Earlier this week Coop wrote . . . .actually it was just yesterday. . . .seems almost like weeks ago, so much is going on. .
I had planned on replying to his comments about agape and eros in a special 'topic'.
I have tried several times to begin but I cannot. All I do is sit, idly staring at the screen and keyboard, unable to
approach this at the moment, my thoughts drifting in shallow pools, moved by the tidal rise and fall.
Events of this week leave me kinda feeling like I had been severely kicked in the balls
unable to stand up again. . . .for now, anyway.
The 'seer' who wrote about the year of the Tiger mentioned it was not going to be a year of love fests and other agape a and erotic pursuits. I suppose she writes what she 'sees' but. . . ..did she need to be so dead on about it, so soon in
the New Year?
I hate it when people say something BIG and say nothing. Let's just say that Fisher-man, Baker-man Portugese
Pete and I have crashed on a craggy rocky shoal off the Cape Cod coast. We're both still here, working
to try repair the boat so we can safely make it back to the mainland beach.
Bear with me. . . .'all will be well. . . .all will be well. . . .all manner of things will be well.'
justin
.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
The very first ever blond GUY joke. . .
The very first ever Blonde GUY joke... And well worth the wait!
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, 'Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building.'
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, 'Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too.'
The blonde opened his lunch and said, ' Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too.'
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, 'If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!'
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, 'I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much.'
(Oh this is GOOD!)
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,
'Don't look at me. The idiot makes his own lunch.'
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, 'Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building.'
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, 'Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too.'
The blonde opened his lunch and said, ' Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too.'
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, 'If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!'
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, 'I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much.'
(Oh this is GOOD!)
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,
'Don't look at me. The idiot makes his own lunch.'
Monday, February 15, 2010
DO WE OR DON'T WE ???
Gay Relationships: Sex-Starved Gay Male Couples - The Untold Secret
Posted: 14 Feb 2010 10:15 PM PST
Sex-Starved Gay Male Couples - The Untold SecretGay male couples feel a lot of pressure to remain sexually fresh, new, and exciting.That’s the popular stereotype. “All gay men love sex and have it a lot” trumpets the popular press. “If I were gay,” straight men joke, “I would be having sex all the time with my partner! Guys always want it!”
So gay couples think that other gay couples are enjoying all kinds of adventurous sex. After all, aren’t men, gay men in particular, supposed to be sexually open and alive? But this is often not the case at all.
Gay male couples in long-term relationships (LTRs) in my office complain that they haven’t been sexual for long periods of time—sometimes years. They tell me that they’ve agreed to get sex outside their relationship, or they are only sexual with each other when it involves a third man.
These partners question if they are really right for each other, if they’re unable to keep sex alive between just the two of them. I’m quick to reassure them this problem is more common than they think. It isn’t only gay couples’ for whom sexual activity tapers off after their initial “honeymoon” period. For both gays and straights, sexual excitement wanes after the first two or three years.
Romantic Love . . . This stage of love is only the doorway to the relationship with a new partner. In this stage, people often report feeling drugged. If originally depressed, they feel less so. If suffering from some addiction, they may experience diminished craving or feel entirely “cured.” But love’s a stimulant, too: People find they can suddenly operate on a lot less sleep; and a sluggish libido will ratchet up to match a partner’s higher sex drive.
New lovers feel an elation, exhilaration, and euphoria mostly due to their bloodstreams being flooded with chemical cousins of amphetamines such as phenylethalimine (or PEA), dopamine, norepinephrine—all natural stimulants and painkillers. So if they feel drugged, it’s because they are!
When first released, PEA is at its most potent, which is why you never forget your first love. PEA eradicates pain, lowers anxiety, makes the world bright and renewed—but above all, it heightens sexual arousal and desire for the beloved.
And the Power Struggle
In this, the second stage of relationships, conflict naturally arises and couples begin having difficulty communicating. Like romantic love, this universal stage is supposed to happen—and end, though it lasts longer than romantic love and doesn’t feel anywhere near as good. Worst of all, sexual interest in each other partner wanes, for gay and straight alike.
Being upset and angry with your partner and perhaps hurt, the last thing on your mind is showing physical affection.
Breaking up to make up
Many couples split up and make up—repeatedly, often in unconscious attempts to jump-start their romance. During a break-up, the fear, risk and danger all heightens PEA, which makes couples enjoy ecstatic sex. This “second honeymoon” is short-lived, naturally, and they soon return to less frequency and enjoyment.
Sexual Desire Discrepancy
Few partners are equals in libido. Typically, one wants sex more than the other. But at the start of their relationship, the “love drugs” make each want it as much as the other, with the partner with the lower sex drive experiencing an increase—again because of PEA. But when its effect wears off, he reverts to his naturally lower desire.
