JUSTIN DUNES

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

IMPACT OF HURRICANE SANDY ON LGBT HOMELESS YOUTH

Posted: 05 Nov 2012 02:43 PM PST

Dear Friends, On Friday we were finally able to inspect our drop-in center in Chelsea, half a block from the Hudson River. Our worst fears were realized; everything was destroyed and the space is uninhabitable. The water level went four feet high, destroying our phones, computers, refrigerator, food and supplies.
This is a terrible tragedy for the homeless LGBT youth we serve there. This space was dedicated to our most vulnerable kids, the thousands stranded on the streets without shelter, and was a place where they received food, showers, clothing, medical care, HIV testing and treatment, and mental health and substance abuse services. Basically a lifeline for LGBT kids whose lives are in danger.
We are currently scrambling for a plan to provide care to these desperate kids while we prepare to ultimately move into a larger space that will better meet our needs. The NYC LGBT Center has very kindly and generously offered to let us temporarily use some of their space, and we hope to determine the viability of that on Monday. Also, I am especially thankful that none of our housing sites were affected by the hurricane and that none of our clients or staff were injured by the storm.
We have been deluged with kind offers from people who wish to volunteer and donate goods. Unfortunately, we will have to provide our services in the time being in much smaller spaces that won't accommodate volunteers or allow for much storage space. The best way people can reach out to help in this very challenging time is by making monetary donations.

Please go to our website at www.aliforneycenter.org/hurricanesandy.
It is heartbreaking to see this space come to such a sad end. For the past seven years it has been a place of refuge to thousands of kids reeling from being thrown away by their parents for being LGBT. For many of these kids coming to our drop-in center provided their first encounter with a loving and affirming LGBT community.
I thank all of you for your care and support in a most difficult time.
- Carl Siciliano

hmmmmm

Monday, November 5, 2012

New York Coney Island Visitor

Seen strolling just off shore from New York Coney Island Beach this afternoon. . .11/05.12
Tourists are advised to avoid any and all contact with this massive creature. Disturb at your own risk, reptologists warn. Similar creatures have been spotted along Herring Cove at Provincetown.
They've also been seen heading toward Halifax, NS. They seem to prefer to travel alone or in groups of three. . .threesomes.

Data Collection 101

Gay Relationships: The First Date: Assessing His Boyfriend Potential - Part One

Posted: 05 Nov 2012 06:20 AM PST

You sit on the lumpy lounge chair at the local coffee shop, sipping your cappuccino while trying to look occupied reading today’s local newspaper. Your eyes periodically shift to the front door of the shop, hoping to catch a quick glance of the man you’ll be meeting for the first time.

You’ve had a million first dates, it seems, but the nervous anticipation and excitement always seems to show itself through your sweaty palms and rapid heartbeat. What will this meeting be like? Could he be “The One?”

Even though your blood’s pumping at the prospect of meeting someone new, you feel confident and relaxed within yourself as you approach this situation. You’ve worked hard to be a good, upstanding man and you recognize that you’re a “good catch.” You’re comfortable with who you are and you have a solid vision for what you’re looking for in a potential mate, having taken the time to craft a dating plan that emphasizes your personal needs, wants, values, and requirements in a relationship and partner.

Your first date here is an opportunity to meet and get to know a new person with no expectations of outcome. You are going to be yourself, knowing that this isn’t about performance, and you’ll have a chance to briefly gauge whether this man possesses some of the traits and qualities that you seek in a Mr. Right.

Your thoughts are interrupted by the presence of the handsome creature that now stands before you. You both shake hands as you greet, smiles beaming, and he proceeds to sit down to begin the get-to-know-you dialogues.

Who is this man sitting across from you? Is he boyfriend potential? While compatibility largely rests on the goodness-of-fit between the two of you with your relationship visions and attraction/chemistry, this article will pose some provoking questions for you to track the answers for when you begin your dating quests with new people and learn about whether they’re your “type” or not.
These questions can act as guideposts through your dating journey. And remember, the answers you obtain do not reflect upon this person as being “good” or “bad.” The answers are simply used as a way to help you quickly determine if this individual matches with your personal requirements so that you can make informed choices that will promote your achieving a successful and lasting relationship with your Mr. Right.

