Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Hey GUYS. . . how y'all doin'. . . .I be getting better. . .slowly, day by day. . .and I am learning to TRUST more and more. One Word I hang onto esp when I am scared is this: "Fear i useless. . .what is needed is trust.". . Hang in there. . JUSTIN. . .;-)

Posted: 24 Nov 2014 05:30 AM PST
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Posted: 24 Nov 2014 05:25 AM PST
ASI3500f9624f68009a58d563078b8dbdda0_fullDating can be like a roller coaster ride sometimes with its fun highs and frustrating lows. Ever wonder why some guys have more luck with the dating game than others? Ever contemplate what it takes to become more successful with men? Well, that’s a tricky business and there’s no scientific formula that will yield those positive results. I believe dating is partly luck and LOTS of preparation.
Part One of this article will count-down the first 5 out of 10 characteristics that are common to the profile of a successful gay dater.  (Part Two - Tomorrow)
The list goes on beyond this as well, but these qualities can provide a starting point for you to assess your possible strengths and weaknesses as a single gay man on the prowl for your Mr. Right and to develop goals for self-improvement that will maximize your efforts out on the dating scene.
Profile Of A Successful Gay Dater:
10. He lives a life that he loves with a clear vision of his future and is armed with self-knowledge and awareness.
It’s critical that you avoid defining your whole life around dating and finding a boyfriend.This is just one aspect of your life and you don’t want to neglect and avoid the other parts of your identity. Know who you are, what you want, and where you’re going in your life.
Develop a crisp, clear vision of how you want to be and the type of life you’d like to lead and succinctly define your personal values, passions, and life purpose and live according to them. Look and feel your best! And remember, “The Law of Attraction” states that like attracts like; what you put out there and show the world has the tendency to attract the same back to you---and that goes for dating too!
9. He knows his personal requirements and refuses to tolerate anything less.
The best defense that you can have in the midst of all those men to choose from is to know what your non-negotiable needs are; things you absolutely must have or absolutely cannot have in a relationship for you to be with that particular guy. This will help you weed through the potentials and the Mr. Wrongs. And don’t sway from your requirements, no matter how hot he is! You’ll be saving yourself a lot of grief in the long run.
8. He has a solid knowledge of what constitutes a healthy relationship.
Be aware of the ingredients of a healthy partnership. This can help you detect any red flags in your dating relationship that might be “deal-breakers” or areas that the two of you could work on together. Such qualities include each person having a strong sense of self with solid boundaries, open communication, flexibility, commitment, ability to have fun, capable of non-defensive conflict negotiation, having emotional connection and intimacy, affection, sexual compatibility, etc.
7. He has a strong support system, access to resources, and is comfortable being alone.
It’s important when your single to have a good friendship network going (they can be great match-makers sometimes) and have a circle of people in your life who support you and care about you. Additionally, become knowledgeable about the resources that exist in your community for LGBT individuals as additional components you can add to your network. And learn creative ways for coping with loneliness by utilizing this alone time for self-reflection, relaxation, and movement toward your personal goals and vision.
6. He has overcome a lot of the male socialization barriers that can interfere with relationship quality of life.
“Men are tough. Men don’t cry. Men don’t show emotions.”You know, all those mumbo jumbo messages all of us men, gay and straight, had to internalize growing up. These scripts that are supposed to define manhood limit our ability to live freely. As a result, many gay relationships tend to be highlighted by competition, status, power/control struggles, and lack of effective communication skills and expression of feelings.
Put two men together in a dating situation with the same socialization scripts, and these are relationship killers! Define for yourself what being a man means, develop comfort with your masculinity and gender, and don’t be held back by these prejudicial sanctions.
( Part Two Tomorrow )Love and pride Fashion
© Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach
The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.
Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc.http://thegaylovecoach.com
 

12 comments:

gp said...

Hope you keep getting better Justin- slowly if necessary, fastly if possible! Have a good Thanksgiving.

J said...

Welcome home, stranger! We've been worrying about you.
When negativity starts creeping in I like to remember one of my mother's observations: Happiness comes in sporadic doses and often when you least expect it. You could be walking down the street, notice the fall colors on the trees, and suddenly realize, gee, I feel happy today. May your doses of happiness be large and frequent.

Jim said...

Have been wondering how you were doing, Justin. Good to see that you learning about 'trust' and taking one day at a time. Tough isn't it? It is very difficult to slow down that 'mind' of ours and put our life/health in other people's hands.
Fear can be consuming but also a necessary 'step' in recovery. Good luck and sending healing energy your way from the shores of Nova Scotia.

Radical Joe said...

Justin,
Sure Missed You. Your Heart Attack must of been a step away from reality. I know that you must be Thanking God for your recovery....... I know everyone of
us have missed you beyond. I think that many see you as maybe a Prophet from the Old Testament. Really. Just as I am elated to see you come back to your Blog. Thanks Justin.

Gary Kelly said...

G'day JustinO. One of your followers who shall remain nameless, wrote me and said he'd been praying for you and that he was worried his prayers weren't being answered. So, smartie pants here wrote back and said answers to prayers aren't guaranteed. "Dear God, here's the deal. I'll say my prayers every night if you promise to answer them."
I thought that was one of my best lines ever hehe. But then you turned up on the Dunes the very next day and buggered everything.

Stay poz, mate, and remember to smell the roses.

Patrick said...

Happy Thanksgiving, Justin; your post has made mine more thankful!

Patrick

jimm said...

No worries, no fears my friend. We watch over you. And the Lion sleeps tonight!

Radical Joe said...

Justin, Wishin You a Blessed and
Happy Thanksgiving. You Sure deserve it. As well as Peter, and all the rest of Your Loyal Friends.

Stew Adams said...

Always thinking of you.
Hang in there.

Coop said...

Oh yum... I have a thought of him.

I'm Thankful for your continuing recovery, Justino.

Stew Adams said...

I read this at work and couldn't respond then. Apologies for waiting so long.
First, it's great to know you are recovering. I'm sure trust is even harder when your own body has betrayed you. I wish you all the best this holiday season and always. You have a big, warm soul that has touched so many lives. And I know it will continue to in ways we can't even imagine.

As for the article, what is "successful dating"? I picture "dating" as many men. And "successful" as in narrowing it down to "the one". But it is correct either way that we must first learn to live with and love ourselves.

Much love, my friend. Take care of those that take care of you.

Radical Joe said...

Justin,
The thought that Wishing You and Peter, and your Mom and Dad a Blessed, Happy New Year for 2015 and Through out the Coming Year.
Also the Whole Justin O'Shea's Blog friends. Love and Joy to everyone. Without Love we are Nothing.