Friday, October 19, 2012


U.S. Marriage Act Is Unfair to Gays, Court Panel Says

Richard Drew/Associated Press
Edith Windsor, center, in New York on Thursday. She sued because she faced a tax bill on a home she inherited from her wife.
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A federal appeals court on Thursday ruled that gay Americans are a class of people who deserve the same kinds of constitutional protections as many other victims of discrimination.
The 2-to-1 ruling, by the Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit in New York, came as the panel struck down the federal law prohibiting federal recognition of same-sex marriage. It is the first time that a federal appeals court has applied this level of constitutional protection — known as heightened scrutiny — to those unions. The case is now considered by some legal scholars to be the leading candidate for a Supreme Court review of the same-sex marriage issue.
Thursday’s decision was the second by a federal appeals court striking down the Defense of Marriage Act. Now the case, Windsor v. United States, could be considered by the Supreme Court, or the court could choose other cases in its pipeline concerning same-sex marriage. Those include an earlier decision on the act by the First Circuit in Boston and one from the Ninth Circuit overturning California’s ban on same-sex marriage. It could also decide to hear all of them.
“It’s an incredible moment in the struggle for gay rights in this country,” said James D. Esseks, director of the American Civil Liberties Union’s project dealing with lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender issues.
The new case was brought on behalf of Edith Windsor of New York City, who married her longtime partner, Thea Clara Spyer, in 2007 in Canada. When Ms. Spyer died in 2009, Ms. Windsor inherited her property. Because the Internal Revenue Service was not allowed, under the Defense of Marriage Act, to consider her a surviving spouse, she faced a tax bill of $363,053 that she would not have had to pay if the marriage had been recognized.
Because the Supreme Court now has disagreement among circuits on a major issue of law involving the Defense of Marriage act, “this makes it more likely” that the Supreme Court will take up the cases, said Douglas NeJaime, an associate professor of law at Loyola Law School in Los Angeles. He said the most important justice in consideration of marriage cases was likely to be Justice Anthony Kennedy, who has sided with the liberal majority on such cases as Lawrence v. Texas, in which he wrote the opinion that struck down state sodomy laws.
As Justice Kennedy has proved mindful of federalism issues, Professor NeJaime said, he might be reluctant to take a case in which federal courts have struck down a state law likeProposition 8, in California. The Defense of Marriage Act cases, by contrast, struck down a federal law, and any decision by the Supreme Court would have an effect only in states that allow same-sex marriage. “This is the kind of case that would appeal to Justice Kennedy for the court’s first intervention on same-sex marriage,” he predicted.
It could also be a likelier case for the court to take instead of the First Circuit case because it could be heard by the full court, Professor NeJaime said. Justice Elena Kagan might recuse herself from hearing the First Circuit case because of her former role as solicitor general, leaving the possibility that the other justices could find themselves in a 4-4 tie.
Congress passed the Defense of Marriage Act in 1996, and in 2010 a federal judge in Massachusetts struck down the law as unconstitutional, declaring that restrictions on same-sex marriage had no rational basis and failed even the most lenient test for constitutional scrutiny. That decision was upheld in May 2012 by the Court of Appeals for the First Circuit, which also declared the act unconstitutional.
The Obama administration initially defended the marriage act under the Department of Justice’s traditional role of defending acts of Congress as presumptively constitutional. In February 2011, however, the Justice Department declined to defend the act in court, though the government continued to enforce the law. The Bipartisan Legal Advisory Group, a House panel, took on the case under the leadership of Paul Clement, a former solicitor general in the administration of President George W. Bush.
Mr. Clement did not respond to requests for comment.
The majority opinion on Thursday was written by Judge Dennis Jacobs, the chief judge of the circuit; he was appointed by the first President Bush. The decision was joined by Christopher F. Droney, who was appointed by President Obama. Judge Chester J. Straub, appointed by President Bill Clinton, filed a partial dissent in which he argued that the issue of same-sex marriage “is not for the courts to decide, but rather an issue for the American people and their elected representatives to settle through the democratic process.”
The court in the Windsor case parted ways with previous courts by elevating the standard of review for laws restricting same-sex marriage to what is known as “heightened scrutiny,” and which is based in large part on whether the people subject to the law have been discriminated against.
“It is easy to conclude that homosexuals have suffered a history of discrimination,” the court wrote. Thus they are part of what the law refers to as a “quasi-suspect” class that deserves any law restricting its rights to be subjected to such “heightened scrutiny.” Because the law could not pass that test, Judge Jacobs wrote, it is unconstitutional under the equal protection clause of the Constitution.
Ultimately, Judge Jacobs wrote, the court’s legal analysis “sidesteps the fair point that same-sex marriage is unknown to history and tradition,” but those are questions concerning “holy matrimony,” not the civil status recognized under the law. “A state may enforce and dissolve a couple’s marriage, but it cannot sanctify or bless it,” he wrote. “For that, the pair must go next door.”
Ms. Windsor, speaking on Thursday afternoon at a news conference, proclaimed herself “thrilled” by the decision. Ms. Windsor, who is 83, said that she found it “so offensive that this woman that I lived with and adored, and had loved me, that they treated her as if she was a stranger in my life.”
Ms. Spyer, she said, is “here with me in spirit and would have been so proud to see how far we’ve come.”
Alex Vadukul contributed reporting.
This article has been revised to reflect the following correction:
Correction: October 19, 2012
An earlier version of this article misstated details about the formation of the Bipartisan Legal Advisory Group, a House of Representatives panel. The group, which has existed since at least the 1980s but formally acknowledged by the House in 1993, was created to represent the position of Congress in litigation matters; it was not created to take on the Defense of Marriage Act.

