Friday, April 25, 2014

A Surprise at a Wedding

GARY sent this along for The DUNES.   I'd be very interested in your opinion / thinking  on this addition to a wedding ceremony. . . . please, if you have something you'd like to sat, please do it.   Thanks.    justin

G'day JustinO,
Here's something you'll appreciate. It's a big surprise at Chris and Leah's wedding from the priest officiating. Who are Chris and Leah? Dozen madder... it's the surprise that madders. Hope the link is live.
http://www.973fm.com.au/entertainment/priest-stuns-guest-with-performance-of-hallelujah
Gary

A Good Examen of Consciousness and Awareness

Posted: 23 Apr 2014 05:25 AM PDT
Gay Relationships: How Do I Know If His Love is Real?Dear Dr. Brian:
I’m new to dating men and this is the first relationship I’ve been in with a man. I’m not sure if the guy I’m involved with really loves me the way I do him. He’s not really blessed financially and I tend to support him with a lot of his needs. I can’t help but wonder if he’s clinging on to me for that reason. I love him, but I don’t want to continue the relationship if he’s only with me for that purpose. _____________________________________________
Dear Friend:
It is very important in dating to pace a new relationship slowly so that you can get to know your dating partner well enough to determine if he meets your needs for a relationship and life partner. By going slow, this allows the relationship to evolve naturally and gives you time to observe his attitudes and behavior over time before becoming too emotionally involved and invested.

Tempering your infatuation, attraction, and excitement about the budding romance is critical at this stage so as not to become blinded to important clues that speak to whether this new guy you’re seeing is actually a good fit for you.

It’s important to have fun and enjoy the process of the dating relationship, but it’s vital to balance this with appropriate boundaries to allow time to assess his potential for true “boyfriend material.”

I’m sorry to hear that you have some suspicions about your guy’s true feelings for you. Obviously we want to be loved for who we are, not what we can provide for someone in terms of money, sex, status, security, etc. Those may be bonus features when getting involved with someone secondarily, but the primary bonding foundation that we ultimately seek is to be loved for ourselves as the men we are.You deserve that and should demand no less.

So how can you tell if someone you’re dating likes you back as much as you do him? While it can be difficult to spot an opportunist, there are some signs you can keep a look out for that can reassure you that your new guy reciprocates your feelings of positive anticipation about what “could be”. And that is actually the #1 key to determining if a guy is into you—reciprocation.
Does he put forth effort in your involvement? 

Does he take proactive steps to try and meet your needs? 

Does he show interest and enthusiasm in getting to know who you are and what you stand for? 

Does he on occasion make sacrifices because he wants to do something that would make you feel good?

Does he initiate non-sexual affection and physical touch? 

Does he offer to pay for things or at the outset make attempts to balance your financial generosity toward him with other gestures of kindness and adoration to equal the scales? 

Does he initiate time and energy to spend quality time with you? 

Does he communicate his thoughts and feelings with you and is he willing to make compromises when necessary? 

Does he light up when he sees you and make regular eye-contact? 

Does he want to hear about your goals and dreams for the future? 

When you’re having a bad day, does he put things going on in his life to the side to devote time and attention to providing you with some tender-loving-care and support? 

Does he smile at you a lot and is he playful with you? 

Does he seem to care about how you think of him? 

Does he make conscious efforts to try and please you?
These are just a few questions to ask yourself to get you on the right track.There are no guarantees that a guy is being honest, even with affirmatives to all these questions, so that’s why it’s important to be cautious and to go slow to ensure that his behavior is consistent over time to prove his true feelings for you.

I encourage you to read the following article I wrote on telltale signs that you could be dating a “player” here:http://thegaylovecoach.com/2007/06/watch-out-the-dude%e2%80%99s-a-player-for-gay-daters. 

If you’re doing more work in the relationship than he is and it doesn’t feel balanced, this could be a concern. It doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s only in the relationship for your money, but it absolutely would warrant a discussion with him about what your needs would be for a more balanced and equal relationship.

If he still doesn’t follow through after such a communication, then the possibility of your suspicions of his being with you for what you can do for him might be a heightened reality.
Good luck with this and protect yourself!


© Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach


THANKS  BRIAN and MICHAEL@gaytwogether.com

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

A Touchey Situation ~~~

Posted: 22 Apr 2014 05:25 AM PDT
GAYTWOGETHER-100808-3wDeveloping skill with touch is an important part of having successful relationships. Touch is critical to human beings.The love and support communicated through touch affirms our connection to others and has even been shown to contribute to the health of our immune systems. Many studies have shown that when infants are neglected and not held, they fail to thrive. Something similar seems true for us adults.
Too many men have limited skill when it comes to touch.Their experience with the way men make contact is limited -- a slap on the back from Dad, wrestling with friends growing up, the touch of a boyfriend during sex. For others, touch has too often been abusive -- being smacked around by schoolmates or parents, or uninvited and unwanted sexual touch.
Maybe you’ve found yourself in a bar talking with a friend, only to find someone rubbing up against you. This can be fun and a turn-on or annoying and intrusive, depending on your frame of mind and how you feel about the person initiating the physical contact.
Unfortunately, some men have the opinion that if you’re a gay man and I’m a gay man, then I automatically have the right to touch or grope you if I want to. And even more unfortunately, others of us have never learned that we have the right to say “no” to unwelcome touch.

Have you ever gone to a movie with a date and found him stroking your arm over and over and over again in exactly the same way -- almost as if he was a robot? You suspected that he meant to be affectionate, but pretty soon you were ready to run screaming from your seat! Touch that doesn’t have presence and attention behind it can create the same sensation as fingernails raking down a black board.
Physical contact that works and is welcome can have just the opposite effect -- calming us, drawing us closer to the person with whom we are sharing touch.

To increase the quality of your touch, think of your hands as an extension of your heart. Instead of casually brushing your hand over someone, bring focus to your touching; you are touching them with your heart. Imagine that this is the only person in the world who exists right now. He has your undivided attention while you are in contact with him. Take your time.

Not all touch is sexual. If touch equals sex for you, you may need to slow down and explore a bit. Friendly, inviting contact between people can be reassuring, comforting and enjoyable in its own right and need not be an invitation to sex. Some people are uncomfortable with touch when they assume that the person initiating contact has an unspoken erotic agenda.

Touch which is repetitive or constant becomes boring and easy to ignore. Vary the intensity and pressure of your touch. This is true whether you are touching a friend to make a point during conversation or whether you are caressing your partner to bring him to orgasm. Touch can be with finger tips or the whole palm. It can be quick and invigorating -- think of a back rub -- or slow and soft.

Learning new ways to make physical contact increases our “touch vocabulary,” and helps us communicate with others.

John R. Ballew, M.S. an author and contributor to GAYTWOGETHER, is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality, relationships and spirituality. If you have any questions or comments you can submit them directly toGAYTWOGETHER or John R. Ballew, M.S. - www.bodymindsoul.org.

thanks MICHAEL@gaytwogether.com

Monday, April 21, 2014

Parents, IN-Laws and Out-Laws

Posted: 21 Apr 2014 05:25 AM PDT
Cp100349-828Gay men aren’t the only folks who have complicated relationships with parents and in-laws, of course.  But while straight couples typically get a lot of recognition, support and encouragement from their parents and other family members, things are often different for us.  Some families are very welcoming.  Other families are indifferent or hostile, and that can complicate loving relationships between men. 

Enlightened parents welcome a son or daughter’s partner into the family.  Even if this feels like uncharted territory to Mom and Dad, they grasp that the new love in their son’s life is the important thing, not the gender of the person offering that love.  Family get-togethers may be awkward times when protocol is still being determined, but good intentions and clear communication are enough to smooth over most rough spots. 

How to establish a good relationship between you and your partner and your parents?   
For starters, if you’re not already out to your parents – this is the time to do so.  They need to understand that your partner is your partner – not a roommate, “friend” or some other shrunken version of your true relationship.  If your parents want to introduce your significant other as “our son’s friend” if you bump into their acquaintances, that may not be a big deal.  But it is a very big deal for you to represent the relationship that way to people in your family network. 

Be clear about what you want and expect when you introduce your partner to your family.  Are you looking for parental approval?  If you are close to your parents it is understandable that you would want their support, but be clear:  you are an adult, and your life choices do not depend on Mom and Dad’s approval.  In fact, implying that you want that approval puts your parents in an awkward position.  Now instead of just meeting your beau, they have to give him their seal of approval.  Wouldn’t it be enough if they were simply polite and friendly around him?

