Tuesday, December 10, 2013

THIS IS DIFFERENT !!! ;-)) part 1

Posted: 10 Dec 2013 05:25 AM PST
Gay Relationships: Gay, Single, & Loving It! - Part OneWe live in a society that places high value and expectation on being in a coupled relationship and singles are often stigmatized for their single-status.
Gay men, in particular, are often labeled as being unable to develop and maintain long-lasting intimate relationships, adding yet another layer to this stigma. 

This can lead to feelings of low self-worth and inferiority, a sense that there’s something wrong with you if you don’t have a boyfriend, an excessive focus and preoccupation with your discontent with being single, and sometimes a compulsive drive to find a relationship just to satisfy that nagging need (which can be a dangerous and sabotaging maneuver if one’s dating practices are conducted out of desperation rather than conscious intention).

For those who have not chosen singlehood as a lifestyle and do long to be in a relationship, this can be a painfully difficult experience.  Special occasions, holidays, weddings, times of loneliness, and just witnessing other couples can be very triggering events for singles that serve to magnify their restlessness and unfulfillment with being solo.  What these types of single gay men need most is a reassurance and recognition that this phase of life can be one of the most enjoyable and transformational times of their lives if they choose it to be.
This article will validate the positive values of being single and will offer some suggestions for making the most of your single life.

The Benefits of Being Single

Singlehood is the time in your life where you have the greatest degree of flexibility and freedom to do whatever you want. You can be more spontaneous, independent, selfish, and adventurous because there can be less commitments and more time to pursue the things you want to do; you can make your life into anything that you want it to be as you’re completely in “the driver’s seat.” You have the ability to enter in and out of situations with relative ease and to meet a variety of new people.

Gay Relationships: Gay, Single, & Loving It! - Part One
You are responsible only for yourself and can make choices and major decisions without having to take another into account or to have to answer to anyone.

You don’t have to deal with another’s annoying habits or nuances and don’t have to compromise. Other aspects of your identity (career, family, friends, etc.) can have more emphasis as there’s less competition for your focus and attentions.
More importantly, though, being single puts you in the ideal position for cultivating yourself to reach your fullest potential as an individual.
It’s an opportunity for self-exploration and investing in your own personal growth and development.

It’s an ideal time to learn what’s needed to be fully prepared for love when you find it, to experiment safely with your sexuality, and to explore different types of relationships.
It’s also fertile ground for learning about who you are and what your needs are.

( Part Two Tommorrow -- "Action Steps for Navigating Your Single Life" ) 

© Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach
The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.
Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc.http://thegaylovecoach.com



Stew Adams said...

Perhaps the greatest feat is not to find someone to love, but to find the walls that you have erected and tare them down to let someone in.

GreginAdelaide said...

Being single has been the story of (most of) my life and it's not so bad..... being single certainly has it's benefits for heteros as well you know, let me tell you this little story:

"Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess,
"Will you marry me?"

The Princess immediately said, "No!"

And the Prince lived happily ever after, and raced motorcycles and dated thin, long-legged, full-breasted women, and hunted and fished and worked on his bike engines in the kitchen and went to titty bars and dated ladies half his age and drank whiskey, beer and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony, and dated cheerleaders and kept his house and guns, and ate extra strong garlic Yiros and pie floaters and potato chips and beans, and blew enormous farts, and never got cheated on while he was at work, and all his friends and family thought he was friggin cool as hell, and he had tons of money in the bank, and left the toilet seat up.

The End."

Gary Kelly said...

Sorry to take issue with "tearing down walls", Stew, but there's a danger in that attitude of stereotyping loners. I get it all the time. "What did you do on the weekend?" "What did you do for your birthday?" "What are your plans for Christmas?" If I answer "nothing" then I'm labeled lonely and miserable, whereas nothing could be further from the truth.

JustinO'Shea said...

Good comment, Stew. . and a very challenging 'resolution'. . but one very necessary if one is ever going to LIVE! Keep on convincing people that it is well worth the effort and hard work which does get easier once you are convinced that tearing down walls is well worth it!

GreginAdelaide said...

No walls here, just a little low fence, anyone with half an eye and half a brain can see me....a happy fella who loves life.
Never miserable, open, loving, not objectionably opinionated, nearly always positive, look for the good in (nearly) everything.

I've not really hidden myself, just not obvious, not openly out.

But somehow luck has not been with me, and, the only person I have ever truly loved isn't bent.

Ah well, nothing to see, move on, no regrets, live life. It's all good.

Gary Kelly said...

I've been meaning to say how impressed I am with your Prince and Princess piece, Greg. It's very well written.

GreginAdelaide said...

HA! Yeah right, Mr Kelly. "well written" indeed.... but it is all true... even the titty bar bit...but I was only going along with straight mate to be in his company, sad, eh.

Which brings a question into my head. How many of is loners are out there Gary? What percentage of gay men are like you an me..... yeah, we are somewhat different, have slightly different reasons we've ended up alone, but the common thread is that neither of us seem to have regrets or even wish to change our situation all that much.
Hmm... interesting, I'll have to ponder that a little longer..

Gary Kelly said...

My guess, Greg, is that thoughts of becoming a twosome fade with age as one becomes more independent and set in one's ways. Also, in my case, I value friendship and good company more than romantic notions these days. Nothing more satisfying than a good natter with a philosophical thinker.

JustinO'Shea said...

Peter and I have some very good natters about "matters of consequence". . Indeed! ho ho ho