Am I Mr. Right. . . part 2


Posted: 19 Oct 2012 06:20 AM PDT
Gay Relationships: Am I Mr. Right? - Part Two: Life Assessment And Tips For Being All You Can Becontinued from yesterday )

Life Assessment

It’s time to take a thorough inventory of your life and determine your strengths and weaknesses that both help and hinder your cause. You will want to capitalize on your personal assets and view your weak areas as “growth spots” to develop goals for self-improvement. And then do what you need to do to overcome any barriers or obstacles that interfere with your having a great quality-of-life. Conduct an overview of all the different parts of your life and assess how you feel you’re doing in each of the following areas:
  • Physical health and appearance
  • Emotional well-being
  • Spirituality
  • Relationships with family
  • Friendships and support system
  • Household environment and living arrangements
  • EducationWork/Career
  • Sex Life
  • Comfort with being gay and level of “outness”
  • Comfort with masculinity and gender identity
  • Financial situation
  • Self-esteem
  • Access to resources
  • Social and dating skills
You will also want to identify such additional things as “unfinished business” from the past, mental health issues, losses that have yet to be fully grieved, addictions of any kind (alcohol/drugs, gambling, sex, food, Internet, exercise, work, etc.), and any stressors in your life. These things can distract and prevent you from fully becoming engaged in your life and achieving true personal growth. A personality tinged with a “bad attitude”, a hardened demeanor, and a dampened spirit can also sour one’s success with life and love.

Another technique you can do to bring out more self-awareness of your strengths and “growth areas” is to make a list of all the qualities you are looking for in a life partner. Once you’ve completed this, go back over the list and compare the items you’ve identified against yourself. Are you the things on this list? If not, you’ve just identified some more goals to work toward in becoming Mr. Right.

Tips For Being All You Can Be

Once you created a list of the areas that you’d like to focus on, create specific, concrete, and measurable goals that you can then put into an action plan. This will give you a good structure to work from, as well as a good accountability measure.

Identify any blocks to success. For example, if you don’t possess some of the qualities that you ascribe to your ideal Mr. Right, why is that? What holds you back? Hire the services of a trained therapist or life coach who can help you more quickly overcome these hurdles.

Get out of your own way! Fear and negative self-talk are usually the two big culprits that stand in the way of our dreams and goals. Build the courage and resilience necessary to take safe and calculated risks that will steer you on the path toward your goals. Challenge the negative “whispers” of your inner critic and replace them with more affirming self-statements that are in alignment with your vision.

A man with a strong sense of self, positive self-esteem, good social graces and manners, healthy assertiveness, and a solid value system, not to mention who has  integrity, honesty, and who is passionate about life and lives it with meaning is very sexy indeed!

Conclusion

By taking the focus off your perceived lack of success in the dating world and putting it more squarely on building your own personal reserves, you will become more fulfilled in your life and this has a way of projecting a more positive “aura”, making you even more attractive inside and out.

It’s all about attitude and taking proactive steps toward growing and becoming the type of man you can feel good about. Lots of benefits can come from this, including but not limited to a boyfriend.
So make yourself absolutely fabulous..and remember, one “good catch” deserves another! Cheers to your success!

© Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach
The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.
Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc.http://thegaylovecoach.com

Thanks Brian and Michael: gaytwogether.com

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Am I Mr. Right ?


The Very Thought Of Him - GAYTWOGETHER.COM - click to enlarge
Posted: 16 Oct 2012 04:05 PM PDT
Gaytwogether091908tvtwSo you’re single and looking for Mr. Right. Perhaps you enjoy the freedom of this time of your life and date recreationally, keeping your options open until “the right guy” comes along.

