Posted: 01 Jul 2013 05:25 AM PDT
So you made it through the first date with this new guy and he’s intrigued you. You find him attractive, enjoyable to be around, and with the little bit of information you’ve been able to obtain at your first contact, he seems to meet some of your personal requirements and needs for a potential boyfriend thus far. So now what?This can help guide you in making sound decisions about your goodness-of-fit with him, as well as to guard against any “red flags” that you may stumble upon along the way so you don’t get embroiled into an unhealthy relationship.
Now you’re about to embark upon the fine art of dating and courtship. Together, the two of you will begin the process of getting to know each other better through going out on dates for fun and recreation and learning about one another in a variety of different contexts and situations.
Through this relationship-building process, you’ll slowly begin forming an emotional bond while gauging if the other is compatible with your visions for a life partner. Gaining this wisdom is only possible with experience and exposure to each other as you learn about each other’s preferences, personalities, needs, goals, dreams, etc.
This article will offer a checklist of qualities and characteristics to be on the lookout for as you’re forming your impressions about your new dating partner.
First Things First
While this article is about examining traits in the guy you’re seeing to help you make good relationship choices, never forget that your dating success rests largely on yourself. This means that you’ve done the work necessary to have a stable, balanced lifestyle, have a strong sense of self-esteem and confidence, have put closure to unfinished business from the past, and have a clear vision of who you are, what you want, and what you stand for (both as an individual and for a life partner and relationship). This becomes your foundation for leading a fulfilling life and having the knowledge of your negotiable and non-negotiable needs for a lifelong lover that you’ll need as you date.
Secondly, keep those pants on and hormones in check! Unless you want to define your budding relationship solely by sex, jumping into bed too quickly can confuse and blur your assessment process. Sex does change things and you don’t want to sabotage a potentially good thing by being sexual too early before a foundation of trust, rapport, and security has been established between the two of you. So, down boy! It will be that much hotter when the time is right!
[ CONTINUED TOMORROW - The Boyfriend Evaluation - questions you can ask yourself as you get acquainted with your boyfriend prospects as you date them. ]
© Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach
The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.
Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc. http://thegaylovecoach.com
THANKS to BRIAN and to MICHAEL@gaytwogether.com