Posted: 05 Mar 2012 05:20 AM PST
So you’re single and looking for Mr. Right. Perhaps you enjoy the freedom of this time of your life and date recreationally, keeping your options open until “the right guy” comes along. Or maybe you’re the type who feels like dating is his sealed fate, forever going out on dates with guy after guy, only to walk away from each experience disappointed and questioning whether you’ll ever find a compatible life partner.
Whatever your situation, it’s important to remember that finding Mr. Right is only part of the equation to landing a successful relationship. The other part, which is actually more important, is to become Mr. Right yourself.
The Law of Attraction states that like attracts like. What you put out there in your life will be mirrored back to you. This theory purports that, for example, if you exude confidence and positivity, this will draw like-minded people toward you like a magnet. Conversely, if you portray a demeanor of depression and pessimism, you will likely attract those with similar qualities…if even!
So whether you’re happily single and just “going with the flow” or are frustrated by your lack of return on your dating efforts, the most important thing you can do for yourself at this phase of your development as a single person is to invest in yourself and become Mr. Right. You want to be at your best so that when your Mr. Right actually does enter your life, you’ll be ready and available for him and won’t potentially miss out on a golden opportunity.
Evolution of A Great Guy
Self-actualization, or striving to reach one’s full potential, is at the core of this evolution toward becoming Mr. Right and is a lifelong process for all of us as we grow, change, and learn valuable lessons through the challenges we face in our everyday lives. By taking the emphasis off of preoccupations with why it’s so difficult to find a decent man and ruminating about if you’re going to be single forever, you can channel these feelings and unproductive thoughts toward something meaningful that will actually impact your life in a positive way.
This is not to minimize the value and importance of having a special man in your life for companionship and intimacy—it is a basic human need to achieve a sense of belonging and connection. But until that time comes, putting all the focus on something external to you that you may not have much control over only leads you toward feelings of helplessness and powerlessness that will sabotage your ultimate goals.
You can’t will Mr. Right into your life. You only have control and responsibility over yourself and your choices and actions. Take advantage of this valuable phase of your life as a single gay man to get your life in order so you won’t have any distractions to keep you from snagging that special stud. Nothing would be more brutal than missing out on him because you weren’t emotionally available or even aware that he was right in front of your face.
Are you dateable? Would you date you? Who do you see staring back at you when you look at your reflection in the mirror? Are you proud of the man that you’ve become? If you hesitated on any of these questions, what does that say about you at this juncture of your life?
If you don’t feel good about who you are and what you have to offer, you can’t expect others to see this as an asset either. For all you know, you may be unconsciously giving off vibes that reflect how negatively you feel about yourself or unfulfilled you are with your accomplishments and could actually be thwarting your dating efforts by causing men who might ordinarily be interested to distance. Do the work now to bring about more balance and wholeness to your life and identity before the right guy comes along so you’ll be even more appealing and ensure that you don’t lose out on him by not being ready or available.
[Part Two Tomorrow]
© Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach
The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.
Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc.http://thegaylovecoach.com
thanks Dr Brian and Michael@gaytwogether.com