JUSTIN DUNES

Monday, December 31, 2012



To All Friends, long-time and most recent

We wish you Pax et Bonum

Peace and All Good Things today, tomorrow

and the whole of 2013 through and through

May your hearts be merry

and your dreams come true

and find that in loving

you are loved too !

Justin  and  Peter
Posted by JustinO'Shea at 4:13 PM 10 comments:

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Letter from Chinese Laborer

Here is more about working conditions in American-owned manufacturing in The Peoples Republic of China. . . .

http://shine.yahoo.com/work-money/letter-chinese-laborer-pleading-help-found-halloween-decorations-202400773.html

Did you receive a lot of "made in China" items for Christmas?  Makes me wonder if anything  is still made in the USA. . . .?

justin
Posted by JustinO'Shea at 11:31 AM 10 comments:


Gay Relationships: It's Never Too Late - New Year's Resolutions For Gay Couples
Posted: 28 Dec 2012 06:20 AM PST
Never Too Late: Resolutions For Gay Couples - GAYTWOGETHER.COMIt’s never too late to make those New Year’s Resolutions - especially if you’re in a relationship. Probably the number one question I get asked most often by gay couples is, unsurprisingly, "How do I make my relationship better?"

So, in line with the beginning of a New Year, I thought I’d write a short blurb that lists some possible action steps you might take to improve your partnership in the coming year. We’ve all heard of making personal New Year’s Resolutions like "I’m going to lose weight this year" or "I’m going to go to the health club more often", but what would happen if we expanded upon that concept and created Resolutions for our relationships as couples?

With our busy lifestyles and excessive demands placed upon our time, it can be very easy to take our relationships for granted and unconsciously place them on the low end of our priority scales. And with those couples who have been together for a long time, it’s even easier to settle into comfortable routines and patterns (as if on auto-pilot) at the expense of attending to and nurturing our relationship with our partners. This neglect is a primary reason for relationship discord, boredom, and a host of other problems that begin to erode at the foundation of our bonds as lovers/husbands.

*Catapult Your Relationship In The New Year!*

Conscious intention toward putting consistent energy into your relationship is crucial for its longevity and success. So why not, as a couple, create your own list of New Year’s Resolutions for your relationship and make sure to attend to the items on your list.

In fact, the actual act of the two of you sitting down and developing a list would be a great first item, something the two of you could creatively do that fosters togetherness and mutual brainstorming on ways to super-charge your connection. In essence, the two of you are creating a vision for your relationship, and the pure act of doing that begins to cement more intimacy between you as you have common goals to strive toward and celebrate the successes along the way.

Need some help creating some Resolutions? While it’ll have more meaning and substance if you and your partner can create your own, here’s some examples that you might use; they might even spark some additional ideas of your own! Have at it, and enjoy the process!

*Sample Relationship New Year’s Resolutions*
"For this year 2013, we as a couple, resolve to do the following for the benefit and growth of our relationship..."
1. To listen to each other without interrupting as a way to improve our communication and validate each other’s perspectives on issues.
2. To take notice of the "little things" we do and to acknowledge our observation of these things as a way to keep giving each other positive strokes.
3. To make more time for each other and restructure our schedules so that we have more quality time and availability to go out on dates and enjoy each other.
4. To make love to each other with more passion, intensity, and creativity.
5. To create a scrapbook of memories of our life together that will act as a legacy of our relationship.
6. To make sure that we have some kind of dialogue on a daily basis that keeps us centered on each other and keeps the distractions of our lives at bay.
7. To surprise each other with simple adorations of our love for each other, whether it be flowers sent to the office or a love note slipped in our briefcases.
8. To attend personal growth workshops, couples’ retreats, sign up for relationship coaching sessions, or read books that will help us keep growing and developing as a couple.
9. To make more friends and surround ourselves with positive people who will affirm and support our relationship.
10. To work through any self-esteem issues or internalized homophobia that either one of us may have that interfere with us being able to show the world that we are proud to be gay and a couple.
11. To say "I love you" more often and take "Time-Outs" as needed when we’re angry so we don’t escalate problems and say things that will hurt one another.
12. To ensure that we each have both an individual identity and an identity as a couple to bring about more balance/health to our partnership. Having outside interests, hobbies, and passions will help bring more novelty and freshness to our lives.
13. To be honest and direct with our feelings and needs instead of keeping things to ourselves. We also will avoid placing blame on each other and will acknowledge mistakes and take responsibility accordingly.

