“Becoming a Flirting Pro”
by Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW, The Gay Love Coach
www.thegaylovecoach.com
I get lots of letters from guys asking how to become a more skilled flirt, and while it seems like a very sophisticated and crafted social skill, it really isn’t as mysterious and elusive as it may seem. It’s not about performance and it has more to do with you being yourself and exuding a relaxed demeanor and confidence. Those with good self-esteem and who are comfortable with their sexuality tend to fare better in flirting situations because they’re not as riddled with self-doubt, inhibition, anxiety, and insecurity that could hold them back.
The secret to flirting is to show interest and curiosity in the subject of your desire. The more you validate him and make him feel good about himself, the more favorable an impression he begins to form about you. Throwing in some wit, relevant humor, appropriate body language and positioning, and non-sexualized touching of an nonintrusive part of the body are all other aspects to consider, as is the importance of eye contact, smiling, and laughter.
Action Challenges: Enroll in personal growth classes or counseling aimed at self-esteem enhancement, confidence-building, and assertiveness/communication skills training. Role-play with a trusted friend. Sign up for some improvisational classes at your local comedy club or theatre to get some practice in spontaneous interpersonal communication. Work on defeating negative self-talk that might get in the way of your ability to flirt. Hire a flirting coach (yes, there are actually specialist coaches out there!). Read up on flirting, mingling, and making good impressions.
Here are a couple of articles I’ve written on this subject before for more expanded content on this topic:
“Flirt Like a Superstar and Have Droves of Gay Men Begging For Your Phone Number”
http://thegaylovecoach.com/2006/02/flirt-like-a-superstar-and-have-droves-of-gay-men-begging-for-your-phone-number/
“Blow Him Away with a Kick-Butt First Impression”
http://thegaylovecoach.com/2009/03/blow-him-away-with-a-kick-butt-first-impression/
And don’t forget, couples should never stop flirting with each other just because they’re in a long-term relationship. Keep the fire burning! Flirting isn’t just for singles!
© 2011 Dr. Brian L. Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach
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