What happens after romantic love and sexual desire wane? Typically, each partner blames the other, not understanding why this physiological dynamic is occurring. They begin arguing, fighting and hurting each other—which really brings sex to a halt.
The problem with postponing sex for long periods is that you are creating a new behavioral template: The two of you become more like family, friends or brothers, but less like lovers. As a result, unfortunately, sexual anorexia can set in for any couple, gay or straight.3218144797_069500
Sexual Anorexia: Not a Common Term
Anorexic usually describes people with an eating disorder who can literally starve themselves to death. Logically, but incorrectly, many people assume that “sexual anorexia” means erotic starvation, or depriving oneself of sexual pleasure.
In his book, Sexual Anorexia: Overcoming Sexual Self-Hatred, Patrick Carnes writes about it as a disorder that parallels sexual addiction (a term that he coined) and compulsivity.
Sexual anorexia he describes as “an obsessive state in which the physical, mental, and emotional task of avoiding sex dominates one’s life.” The sufferer is obsessed with avoiding sex and finds it repulsive—which is wholly different from having a low libido or being simply not interested in sex.
Sexual Anorexia is different from having low sexual desire. Those with low sexual drives do not avoid sex, but can’t activate their libido, try as they might. They simply lack interest, since their desire has been squelched or is non-existent. They may be avoiding a partner who wants sex more than they do, but they also seek to avoid confronting their own low desire.
Sexual anorexia takes on many forms:
1. A pattern of resistance to any sexual topic or overture
2. Continuing that pattern of avoidance, even though he may know it’s destructive to the relationship and might drive his partner away
3. Going to great lengths to avoid his partner’s sexual contact or affectionate attentions.
4. Rigid or judgmental attitudes toward sexuality and the physical body—his partner’s and his own
5. Obsessing over sex and how to avoid it, to a point where it interferes with normal living
The sexual anorexic’s main goal is to find ways to separate intimacy and sex. Men and women alike can suffer from this disorder. Most initially feel out-of-sorts and keep silent about their apathy, lest they be judged negatively in today’s sexually-affirmative society.
I often see this affliction in gay male couples. They often break up, thinking that there is nothing they can do to fix their impasse. “If desire isn’t there anymore,” they assume, “that must mean it’s over.” But that’s not true.
91707pgt To bring passion and sex back into your relationship, you have to want to do it—and know that this time around, it takes work. It wasn’t work in the beginning, when Nature was on your side, drugging you with excitement and ecstasy. To bring it back in healthy doses now, you’re on your own—and you can.
Smart Things Gay Male Couples Can Do to Rekindle Their Sex Life
1. Plan time for sex.
Most couples—gay and straight—insist they shouldn’t have to plan for sex, which should come naturally and spontaneously the way it did in the beginning of their relationship. But after the first five years, you must make time for it. Planning can help you anticipate being together, making the coming experience more exciting.
2. Focus on some detail(s) you find attractive about your partner.
Is your partner not quite as attractive as when you first got together? He’s put on some pounds, lost some hair, and doesn’t seem as hot to you now. Then focus on what you do like about him—his genitals, hair, feet, hands? The way he kisses? Focus on any aspect of him that most arouses you.
3. Fantasize about some hot experience you had in the past.
It can be an experience and/or fantasy with your current partner, or with someone else. The popular press media claims that not being fully present with a partner during sex is destructive and to fantasize about anyone else is like cheating. Not true! If that’s the only way you and your partner can enjoy sex, that might be an issue. But doing this every so often can spark sexual excitement in you both.
4. Watch porn together; get on the webcam with other guys on the Internet.
This aphrodisiac can heighten your sexual desire—and thus, for each other. There’s nothing wrong with being stimulated outside your relationship, if you bring that sexual energy back into the relationship with your partner. Again, this is no problem unless it’s the only way you can have sex together or one of you is jealous. This would not be recommended if so.
5. Consider opening up your relationship.
Many gay couples open their relationships after five to seven years together. In fact, studies show that 75% of gay male couples have non-monogamous relationships. However, these couples communicate and have agreements with each other so that both know that neither is cheating or doing anything in secret. This frank openness helps partners helps them reactivate sexual desire in one another.
6. Role-play.
Have you and your partner ever discussed your deepest, darkest sexual secrets? Maybe one or both of you like to be spanked? Maybe humiliating someone sexually turns you one? Perhaps you’ve never told him of your fetish of licking his feet or armpit? Fantasy role play can help you escape daily living, forget about your busy lives, and perhaps even problems in your relationship. Remember, you should only do this when you feel good about each other. The goal is to connect, not disconnect.
7. Do anything except have sex.
After a long drought in a relationship, engaging in sex directly may be too tall an order. If so, give each other massages. Take a bath or shower together, lie naked beside each other, kiss, rub strawberries on each other’s lips and feed each other. But whatever you do, don’t have sex! If you both honestly decide to, fine—but your goal should not to create any pressure to perform.