*Conclusion*
And the list can go on and on. Fine-tune these, as well as the ones you’ve come up with so that they are specific, concrete, and measurable. This way, you both know exactly what you have to do to accomplish the goals you’ve set because they’re spelled out with no "wiggle-room" for sabotage, and you’ll ensure that they’re achievable. Prioritize your items and only focus on a few initially so as not to get too overwhelmed.

Maintain these tasks, and your commitment will soar to new heights! Reward yourselves for jobs well done and periodically assess and check-in with each other to gauge how you’re doing and if any revisions or additions need to be made. Happy New Year, and all the best with your new relationship goals and objectives!

© Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach
The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.
Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc. http://thegaylovecoach.com



thanks to Brian and to michael@gaytogether.com
Posted by JustinO'Shea at 11:15 AM No comments:

Friday, December 28, 2012

A New Year's Resolution. . . .maybe?


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@gaytwogether.com
Posted by JustinO'Shea at 11:22 PM 1 comment:

Thursday, December 27, 2012

More than just Friends. . . ? part 2

The Very Thought Of Him - GAYTWOGETHER.COM - click to enlarge
Gay Relationships: Becoming More Than Just Friends - Part Two
Posted: 27 Dec 2012 06:20 AM PST
Gay Relationships: Becoming More Than Just Friends - Part Two( Gay Relationships Advice Column By Dr. Brian Rzepczynski )
( Continued from yesterday )
"This new guy you’re dating sounds like someone you’re intrigued with and would like to see developing into more than “just friends.” ......
If you’re truly interested in cultivating a relationship beyond friendship with him, then the only way to accomplish this is for you to take the lead and directly express your interest and desires either verbally or through a kiss or some other affectionate gesture that breaks away from the purely “friendship behaviors” that have been exhibited thus far.

Only you can decide if that’s what’s right for you; but if you do choose to let him know how you truly feel, I’d do it quickly!
Don’t let anymore time pass by!  The more time that the two of you invest in each other functioning as you are now, the more your relationship will be defined as “just friends” because any romantic chemistry that existed will diminish over time and he will only view you through the lens of being a pal.

It’s not easy taking the initiative and putting yourself in a position of risk. You will need to decide if he matches your personal requirements for a partner thus far and if the benefits of making your feelings known outweigh the potential costs of making yourself vulnerable. And when you’re dating, let things evolve naturally and address the issues as they come
.
It’s important to have boundaries, but try to avoid setting them up so high that there’s no way to let a relationship grow.  Being friends and having separate identities are extremely important for the health of a partnership, so you’re right on for identifying these values as prime for you. But rather than “throwing it all out on the table” within the first few dates by communicating that, perhaps just pace the speed of how things are going by expressing your needs and feelings as they come in the various situations you’ll find yourself in.

Your guy will get the hint. For example, if you’ve gone out on a few dates with someone and he starts giving you hints that he wants to have sex, you could say something like, “I really like you a lot, but I’d like to take things a little slower and get to know each other better first. I’m really attracted to you though, just please be patient.”

Hone your flirting skills, pay attention to body language and eye contact, and assess the guys’ responsiveness to you as clues to a dating partners’ interest. And even when going slow, it’s still important to throw signals of attraction and interest to keep the fires burning and to keep each other validated.

I wish you luck with this! What do you really want from this guy…a friend or a potential boyfriend?

Whatever you decide, go for it and address any fears that may be holding you back. Be the chooser, be assertive! And no matter what happens, the one thing that won’t change is that a friendship has already been established and that’s one more person to add to your support network. My fingers are crossed for you!

© Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach
The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.
Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc. http://thegaylovecoach.com


Thanks to Brian and to Michael@gaytwogether.com

Picturing Guys Twogether - "Love Is Never Wrong" - GAYTWOGETHER.COM - click picture to enlarge
Posted by JustinO'Shea at 11:58 AM No comments:

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

More than Friends?. . . . part 1

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Gay Relationships: Are We More Than Just Friends? - Part One
Posted: 26 Dec 2012 06:20 AM PST
Gay Relationships: Are We More Than Just Friends? - Part One( Gay Relationships Advice Column By Dr. Brian Rzepczynski )
Dear Brian:
I have been out of the dating scene for 10 years after having been in a long-term relationship for that length and it has since ended. I find it difficult being back on the singles’ market.