Or maybe you’re the type who feels like dating is his sealed fate, forever going out on dates with guy after guy, only to walk away from each experience disappointed and questioning whether you’ll ever find a compatible life partner. Whatever your situation, it’s important to remember that finding Mr. Right is only part of the equation to landing a successful relationship. The other part, which is actually more important, is to become Mr. Right yourself.

The Law of Attraction states that like attracts like. What you put out there in your life will be mirrored back to you. This theory purports that, for example, if you exude confidence and positivity, this will draw like-minded people toward you like a magnet. Conversely, if you portray a demeanor of depression and pessimism, you will likely attract those with similar qualities…if even!

So whether you’re happily single and just “going with the flow” or are frustrated by your lack of return on your dating efforts, the most important thing you can do for yourself at this phase of your development as a single person is to invest in yourself and become Mr. Right. You want to be at your best so that when your Mr. Right actually does enter your life, you’ll be ready and available for him and won’t potentially miss out on a golden opportunity.

Evolution of A Great Guy

Self-actualization, or striving to reach one’s full potential, is at the core of this evolution toward becoming Mr. Right and is a lifelong process for all of us as we grow, change, and learn valuable lessons through the challenges we face in our everyday lives.

By taking the emphasis off of preoccupations with why it’s so difficult to find a decent man and ruminating about if you’re going to be single forever, you can channel these feelings and unproductive thoughts toward something meaningful that will actually impact your life in a positive way. This is not to minimize the value and importance of having a special man in your life for companionship and intimacy—it is a basic human need to achieve a sense of belonging and connection. But until that time comes, putting all the focus on something external to you that you may not have much control over only leads you toward feelings of helplessness and powerlessness that will sabotage your ultimate goals.
You can’t will Mr. Right into your life. You only have control and responsibility over yourself and your choices and actions. Take advantage of this valuable phase of your life as a single gay man to get your life in order so you won’t have any distractions to keep you from snagging that special stud. Nothing would be more brutal than missing out on him because you weren’t emotionally available or even aware that he was right in front of your face.
Are you date-able? 

Would you date you? 

Who do you see staring back at you when you look at your reflection in the mirror? 

Are you proud of the man that you’ve become?

If you hesitated on any of these questions, what does that say about you at this juncture of your life?  If you don’t feel good about who you are and what you have to offer, you can’t expect others to see this as an asset either. For all you know, you may be unconsciously giving off vibes that reflect how negatively you feel about yourself or unfulfilled you are with your accomplishments and could actually be thwarting your dating efforts by causing men who might ordinarily be interested to distance.
Do the work now to bring about more balance and wholeness to your life and identity before the right guy comes along so you’ll be even more appealing and ensure that you don’t lose out on him by not being ready or available.