Gay male couples not having sex for long periods of time can now come out of the closet of shame and lonely isolation, knowing that their worry is more common generally talked about.
Following some of these guidelines or creating your own, you might not have to walk away from the relationship you’ve always wanted.
Author's Bio - Since 1985, Joe Kort, MA, MSW has been specializing in Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy, Marital Affairs, Mixed Orientation Marriages, Sexual Addiction, Sexual Abuse, and Imago Relationship Therapy offering weekend workshops for singles and couples. He provides trainings to straight clinicians about Gay Affirmative Therapy around the country. Joe is the author of two books on gay male identity and relationships. His latest book is “Gay Affirmative Therapy for the Straight Clinician: The Essential Guide. An adjunct professor teaching Gay and Lesbian Studies at Wayne State University’s School of Social Work, he maintains a regularly updated website at www.joekort.com.
@ borrowed with gratitude from MICHAEL @gaytwogether.com
Posted: 14 Feb 2010 10:15 PM PST
Sex-Starved Gay Male Couples - The Untold SecretGay male couples feel a lot of pressure to remain sexually fresh, new, and exciting.That’s the popular stereotype. “All gay men love sex and have it a lot” trumpets the popular press. “If I were gay,” straight men joke, “I would be having sex all the time with my partner! Guys always want it!”
So gay couples think that other gay couples are enjoying all kinds of adventurous sex. After all, aren’t men, gay men in particular, supposed to be sexually open and alive? But this is often not the case at all.
Gay male couples in long-term relationships (LTRs) in my office complain that they haven’t been sexual for long periods of time—sometimes years. They tell me that they’ve agreed to get sex outside their relationship, or they are only sexual with each other when it involves a third man.
These partners question if they are really right for each other, if they’re unable to keep sex alive between just the two of them. I’m quick to reassure them this problem is more common than they think. It isn’t only gay couples’ for whom sexual activity tapers off after their initial “honeymoon” period. For both gays and straights, sexual excitement wanes after the first two or three years.
Romantic Love . . . This stage of love is only the doorway to the relationship with a new partner. In this stage, people often report feeling drugged. If originally depressed, they feel less so. If suffering from some addiction, they may experience diminished craving or feel entirely “cured.” But love’s a stimulant, too: People find they can suddenly operate on a lot less sleep; and a sluggish libido will ratchet up to match a partner’s higher sex drive.
New lovers feel an elation, exhilaration, and euphoria mostly due to their bloodstreams being flooded with chemical cousins of amphetamines such as phenylethalimine (or PEA), dopamine, norepinephrine—all natural stimulants and painkillers. So if they feel drugged, it’s because they are!
When first released, PEA is at its most potent, which is why you never forget your first love. PEA eradicates pain, lowers anxiety, makes the world bright and renewed—but above all, it heightens sexual arousal and desire for the beloved.
And the Power Struggle
In this, the second stage of relationships, conflict naturally arises and couples begin having difficulty communicating. Like romantic love, this universal stage is supposed to happen—and end, though it lasts longer than romantic love and doesn’t feel anywhere near as good. Worst of all, sexual interest in each other partner wanes, for gay and straight alike.
Being upset and angry with your partner and perhaps hurt, the last thing on your mind is showing physical affection.
Breaking up to make up
Many couples split up and make up—repeatedly, often in unconscious attempts to jump-start their romance. During a break-up, the fear, risk and danger all heightens PEA, which makes couples enjoy ecstatic sex. This “second honeymoon” is short-lived, naturally, and they soon return to less frequency and enjoyment.
Sexual Desire Discrepancy
Few partners are equals in libido. Typically, one wants sex more than the other. But at the start of their relationship, the “love drugs” make each want it as much as the other, with the partner with the lower sex drive experiencing an increase—again because of PEA. But when its effect wears off, he reverts to his naturally lower desire.
What happens after romantic love and sexual desire wane? Typically, each partner blames the other, not understanding why this physiological dynamic is occurring. They begin arguing, fighting and hurting each other—which really brings sex to a halt.
The problem with postponing sex for long periods is that you are creating a new behavioral template: The two of you become more like family, friends or brothers, but less like lovers. As a result, unfortunately, sexual anorexia can set in for any couple, gay or straight.3218144797_069500
Sexual Anorexia: Not a Common Term
Anorexic usually describes people with an eating disorder who can literally starve themselves to death. Logically, but incorrectly, many people assume that “sexual anorexia” means erotic starvation, or depriving oneself of sexual pleasure.
In his book, Sexual Anorexia: Overcoming Sexual Self-Hatred, Patrick Carnes writes about it as a disorder that parallels sexual addiction (a term that he coined) and compulsivity.