I currently find myself in a strange situation; I have met a guy through the Internet. On our “first date”, I set the context of our encounter by saying that I thought from having left a long-term relationship that it was important for me to be friends and to be interdependent rather than codependent as was my previous experience.

So now seven weeks have passed, we’ve been on a number of dates, but haven’t kissed. I am waiting for him to make a move. I’m fearful and I don’t want to ruin anything if it is meant to be a friendship, although I would like more. How long is too long to know someone before “stepping things up” and how do you decipher whether it’s a friendship or if there’s potential for a relationship?
'Back On The Scene Again'
___________________________________
Dear 'Back On the Scene Again':
Yes, it can be quite a difficult challenge when transitioning back into the dating scene after having been in a long-term relationship for the length that you were involved in. Feeling rusty and out of practice, it can be overwhelming navigating through those waters again, particularly with the difficulties inherent in finding compatible matches. Not only this, you’re likely still going through a grieving process over the loss of your 10-year relationship even though you initiated the breakup.

So my first bit of advice to you is to relax and breathe! There’s no rush and it’s a process you have to go through. Becoming preoccupied with the dating challenges will only serve to frustrate you and create more angst and desperation that could sabotage your efforts to find healthy dating partners.

Being new to the scene again and wanting “to do it right the first time around” is commendable and it sounds like you’ve done your homework by realizing the importance of pacing and taking things slow. There does need to be a balance with this, however, otherwise many men will perceive a lack of interest if the signals aren’t expressed that you’re interested.

This new guy you’re dating sounds like someone you’re intrigued with and would like to see developing into more than “just friends.” While going slow is important, you want to beware of over-thinking it and communicating it too much to the guy you’re seeing.

My concern is that it’s possible your guy may have interpreted your statement on the first date of being friends and interdependent as a barrier you put up towards getting close. Try to be mindful of ways you may be projecting your past relationship mistakes onto new dating encounters.

It’s important in the early stages of dating that you make the contacts light and gradually build in more self-disclosure as you screen the person to determine their suitability; this way, your disclosures match the level of intimacy that’s developed in your progressive meetings with your new dating partner. It’s possible your statements may have come across as “too heavy” and your guy may have interpreted what you said in such a way that now your relationship with him is defined as purely a friendship because that may be what he thought you were surmising.

After two months with no movement, that may be the case. But don’t fret, my friend! All is not lost!  It’s also very possible that he, too, shares your interest, but is waiting for you to make the first move because of what you said and he’s letting you be in control of the pacing since you expressed the need initially.

 ( Part Two Tomorrow - "Becoming More Than Just Friends" )

© Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach
The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.
Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc. http://thegaylovecoach.com

Merry Christmas, Brian and Michael. . . .thanks!   @gaytwogether.com
Posted by JustinO'Shea at 4:46 PM No comments:

Sunday, December 23, 2012

A Father's Journey on Gay Marriage

This article from NYTimes for Sunday is great.  I hope you enjoy this as much as I do.  ;-)

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/23/opinion/sunday/bruni-a-fathers-journey-on-gay-marriage.html?pagewanted=1


justin
Posted by JustinO'Shea at 12:16 AM 4 comments:

Friday, December 21, 2012

Birth Order and YOU

What number child are you in "the pecking order" of your family?  Are you the first born. . ."the love child" ?  Or are you "the baby of the family"?  [Btw, Peter are I are both the youngest child in our families. . .]

Do you think the birth order has effect on your personality formation?  on a lot of important stages in your life, etc?

Here is a simple little "fun test"  - so called ;-)) -which may get you thinking about who and how you are in your family.

http://www.webmd.com/parenting/rm-quiz-birth-order?ecd=wnl_men_121812&ctr=wnl-men-121812_ld-stry&mb=


If you care to note your comments on any/all of the areas raised in your thinking, etc., it might be helpful for me in collating ideas.  If I use any ideas you might care to share with the blog, I will never in any way specify you.  I might just use something in general, and in passing.

Thanks for any help you might want to give me here.

peace ~~
             JustinO
Posted by JustinO'Shea at 4:47 PM 13 comments:

Holiday Blues



 
Gay And Dealing With The Holiday Blues
Posted: 21 Dec 2012 06:20 AM PST

Tvt 52810 g2g3The holiday season is here – hooray! What’s that you say? You don’t feel like celebrating? The time between Thanksgiving and New Years’ Day is one of the most stressful times of the year.

