AWAKENING IN THE SNOW 2013 by Jonathan Stone

Awakening in Snow, I thought about the Blues Essay I composed a few years ago for Christmas. But this snow is so grey, backed by a complete sky of grey, it only conveys stillness, and does not inspire similarly to snow with a blue hue. Yet I do like to chase away the blues. And don't we all? Now, considering the fact that snow is only recycled rain in an implausibly sweet blanket which conceals the sin of the world and gets us skiing and slipping, and in remembering our engineer/neice Sarah trying to salvage water from the brackish depths around El Paso, and after listening to Tom, the volunteer of so many valuable boards and groups being revivified, I thought it apt to talk about recycling. Recent rains have prepared our rhododendrons to tank up before the winter rest and a few inches of snow will moderate changes in soil temperature. I am hoping for a white Christmas, laid down earlier, and a sunny twenty-fifth. Speaking of hope, I am so glad my TV is Raising Hope through comedy, portaying a young man's fidelity in rearing a child alone amid a sweetly disfunctional cast of grandboomers.

 

A word much maligned and misused, hope: I am loath to see it reduced to an excuse not to do the right thing here and now, while hoping for "pie in the sky" later. Don't like to see the word used to justify not providing for oneself the satisfaction of needs and wants through effort,  a word used to defer maintenance. But I really needed that word to see me through two serious kidney operations this past summer, a severe trial from which I am recovering nicely, as hoped. If you ever think you may have an earthly difficulty, you would probably like to know how a word like hope could guide you through, wouldn't you?

 

Well, you just commit to memory this short definition.: "Hope consists in asserting that there is, deep at the heart of being, beyond all knowing, data, and calculations, some mysterious principle in connivance with me, which cannot but will that which I will, if what I will is in fact worth willing, and is willed with my whole soul." This may be a description of a theological virtue, borrowed from Gabriel Marcel, but it is good enough for me, illogical as I am, for it helps propel me through life actively executing good will in the important things, the concrete, everyday things. I am happy to recycle this word for you, and give it new, useful clothes for a change.

 

I hope you have a heartfelt Christmas, and that in the new year, God willing, you find yourself being staunch and fine in the important things.

 

-Jonathan

NAVIGATING your SINGLE LIFE. . .part 2

Gay Relationships: Action Steps for Navigating Your Single Life - Part Two

Posted: 11 Dec 2013 05:25 AM PST

( continued from yesterday )

Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. says it best in his book “Keeping the Love You Find”:  “Singleness would be recognized as a vital stage of the journey to maturation, a time to learn about who we are, to learn responsibility and self-sufficiency, to identify our true desires, and to confront our inner strengths and demons, a time to make changes in the things that stymie our pleasure and progress in life, to learn how to connect and communicate on all levels. It would be sorely needed relationship training.” (1)

Action Steps for Navigating Your Single Life

The following are some practical tips and suggestions for managing your single hood to promote a positive acceptance and enjoyment of this special time in your life:

Create a checklist of the opportunities that being single affords you and start living them!

Start a journal about your single-status and what it means to you. Answer the following questions:

Why am I single? How do I feel about that?

What do I want from being single?

What thoughts, feelings, and behaviors hold me back from being able to embrace this time of my life?

How do I contribute to my own unfulfillment with being single? How do I sabotage myself?

Don’t deny your feelings or ignore your desire for a relationship. Process these feelings in your journal and write about ways you can create more meaning and purpose in your life.

Identify the biggest challenges you face with being single and develop goals to defeat them.

Develop affirmation cards. Grab some index cards and write positive thoughts, motivational statements, advantages and opportunities of being single, and self-improvement goals onto the cards. Read them to yourself daily to begin internalizing the messages. Alternatively, stick the cards in a jar and during times of loneliness or depressive funks, refer to the cards for a quick pick-me-up.

Identify things you’ve always been meaning to do or try but never made the time to pursue or learn. Take action.

Build your support system, join a class, volunteer for a cause that’s meaningful to you, commit yourself to health and wellness 

Be active. Live your life to the max!   Make it count!