Sexual anorexia he describes as “an obsessive state in which the physical, mental, and emotional task of avoiding sex dominates one’s life.” The sufferer is obsessed with avoiding sex and finds it repulsive—which is wholly different from having a low libido or being simply not interested in sex.
Sexual Anorexia is different from having low sexual desire. Those with low sexual drives do not avoid sex, but can’t activate their libido, try as they might. They simply lack interest, since their desire has been squelched or is non-existent. They may be avoiding a partner who wants sex more than they do, but they also seek to avoid confronting their own low desire.
Sexual anorexia takes on many forms:
1. A pattern of resistance to any sexual topic or overture
2. Continuing that pattern of avoidance, even though he may know it’s destructive to the relationship and might drive his partner away
3. Going to great lengths to avoid his partner’s sexual contact or affectionate attentions.
4. Rigid or judgmental attitudes toward sexuality and the physical body—his partner’s and his own
5. Obsessing over sex and how to avoid it, to a point where it interferes with normal living
The sexual anorexic’s main goal is to find ways to separate intimacy and sex. Men and women alike can suffer from this disorder. Most initially feel out-of-sorts and keep silent about their apathy, lest they be judged negatively in today’s sexually-affirmative society.
I often see this affliction in gay male couples. They often break up, thinking that there is nothing they can do to fix their impasse. “If desire isn’t there anymore,” they assume, “that must mean it’s over.” But that’s not true.
91707pgt To bring passion and sex back into your relationship, you have to want to do it—and know that this time around, it takes work. It wasn’t work in the beginning, when Nature was on your side, drugging you with excitement and ecstasy. To bring it back in healthy doses now, you’re on your own—and you can.
Smart Things Gay Male Couples Can Do to Rekindle Their Sex Life
1. Plan time for sex.
Most couples—gay and straight—insist they shouldn’t have to plan for sex, which should come naturally and spontaneously the way it did in the beginning of their relationship. But after the first five years, you must make time for it. Planning can help you anticipate being together, making the coming experience more exciting.
2. Focus on some detail(s) you find attractive about your partner.
Is your partner not quite as attractive as when you first got together? He’s put on some pounds, lost some hair, and doesn’t seem as hot to you now. Then focus on what you do like about him—his genitals, hair, feet, hands? The way he kisses? Focus on any aspect of him that most arouses you.
3. Fantasize about some hot experience you had in the past.
It can be an experience and/or fantasy with your current partner, or with someone else. The popular press media claims that not being fully present with a partner during sex is destructive and to fantasize about anyone else is like cheating. Not true! If that’s the only way you and your partner can enjoy sex, that might be an issue. But doing this every so often can spark sexual excitement in you both.
4. Watch porn together; get on the webcam with other guys on the Internet.
This aphrodisiac can heighten your sexual desire—and thus, for each other. There’s nothing wrong with being stimulated outside your relationship, if you bring that sexual energy back into the relationship with your partner. Again, this is no problem unless it’s the only way you can have sex together or one of you is jealous. This would not be recommended if so.
5. Consider opening up your relationship.
Many gay couples open their relationships after five to seven years together. In fact, studies show that 75% of gay male couples have non-monogamous relationships. However, these couples communicate and have agreements with each other so that both know that neither is cheating or doing anything in secret. This frank openness helps partners helps them reactivate sexual desire in one another.
6. Role-play.
Have you and your partner ever discussed your deepest, darkest sexual secrets? Maybe one or both of you like to be spanked? Maybe humiliating someone sexually turns you one? Perhaps you’ve never told him of your fetish of licking his feet or armpit? Fantasy role play can help you escape daily living, forget about your busy lives, and perhaps even problems in your relationship. Remember, you should only do this when you feel good about each other. The goal is to connect, not disconnect.
7. Do anything except have sex.
After a long drought in a relationship, engaging in sex directly may be too tall an order. If so, give each other massages. Take a bath or shower together, lie naked beside each other, kiss, rub strawberries on each other’s lips and feed each other. But whatever you do, don’t have sex! If you both honestly decide to, fine—but your goal should not to create any pressure to perform.
Gay male couples not having sex for long periods of time can now come out of the closet of shame and lonely isolation, knowing that their worry is more common generally talked about.
Following some of these guidelines or creating your own, you might not have to walk away from the relationship you’ve always wanted.
Author's Bio - Since 1985, Joe Kort, MA, MSW has been specializing in Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy, Marital Affairs, Mixed Orientation Marriages, Sexual Addiction, Sexual Abuse, and Imago Relationship Therapy offering weekend workshops for singles and couples. He provides trainings to straight clinicians about Gay Affirmative Therapy around the country. Joe is the author of two books on gay male identity and relationships. His latest book is “Gay Affirmative Therapy for the Straight Clinician: The Essential Guide. An adjunct professor teaching Gay and Lesbian Studies at Wayne State University’s School of Social Work, he maintains a regularly updated website at www.joekort.com.