Even if things are going well, there’s a lot to do: presents to buy, cards to mail, schedules disrupted by fun stuff that somehow can feel a little like a burden.  And if things aren’t going well – you’re alone, you’re broke or unemployed, your relationship with your family looks more like the Ozbournes than Ozzie and Harriet – the holidays can be a real setup for unhappiness. No wonder that stress, anxiety and depression run rampant this time of year.

Stop and take a breath. First, know that if you’ve got the blues, you’ve also got lots of company.Feeling melancholy during the holidays doesn’t make you some sort of freak, even if everyone else looks happy and …gay. One of the things that make the holiday blues more painful is feeling like you shouldn’t feel that way! This doesn’t mean seasonal stress is something insignificant. Far from it
. Here are some suggestions:
Manage your expectations. Decide for yourself what’s important and set priorities for yourself. Pace yourself. Do the holidays have spiritual meaning for you? Celebrate that, not trite holiday glitz.

Don’t try to shop yourself happy. Overspending yourself into debt is like having a hangover that lasts for months. Making a budget and sticking to it is giving yourself a present!

Practice good mental hygiene. Nostalgia is fine up to a point, but this is no time to dwell on past disappointments. Practice cultivating a grateful heart. Focus on what you have, not what you don’t have. Look for ways to help out someone who is less fortunate – serving meals at a soup kitchen or visiting a nursing home, for example.

Watch your diet, sleep and exercise patterns. Watch the carbs. Don’t skip your exercise routine; exercise helps you stay emotionally resilient. And don’t drink too much. Drinking and party drugs can deplete your brain’s supply of serotonin, making you more vulnerable to depression.

Be with people. Touch base with friends you’ve not heard from in a while. Spend time with people who care about you. If you know others who will be by themselves, consider having a potluck dinner together.

Be alone and love it. What would pampering yourself look like? You might catch up on your reading. Schedule a massage or a day for yourself at a spa. If it would make you happy, you can decorate the hell out of your house or apartment even if no one else will see it!

Set boundaries with your family. Many of us love our families, but for others the trip to the ancestral home is a test of our sanity. Assert yourself. Don’t let others make demands on you if compliance will lead you to feel resentful. If you find yourself feeling attacked or disrespected, remember that you’re a grown-up now. No one can make you feel small without your cooperation. Don’t give in.

One of the joys of life as a gay human being is that we get to be creative in how we design and structure our lives.

We don’t let others impose their expectations on us during the rest of the year – why should we let it happen during this season?

Be imaginative, take great care of yourself, and celebrate the gift of life.

Happy Holidays!


John R. Ballew, M.S. an author and contributor to GAYTWOGETHER, is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality, relationships and spirituality. If you have any questions or comments you can submit them directly to GAYTWOGETHER or John R. Ballew, M.S. - www.bodymindsoul.org.

thanks, Michael@gaytwogether.com.   Merry Christmas!


Posted by JustinO'Shea at 4:25 PM 3 comments:

Thursday, December 20, 2012

"I am HOME for Christmas. . . ."

When I awoke last Wednesday morning my first thought was "Today is the day. . . I am going HOME!"  

All papers and student-related stuff were in order, grades had been posted, all my duties were taken care of. . .There were no appointments to keep at the clinic. . . I was free to go!

All I had to do was collect my stuff, kiss Mde Bouvier and "See you in a few days" (she will be here this weekend for the Christmas holidays). .. Peter had already gone to work.  I was ready to hit the road.  I was off. . .in more ways that one!  lol

I have been home a week, just kicking back, and doing as little as I can get away with.  Peter came home this weekend, free of classes and the related work.  So we are two lazy guys, being pampered by our indulgent mothers who like having their sons at home.  So we are both taking advantage of all the "privileges" that involves.

Weather is so-so, certainly not beach weather. . . .but good for just roamin'. . .taking time to "think my own thoughts, feel my own feelings".  Being home gives me good occasions for reflecting, turning thoughts and ideas over to re-examine.
Also I brought home my collection of articles and other psych material, things I have saved and put away for That Day when I start to get organized for real and begin to write my dissertation thesis, a de riguer requirement for the doctorate program.