Conclusion

As you can see, being single provides you with many opportunities for self-growth, fun, and preparing yourself for your life partner when you eventually meet him. Take advantage of this crucial time in your life to accomplish your life goals, improve your self-esteem, work through any internalized homophobia you may be struggling with, and build your interpersonal skills.

It’s important to avoid glamorizing relationships because “the grass is not always greener on the other side” and to realize that having a boyfriend does not take away problems that you may already have in your life.

Appreciate this time of your life and don’t measure your happiness or worth as a person on your relationship status.

The Law of Attraction states that we attract situations, people, and experiences in our lives that reflect who we are and what we focus on.

Negativity about being single will only mirror, magnify, and attract more negativity. Counter this by taking charge of your single life and crafting it into being the most meaningful and fulfilling time of your life with its alignment to your life vision and purpose. Cheers to your becoming a successful single!

(1) Hendrix, H. (1992). Keeping the Love You Find. New York: Pocket Books/Simon & Schuster, Inc.

© Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach

The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.

Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc.http://thegaylovecoach.com

THANKS to BRIAN and to MICHAEL@gaytwogether.com

THIS IS DIFFERENT !!! ;-)) part 1

Gay Relationships: Gay, Single, & Loving It! - Part One

Posted: 10 Dec 2013 05:25 AM PST

We live in a society that places high value and expectation on being in a coupled relationship and singles are often stigmatized for their single-status.

Gay men, in particular, are often labeled as being unable to develop and maintain long-lasting intimate relationships, adding yet another layer to this stigma. 

This can lead to feelings of low self-worth and inferiority, a sense that there’s something wrong with you if you don’t have a boyfriend, an excessive focus and preoccupation with your discontent with being single, and sometimes a compulsive drive to find a relationship just to satisfy that nagging need (which can be a dangerous and sabotaging maneuver if one’s dating practices are conducted out of desperation rather than conscious intention).

For those who have not chosen singlehood as a lifestyle and do long to be in a relationship, this can be a painfully difficult experience.  Special occasions, holidays, weddings, times of loneliness, and just witnessing other couples can be very triggering events for singles that serve to magnify their restlessness and unfulfillment with being solo.  What these types of single gay men need most is a reassurance and recognition that this phase of life can be one of the most enjoyable and transformational times of their lives if they choose it to be.

This article will validate the positive values of being single and will offer some suggestions for making the most of your single life.

The Benefits of Being Single

Singlehood is the time in your life where you have the greatest degree of flexibility and freedom to do whatever you want. You can be more spontaneous, independent, selfish, and adventurous because there can be less commitments and more time to pursue the things you want to do; you can make your life into anything that you want it to be as you’re completely in “the driver’s seat.” You have the ability to enter in and out of situations with relative ease and to meet a variety of new people.

You are responsible only for yourself and can make choices and major decisions without having to take another into account or to have to answer to anyone.

You don’t have to deal with another’s annoying habits or nuances and don’t have to compromise. Other aspects of your identity (career, family, friends, etc.) can have more emphasis as there’s less competition for your focus and attentions.

More importantly, though, being single puts you in the ideal position for cultivating yourself to reach your fullest potential as an individual.

It’s an opportunity for self-exploration and investing in your own personal growth and development.

It’s an ideal time to learn what’s needed to be fully prepared for love when you find it, to experiment safely with your sexuality, and to explore different types of relationships.

It’s also fertile ground for learning about who you are and what your needs are.

( Part Two Tommorrow -- "Action Steps for Navigating Your Single Life" ) 

© Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach

The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.

Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc.http://thegaylovecoach.com

THANKS BRIAN AND MICHAEL@GAYTWOGETHER.COM

"Catching Up" for those like me who are slow on "the news". . . . .. ;-)

Hello All. . . I include this five days after the fact. . ..as it were. . .for those of you who didn't read it last Wed, and fior those like me who've sorta wondered about Brit's Tom Daley. . . . .
I am assuming JoeBlow's permission to re-post this since I do not know now how to contact him. . . and I am one of those who've tried to post a comment on his blog but it never "works". . .I read, I comment and. . . lo and behold. . . my attempt just "disappears" and never sees the light of day, I guess. . . .or maybe Joe thought it was just too trite. . . donno. . . Anyway. . .
Here's JUSTIN with the LATE NEWS. . .borrowed from the Closet Professor. . . .whom I love to have as a prof. . . . ;-)

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Tom Daley Comes Out

I doubt there are many people who have not heard the news that the hottest little diver in Britain made a big announcement Monday.  British Olympic diver Tom Daley revealed he's been in a relationship with another man in an emotional YouTube video.  This video just warmed my heart.  I've always had a special place in my heart for the incredibly cute and talented Tom Daley, this video just endeared me to him more.

Daley, 19, says in the video, "Come spring this year, my life changed massively when I met someone and it made me feel so happy, so safe and everything just feels great. And that someone is a guy.”

He then adds, "It was always in the back of my head that something like that could happen, but it wasn’t until spring this year that something just clicked ... My whole world just changed, right there and then."

Still, Daley stops short of using either the term "gay" or "bisexual." “Of course I still fancy girls," he says. "But I mean, right now I’m dating a guy and I couldn’t be happier. It makes me feel safe and just really does feel right."

The diver, who tweeted the video to his more than 2.4 million Twitter followers, concludes, "I’m still Tom. I still want to win an Olympic gold medal at Rio 2016 for Great Britain. I’m still as motivated as ever to do that.”

Daley's sexuality had been the subject of ample media speculation for some time. The diver, who won a bronze medal at the 2012 London Summer Olympics and was recently named the sexiest man in the world by Attitude magazine, laughed off the gay rumors in an interview with The Mirror earlier this year.

“I think it’s funny when people say I’m gay... I laugh it off... I’m not," he was quoted as saying. "But even if I was, I wouldn’t be ashamed. It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest what people thought."  Still, Daley said he was "cool" with his sizable gay fanbase: "It’s great to have gay fans even though my friends gently take the mick.”

It appears that Tom is a new breed of man. He's not one who seems to like to be labeled.  Isn't that something that would be wonderful if we didn't have to announce our labels and that we could just be who we are.  Alas, the world seems to need us to label ourselves so we do, but I congratulate Tom in not bowing to the pressure of a label.

When famed Olympic British diver Tom Daley revealed to the world Monday morning that he is in a relationship with a man, some of the responses from the Twitter universe were, unfortunately, less than positive.  However, Daley also received an outpouring of support from the public -- including a handful of celebrities who were quick to vocalize their pride regarding the athlete's decision.

Now, it looks as if Daley can also expect his family to get behind his decision to publicly come out. Though the diver's grandparents admitted they were a bit "confused" and surprised at first, the pair told the Daily Mail that they vowed to support their Olympic athlete grandson.

"We asked him if he was absolutely sure. He’s our first grandson from our son who died," Daley's grandparents told reporters. "We have always been supportive of him and we always will. We’re not old-fashioned, in fact we’re quite liberal. But I do think he’s too young to be making this sort of decision... But we hugged him, we thanked him for coming to see us, and we’ll be seeing him over Christmas. We’ll always be here for Tom."

Sounds like Tom has quite a supportive family and I couldn't be happier for him!

Update:

E! News and The Advocate are reporting that Tom Daily is dating Oscar winner Dustin Lance Black.  Many may not agree with me, but I hope this isn't true.  I've never particularly liked Black, though I've liked his movies.  I guess, Black is just not who I pictured with Daley.  Not that it really matters, but Daley is 19 and Black is 39.  I don't mind May to December romances, in fact I think their fine, but honestly, didn't you picture Daley with a hot young man his own age?  Maybe this is why his grandparents asked him, "...if he was absolutely sure."