@ borrowed with gratitude from MICHAEL @gaytwogether.com
Sunday, February 14, 2010
HAPPY NEW YEAR. . . .CHINESE
*
Year of the Tiger: A Fortune Forecast
by Vera H-C Chan
41 hours ago
565 Votes
Year of the Tiger may fall on Valentine's Day, but don't expect a lovefest.
In the U.S., an alignment of Eastern and Western calendars has made for a packed three-day weekend. Both Lunar New Year and Valentine's Day may call for a dual celebration in shades of red and pink, but searchers on the prowl for "chinese new year predictions" on Yahoo! have been finding that the coming year may not provide the best mood for hookups—at least, depending on which prognosticator you listen to.
It's not all bad: Under a tiger reign, a reversal of financial fortunes could come to a lot of businesses that have taken a pounding during the recession. Take a spin on the wheel and see what may be in store...
Animal Instincts
Similar in concept to the Western zodiac's 12 signs, 12 animals define the Chinese astrology chart. Not all the critters get along (no surprise), and some will undergo setbacks under a tiger reign—even those born under the tiger sign themselves. Monkeys and tigers (who are opposite on the astrology chart) are both advised against attending funerals and weddings.
Who'll get a pass from the feline? People born in the year of the pig, snake, rooster and goat.
search Check out the other animals in the Chinese zodiac.
Love Disconnections
Nuptials aren't a good idea in the upcoming days, at least not in Beijing. Thanks to a disconnect between solar and lunar calendars, the Year of the Tiger apparently doesn't have a spring: No spring makes this a "widow year," which portends infertility—and explains the last-minute rush of newlyweds in China before the New Year kicked in.
Not all forecasters are in agreement: A Brunei article claims the marital waters are fine, and babes born this year will be luckier than the rest of the pack. Another master is calling this an "awakening year" and a good time to start new ventures, from weddings to renovations. The takeaway? All we can say is, if you're going to commit, you better feel pretty darn sure about it.
search What is a lunar calendar?
Accident Prone
Complicated Chinese astrology isn't just about animals—there are also natural elements that come more into play. This time, the key elements are metal, wood, thunder, and fire, which can portend international conflicts. Time to check your automobile and home-insurance plans: When the tiger prowls, traffic accidents go up. One Canadian soothsayer predicts natural disasters in the South Pacific and California, the latter in mid-2010.
On the upside, cooperation will emerge, and people will try to take on bullies and help each other out. If you have a tiger at your tail, it's time to team up.
search Explore the five elements in Chinese astrology.
Money boost
Ben Bernanke and other financial prognosticators already said last year that the recession is over. Adding to those voices are fortunetellers who say "optimism and a speculative mentality" will boost the stock market a bit. Looking to invest? In reading the delicate and ever-shifting balance among the five elements that comprise the universe, a Metal Tiger Year should result in a pickup in businesses involved in energy, construction, steel, banking, machinery, high tech, and cars.
Under Tiger Attack?
Strained times are ahead for the U.S. president: Barack Obama is an ox man, and the Year of the Ox coincided with his freshman year. One prediction calls for him to "shine with flying colors," while another sees "a bloody hard time"—but if he survives a trial by tiger, his remaining term will be a breeze.
His days, though, won't be as bad as those for monkey men like U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon, Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Toyota president Akio Toyoda... and as recent recalls show, Toyoda's bad luck has already started.
Given his recent travails, the question is inevitable: What does the Year of the Tiger have in store for Tiger Woods? Things are looking a bit grim for Woods (born in the Year of the Rabbit, by the way). One soothsayer declares his "long-term fortune is on the decline." Maybe now's a good time for a Tiger to lie low.
search Where's that Tiger?
Year of the Tiger: A Fortune Forecast
by Vera H-C Chan
41 hours ago
565 Votes
Year of the Tiger may fall on Valentine's Day, but don't expect a lovefest.
In the U.S., an alignment of Eastern and Western calendars has made for a packed three-day weekend. Both Lunar New Year and Valentine's Day may call for a dual celebration in shades of red and pink, but searchers on the prowl for "chinese new year predictions" on Yahoo! have been finding that the coming year may not provide the best mood for hookups—at least, depending on which prognosticator you listen to.
It's not all bad: Under a tiger reign, a reversal of financial fortunes could come to a lot of businesses that have taken a pounding during the recession. Take a spin on the wheel and see what may be in store...
Animal Instincts
Similar in concept to the Western zodiac's 12 signs, 12 animals define the Chinese astrology chart. Not all the critters get along (no surprise), and some will undergo setbacks under a tiger reign—even those born under the tiger sign themselves. Monkeys and tigers (who are opposite on the astrology chart) are both advised against attending funerals and weddings.
Who'll get a pass from the feline? People born in the year of the pig, snake, rooster and goat.
search Check out the other animals in the Chinese zodiac.
