Wednesday, November 13, 2013

image from
     (This is a rather nice touch. . . . )

Posted: 13 Nov 2013 05:25 AM PST
GAYTWOGETHER-100808-3wDeveloping skill with touch is an important part of having successful relationships. Touch is critical to human beings.The love and support communicated through touch affirms our connection to others and has even been shown to contribute to the health of our immune systems. Many studies have shown that when infants are neglected and not held, they fail to thrive. Something similar seems true for us adults
Too many men have limited skill when it comes to touch. Their experience with the way men make contact is limited -- a slap on the back from Dad, wrestling with friends growing up, the touch of a boyfriend during sex. For others, touch has too often been abusive -- being smacked around by schoolmates or parents, or uninvited and unwanted sexual touch.

Maybe you’ve found yourself in a bar talking with a friend, only to find someone rubbing up against you. This can be fun and a turn-on or annoying and intrusive, depending on your frame of mind and how you feel about the person initiating the physical contact.

Unfortunately, some men have the opinion that if you’re a gay man and I’m a gay man, then I automatically have the right to touch or grope you if I want to. And even more unfortunately, others of us have never learned that we have the right to say “no” to unwelcome touch.

Have you ever gone to a movie with a date and found him stroking your arm over and over and over again in exactly the same way -- almost as if he was a robot? You suspected that he meant to be affectionate, but pretty soon you were ready to run screaming from your seat! Touch that doesn’t doesn’t have presence and attention behind it can create the same sensation as fingernails raking down a black board.

Physical contact that works and is welcome can have just thesence and attention behind it can create the same sensation as fingernails raking down a black board.e opposite effect -- calming us, drawing us closer to the person with whom we are sharing touch.

To increase the quality of your touch, think of your hands as an extension of your heart. Instead of casually brushing your hand over someone, bring focus to your touching; you are touching them with your heart. Imagine that this is the only person in the world who exists right now. He has your undivided attention while you are in contact with him. Take your time.

Not all touch is sexual. If touch equals sex for you, you may need to slow down and explore a bit. Friendly, inviting contact between people can be reassuring, comforting and enjoyable in its own right and need not be an invitation to sex. Some people are uncomfortable with touch when they assume that the person initiating contact has an unspoken erotic agenda.

Touch which is repetitive or constant becomes boring and easy to ignore. Vary the intensity and pressure of your touch. This is true whether you are touching a friend to make a point during conversation or whether you are caressing your partner to bring him to orgasm. Touch can be with finger tips or the whole palm. It can be quick and invigorating -- think of a back rub -- or slow and soft.

Learning new ways to make physical contact increases our “touch vocabulary,” and helps us communicate with others.

John R. Ballew, M.S. an author and contributor to GAYTWOGETHER, is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality, relationships and spirituality. If you have any questions or comments you can submit them directly to GAYTWOGETHER or John R. Ballew, M.S. -



Gary Kelly said...

What a great photograph! Nice and natural. One of the best - if not 'the' - you've ever posted, JustinO.

JustinO'Shea said...

Why. . thank you, kind sir. and the horizons are straight. ho ho o


Coop said...

The guy in blue looks startled.
Is that an (unsolicited) vampire bite... or perhaps a werewolf?

JustinO'Shea said...

Chacun a son gout tastes differ.. . so To each his own. lol



Justin, It is Joe Galant, getting
ready for my 4th Operation on the
same knee. New Doctor, Hope he gets it back to a better normal
function mode than it has been.
He says that it will not be like it was, but anything is better than what it has been. I am just
hoping that I can have some prayers from your family and mine,
because the knee cap is wearing thin. 75 next month and I am very
thankful to still be on this old earth I Thank Everyone for the many, many prayers back in Aug of 2011 for the first one, and just asking again, Prayers do help and are the Wonders of God. I really feel selfish asking again, and am sorry to ask for any Blessings anyone has to offer. THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR LOVE.......
Operation is scheduled for Wednesday the 20th of Nov..

Gary Kelly said...

I wish you well, Rad, and I'll be thinking of you.


I forgot to mention--the picture is more than thought awakening,
It is just the way I would express
being overwhelmed by another man,
as old as I am. You see the story in his eye. Picture is more than precious. Thank You Justin.......

GreginAdelaide said...

Good luck Joe, I'll be thinking of you.
Fortunately I've not worn anything out, yet.