for the AVERAGE GUY. . . .Part Two

Gay Relationships: The Top 10 Dating Guidelines And Tips for the Gay Average Guy - Part Two Posted: 06 Dec 2013 05:25 AM PST ( continued from yesterday )   1. Give Off Those Good Vibrations I get handfuls of letters from men voicing their disdain at not being given a chance by other guys because they feel they don't "measure up" in the looks department. While it is true in many cases that an attractive face can get one noticed and "in the front door" more quickly, don't underestimate the power of your personality and presentation. Many men who feel jaded and frustrated by their unfruitful dating efforts tend to unwittingly emit a negative vibe in their interactions with others. They wear their hopelessness on their faces and in their body language and end up sabotaging themselves because people can smell this kind of negativity a mile away and will retreat from making contact, reinforcing the sense of alienation they then feel and creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. Even if you're not feeling particularly spunky, work hard at making sure you project a positive self-image and energy. It's all in how you carry yourself. While a cute man can turn heads, there's nothing more magnetic than a man with a jovial spirit and great sense of humor. It makes you want to get to know him.  2. Confidence is a Turn-On Along the same lines, there is nothing sexier than a man who exudes inner strength, confidence, and self-assuredness. It shows that he has his life together and enjoys being alive. Even if you have self-consciousness about your looks, have confidence in something-anything! And then don't be shy about it. By feeling proud of yourself and/or your accomplishments and then by finding ways to express that security intrinsically and through your actions and demeanor, men won't be able to help but take notice. 3. Repeat After Me---"I Am A Good Catch!" Attractive men, inside and out, possess a healthy dose of positive self-esteem. They like who they are and recognize that their worth is not dependent on their appearance. They have many other parts to themselves that make them who they are. The cliché statement, "You must love yourself before anyone else can" is very true. Negativity and pessimism are men-repellants, so start work immediately on countering any negative self-talk and recognize the unique talents and gifts that you possess that make you a good person and a good date. Internalize the affirmation, "I am a good catch!" and start acting like it rather than focusing on your unfulfilled dating card.You become more attractive to men when you believe in yourself and consider yourself to be quality boyfriend material.   4. Unattractive Re-defined So you don't think you're attractive enough?  Wrong!  Everyone has something about them that is attractive. Capitalize on what is attractive about you and recognize that which is truly ugly---ignorance, superficiality, mistreatment of your fellow gay brothers in any form or fashion, low confidence, self-degradation, cocky attitudes, excessive and superficial focuses on physical appearance, depression, etc. These are the things that are the epitome of unattractiveness and will send men running in the opposite direction. Rather than focusing on looks, try to work on identifying any personal "undesirables" you may possess and aggressively work to eliminate them from your personality and behavior to catapult you into interpersonal sophistication and savvy. 5. If You Can't Beat 'Em, Join 'Em Being an "Average Joe" in guy/guy relationships tends to be more challenging than our lesbian and heterosexual counterparts because men are more visual creatures. Whereas women traditionally may be more prone to "overlook" physical attributes for more qualities of substance, men in general are more attuned and turned-on by what they see. Invest in your health and body by exercising and eating right, getting enough rest and relaxation, and integrating more wellness into your lifestyle. Not only will you be taking better care of yourself, but you just might secondarily be adding more appeal to the male tendency toward the visual with your healthier appearance. Nice clothing, a trendy haircut, and sharp accessories can also help to turn heads. Accentuate your looks with things that speak to your unique style and personality. We men are competitive by nature, so making yourself stand out in a way that is authentic and genuine to who you really are can go a long way toward getting yourself the right kind of attention from the right kind of men who will appreciate those particular attributes. 6. Embrace a Sense of Gay Pride Many men, average or not, struggle with dating because of issues with their sexual identity and masculinity. Internalized homophobia and common male deficits in dealing with feelings and sensitivity can be huge barriers to attracting and maintaining healthy intimate relationships. These things can get in the way of becoming more emotionally intimate. A gay man who is proud of his homosexuality and not afraid to express this part of his identity adds a whole new element to the definition of attractiveness. Having good social skills, emotional intelligence, and effective communication skills are additional assets to drawing in the right kind of men you may be looking for. 7. Stop the Comparison Game Another symptom of the "Average Joe" syndrome is that these men commonly compare themselves to other men and judge themselves critically in how they "measure up" to Adonis-like guys. This is extremely self-defeating because it's unfair to compare one aspect of onself (looks) to someone else's physical appearance. We have to look at the whole person, the entire package. There are some very physically-pleasing-to-look-at guys out there who are very unattractive in spirit and personality. Stop objectifying yourself and others and becoming prejudiced by looking at things as being "good enough" in only one capacity or human trait. 8. Different Strokes for Different Folks Never forget the fact that not everyone is attracted to the model-boy or porn-star type. Everybody has different attractions, tastes, and preferences in men. While you may feel like you're in the minority a lot of the time, it's important to have faith that there really is somebody out there for everybody and it's just been a little more challenging finding the right timing, situational contexts, and geographical placements to put the two of you together. 9. Bring Out the Sexiness Factor! Every human on this planet is and has the capacity to be sexy, no matter what one's appearance. If you can tap into this feeling, it will radiate and charm the pants off of people (figuratively, and sometimes literally too!). A good heart and a healthy mind are totally sexy. If you can integrate all of these tips into your repertoire and express them, people will be drawn to your energy. Just like "The Law of Attraction" states...you will attract what you put out there. When you feel good about yourself and what you have to offer and can translate that in your mood, spirit, and behavior, your appeal to others will increase. While looks can certainly be a component, sexiness is really about attitude. If you give yourself permission to access and unleash it, it can really be a guy magnet. --and in conclusion-- 10. Live Life to the Max!!! Finally, and most important of all, live your life! Stop dwelling on your appearance and don't make your happiness contingent solely on your dating life. Make the most of what you have, develop your inner resources and social capabilities, and enjoy your life. Recognize the things that you do and don't have control over and practice the art of self-acceptance. By taking the emphasis off of your looks and channeling those energies into living a full life, you'll definitely be living with more meaning and passion that will likely bring about more good tidings for you. Your inner beauty and magnetism will shine through when you're having a blast living your life. You are beautiful! © Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions. Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc. http://thegaylovecoach.com THANKS to BRIAN and to MICHAEL@gaytwogether.com

