Sunday, September 16, 2012

Some Ideas About Relationships



Dear Billy:. . Your latest running commentaries, aka "snippets" pushed me to write these ideas to you.  And ask you some questions in turn. . .lol  Where do you come up with some of your interpretations of what I never said?  I notice you are doing that a lot lately. . . like you do not seem to get my simple points.  Example:

<< I tell ya, for a warm hearted loving boy, you surprise me with this relationship stuff. I never thought you'd find a lack of magic in it >>

Where'd you ever git the idea I ever said or thought that?  You seem to imply that you don't have to "work on building a relationship" !  Of course, relationships take effort. . .let me be a bit more explicit. . I do not have your comment to hand quickly!

You object to the idea of "planning time together. . .making effort to spend quality time together."  Hon, I've got news for you. . . two people with busy lives, work, family demands, schooling, jobs, etc etc. .must plan to have time/ spend time together just for the other.  Sorry to tell you: without decided planning on the part of both guys in a relationship it is isn't going to happen. . .just fall out of the sky.

To be personal. . .Peter and I may live in the same house, share space, even sleep in the same bed,  etc.  We may have dinner together most evenings but not always.  After dinner/supper sometimes we must find=make time to study.  If we do not it won't happen and we will be packing our bags and heading back to the fishing boats and the early morning 4 a.m. bakery shifts.. . all because we didnt MAKE time to study, to write papers, etc etc. In awful truth: we flunked out!

Our day-time school schedules do not present time to be together. . . just to be present lovingly to each other. We live in two or three different worlds.. . .as do most couples., by the way.  And I think it can be like the tres ancient song "Strangers in the night. . . exchanging glances. . .wondering what are the chances. . . .we'd be more than strangers in the night. . . "

Here are the lyrics to the ancient Frank Sinatra song. . . . [ Frank Who?  hahahaaaaa haaaa . . .]
Strangers in the night exchanging glancesWondering in the nightWhat were the chances we'd be sharing loveBefore the night was through
Something in your eyes was so invitingSomething in your smile was so excitingSomething in my heart told me I must have you
Strangers in the night, two lonely peopleWe were strangers in the nightUp to the moment when we said our first hello
Little did we knowLove was just a glance awayA warm embracing dance away
And ever since that night we've been togetherLovers at first sight, in love foreverIt turned out so right for strangers in the night.+++++++++++++++++++++++
And that is much what happened to Peter and me that first night at the BoatSlip when he made up his mind to walk over and talk with me, to me, . . . . . and what we have today only happened because the next day we got together again, went away from work "on break" over a cuppa and started MAKING time for one another. . .and have done all the other stuff to make our relationship work. . . we chose to spend time together. . .it didn't just "happen out of the blue sky". . .we MADE the time happen. . .we were THERE. . .we called. . we arranged time and places, etc. . we WORKED somethings worked hard on our relationship.  What we have today isn't the result of a dreamy-eyes, love-hungry, hankering after each other's bodies. . .. oh that was there, too, trust me!  LOL. . .lots of it.  But it was because  we talked, communicated, shared, made time to be together.
It could have ended, and a couple times it almost did:  Peter was in Provincetown. . .I was miles away "might have been on another planet", almost. away at school. . .which was a different world from the hard-work days he was experiencing. . . we made the effort to get together which meant tired hours on the road back and forth to be together.  Some weekends I didn't feel like the trip, nether did he: we were both tired from our different works, demands, etc. So we had to "make things happen". . .We had to "show up", be there, listen, talk, whatever it all took.
We are men of different ways, alike and different too.  We don't always like the same things; have different friends,  ho ho ho. . .do we!!! so we had to compromise. . .do the necessary things so we could be together,  a couple. . . 
So YES. a couple does HAVE to make time to be together, to make things happen: that requires working on the relationship. . . no relationship falls out of the sky, or "is meant to be". . . a relationship HAPPENS because two guys decided we want to have, to BE this relationship.
SO, Billy, maybe these few things make my points a little clearer.. . . and help a little bit. . .or better still, help a lot.  Keep working at it;it is well worth the time and effort.
Ciao ciao ~~~
justin


4 comments:

Stew said...

It's a never ending process that is well worth the effort. When someone stops concentrating on themselves and caring about someone else, it makes the whole thing a lot easier.

JustinO'Shea said...

THANKS, Stew, for your "endorsement". I had hoped you and some of the "more established" would kick in some ideas. Experience has much to offer.

Coop said...

I always hoped that relationships were pure magic... chemistry. So this is a bit like a rude awakening.
So much for faerie tales.

Since relationships requires work, I'll happily put in the effort. ;-)


Gary Kelly said...

The thing to remember about relationships is what essentially it is that we fall in love with or are impressed by.

Have you seen The Man With Two Brains with Steve Martin?

Forget all about arms and legs and faces and pecs. Forget about souls and hearts. The person we know and admire is a pound of gray matter.

Everything else is just packaging.

So what does it all mean? Buggered if I know. I'm just doing my sage thing.