The First Date Evaluation

Generally speaking, first dates are usually better structured when they’re short, focused, and allow for lots of dialogue. Learn as much as you can about this person so you can begin the process
of “sizing up” his compatibility with your vision and needs. According to David Steele, founder of the Relationship Coaching Institute, there are four critical skills that singles must possess during their life partner quest. Two of those skills are relevant to our discussion here. “Sorting is the process of quickly determining if someone you meet has future potential.

A successful single is able to initiate contact with people and in conversation get enough information within 5 minutes to know whether they want to get to know them better or move on. Think of “working the room” at a party. Screening is the process of getting enough information to determine if a prospective partner meets your requirements or not.

Since requirements are relationship breakers, all of them must be met. Getting this information can occur over the telephone, by e-mail, over coffee, or taking a walk. If you are looking for your life partner, you can’t afford to explore dead ends; and it is important to get this information BEFORE you date them and get involved.”

( Continued Tomorrow - Part Two: "Points To Help Your Dating Success" )
© Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach

The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.

Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community.

THANKS Brian and Michael@gaytwogether.com

Gay Relationships: Dealing With Depression

Posted: 01 Nov 2012 06:20 AM PDT

Depression has been called the “common cold” of mental health problems. Estimates are that 20% of the American population may experience depression at some time or other during their lives.

Depression is different than simply having “the blues;” everyone experiences periods of time when they feel like the wind is out of their sails, and that’s not necessarily something to worry about. The blues usually go away after a few days.

Depression has a number of features that are more significant than just feeling a little melancholy. All of those symptoms can impact a relationship. People experiencing depression typically find that there is a change in their appetites: they may eat more (or sometimes lose all interest in food) or they may lose interest in sex. Things that gave them pleasure at one time or another may hold little interest for them.

Depressed people often have less energy for day-to-day activities. There is often a general lack of enthusiasm; they may feel emotionally unavailable. Depression often involves feelings of hopelessness and isolation. If you are the experiencing depression, you may feel discouraged about your relationship and feel like you want to call it quits. Avoid the temptation to talk about separation or divorce when you’re in the grip of these dark thoughts.

If your partner is the one who is depressed, it may feel like he’s lost interest in you. That hurts. It’s also painful to watch someone experience life as joyless and bleak. There are several things you can do that will help:

• Don’t blame or scare yourself. Your partner’s depression doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you or that your relationship is doomed. Don’t take it personally

• Be supportive, but don’t fall into the trap of trying to fix your partner. Listen to him and encourage him to talk. Let him know you love him.

• Don’t discount his feelings with lots of happy talk, but let him know that you’re hopeful about the future.

• See if doing something fun will help. Having enough fun is important in any relationship.

• Know when to seek professional help. The above suggestions can help with milder forms of depression, but more serious forms aren’t likely to respond to home remedies. If symptoms persist for more than a few weeks, urge your partner to find a counselor.

• If he’s depressed enough to talk about injuring himself, get help right away. Take any talk about suicide very seriously.

There are a number of good medications available that treat depression. Anti-depressants are not magic cures, but they often help. Either psychiatrists or general practitioners may prescribe them. That’s fine, but urge your partner to talk with his doc about side effects.

The class of anti-depressants called SSRIs (including Prozac, Paxil and other drugs) can cause sexual problems in up to 70% of the men who take them. Talk about this with the prescribing physician. Some docs don’t take complaints about decreased sexual desire seriously when the complaints come from gay men. If that happens, insist that you be treated with respect – or find a new doctor.

There’s no reason to be afraid of depression, but there is every reason to take it seriously. Help is available -- use it.

John R. Ballew, M.S. an author and contributor to GAYTWOGETHER, is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality, relationships and spirituality. If you have any questions or comments you can submit them directly to GAYTWOGETHER or John R. Ballew, M.S. - www.bodymindsoul.org.

