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Dating Tip of the Month for Singles: "First Date Pointers"
Relationship Tip of the Month for Couples: “Fill-in-the-Blank Couple’s Exercise”
Sex & Intimacy Tip of the Month: “Aphrodisiacs That Will Sex You Up!”
Blog Postings of the Month (Articles and Advice Column Letters)
Member Tips & Resources
Happy New Year! It’s been quite a long time since the newsletter has gone out and I apologize for staying away so long. 2011 was not a great year for me; I had a couple accidents and injuries that put me out of commission for awhile, but I’m all better now and anxious to get back to what I love to do! And I’ve missed you! :)
I haven’t completely been in the shadows though. I’ve been coaching some great men along the way and have done a couple newspaper and radio show interviews that you can find in the media section of my website. I’ve also been playing my hand at adding college teaching to my repertoire and am currently working on-the-side for an online university facilitating graduate-level counseling classes. I’m teaching my first course in cultural diversity right now and loving it.
I hope your New Year brings you much love and success in your dating life and relationships. Cheers to you and it’s great to be back!
Much dating and relationship success,
Dr. Brian Rzepczynski,DHS,MSW, The Gay Love Coach Certified Personal Life Coach/Licensed Relationship Coach firstname.lastname@example.org
“First Date Pointers” by Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW, The Gay Love Coach thegaylovecoach.com
Nothing can be more exciting and anxiety-provoking at the same time than the illustrious first date! Want some pointers on how to get through the high-octane experience unscathed? Here’s three tips to get you primed for a satisfying encounter with a new dating prospect:
1. Relax! There can be a lot of anticipation and build-up to meeting someone new that it can get your nerves so rattled up that you end up stumbling all over yourself and sabotage the potential for making a good first impression. Just prior to going out for your meeting, find a healthy way to self-soothe so you can be at your best. Take a nap, engage in some type of physical exercise or workout, practice relaxation techniques (deep breathing, visualization, muscle tense-release exercises, meditation, etc.), journal about your thoughts and feelings, even masturbate! The point is to find a way that works for you to discharge some of that nervous energy so you can be fully present, centered, and authentic in your presentation to your date.
2. Positivity Reins! When you’re engaging in conversation, remember to stay focused on the positive. So many first dates get tainted when someone begins to complain or talk about negative experiences they’ve had. First impressions matter and you don’t want to start off by sending the message that you’re filled with pessimism, jadedness, or negativity. Those are attraction killers! So that means no comments like, “Gay men suck”, “There’s no good ones left” or to discuss all the ways you were wronged by ex-boyfriends. Smiles, laughter, animation, optimism, openness, ambitiousness, and a success-orientation help fuel attraction and curiosity. And find a genuine way to validate something about your date that makes him feel good about himself, and thereby feeling good about being with you at that moment.
3. Pace It! Sometimes when we’re overly-nervous and don’t know what to say on a first meeting with someone, or conversely when things are going along swimmingly and you’re feeling charged and excited with how things are going, it’s common to spill your guts about how your whole life story. Avoid this tendency and pull it back a bit. Prematurely revealing too much too soon can be overwhelming to the other person before they’ve had a chance to really get to know you and could potentially sabotage a good thing. Reveal things about yourself in bits and pieces, mirroring back and forth with each other in reciprocation. Tune-in to what your motivation is before speaking about certain things and avoid the urge to try and impress your dates. Be your authentic self at all times and always be on the lookout for whether or not his words and actions match or are incompatible with your needs for a potential partner and r elationship.
“A Fill-in-the-Blank Couple’s Exercise” by Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW, The Gay Love Coach thegaylovecoach.com
It’s so easy during the course of a long-term relationship to get caught up into monotonous routines and rituals. This can be an advantage for some who favor the comfort and predictability that a relationship can afford, however it can also lead to the risk of taking one’s partner for granted and forgetting to say and do things that make him feel special and loved and an integral part of your life. To avoid this trap, try this sentence completion exercise by filling in your response in the sentence stem blank with your true thoughts and feelings about your partner and relationship as if you were speaking directly to your partner.