My general area of concentration is how our own self-image affects formation of and living out our "personality". . . . .Even the  concepts attached to the word personality need exploring and in some instances clarification.  Like a basic question: how much can one distinguish self-image FROM personality?  See what lies before me. . . . .and this is just an "on the side" project. . ..in addition to my regular classes, teaching one class, and work at the clinic.  So, as Mde Bouvier says. . ."On verra. . . we shall see. . ."

Yep, I shall see. . . .Meanwhile, let's not forget to EN- JOY life

                Justin

Posted by JustinO'Shea at 10:51 AM 13 comments:

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

A Promotional ????

http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/10-surprising-health-benefits-of-sex?ecd=wnl_men_121812&ctr=wnl-men-121812_ld-stry_3&mb=
Posted by JustinO'Shea at 9:31 AM 4 comments:

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Applying Brakes in New Dating. . .part 2

Editor's note:  These 6 principles/suggestiosn work well in the various aspects of our lives, not just in relationships and dating.  I think they serve us well in all aspects of our lives.   justin
Gay Relationships: Putting On the Brakes In Your New Dating Relationship for Everlasting Success - Part Two
Posted: 12 Dec 2012 06:20 AM PST
Tvt041411g2g1w[ Continued from yesterday ]
"So how do you control yourself when you want nothing to do but to rip the clothes off of your new guy even though you know it’s best to wait? How do you handle these powerful feelings of attachment without losing your sense of self and without becoming too intertwined?"

Action Challenges

Here are some action challenges to help keep you on the right track toward promoting a healthy relationship progression with your new dating prospect:
  1. Be proactive, not reactive
This means to avoid acting on every impulse you have when it comes to your dating partner. Do you really need to call him for the fifth time today? Is it wise to send him one email after the other on the same day? Do you have to see him every day this week? By thinking about the consequences of your actions, you’ll be in a better position to guide the relationship along. If you need to, snap yourself with a rubber band to break out of an “impulse trance” to avoid making impulsive moves.

     2.  Balance togetherness with separateness
Beware of spending every waking hour with each other. You need breathing room and you don’t want the relationship to become suffocated by becoming too enmeshed. By having your own independent life separate from the relationship, you’ll be bringing fresh air into it that will help vitalize it and keep it exciting. Don’t forget you have other roles, responsibilities, and relationships that deserve and need your attention as well!

     3.  Find outlets for your impulses
Stave off those self-sabotaging urges by finding productive outlets for those impulses to “rush things along.” Such things as exercise, masturbation, fantasy, or writing can be helpful pursuits to channel your thoughts and feelings toward when all you want to do is direct your energies at your love interest. They can be constructive distractions and physical releases for “emergency relief.”

   4.  Stay anchored in the here-and-now
New lovers often times in their exuberance talk about what their futures will be like together and this definitely accelerates the pacing of the relationship. Instead, be fully present in every moment you share together and enjoy each opportunity together as a gift in “the now.” To help stay on an appropriate timeline for yourself, you can create a personal scrapbook of the memories and experiences you’ve shared with this special guy as a time-table and way to stay centered on going slow and relishing in getting to know each other.

   5.  Communication starts from “Day One”
Talk to each other about the thoughts and feelings that you’re having. This shared dialogue will help cement the bond between you even more and communication is one of the avenues toward building trust, respect, and intimacy. By keeping the feelings and temptations vocalized, they can be dealt with more directly. Unspoken, suppressed desires have a way of erupting spontaneously and you’re more at risk for acting-out by keeping everything hidden. Obviously you’re not going to want to share everything you’re fantasizing about with your dating partner (there do need to be some boundaries!), but keeping the dialogue open and honest can help pace the momentum.

   6.  Always stay in touch with your personal requirements
Being mindful of the qualities and characteristics of your ideal partner and relationship can be an excellent barometer to gauge the pacing of your relationship. With every experience and contact you have with your new dating partner, you’re learning more and more about whether this is truly a goodness-of-fit. Does he share similar values? Does he stimulate me intellectually? Is he trustworthy and loyal? Can I be vulnerable with him and share my feelings? Do we have physical chemistry and sexual compatibility? These are all things that are learned in the process of your dating journey with this particular man. Stay true to your personal requirements and non-negotiable needs for a partner and relationship, and you can’t go wrong!