THANKS, MICHAEL@gaytwogether.com

BALANCE

The Very Thought Of Him - GAYTWOGETHER.COM - click to enlarge

It's About You: Balancing Work and Life

Posted: 02 Nov 2012 06:20 AM PDT

You’ve probably heard the saying that no one looks back on his deathbed and wishes he had spent more time at the office. Trouble is, that’s not necessarily the way your supervisor looks at things.
In today’s competitive work environment, some people work 50 hours a week or more and still feel like slackers. This is true whether economic times are good or bad. In bad times we feel driven to work hard to avoid being laid off; in good times, the drive is to succeed and get ahead.

Are you working to live or living to work?

That question can be particularly important for gay men and women, who often channel extra energy into their careers. Success on the job can be particularly important for us – a way to demonstrate our worth in a world that’s often homophobic. It’s not unusual for people who feel part of a minority to feel additional pressure to prove themselves good enough. Putting in extra hours at the office can also be a way some people try to overcome self-doubt.
How do you know if work is taking over your life? Sometimes the answer is obvious: you feel irritable, burned out and unhappy, for instance, or you find yourself spending Sunday dreading the thought of Monday morning. Or worse: you’re in the office on Sunday! If you haven’t had a vacation in a year or two, you’re probably out of balance. If you’re putting in such long hours that you’ve given up dating in favor of a quick hookup over the internet, that’s probably a clue as well.

Changing the situation means coming to grips with a difficult truth: the person in charge of your life is you. Having a slave driver for a boss doesn’t change the equation. We’re talking about your life here. So how do you go about creating more balance?

Take stock of your life, no excuses allowed. If work is taking too big a chunk out of your life, what other parts are getting short-changed? Notice if your relationships are suffering. Sometimes work creates a convenient excuse for avoiding intimacy.

Decide what success looks like for you. Too many of us think of getting ahead only in terms of job advancement or making more money. What else do you value: friends, a partner, music, doing something creative, traveling or enjoying your home life? If you value something but spend little time pursuing that pleasure, you’re life is going to be out of whack.
Learn to compartmentalize. Giving 100% on the job is fine, but when you leave your work place, let it go. Spending a lot of time thinking about work when you’re on your own time – answering email, checking voicemail, texting – means you’re not getting the sort of downtime necessary to avoid burn out.

Fight perfectionism. Wanting to excel is fine, but the perfectionist loses perspective and needs to do everything, well, perfectly, even if the task at hand isn’t all that important. Sometimes “good enough” can liberate you to spend energy and time on what you truly value rather than wasting time on stuff that is ultimately not all that important.

Learn to say no. You’re not Superman; stop acting like him. Taking on an endless supply of new projects when you can’t adequately deal with what’s already on your plate may make you feel like a great employee, but you’re letting yourself down.

Reserve time in your schedule for people and events that are important to you. Whether it’s working out, rehearsing with the Gay Men’s Chorus or making dinner for your partner, your life is going to be richer if you make time for what’s important for you.

Consider the place of beauty in your life. Do you make time to listen to music, create or enjoy art, dance, cook or otherwise do something just because it attracts and stimulates your senses? What kind of a life will you have if all your efforts are only utilitarian?

Still have a problem? Consider a job change. Changing to a new line of work may seem drastic, but not enjoying your life is actually a much bigger deal. If you can’t make a change right now, start planning for a change for the not-too-distant future. It’s up to you to decide what’s most important in your world.

John R. Ballew, M.S. author & contributor to GAYTWOGETHER, is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality, relationships and spirituality. If you have any questions or comments you can submit them directly to GAYTWOGETHER or John R. Ballew, M.S. - www.bodymindsoul.org. or at (404) 874-8536.

thanks MICHAEL@gaytogether.com

AINT BEING DUMB GREAT FUN?

G'day JustinO,

It's all your fault, mate. And those of your pursuasion. I'm talking about Hurricane Sandy and all the other disasters. Get rid of gays and everything will be just fine and dandy.

Can you believe it?

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/shortcuts/2012/oct/30/hurricane-sandy-disasters-blamed-gay-community

http://now.msn.com/john-mcternan-blames-hurricane-sandy-on-gay-people-as-well-as-obama-and-romney

Gary