“The thing that I love most about you is_____________________________” “When I first met you, I remember being attracted to you for these reasons__________” “I’m proud to have you as my partner because _________________” “I believe that we complement each other well in the following ways _______________” “The thing that I’m most excited about our future together is ____________________” “My most favorite physical feature about you is _______________________” “The things that you do that are the most pleasing to me are _____________________” “What I most appreciate and admire about you is ____________________________” “Some goals that I’d like to work on in our relationship are ______________________” “I love it when you do this _______________ when we’re making love” “I envision our legacy as a couple being ___________________________”
That’s right, you get the gist of it! Now keep going and add more of your own to this brief list. The key is to communicate these thoughts, feelings, and needs to your partner either directly or spontaneously when he least expects it so that he truly understands the value and meaning he plays in your life. This also has the likelihood of triggering some reciprocation back to you about your importance to him and definitely contributes to more spark and chemistry in the relationship. There’s no time like the present! Where is your partner now? :)
“Aphrodisiacs That Will Sex You Up!” by Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW, The Gay Love Coach thegaylovecoach.com
Remember that R & B song from the 90’s “ I Wanna Sex You Up” by Color Me Badd? Ok, so I’m dating myself! I thought I’d share common foods that I learned about during my sexuality training and reading that have been suggested to be aphrodisiacs that will “sex you up” in terms of increased desire for sex, as well as for more powerful erections and orgasms. You might just be surprised to find that you already have some of these stocked in your fridge, or you may even feel compelled to jump in the car and shoot down to your local supermarket right away to enhance your libido. Maintaining a healthy sex drive requires foods rich in vitamins, minerals, and essential fatty acids. Here’s a short list:
* Chocolate (oh hurray!): it contains phytosteral, a chemical that mimics sex hormones, and its chemicals convert to serotonin and also produce endorphins (which equals happy + horny). Dark chocolate is said to be better than milk
* Oysters (no big surprise): these are high in zinc, which is needed for sperm production, and releases testosterone, the big male sex hormone. It’s been said these are best eaten fresh and raw for the best effect
* Bananas (not just because of the shape!): contain an alkaloid that lifts spirits and helps with self-confidence; being high in carbohydrates and potassium gives extra energy and endurance
* Garlic (grab the mouthwash though!): contains a stimulant and boosts sex drive and stamina due to it providing increased circulation throughout all parts of the body
Other foods that have been identified as possible libido-boosters include celery, basil, eggs, pomegranates, onions, peanuts, peaches, strawberries, and shrimp. The school I attended also conducted various research studies in the 70’s and 80’s and discovered that Swisoats A111 was a successful and usable aphrodisiac. So there you go! Eat up and enjoy! Who knew that some of our favorite delicacies also had some other yummy benefits for the bedroom!
References: Cohen, Aliza Baron (2005). Sex: Rediscovering Desire Through Techniques & Therapies. Lanham, Maryland: Taylor Trade Publishing.
McIlvenna, Raymond L (1988). The Pleasure Quest: The Search for Aphrodisiacs. San Francisco, California: Specific Press for the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality.
Did you miss any of the Gay Love Coach Blog postings this past month? No worries! For your convenience, here is a listing of those articles and advice column letter replies that were added recently. Enjoy!
Have a dating or relationship question for The Gay Love Coach? Please forward questions to email@example.com and every effort will be made to include your question in an upcoming issue of our newsletter or address it in some way in an article or tip. Thank you!
This section is dedicated to you members/subscribers where you can offer your own tips and insights, as well as make announcements for resources pertaining to gay dating and relationships that you know of that would be of benefit to us all! Please feel free to forward these for possible inclusion to firstname.lastname@example.org.
* Stand-Out Site of the Month
“Old Dogs & New Tricks” Gay Web TV series
I was contacted by the producer of a new gay television web series called “Old Dogs and New Tricks” last year as he was getting ready to launch his premier. If you don’t know about it, it’s a comedy about being single and middle-aged in the West Hollywood gay community and all the trials and tribulations that the characters go through. If you’re looking for some fun, mindless entertainment, check the series out:
Disclaimer: The Gay Love Coach does not represent or endorse the quality of any products, information, or materials displayed, purchased, or obtained by you as a result of its mention in this newsletter. It’s common sense to do your own due diligence before purchasing a product.
Coming in the near future, be sure to look out for special structured coaching programs for singles and couples designed to help you create a plan and strategies for achieving success over the unique challenges and issues posed in each life stage.
-“Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life In Today’s World” (2006): self-help book by David Steele, founder of The Relationship Coaching Institute, offering an innovative dating model for helping singles achieve success in dating and finding their future life partners. $17.95 plus shipping & handling. http://thegaylovecoach.com/shop/
-“A Guide to Getting It: Purpose & Passion” (2005): self-help book co-authored by Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach, offering tips and tools for discovering your life purpose and bringing more passion into your life. $14.95 plus shipping & handling. http://thegaylovecoach.com/shop/
For more information regarding these services or to read up on more FREE dating and relationship tips, please visit www.TheGayLoveCoach.com, call Brian at (630) 375-7416, or write to Personal Victory Counseling, 4255 Westbrook Dr. Ste. 225, Aurora, IL email@example.com.
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