Make it easy for your parents to give you what you want.  “Mom, I want you and Dad to come over for dinner next Saturday and meet my boyfriend Michael” is pretty clear.  “Um, Mom, there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you.  I don’t know if this is a good time, but well, um, I’m seeing this guy Michael and I wanted to let you know” is not clear communication.  Put yourself in your mother’s place.  How is she supposed to react?  You sound ambivalent and uncertain.  Her reaction is likely to reflect that.

What to do when parents are unwelcoming to your partner, despite your best intentions?  This can create a painful dilemma; it can feel as if you must choose between your family relationships and your relationship with your partner.  While sometimes that is exactly the choice that must be made, more often the choice is really about how to respond to familial bullying.
   
For those of us who have been raised to be the proverbial “best little boy in the world,” it can be disorienting to realize that it’s time to stand up to family pressure
. 
Remember:  you’re an adult now, and if you and your partner have made a commitment that reflects your love and devotion to one another, then he is your primary family now.  

John R. Ballew, M.S. an author and contributor to GAYTWOGETHER, is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality, relationships and spirituality. If you have any questions or comments you can submit them directly toGAYTWOGETHER or John R. Ballew, M.S. - www.bodymindsoul.org.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

WISHING . . . .



JOY-FULL  HOLIDAYS . . . . .

                                                  .   . .peter & justin

Saturday, April 12, 2014

re-post from The Closet Professor. . . ..with permission, Thanks, 'Joe"

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Reductio ad Hitlerum


Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) rights advocates are part of a "radical homosexual movement" that mirrors elements of Nazi Germany, Rick Wiles is claiming.

As Right Wing Watch is reporting, the TruNews host blasted the LGBT community in a heated broadcast with Pastor Jeff Allen, who has previously evoked Nazi imagery while condemning gay rights.

"It's not an exaggeration to say 'homofascist' because the German Nazi Party was homosexual," Wiles said. "Hitler was a homosexual, the top Nazi leadership, all of them were homosexuals...they were creating a homosexual special race."

Wiles went on to note, "It wasn’t this thing about an Aryan race of white people, blue-eyed, blonde-haired, white people, Hitler was trying to create a race of super gay male soldiers ... It will end up in America just like it was in Germany, but it won’t be the Jews that will be slaughtered. It will be the Christians."

In February, Wiles' guest offered up similar sentiments.

"Many [LGBT rights advocates] really do console themselves with fantasies of their own Kristallnacht, in which Christians are euphemistically 'taken out of the way' as part of the 'gay'-stapo’s 'final solution' to the 'Christian problem,'"Allen wrote in an Op-Ed for Liberty Counsel attorney Matt Barber's website Barbwire.

Similarly, the American Family Association's Bryan Fischer referred to LGBT rights advocates as "Nazi stormtroopers" who are "totalitarian and repressive" in a 2013 broadcast.

Wiles' TruNews promotes itself on its website as "the world’s leading news source that reports, analyzes, and comments on global events and trends with a conservative, orthodox Christian worldview."

Comparison with Nazis is so overdone that there's even a name for it: Godwin's Law. In this case the more appropriate name might be the older dog Latin term Reductio ad Hitlerum, a term coined by conservative philosopher Leo Strauss in 1951. According to Strauss, the Reductio ad Hitlerum is an informal fallacy that consists of trying to refute an opponent's view by comparing it to a view that would be held by Adolf Hitler or the Nazi Party.  According to Strauss, Reductio ad Hitlerum is a form of ad hominem or ad misericordiam, a fallacy of irrelevance, in which a conclusion is suggested based solely on something's or someone's origin rather than its current meaning. The suggested rationale is one of guilt by association. Its name is a variation on the term reductio ad absurdum.

It is not the first time that someone has compared equal rights advocates to fascists or nazism, but merely another example in a long line of accusations.  The arguments are ridiculous and those who use reductio ad Hitlerum are using poor fallacies because they are so uneducated and unable to make a credible argument.  All they want to do is rule people up by using the comparison to fascism.  Vladimir Putin recently did that to describe the Ukrainian government in order to invade the Crimea.  The use of such fallacies can also be called argumentum ad Nazium a variant derived from argumentum ad nauseam, meaning arguing to the the point of nausea.

If Rick Wiles wanted to compare LGBT advocacy groups to the Nazis, he picked a horrible comparison.  LGBT groups, and all equal rights groups, want equal rights for all, someone that Hitler and his followers never came close to believing in.