It’s time to take a thorough inventory of your life and determine your strengths and weaknesses that both help and hinder your cause.
Continued Tomorrow - "Life Assessment - Tips For Being All You Can Be" )
© Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach
The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.
Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc.http://thegaylovecoach.com

~~~~~~thanks to Brian and Michael at gaytwogether,com

G2G Gallery Guys: Thursday Twogether - GAYTWOGETHER.COM - click to enlarge

Chatter With COOPS. . . .



OK, COOPs, you are right on top of it, here in this email:  look below what you wrote. "Why does it have to be a hate crime cause he was gay?  Isn't it a hate crime. . Period?

THAT is the point I've been making off n on for a while. . . quietly.  When/If Peter and I get married why does it have to be a gay marriage?  If we care about and want to be mainstream, why do we insist on always using that demonstrative adjective, that descriptive adjective?  Why can't we just get married??

As I said a few weeks earlier. . . maybe it was that which started your "mind block on the obvious"...lol. . 
I don't live a gay life. . . .I don't take a gay shower. . . I don't think I wear gay underwear. . boxers sometime. . .briefs a lot more. . ..when I wear underwear. . . LOL. . .I don't really live the gay lifestyle. . .whatever that is!  I don't eat gay food, do you?
I am working on a doctorate. . .it isn't a gay doctorate. . . and I do not teach a Gay Intro to Gay Psych. . . 

do have a housemate. . .a guy. . .many people have housemates. . .same sex, opposite sex. . . that doesn't make us gay. . . .but in our case we do choose to live together because we both are gay. . .THAT doesn't make  us gay. . . it is an expression that we are gay, I guess. . .but it doesn't make us GAY, or queer.  We just ARE and we LIVE.. . and LOVE. . .and enjoy LIFE. . . d . . .

And tomorrow  we will both wear something purple because we are against bullying. . of anyone, any place.  We are both Catholic. . . .


So we are two men who are gay and RC, and we do not see any contradiction in that.  All of the factors in are lives have worked together and contributed to shaping and forming who we are. . . .ultimately we are created in the image and likeness of God. . . .God made us male and gay in His own image.  And God doesn't contradict Himself.

Well, quite enough of all that.  So, bro, you see what I was/am driving at?  Obvious, isn't it.  You're in 
pretty much in the same boat, except you haven't . . yet. . .invited a partner in. . . yet. . . ;-))

                                                                    Cheerios, babe. . . .

                                                                            JustinO



From:   COOPSTA
Subject: the illiterate republican

Can ya gimme a hint?   (Along with other things ya could give me  that would make Sanctus Santorum apoplectic with rage  ). I'll put this in the fridge in the back of my mind. I'm getting a blank right now. On the connection I mean... 

 I have a sense of absolute right and wrong that rears it head in the Matthew Sheppard tragedy. I don't care why somebody could be tortuted, hung up on a fence, etc. etc. It's wrong! Why does it have to be a hate crime cause he was gay? Isn't it a hate crime, Period?   






ARE  YOU  ?





Justin  O' Shea



SPIRITDAY 10/19/2012


‘You Shall Love Your LGBT Neighbor As Yourself’

October 18, 2012
Tomorrow is Spirit Day, sponsored by GLAAD, to take a stand against anti-LGBT violence and  bullying among youth. LGBT supporters worldwide will wear purple and promote #SpiritDay on social media as a show of solidarity. Noted Jesuit priest  and author James Martin wrote a blog post for Americamagazine earlier this week on why participation by Catholics is important, entitled ‘Why Not Wear Purple on Friday?
Citing statistics from the Trevor Project  and US Department of Justice officials, Fr. Martin highlights thatLGBT youth are at a vastly increased risk for suicide attempts, family rejection, and bullying in schools. He encouraged Catholic participation in Spirit Day:
“This should be a no-brainer for Catholics, who are called by Christ to support those who suffer or struggle in any way, particularly those on the margins.
“This is an especially relevant issue for Catholics who support traditional families…For Catholics overall it is an opportunity to demonstrate their ‘respect, compassion and sensitivity’ for their gay and lesbian brothers and sisters, and thus heed the call of the Catechism.  (There’s even a site for Catholics supporting the initiative.)  And when we’re talking about suicide, we’re talking about a ‘life issue.’”

James Martin, SJ
Martin even responds to Catholics objecting to Spirit Day and similar initiatives because of an implied endorsement of organizations that oppose official Catholic teaching. He reminds Catholics that it is important to act against injustices, even if partners do not agree on all aspects, because the alternative of waiting for perfection means halting progress. Martin speaks to the heart of Catholic participation in Spirit Day:
“Many gay and lesbian Catholics have told me (in person, in emails, in notes and letters and in Facebook messages) how alienated they have felt from the church lately.  Perhaps as a result of some of the rhetoric that has been used recently, an increasing number of gay and lesbian Catholics, and gay and lesbian youth in particular, feel marginalized from the church in which they were baptized.
“So why not do something simple to show compassion for our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters, especially those who are bullied or who have even attempted suicide? Purple is a penitential color, the color of remorse, and so it is particularly appropriate as a sign of remorse over any LBGT hate speech.  Why do something small to show your love of neighbor?”
Those of us at New Ways Ministry will be wearing purple tomorrow to publicly witness against the bullying, violence, and hate speech that harm so many LGBT youth and New Ways Ministry hopes you will join in taking a stand because, as Fr. Martin writes:
“You shall love your LGBT neighbor as yourself.”
Bob Shine, New Ways Ministry

Thursday, October 11, 2012


G'day JustinO,
Interesting you should resurrect the Matthew Shepard issue at this time. Here's what's happening in Ukraine at the mo. Check out the photo. “Oh what fools these mortals be,” quoth Puck in A Midsummer Night’s Dream.
Gary

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wonder if this kind of stupity/ignorance is some sort of 'primative innate fear' a society 
musr grow through, as it were,. . . ..maybe better put, something the society must out-grow. . . .. something of a purging of primal repressed fears which are only partially 
felt or recognized  until the society is able to face them,  see them for what they are, and  then make a rational decision  to deal honestly with them. . . . 

Maybe, too, society cannot overlook them, sort of walk around them by ignoring them because we know  by so doing these 'things' become more deeply repressed.  Passions, fears, traumas cannot be ignored because they will eventually explode into greater violence and destruction  and cause more tragic events in a never-ending cycle. . . .condemned to repeat over and over the same never-ending pain, repression and violence.

In therapy we see this in individuals. . . . .imagine these greatly magnified in a collective
societal explosion !

JustinO