Conclusion

The beginning of a new dating relationship is often times characterized by an abundance of feel-good feelings that can be mind-boggling and overwhelming. Enjoy the thrill of what is happening to you and at the same time make sure that you stay in control of these feelings as opposed to the other way around. Perhaps one of the most important questions you can ask yourself to ensure your relationship is pacing at a rate you are comfortable with before allowing yourself to be vulnerable and consider commitment would be:
Has my dating partner consistently demonstrated through his words and actions that he is safe to let into my life and share my heart?   The answer to that question can only be answered through the passage of time and shared experiences. So slow down, think, and enjoy the ride!
© Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach
The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.
Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc.http://thegaylovecoach.com


Picturing Guys Twogether - "Love Is Never Wrong" - GAYTWOGETHER.COM - click picture to enlarge(click to enlarge)

thanks BRIAN and MICHAEL@gaytwogether.com
Posted by JustinO'Shea at 10:54 AM No comments:

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Catholics SUpport Marriage Equality. . .and the Polls


Again and Again, Statistics Tell a Positive Story About Catholics

by newwaysministryblog

statisticsOver the past month, several polls have confirmed what many previous polls have already shown:  the Catholic laity support LGBT equality, including marriage equality.
In the most recent survey, a Quinnipiac poll released last week, Catholics outpace average Americans when it comes to marriage equality.  According to Newsmax.com:
"While same sex unions are approved by 48 percent to 46 percent overall, Catholics give them the thumbs-up by 49 percent to 43 percent, the survey from Quinnipiac University found.
“ 'It seems pretty clear that attitudes toward same-sex marriage in American society are changing rapidly,' said Peter Brown, the assistant director of the Connecticut university’s polling institute.
“ 'While the country remains split on the issue, supporters have come pretty far in the last four years.' . . .
"The biggest opposition among any group is with white Protestants who oppose it 63 percent to 32 percent."
A Public Religion Research Institute report confirms that Catholics are ahead of the average American population on marriage equality:
"A slim majority (52%) of Americans favor allowing gay and lesbian couples to marry, and 44% oppose.
"Among religious groups, majorities of Catholics (59%), white mainline Protestants (56%), and the unaffiliated (77%) favor allowing gay and lesbian couples to marry."
A recent survey of Catholics in Illinois, conducted by the Paul Simon Public Policy Institute at Southern Illinois University, showed an overwhelming majority support some form of  legal relationship recognition for lesbian/gay couples.  According toLGBTQNation.com:
". . . 81 percent of Catholics surveyed support either full marriage equality for gay and lesbian couples or the right to a civil union. Specifically, 39.9 percent said they support marriage rights and 40.1 percent said their position is for same-sex couples to have civil unions. Only 15.7 percent said there should be no legal recognition of same-sex relationships.
". . . the same poll found that 43.6 percent of Illinois residents approve of full marriage equality, 31.8 percent preferred civil unions and 20.2 percent said there should be no legal recognition. In 2010, the same poll reported 33.6 percent of people were in favor of marriage rights."
The Illinois statistics are significant because that state, which already has a civil unions law, may well take up the discussion of a marriage equality law in 2013.
--Francis DeBernardo, New Ways Ministry

Posted by JustinO'Shea at 10:49 AM 7 comments:

A New Relationship


Gay Relationships: Putting On the Brakes In Your New Dating Relationship for Everlasting Success - Part One
Posted: 11 Dec 2012 06:20 AM PST
Gay Relationships:  Putting On the Brakes In Your New Dating Relationship for Everlasting Success - Part OneSo now you’ve met a new guy who you really like and you both are eager to begin exploring the potential that exists in your new dating relationship. This is commonly called “the honeymoon phase” of a relationship and is definitely an exciting and invigorating time.

It’s a time of aliveness where the attraction you have for your new boyfriend prospect bubbles over, causing you to think about him and wanting to be with him every waking second. The separation pangs when you are apart nag at you and distract you from your daily tasks. You ache to be with him and find yourself preoccupied with thoughts and fantasies of what “could be” that fuel your desire even further.

It’s A Chemical Reaction!

There’s actually a clinical term used to describe this phenomenon that exists at the beginning of every romantic relationship. Coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov, limerence is an involuntary state of intense desire and attachment toward another person whom you become attracted. You begin to idealize him and magnify all his good qualities. It’s intrusive and provokes feelings of deep longing and passion to be with that person and these feelings can be blindingly strong. In fact, our bodies naturally produce an abundance of chemicals and amphetamines during the romantic love stage, including dopamine and the “love drug” phenylethylamine (PEA), that account for this state of euphoria and ultimate bliss.