Love Disconnections
Nuptials aren't a good idea in the upcoming days, at least not in Beijing. Thanks to a disconnect between solar and lunar calendars, the Year of the Tiger apparently doesn't have a spring: No spring makes this a "widow year," which portends infertility—and explains the last-minute rush of newlyweds in China before the New Year kicked in.
Not all forecasters are in agreement: A Brunei article claims the marital waters are fine, and babes born this year will be luckier than the rest of the pack. Another master is calling this an "awakening year" and a good time to start new ventures, from weddings to renovations. The takeaway? All we can say is, if you're going to commit, you better feel pretty darn sure about it.
search What is a lunar calendar?
Accident Prone
Complicated Chinese astrology isn't just about animals—there are also natural elements that come more into play. This time, the key elements are metal, wood, thunder, and fire, which can portend international conflicts. Time to check your automobile and home-insurance plans: When the tiger prowls, traffic accidents go up. One Canadian soothsayer predicts natural disasters in the South Pacific and California, the latter in mid-2010.
On the upside, cooperation will emerge, and people will try to take on bullies and help each other out. If you have a tiger at your tail, it's time to team up.
search Explore the five elements in Chinese astrology.
Money boost
Ben Bernanke and other financial prognosticators already said last year that the recession is over. Adding to those voices are fortunetellers who say "optimism and a speculative mentality" will boost the stock market a bit. Looking to invest? In reading the delicate and ever-shifting balance among the five elements that comprise the universe, a Metal Tiger Year should result in a pickup in businesses involved in energy, construction, steel, banking, machinery, high tech, and cars.
Under Tiger Attack?
Strained times are ahead for the U.S. president: Barack Obama is an ox man, and the Year of the Ox coincided with his freshman year. One prediction calls for him to "shine with flying colors," while another sees "a bloody hard time"—but if he survives a trial by tiger, his remaining term will be a breeze.
His days, though, won't be as bad as those for monkey men like U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon, Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Toyota president Akio Toyoda... and as recent recalls show, Toyoda's bad luck has already started.
Given his recent travails, the question is inevitable: What does the Year of the Tiger have in store for Tiger Woods? Things are looking a bit grim for Woods (born in the Year of the Rabbit, by the way). One soothsayer declares his "long-term fortune is on the decline." Maybe now's a good time for a Tiger to lie low.
search Where's that Tiger?
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
See what WE are missing. . .!
> Waffly
> Wedded Wife..............A Hoot
>
>
>
> This is funny! They paid a lot for the videographers and
> they
> did a great job! Look at the clarity and the
> reactions
> they caught.. This couple are going to cherish this
> video forever. If the bride's laugh doesn't
> start you
> laughing, you’ve lost your
> funny bone.
>
Some personal comments about depression
Many - most? -- of us try to resolve our own issues by ourselves, thank you very much. Fine.
However, in a period of depression a guy or gal doesn't know where to begin. This adds to a feeling of helplessness which is already there.
It has been said that the number of support groups have grown by leaps and bounds in the last 30 years. There are support groups for almost every conceivable need you can imagine 'big toe bursitis' to 'lack a nookey'. . .LOL To be serious, and I am, Starting with Bill Wilson's now famous 12 Step Program for Recovery from Alcoholism and based of variations recovery programs based on his original 12 steps, -- because "they do work IF you work them. . " --- you can find a group to help and support you.
Let's get down to depression. Often. . .even most times. . a depressed person eventually needs outside help because, as I stated above, they do not know where or how to start. This is why such a starter or focus-er like Dr Segal suggests gives the suffering guy or gal something to hang onto, some sort of clear, orderly direction to begin to narrow down the problem.
Once I can say to myself: This is my problem and it is ruining/spoiling/ injurious to the quality of my life. . . and right now I seem unable to change anything, I feel helpless before this huge mess. . . .I am on the road. I have a focus.
Now, how am I going to do this? Practical and do-able things. Not vague and . . .and. . . ..and . . . .and. . .spinning my psychic heels in the beach sand. . . . A definition i hold onto for myself of INSANITY. . .doing the same things over and over again expecting different results.
Ever been depressed? Ever felt like the above def.? I have. My rut kept getting deeper. . . .until I had a plan. I had a blue-print, a road map. I had some good orderly direction, some things outside of me, to work with and hang onto step by step. [This isn't going to be my personal witness story of how I got my head outa my ass. . .LOL ]
All most of us need to work it thru is some tools, some HOW. . . In some instances a person may need medication because there is a chemical imbalance in the brain/body/ gonads??? hahah -- which needs to be corrected, balanced which is causing much of the feelings of depression and symptoms.
