Monday, April 2, 2012

Posted: 02 Apr 2012 05:20 AM PDT
Gay Relationships: Dating & 'The Average Joe' - Part OneGay culture highlights youth, muscle, and good looks as valuable assets and commodities when it comes to sexuality and relationships.
All one has to do is turn the pages of your favorite gay newspaper or magazine (that doesn't necessarily have to be sexual in nature) and you'll be distracted by photographs and advertisements of attractive men with chiseled bodies oozing sex appeal to titillate the senses. Or log on to any dating or personals site on the Web and you'll find hosts of men demanding youth and rugged masculine good-looks as personal requirements in their profiles to consider even corresponding or chatting with them.

The harsh reality of the worldwide gay community and society at large is that physical attractiveness is deemed a significant value and those who fit the mold of how this description is defined are admired and rewarded with social privileges and positive reinforcement.
This isn't to say that being a "hottie" is all it's cracked up to be...they can struggle in the dating realm as well as they are often times pigeonholed with superficialities or viewed solely as sexual objects. Dating hardships for the "very good-looking" (VGL) could be a whole separate article! But it can often times be a different experience for those who do not espouse the redeeming qualities or status awarded to those labeled as "beautiful" by cultural standards.

So what if you are a single gay man who might be lower on the "hotness scale" because of your physical appearance and looks, your age, your weight, or because you may have a disability? It can feel like your worth in the gay community means nothing and it can undermine your confidence in your dating efforts...but only if you let it!

This article will offer some insights and tips for helping the Gay Average or Not-So-Average Joe navigate through the sometimes cruel dating waters of the gay community to maximize their success as single men on the hunt for Mr. Right. This isn't intended to be a Pollyanna approach to the situation because the cold reality is that it is unfortunately more challenging and competitive for those that don't necessarily fit the prototype of "VGL". But it's also not a lost cause! 

As you will see, developing and accessing a positive self-esteem and sense of sexiness that we all embody, no matter who we are or what we look like, goes a long way toward attracting the attentions and affection of a significant other. 

 (continued tomorrow - Top 10 Dating Guidelines & Tips for the Gay Average Joe & Compatriots )

© Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach
The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.
Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc.

thanks Brian and


Gary Kelly said...

Good looks are temporary anyway. I think the most important attributes to look for in a significant other are a love of weeding and mowing, raking leaves, cooking, vacuuming and dusting, laundry and ironing, and sharing your choice of TV programs.

Coop said...

"Average Joe" up there is Very HOT! :)

(And Coops think to himself "if he's average, I must be one of cinderfella's wicked step-brothers")

JustinO'Shea said...

YES. . . . .????

Coop said...

There are places in the gay community where I'm considered worthless. Yeah so? I try not to be bothered with that.

JustinO'Shea said...

Well, knowing you, I say they are the losers!
And, as for those places, we are best off not going there. If we do, and then find ourselves put on the side-lines, treated like crap, we are "to blame" when we stay there. Accepting and living in their "glow" we empower them. . .we are then co-creators of our own hell!

GreginAdelaide said...

Coop -
You're far from worthless in this community fella!

Any place/people that figures you are worth(less than they are) is worth even less...that's a no brainer.

Far from trying not to be bothered with it, take pride in it.... take comfort from the fact that you know your relative worth has risen when you meet those knowingly at them...ha!

JustinO'Shea said...

Ditto, Greg! Good attitudes you suggest.

May I push it a little further and ask Coops WHY are you allowing THEM to decide how you feel? Where is that coming from in you? Has anyone ever told you - really told you "Coops, you are totally worthless?"

Only you can answer this question, Babes. . .Where is it coming from? I think maybe you made some odious judgments. . .in the internal dialog, and compared yourself to them . . [why did you?] and then YOU decided "I must be worthless in their eyes cuz I don't possibly ever measure up to their exalted standards." --- why would you ever want to be like 'them'?

If you were like 'them' -- arrogant, snotty, narcissistic, mean, etc etc -- I'd be the poorer:
you would then NOT be MY friend, and what a real loss that would be in my life!

You think you are worthless in 'their' eyes? Hon, that is your own creation, that is an area of "stinking thinking" in your life which could drag you down. Likely, for some weird reason, you are allowing and building on a false assumption. . .when you ASSUME something, usually U make an ASS out of U and ME. You know better. . .LOL

Look, Bro, THAT feeling 'useless, unworthy' is a clear case of "stinking thinking" and thus a place where you need to have/make an attitude adjustment. Running on a false premise is counter-productive. . .and a lie. It is 'junk' you do not need. Chuck it, babe.

Coop said...

Greg's suggestion, that my self worth should rise when I meet people who think that I AM Worthless, makes a lot of sense.

Thanks Greg. :} I've wondered who died and put "them" in charge, anyway.