The point of all of this is that when you first meet someone whom you share a strong attraction with, there’s a lot of powerful currents going on that could cause you to get swept away in the tidal wave of emotion. This can lead you to make impulsive and reckless decisions that could sabotage a potentially good thing you and your new dating partner could have if you’re not careful.

Many gay men make the mistake of rushing things along too quickly because it feels good, like having sex too soon or moving in together prematurely.

 Whoa, Down Boy!

You want to ensure that you get your budding relationship off on the right path toward success! Enjoy this wonderful feeling that you’re having and bask in the glow of it; this is truly one of the greatest joys of life! And while you’re savoring it all, it’s also important at the same time that you balance and regulate these feelings so they don’t impair your judgment and cause you to act in ways that might disrupt healthy relationship development. The key to accomplishing this is through pacing.

Pacing refers to taking things slow and letting the relationship evolve and mature naturally. While there certainly are those relationships that prosper when the couple had sex on the first date, for example, having sex too early or rushing the relationship too quickly tends to be defeating because a foundation of trust and intimacy has not yet been set to withstand any eventual conflicts or strain that are a part of growing as a couple.

So how do you control yourself when you want nothing to do but to rip the clothes off of your new guy even though you know it’s best to wait?

How do you handle these powerful feelings of attachment without losing your sense of self and without becoming too intertwined?

[ continued tomorrow:  "action challenges to help keep you on the right track toward promoting a healthy relationship progression with your new dating prospect."  ]

© Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach
The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.
Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc.http://thegaylovecoach.com

thanks Brian and Michael@gaytwogether.com
Posted by JustinO'Shea at 10:43 AM No comments:

Sunday, December 9, 2012

JEANS for SALE

JEANS for SALE. . . ..this weekend. . .

Where?   SEARS

How much?  $14.95

CHECK WHERE THEY WERE MADE BEFORE BUYING. . . . .

at least they do not cost $165.00  !!!   ;-)

justin o'shea
Posted by JustinO'Shea at 12:18 AM 3 comments:

Friday, December 7, 2012


Supreme Court to Take Up Gay Marriage - NYTimes.com

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Friday, December 7, 2012 4:45 PM
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/08/us/supreme-court-agrees-to-hear-two-cases-on-gay-marriage.html?partner=rss&emc=rss&pagewanted=print
Posted by JustinO'Shea at 8:36 PM 1 comment:

Thursday, December 6, 2012

MERRY XMAS !!! SKEPTICS? need more proof???


Newsmakers

Enslaved Children Freed After Being Forced to Make Christmas decorations

By Mark Greenblatt | Newsmakers – 20 hrs ago


Police and child advocates broke padlocks and busted down doors in a surprise raid of a sweatshop in India, only to find a group of children imprisoned who had been forced to make Christmas decorations.
The children, as young as 8 years old, were kept in rooms approximately six feet by six feet and had been forced to work up to 19-hour days making the decorations, which advocates believe may have been intended to be sold on the cheap in the United States.

Human rights group Global March for Children led the raid, but also got help from former British Prime Minister Gordon Brown, who now serves as the United Nations special envoy for global education.

The 14 children who were freed are now in the process of being reunited with their families, who are scattered across India.

Brown released video to ABC News and Yahoo! News revealing what he says were the illegal conditions in which the children in Delhi were discovered.

"There is no parent in the world who would ever want their child to be subjected to conditions that you see in these films of children in dingy basements, without air, without food, without proper care, being forced into child labor for all these hours of the day. I think every parent who sees these films will want this practice brought to an end as quickly as possible."
Child advocates say American consumers would likely never know the origin of goods made with child labor, which Brown says has become a global epidemic that needs to be solved.
In a push to garner more attention on the issue worldwide, Brown’s office released a new report today, "Child Labour and Educational Disadvantage – Breaking the Link, Building Opportunity," which says 91 million children in the global workforce are younger than 12 years old.
In the case of the children rescued in Delhi, he says they were both injured and scared.
"Some of them are lacerated because they’re working with glass. And we found these children in this basement. They were not being paid,” he said. “They had been trafficked themselves. And they were making these Christmas decorations that were being sold in our shops and our web sites in the West."

