Posted: 31 Oct 2012 06:20 AM PDT
Whether you’re single and looking for “The One” or are trying to break into a social group or land a new job with a potential employer, you may only have one opportunity to peak someone’s interest and curiosity in who you are and what you might bring to the table.
( Continued from yesterday ) --- Part One: 8 Tips For Making A Solid Awesome First Impression )
5. Practice Core Mindfulness
In a first encounter with someone, it’s common to want to be liked and this can lead to being too much “in your head”. Thinking about what you’re going to say next in the interaction or worrying about the other guy’s perception of you can be distracting and take you away from being attentive from the man across from you. This can certainly bomb the guy’s opinion of you if he thinks you’re not paying attention to what he’s saying or if you appear distant and preoccupied.
Live in the here-and-now and be in the moment. Let all five of your senses go wild and make sure to mirror back and validate what’s being communicated so he knows you’re really listening. That’s an important skill that will help you stay centered and connected with your talking partner.
Although it’s controversial and can be viewed as shallow, physical appearance does play a huge role in someone’s estimation of you. Especially as men, we are generally cued in and attracted to the visual, so your looks and presentation will be important factors to consider. Pay attention to your grooming and hygiene, not to mention your clothes and accessories.
Exercise regularly to give yourself both inner and outer glow. Your internal life is also vitally important. When you have positive self-esteem, you unconsciously send off vibes of confidence, self-assuredness, and sexiness. These tend to be magnetic qualities. Really let your personality shine through and be unapologetically yourself.
7. Feed Your Brain
Sometimes being in a social situation can be overwhelming when you feel out of your element. And if the guy is really hot and you’re instantly smitten, it’s not uncommon to get tongue-tied and be at a loss for words. Always have a back-up arsenal of possible topics to have at your disposal should you need to spontaneously pull one out in an uncomfortable pause or silence with your conversational partner.
Keep up on current events or media and read books on flirting, mingling, or social skills to fine-tune and boost your confidence. Not only will this give you something to talk about, but it will also make you more interesting and intellectually stimulating to your audience. Just make sure to not sound rehearsed or forced and let the conversation flow naturally into a topic change.
8. Get Coached!
We often are not aware that people can perceive us differently than we see ourselves when socializing. Enlist the help of a trusted friend or coach to observe you in action at a social setting and listen to their feedback about your various strengths and weaknesses. Then you can develop a battle strategy for improving those areas in need of a work-out
You can also attend classes on public speaking, join your local Toast Masters club, or enroll in a local improvisational or acting course to help you practice your social skills and to learn how to feel more at ease with spontaneity and “thinking on your feet.”
First impressions are lasting, so you want to ensure that you give it all you’ve got without undue pressure to please. We can’t usually control the chemistry that we feel toward certain people, but you can promote your chances of dating success and/or building your friendship network and professional leads by letting your true personality shine through in your interactions with others and following the above tips to the best of your ability.
If you and that other guy don’t click, don’t sweat it. If nothing else, it was good practice with your social skills and it is definitely NOT a rejection of you…because they don’t know who you are on one interchange.
So get out there and mix and be fabulous! Who knows? Maybe one of those times you’ll snag someone special out of it. Cheers!
© Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach
The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.
Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc.http://thegaylovecoach.com
Thanks to Brian and to Michael@gaytwogether.com