"The Average Guy". . . .Part One

Gay Relationships: Dating And 'The Average Guy' - Part One Posted: 05 Dec 2013 05:25 AM PST Gay culture highlights youth, muscle, and good looks as valuable assets and commodities when it comes to sexuality and relationships. All one has to do is turn the pages of your favorite gay newspaper or magazine (that doesn't necessarily have to be sexual in nature) and you'll be distracted by photographs and advertisements of attractive men with chiseled bodies oozing sex appeal to titillate the senses. Or log on to any dating or personals site on the Web and you'll find hosts of men demanding youth and rugged masculine good-looks as personal requirements in their profiles to consider even corresponding or chatting with them. The harsh reality of the worldwide gay community and society at large is that physical attractiveness is deemed a significant value and those who fit the mold of how this description is defined are admired and rewarded with social privileges and positive reinforcement. This isn't to say that being a "hottie" is all it's cracked up to be...they can struggle in the dating realm as well as they are often times pigeonholed with superficialities or viewed solely as sexual objects. Dating hardships for the "very good-looking" (VGL) could be a whole separate article! But it can often times be a different experience for those who do not espouse the redeeming qualities or status awarded to those labeled as "beautiful" by cultural standards. So what if you are a single gay man who might be lower on the "hotness scale" because of your physical appearance and looks, your age, your weight, or because you may have a disability? It can feel like your worth in the gay community means nothing and it can undermine your confidence in your dating efforts...but only if you let it! This article will offer some insights and tips for helping the Gay Average or Not-So-Average Joe navigate through the sometimes cruel dating waters of the gay community to maximize their success as single men on the hunt for Mr. Right. This isn't intended to be a Pollyanna approach to the situation because the cold reality is that it is unfortunately more challenging and competitive for those that don't necessarily fit the prototype of "VGL". But it's also not a lost cause! As you will see, developing and accessing a positive self-esteem and sense of sexiness that we all embody, no matter who we are or what we look like, goes a long way toward attracting the attentions and affection of a significant other. Continued Tomorrow - PART TWO:   Top 10 Dating Guidelines & Tips for the Gay Average Guy © Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions. Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc. http://thegaylovecoach.com THANKS to BRIAN and to MICHAEL@gaytwogether.com