Priyanke Ribhu of Global March says many children in India are often lured away from their parents by gangmasters who befriend their parents in the remote villages where they live. The gangmasters reportedly promise parents their kids will be taken to a better place where they will be provided a real education and many great opportunities they could not receive in their villages. Parents are also often told the children will be able to send money back home to help their families.

Far too often, Ribhu says, the children simply end up locked away behind padlocks only to work 17-,18-, even 19-hour days with no one to help them. Ribhu says holiday decorations similar to those discovered in the recent raid can be found on eBay and in other marketplaces online or in stores.

In addition, she says, the items are often sold off into a sophisticated network of suppliers that make it nearly impossible for retailers or consumers to know whether the goods they are purchasing have been made by child labor.
Ribhu warns, however, there are some tell-tale warning signs American consumers can be on the lookout for if they wish to avoid purchasing products made with child labor. First, she says, if the holiday decorations you are purchasing are not labeled with the country they are made in you might want to be concerned. Next, she says if they have an unusually low price and are marked as "hand made" it is another red flag.
Ribhu also warns to be cautious when examining "hand made" items that are also marked as being made in India.
While child labor was largely outlawed in the United States following the industrial revolution more than 100 years ago, Brown told ABC News and Yahoo! News that India has yet to ban child labor itself. He says currently, the country only has a ban on hazardous working conditions, but he wants to pressure the government to immediately take action to protect children there.
"I want the pressure on these employers, the gangmasters, the slave employers. But I also want the pressure on governments so they make sure the police are there telling employers that if they are caught hiring child laborers, they will be prosecuted," he said.
Consequently, Brown is pushing the Indian Parliament to immediately pass something called the Child and Adolescent Labour Abolition Bill, which would ban all forms of child labor for children younger than 14 years old in India. Through his role with the United Nations, Brown also plans to deliver a petition to the Parliament calling for the passage of the bill.
"One of the things I want to see happen in the next few days, is the Indian Parliament take the action that is necessary to outlaw all forms of child labor, but at the moment, thousands of children are being trafficked, thousands of children are being sold into what is effectively slavery," he said. 
In addition, Brown is calling for an international summit to address the issue of child labor. The goal of the summit is for world leaders to develop a roadmap to eradicate child labor everywhere by 2020. Additionally, he wants to see a $13 billion increase in funding to address the issue. Last year, the Department of Labor released a report stating 71 nations currently produce items made with child labor. 
Secretary of Labor Hilda L. Solis announced $32.5 million in grants at the time, intended to combat child labor around the world."These reports provide an overview of international efforts to protect children from hazardous work and identify critical gaps in policy and enforcement that leave them vulnerable," she said in a press release.
By this September, the department added another three nations to the list of nations said to be using child or forced labor to make goods. The Department of Labor says more than 215 million children are engaged in child labor, and cites the International Labour Organization as saying more than half of those children are also performing hazardous work.
Some large companies such as Levi Strauss & Co. and Atlanta-based Coca-Cola Co. reportedly have specific policies that monitor suppliers to make sure no child labor is used in their products. Brown says regular members of the public can help too by adding their names to the petition he plans to personally deliver to the Indian Parliament.
"Sign the petition asking the Indian government to take action immediately … so that another year does not go past with the complacency about child labor," he said. "(The holidays are) a time when we should be celebrating, but we’re actually unfortunately exploiting young children."
The public can add their voice to the petition by visiting www.educationenvoy.org. If you have specific information about where goods made by children are sold you can email mark.p.greenblatt@abc.com with that or other stories to investigate.
Posted by JustinO'Shea at 11:35 AM 10 comments:
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      • MERRY XMAS !!! SKEPTICS? need more proof???
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About Me

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JustinO'Shea
near Provincetown, Massachusetts, United States
23 yo,5'10, 155, brn hair, drk brn eyes. Nordic skier,swim,run,bike,soccer, sex,party. Aug 2011 Beginning PhD program at university near Boston,psych major, completed Masters, now to PhD. Hope to work as psycho-therapist,serving esp gay community helping teens and olders deal with being gay in too-often un-nurturing hostile society. My first blog so we shall see where this goes. See ya around town, bros.. . or the Dunes.lol If you want to contact me privately you may email me at jstn_oshea@yahoo.com
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