What Dr Segal offers. . ..what any therapist can offer. . . is TOOLS to work with. . so I can sort out whatever it is I am doing or allowing to be done and then throw away. . . .so I can return to a good quality of life. . . . .IF I am willing to do the work.
ciao, bambini. . . .
~~~~~~justin
However, in a period of depression a guy or gal doesn't know where to begin. This adds to a feeling of helplessness which is already there.
It has been said that the number of support groups have grown by leaps and bounds in the last 30 years. There are support groups for almost every conceivable need you can imagine 'big toe bursitis' to 'lack a nookey'. . .LOL To be serious, and I am, Starting with Bill Wilson's now famous 12 Step Program for Recovery from Alcoholism and based of variations recovery programs based on his original 12 steps, -- because "they do work IF you work them. . " --- you can find a group to help and support you.
Let's get down to depression. Often. . .even most times. . a depressed person eventually needs outside help because, as I stated above, they do not know where or how to start. This is why such a starter or focus-er like Dr Segal suggests gives the suffering guy or gal something to hang onto, some sort of clear, orderly direction to begin to narrow down the problem.
Once I can say to myself: This is my problem and it is ruining/spoiling/ injurious to the quality of my life. . . and right now I seem unable to change anything, I feel helpless before this huge mess. . . .I am on the road. I have a focus.
Now, how am I going to do this? Practical and do-able things. Not vague and . . .and. . . ..and . . . .and. . .spinning my psychic heels in the beach sand. . . . A definition i hold onto for myself of INSANITY. . .doing the same things over and over again expecting different results.
Ever been depressed? Ever felt like the above def.? I have. My rut kept getting deeper. . . .until I had a plan. I had a blue-print, a road map. I had some good orderly direction, some things outside of me, to work with and hang onto step by step. [This isn't going to be my personal witness story of how I got my head outa my ass. . .LOL ]
All most of us need to work it thru is some tools, some HOW. . . In some instances a person may need medication because there is a chemical imbalance in the brain/body/ gonads??? hahah -- which needs to be corrected, balanced which is causing much of the feelings of depression and symptoms.
What Dr Segal offers. . ..what any therapist can offer. . . is TOOLS to work with. . so I can sort out whatever it is I am doing or allowing to be done and then throw away. . . .so I can return to a good quality of life. . . . .IF I am willing to do the work.
ciao, bambini. . . .
~~~~~~justin
A NEW WAY TO HANDLE DEPRESSION
The last couple of classes we have been discussing this article and Dr Segal's "formula" for managing depression. We think it is good and could be helpful for those of us who have our occasional/seasonal bouts with "being down in the dumps" and/or "the blues" or depressed or to hand to someone we know who is coping. . . .
Btw. . talking with Shannon, "once upon a time" (always how good stories begin)
Shannon said: "whenever I am 'down in the dumps' I usually go and get myself some new stuff to wear."
After a 'pregnant pause', Justin: "Oh , OK, , I always wondered where you got your
clothes! "
SOrry, ShazzBoh, I couldn't resist teasing you a bit. . . .hahahaaaa
To continue: One thing we would change is the word FIGHT to handle or manage.
Someone depressed might not feel up to fighting but can handle or manage things.
Words we use, to ourselves especially, in this area are very important. When one is down we dont want to grind him in further. Justin
A New Way to Fight Depression Using Only Your Mind
Btw. . talking with Shannon, "once upon a time" (always how good stories begin)
Shannon said: "whenever I am 'down in the dumps' I usually go and get myself some new stuff to wear."
After a 'pregnant pause', Justin: "Oh , OK, , I always wondered where you got your
clothes! "
SOrry, ShazzBoh, I couldn't resist teasing you a bit. . . .hahahaaaa
To continue: One thing we would change is the word FIGHT to handle or manage.
Someone depressed might not feel up to fighting but can handle or manage things.
Words we use, to ourselves especially, in this area are very important. When one is down we dont want to grind him in further. Justin
A New Way to Fight Depression Using Only Your Mind
Zindel Segal, PhD, CPsychCentre for Addiction and Mental Healthuffering from depression is very different from being sad. Sadness is a normal part of life. Depression is a constellation of psychological and physical changes that persist, unrelenting, for a minimum of two weeks -- and often much longer.
