who we are. . . . and peeps who disagree will eventually get over us/it and get a life of their own. [I guess this is being "cheeky"? huh? LOL ]

We must all bear the indignity of hanging out with people we don't really like. Some of 'em, I wonder why they're attached to the school of fish I've been running with for eeons. Then there are Friends of Friends of Friends that one somehow winds up stuck with at huge get togethers.
Oy Vey.

Aaaaaand thoughts running into athird post. Quote Gary Don't let people intimidate you about your choices. I'm reading between the lines and sensing your discomfort at times when Peter sees your school friends. "Pssst... Justin's boyfriend doesn't know about Pavolv's dogs" etc. etc. etc.

Our issue is none of the above. . . it is more personal than any of these. It concerns how ans where we can live together. Peter is part of a strong-knit family/clan. They have a fishing business and a well- long-established bakery business. They are part and parcel of the local scene, and leaders among the Portugese community. Peter wants to be part of all this. . . .it is all part of who the daSilvas are, who Peter is.

I love the field of psychology, I have a 'knack' for it, or a sixth sense about people/situations. I am strongly intuitive. I do well at college/university. I was invited by department faculty into the degree program, I work as a teaching assistant, and received a major grant for the degree program. I plan on working for a doctorate in psychology. Hopefully the better prepared I am the better "healer" i will become. A psychotherapist heals/repairs hearts. . .

Peter and I are very much a part of our roots, here. We "fit", we belong. My question is how will I be able to find work in my profession in a primarily tourist environment. People do not come to Provincetown to work on their issues. Year-round population in Provincetown is about 5,000 or so.
In high season it swells to 50 - 60,000. A two-four hour commute daily to-from work would not allow much time at home evenings with Peter. We'd be apart. . . a lot.

That is our issue. Yes, I am willing to live in the here and now -- which does really exist, lol -- and Peter is too. But. . . what about a few years down the road. . .and our lives become more and more closely entwined. . . .and my profession and duties get in the way of our love and life? Then. . . .?

I appreciate our online blog and email chats, COOP. . . here is my reply.

Ciao, babe. . .



Gary Kelly said...

That's all a bit deep for me. But I can't help thinking that when the brain of homo erectus (and that's a curious term if ever I heard one) grew four times larger than his ancestor's, so did his problems.

Coop said...

I know a teeny bit about Psychology but nothing about Therapy. I was guessing in my earlier turn. I took an intro class in High School and studied Freud in college. historical figure in the 20th century. I learned about all the names: Freud, Jung, Pavolv, Hersey, ya, ya, ya. I didn't know that Therapy was about helping patients take new approaches to their problems. So, by doing self-analysis the budding Dr. Justin can better empathize, theorize, see what the other person is going through?? Am I right about that??

"And Justin is in the middle, trying to bridge the gap." I thought the challenge/ struggle/dissonance (something like that) was between two worlds (academia and the fishing village). NOW I see that it's about the future Pete and Dr. O'Shea. A lot can happen in several years, Babe. Maybe you will develop a knack for baking, handle the company books, win powerball. Mme B. could be insulating the house with large denomination bills or a psychologist in P-town could retire, who knows??

Being a part of my roots & fitting in: I'd love to teach college: the interaction, the teaching, preparing my courses, etc. However, I can't identify with the world of the university Prof. I know there's a lot of other demands besides being a good teacher and staying on top of the developments in one's field. Some say that the other demands on their time detract from teaching and student interaction. Long into short, I couldn't identify with being a university Don. I'd rather live in the world after a days worth of thinking. Yuck it up with the buddies. Teaching college as one's day job requires a Ph.D and tenure.
Equally as important to Coops was the realization that I'd have to be prepared to leave New England, my buddies, and my family to get a good Ph.D program and ultimately a teaching gig.

I like being in academia, so I chose a different track. I like participating in a community of thought, getting my claws into knowledge, being the go-to guy. I feel like I can stay in college forever (without animal house antics) and I can get paid for it.... and not the other way around. hohohoho. Luckily, I met librarians who weren't bun haired, stuck up, and living in the Victorian age.
Eventually, I can be a "Lecturer", teach a class or two.
I keep my brain busy. I'm a deep thinker (I think :P), I write, and I'm nurturing. Many of my friends are teachers, cops, work in college offices, etc. etc. There's a few bean counters too.

I appreciate the ability to share our ideas. I confess that these babies do take a lot of time, thought anbvvd (delete delete delete delete) and correction sometimes.

Coop-- signing off.