Thursday, July 15, 2010

STARTIN A- NEW. . .. . part 2

Gay Relationships - Starting A New One - Part 2

Posted: 13 Jul 2010 04:07 AM PDT
Nurturing new relationships takes time and effort. Let's look at two uncomfortable issues that can come up: arguments and sexual interest.

Perhaps you're home with Mr. Right and you have your first argument. Nothing too serious, but it's hard not to feel unsettled. What's going on here?

A piece of advice many couples have found works for them is: never go to bed angry. Stay with the argument until it gets resolved instead. Conflict can make you anxious when a relationship is new, but don't shy away from speaking your mind.

Relationships where one or both partners avoid showing their true feelings in disputes with one another are relationships that aren't going to last.

See if you can let your partner express what he's feeling upset about without getting defensive. Acknowledge that you've heard what he's saying; if you think he's right, say so. If you think he's off base, let him know. Understand that relationships require compromise. The optimal outcome isn't likely to be your partner unconditionally surrendering because you've out-argued him; the best outcome is going to be something that leaves each of you feeling well-heard and respected, and the issue in question moved toward resolution.

Maybe the biggest mistake partners make is believing "I know what he is thinking." You don't - at least not until you ask him. You think his lack of interest in sex last night meant he's getting bored; maybe it just means he's tired. Don't make assumptions. Ask your partner what he's thinking or feeling.

In fact, taking a few minutes regularly each week to check in is great practice that can deepen relationships. Even ten minutes apiece to ask one another, "How are you this week?" can lead to better mutual understanding, greater closeness and more opportunity for intimacy.

Another difficult issue for couples moving beyond the newlywed stage is sexual interest. When you are dating, sex with your new boyfriend feels pretty special. After a while you will get to know every hair and freckle on your partner's body, and the novelty of sex will wear off. Life's other demands can crowd out lovemaking. Most of us aren't all that eager for sex after working long hours and knowing we've got another exhausting day ahead of us tomorrow. Throw in household chores and a hundred other distractions and sex can get pretty stale before you know it.

It may feel unromantic to schedule date night together, but doing penciling it in your Daytimers is a lot more romantic than watching another week go by without making enough time for one another. Some couples create routines or rituals that work for them: Friday nights are strictly for the two of them, no intrusions permitted, or Tuesday evenings are the night to cook a special dinner together rather than rely on the usual quick meal after work.

Keeping sex passionate requires paying attention. When you are first together, the sex may be so hot it's hard to believe things will every cool down - but they probably will. The frequency of lovemaking often slows down after a few months, but the satisfaction both partners receive from sex can increase as they learn more about how to turn one another on.

Take time to start your relationship off on the right foot and you'll like the results.

John R. Ballew, author and contributor to GAYTWOGETHER, is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality, relationships and spirituality. If you have any questions or comments you can submit them directly to GAYTWOGETHERor or John R. Ballew, M.S. - or at (404) 874-8536.

THANKS due to Michael, again,


Coop said...

I understand that Sex is an important part of relationships. Not only do I accept it, I WANT it to be an important part of mine.

With that said, Does the sexual part of a relationship really require much discussion?? I get to thinking that the sex part of a relationship is over emphasized.
Maybe I have an unhealthy attitude towards sex. Even though... heehee... I have Plenty of sexual thoughts I'm NOT ashamed of. Let's just leave it at that for public posting. haha:)

JustinO'Shea said...

Hey COOPs,babe. . .your present comment about talking about sexual matters. . .between and how it affects a couple. . .my couple, for example.
While I do not pretend that the articles I post about relationships and our sexual activities are the last definitive word on the matter. It does sound a bit like we don't really share on such matters. . . that we assume far too much, too often that the partner is into the same type and amount of stuff I am / we are.

The idea of planning and carrying out a romantic rendez=vous, a setting tres intime or provocative, actually planning something different and pleasing sounds a tad foreign. . . . .sometimes sex between couples living together and supposedly into each others needs and desires sounds too much like comin home alone and stripping down and beating off to the wildest or boring-est fantasies. . . instead they come home together, strip down and neck and nibble a bit and get off and "Night, hon" roll over and go to sleep . . .like we've been doing for years . . .ALONE ! zzzzzzzzzz

See what I mean?

Yepper, I've enjoyed my recuperative day off immensely. . .I decided early this morning I was going to do just that...enjoy and recoup.
Right now it is 79*F with 79% humidity, feels like sticky wet 84*F. . . . . .need to find some sort of breeze off the ocean. . . otherwise` it is drippy weather. HIGH today in theU.S.ofA.:: Mojave Dessert was 125*F. That is 51.666 C. H O T T

So ciao ciao duudes and duudettes. . . ;-) CHeerio. . .


p.s. Boyo, we need a little chat about that honey McKenzie in CSI-LA.. . .she's a hot babe!! Gorgeous eyes. . .for a starter. . hehehehe JO'S

Coop said...

If my significant other should want a romantic date night... that's exactly what will happen ;-)
And it will be lovely.