from HUFFINTON POST. . .Religion Section

Paul Brandeis Raushenbush

Senior Religion Editor, The Huffington Post

1.1k

No Cardinal Dolan, the Catholic Church Wasn't 'Outmarted' on Gay Marriage

Posted: 11/30/2013 1:43 pm

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Cardinal Dolan laments gay marriage in an interview with David Gregory on "Meet the Press" that will air on Sunday and blamed being 'outmarketed' around the issue of marriage equality. From what has been reported in the Associated Press, Dolan also said that the Catholic Church has been "caricatured as being anti-gay."

No Cardinal Dolan, the Catholic Church hierarchy hasn't been 'outmarketed' on gay marriage, nor have you been 'caricatured' as anti-gay. The hard truth is that, while right on so many of the most important issues of our time, the Catholic Church leadership in America is wrong on the question of gay marriage and someday (probably centuries from now) you will have to own up to it.

First of all, marketing isn't the problem. We know where the Catholic Church bishops stand on the issue as they have been engaged in a full on anti-gay marriage campaign including a recent exorcism against gay marriage in Illinois and using communion as a hostage againstsame sex marriage in New Jersey, not to mention the firing of a lesbian teacher from a Catholic school in Arkansas after her same sex marriage.

The logic of the Catholic position against gay marriage seems to go something like this -- marriage is ultimately, and most importantly about procreation, if you can't naturally procreate, you shouldn't get married. This, of course, doesn't sit that well with heterosexuals who don't want, or are unable, to have children. And of course it is an intentional non-starter with homosexuals who have the wrong body parts.

Stability, life long commitment, fidelity and love are not as crucial to the idea of marriage as procreation which is elevated above all else. For instance, the love between Edie Windsor and Thea Spyer that lasted over 40 years and including a final 30 years of Windsor caring for Spyer through her debilitating multiple sclerosis is demoted and diminished in the 'procreation' argument. Their life together, and love for each other doesn't rise to the level of marriage.

What is happening with increasing speed is that Americans do understand the Catholic Church's position but that people just don't agree with its conclusions. In fact, even Catholics themselves don't agree with the Bishops position as polls show a majority of them are for gay marriage. In fact Catholics in the pews are more in favor of gay marriage than the national average.

The other Cardinal Dolan comment that requires a response is that the church has been "caricatured as being anti-gay." The hard reality that Cardinal Dolan and all Christians need to face up to is that the Catholic Church along with every other church whether Orthodox, Protestant or Catholic has been horrifically, persistently and vehemently anti-gay for almost all of its history.

This is a fact. There is no 'caricature' needed.

The Church has inspired deep hatred of the LGBT community, and the fact that many of us who are LGBT still feel called to participate in the Church is perhaps the most powerful testimony to the presence of Christ that one can find in the world today.

But for one to deny that the Church is anti-gay in one sentence and then to maintain a stance against gay marriage in the next adds injury to insult. Let's just be very clear here -- if you are against marriage equality you are anti-gay.

Done.

You can not say you are supportive of me as a gay man, and then say but you are against my marriage to my partner Brad. It just doesn't work that way. If you are against gay marriage you are against gay married people. In the future, if you want to know if your actions or words are anti-gay -- try asking a gay person. We'll be glad to let you know.

The truth is, the Catholic Church, along with most religious traditions will eventually have to change their positions on LGBT people. It will take a long, long time. I certainly don't expect to live to see the Catholic Church hierarchy change official dogma on the issue.

But I have faith that they will. And then a simple 'we're sorry' would be appreciated.