Wednesday, June 4, 2014

PERSONAL ISSUES ON MARRIAGE

This morning Gary sent this commentary.  I shall ost it here in entirety so we can all gain by his ideas, questions, wonderings. . . . .


Gary Kelly said...
Hehe, you and your undertones, JustinO. You're sounding like a shrink. No... it's a serious question. I'm not sure I was ever the marrying type, which may explain why I'm still single. On the other hand, it concerns me that if I had taken the plunge, I may not have lasted the distance.

Also, now that I'm further up the mountain and can see more of the valley below, I have misgivings about younger people's lack of life experience when making decisions that could potentially end up as serious baggage.

By the same token, there'd be little going forth and multiplying if the getting of wisdom was a prerequisite. Hehe.

So it's all a bit confusing, really. Given the high divorce rate, the high proportion of dysfunctional families and the frequency of relationships that end in tragedy, I'm wondering how much of a role luck plays in making a life commitment that succeeds.

9 comments:

Gilbert Ball said...

Gary & "Justin-O",

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on marriage.

My partner and I are both on the same page about marriage....why? We own a home together, have life insurance policies that pay the other one and powers of attorney for financial and medical issues. We both wear rings and I call him my husband (or wife sometimes if I am being a smartass!!

I myself was married at one time in my life....when I was "straight" (cough, cough). Can you say ugly divorce? Why would I want to go through that again?

In Oregon, the same sex marriage ban was just overturned in May and just today the US Supreme Court chose not to intervene in he case by putting a temporary stay in place. Some right wing nut job of an organization from outside Oregon is trying to keep the ban in place and brought the US Supreme into the fray. Koodoos to the Supremes!!

Radical Joe said...

Justin, you would be so heart-broken if Peter turned out that way. We would cry with you, but Peter coming from such good stock family, I am very positive that
your a good know how to judge
character, that failure for you tis next to impossible. My family has had only 1 divorce out of 7 (I blame it on being French, but am probably wrong). They all know that you stick with what you have. I am not done with myself yet so the record is not final.
We know that the two of you are the best gay couple that know what love is all about.

JustinO'Shea said...

Oh RAD-JOE. . you are too kind in your assessment of me. . .but. . thnnk you: I am flattered. ;-)

justin

Jim said...

Hi Justin. Good to join in on this topic and thanks Gary for getting it going.

I had always said when I was younger that I would never get married. I didn't want to be hemmed down to 'that lifestyle'.

Then I came out! Things/attitudes changed. I met a guy and my whole perspective changed. We clicked, we knew that we had something special from the gitgo. I know a lot of people feel this way at the beginning of a relationship.....everything is heaven!!

Long story short....we 'clicked' so much that we lived together for 37 years and when marriage became available in Canada, one day we looked at each other and said 'why not'! We felt pretty sure things were right at this point!! lol

So we did. And have been married for 5 years now. Did it make a different? Yes! In a good way. It made us appreciate what we had and it actually made us stop/pause and really see what we had accomplished.

So, we were lucky that we 'found' each other so many years ago. Was it luck? Maybe. But I do know that it was a lot of hard work on each of our part to also make it a successful relationship. Just like anything that is worth it in life.

Please do not take this as me gloating/boasting about what we have done, I am merely sharing what two people realized a long time ago....that they 'just knew'.

Coop said...

I've been mulling over Gary's comment since it was left in the thread.

(I tried writing the following in gender-neutral terms and it was impossibly pedantic...): I believe that I'll know who I'm going to marry when I meet him & develop a relationship. It will be a feeling... an inclination.
It's no different for heterosexual marriages.

I also wonder if some people get married young because it represents freedom... as in an adult choice, or maybe their parents got married young, or they *think* they love someone.

Justin, you really wouldn't divorce Peeetah if he turned into a slob. I know you better than that.


JustinO'Shea said...

Right-ch'ar, coopsta babes. . no divorce. . .we way too tight for that! ;-))

Gary Kelly said...

Yes, the ol' what if... Like what if you come across a fork in the road of life and are still there at age 102 wondering which one to take? Maybe there's something to be said for the old adage that it's better to make a decision than make none at all. What's the other one? He who hesitates is lost? On the other hand, fools rush in. Hehe.

It's true that we all make decisions we might later regret, but what if we avoided decisions altogether? Hmmm.

jimm said...

I wish i knew HOW to make decisions BEFORE i started up the mountain. Thus, i wouldn't keep falling off the mountain.

JustinO'Shea said...

Hmmmmmmm???????