One of every eight women and one of every five men will suffer at least one bout with serious depression at some point in their lives. Genetics seem to predispose some people to depression, though life events can be a factor as well. Seniors who experience losses in physical functioning and social networks can be especially susceptible to bouts of depression.For those affected, depression often becomes an ongoing issue -- those who have faced it once have a 40% chance of experiencing an episode in the future and those who already have had multiple episodes face up to an 80% chance of additional recurrences.Depression is most commonly treated with medication that regulates the brain’s chemistry and with professional counseling, which helps people take effective action in the face of the low motivation and pessimism that often define depression.Exciting new tool: In the last decade or so, a new technique has been shown in studies to help sufferers head off depression before it takes hold. The technique is called mindfulness -- paying attention to the present moment, without judgment, in order to see things more clearly.LIFE ON AUTOMATIC PILOT
Mindfulness can prevent depression from taking hold of us because the alternative -- our usual state -- is that we operate on “automatic pilot.” Our minds are elsewhere as we perform mundane activities. Example: You’re taking a shower, but wondering what’s waiting in your e-mail.If we let it, this automatic pilot also will select our moods and our emotional responses to events -- and the responses it chooses can be problematic. For instance, if you make a minor misstep in some area of your life, your autopilot might select as your emotional response feelings of anger, failure and/or inadequacy, even though the event might have been completely inconsequential.Because your mind is not paying full attention to the situation, you might not grasp that the negative feelings are greatly out of proportion to what’s really going on. You only know that you feel bad. When these negative feelings persist, they can pull you into the downward spiral of depression.Example: A friend mentions that one of the stocks in his portfolio has turned a profit. Your investments have not been as successful, and your autopilot selects inadequacy as your primary emotional response. This may sound like an overreaction, but in someone who is prone to depression, these feelings can expand into a full-blown episode.Mindfulness can be an antidote to automatic pilot. By becoming more aware of the world around us, we experience life directly, not filtered through our minds’ relentless ruminations. We learn to see events for what they are rather than what our autopilot might turn them into. That helps us to derail potential episodes of depression before they have a chance to take hold. It typically takes two weeks or longer for depression to fully sink in, so there is often plenty of time to stop the process.BECOMING MINDFUL
Learning to be mindful involves more than simply paying attention. You must reorient your senses so that you experience a situation with your whole mind and heart and with all of your senses.Try it out: Pick up a raisin. Hold it, feel it, examine it as if you had never seen anything like it before. Explore the raisin’s folds and texture. Watch the way light shines off of its skin. Inhale its aroma. Then gently place it on your tongue. Notice how your hand knows exactly where to put it. Explore the raisin in your mouth before biting. Then chew once or twice. Experience the waves of taste and the sensation of chewing. Notice how the taste and texture change as you chew. Once you swallow, try to feel the raisin moving through your digestive system.Keep it up: Practice the following three steps every day to make mindfulness a regular part of your life -- and episodes of depression less likely...1.Focus on your breath. Focusing your attention on your breath is perhaps the simplest, most effective way to anchor your mind in the moment. You think only of this breath. You can do this anytime, anywhere.2.Watch your thoughts drift by like clouds. See them, acknowledge them, but do not attempt to reason them away. Some people attempt to use logic to escape depression. They tell themselves, My life is pretty good -- I should be happy. This just leads to troubling questions like If my life is good, why am I so unhappy? What’s wrong with me?It is also tempting to try to push negative thoughts away so that you don’t have to deal with them at all. Unfortunately, the thoughts are still there even if you refuse to acknowledge them.Better: When you feel bad, reflect on what is bothering you. Try to uncover the original thought or event that set off your bad feelings. Then view it as just a thought, something independent from you even though it has popped into your head. Do not dismiss it, though. Even if the thought or the event that caused it was trivial, the feelings it has prompted are real and significant.Next, notice any physical sensations that you are experiencing. Does your throat feel tight? Is your mouth dry? Are there butterflies in your stomach? Just as you are learning to watch your feelings float by, watch these physical sensations in a detached way. If you can learn to spot the onset of these sensations, you will be able to identify the early signs of depression sooner -- and head off the bad feelings before they take root.3.Take action. Ask yourself: Does this thought have any merit? Is it connected to negative thoughts that I have had in the past? What can I do to make myself feel better about this issue?Example: You feel depressed about your work life even though you are doing fine in your job. When you reflect on these negative thoughts, you realize that they began recently, when you learned that your brother received a promotion. You feel left behind because it has been some time since your last promotion.What actions could you take to allay these negative feelings? Perhaps you could speak with your supervisor about your job performance and your prospects for future promotions... or contact a headhunter to remind yourself that you have other options.With any problematic thought, identifying it quickly and taking some positive action is often enough to head off depression.Important: Learning the mindfulness approach can be useful for preventing future bouts of depression -- not for combating an episode that is already under way. When people are in the midst of depression, they typically cannot concentrate sufficiently to practice mindfulness. It is better to use the technique between episodes of depression so that it becomes a natural part of your thought process.WHERE TO FIND HELP AGAINST DEPRESSION
For information about depression and links to local support, contact...
National Institute of Mental Health, 866-615-6464, www.nimh.nih.gov.
Bottom Line/Retirement interviewed Zindel Segal, PhD, CPsych, the Morgan Firestone Chair in Psychotherapy at the University of Toronto, and head of the Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Unit at the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, both in Toronto, Canada. He is a coauthor of The Mindful Way through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness (Guilford).
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