Monday, January 31, 2011

Finding Soulmate On-line


G2g 091409 First, most gay dating sites are specifically for gay and bisexual men or for gay and bisexual women. A good gay dating service does not even give members the option of being straight; they understand that people are going to the sites because they want someone who is gay.

Second, some online gay dating agencies have questions within your profile that ask you about your lifestyle or type preference. For example you may come across questions about femme/butch preference that a straight dating agency would not ask. In addition you are given the opportunity to write about what is important to you in a life partner. It is a great chance for you to explain what is important to you and what you are specifically looking for in a partner.

The key is to try a gay dating service and see if they meet your needs. It may be easier to sit back and hope someone falls in your lap but life rarely works that way. Everything worth something in life takes at least a little work on your part.

The following ten tips will help you make your best presentation online to help you find your gay soulmate.
Tip 1: Post a real photo of yourself. If you want to po st a picture of you at your best, then follow it up with a picture of you on a normal day. The first step to finding your soul mate is to be honest. If you talk about how important looks are or maybe how they aren't important but then post a picture of your beautiful sister or your better looking brother, you are only contradicting your values.
  Tip 2: Do not disclose personal information on your profile. Unfortunately there will always be people in the world that lie, which means that some people on your gay dating site may not actually be gay or may just want to scam others. Even if you use a site that offers ID verification, make sure that the person is someone you are sure of before you start handing out any personal information. 

Tip 3: Make sure that you verify the age range of your preferred gay match. Then double check everyone to see if they fall within that range. Don't be afraid to ask them directly what their age is. Some people will change their age just to meet you and others will do it as an extra precaution to hide their identity. Chances are that there is more than one person who is the same age as you in your town so you don't need to lie about it in your profile. Double checking someone's age is about protecting you as much as it is about making sure that the person is someone you want to get to know better. 

Tip 4: Before registering with a gay dating agency, you should get a second email address if you don't already have one. There are many free services for emails such as Yahoo or Hotmail where you can set up an email using a name that doesn't have anything to do with your real identity. Many agencies for gay dating won't ask for your real address in your profile, only your city and zip code. Unfortunately many people have set up their permanent email address using their real addresses and they forget it when they are signing up for things online.

Tip 5: If a member starts to pressure you for your phone number, it raises a red flag. If you firmly state no and state your reasons but they still won't listen, don't hesitate to report them to the gay dating agency. All online dating agencies are on the lookout for people trying to run scams and they will appreciate your report (one more good reason for using a paid gay dating website). You will know when it is the right time to hand out your phone number and don't let anyone pressure you. The right person for you is the one that respects you and your wishes. Many gay dating services offer instant messaging services or video messaging so you can hear their voice or instantly chat with them if you need. Online gay dating can be a safe and fun way to meet others, if you take the proper precautions.

Tip 6: Read between the lines in the initial messages you get. Make sure that the things they state match up with the information in their profile. If someone is lying about something you are likely to catch it early on if you are looking for it. Remember just because you both are on a gay dating site doesn't mean you have the same values and beliefs. Don't carry on talking to them if you don't feel comfortable with them or if you just don't want to. The sooner you let the other person move on, the sooner you both will find your soulmates.

Tip 7: Find out about the things that are most important to you in a relationship. If income is important to you then verify what they report as their income, if children or children preference is important to you than talk about it and if smoking/drinking preferences are important than be sure to talk about that. Verify the information that is most important to you. You don't want to start falling for someone and then find out that they weren't being as honest as you in their profile. At the same time if someone seems too good to be true, don't just push them aside. Your soulmate is out there; just make sure you sift through gay dating partners with a fine-tooth comb.

Tip 8: Even though you are using a gay dating agency, that doesn't have an option for straight people, it doesn't mean they won't lie to get in. Protect yourself from people trying to run scams. A true straight person won't know everything about gay culture so you should be able to pick them out of the crowd.

Tip 9: Honesty can not be stressed enough just as it can't be stressed enough that not every one is honest. You can't base a good relationship on lies so you have to go into it being honest while being careful to protect yourself. You have to take the time to ask questions and pay attention to the answers. You have to help yourself find your soulmate and have faith that they are out there looking for you.

Tip 10: Don't meet someone from the Gay Dating Service until you are sure about them. When you do meet, make sure that it is in a very public place with lots of people around. If you can, set it up as a double date with another couple that you are close to. The first meeting is like a blind date even if you have been talking for months (and you should talk for months first). Just be safe and have fun."


Jen Taylor is an expert author of dating advice and is a staff member of http://www.SoulmateHQ.com a website that provides expert reviews for dating websites, articles, tips, and safety tips for online dating.

~~~~thanks to JIM at gaytwogether.com
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Friday, January 28, 2011

Tell me again, who is it who commits abominable acts?

Murdered out gay activist in Uganda villified by Anglican priest at his funeral






DAVID KATO







|



Tell me again, who is it who commits abominable acts?


Anti-gay outburst marks Kato's funeral

The BBC and Reuters are reporting that the funeral for David Kato in Nakawala, Uganda, turned chaotic after the local Anglican priest began to berate gay people and refused to bury Kato's body.
Reuters reports:
During the funeral -- which was attended by about 300 people, including about 100 members of the country's gay community -- the pastor lashed out at homosexuality, provoking a strong reaction from friends of Kato.
"The world has gone crazy," the pastor told the congregation through a microphone.
"People are turning away from the scriptures. They should turn back, they should abandon what they are doing. You cannot start admiring a fellow man."
Gay activists, wearing T-shirts featuring Kato's face with sleeves coloured with the gay pride flag, then stormed the pulpit and grabbed the microphone.
"It is ungodly," the pastor shouted, before being blocked from sight.
An unidentified female activist then began to shout from the pulpit.
"Who are you to judge others?" she shouted. "We have not come to fight. You are not the judge of us. As long as he's gone to God his creator, who are we to judge Kato?"
Locals intervened on the side of the pastor and scuffles broke out before he was taken away to Kato's father's house to calm the situation.
Villagers then refused to bury the body at which point a group of Kato's friends, most of whom were gay, carried his coffin to the grave and buried it themselves.
The BBC says:
Our reporter says hundreds of people - friends, family, colleagues and diplomats - crowded outside Mr Kato's family home in the village of Nakawala in Mukono district, 40km (about 25 miles) from Kampala.
Many members of the lesbian and gay community wore T-shirts with Mr Kato's portrait on the front and the words "La luta continua [the struggle continues]" printed on the back.
They were shocked when the priest (Thomas Musoke) started condemning homosexuals.
"You must repent. Even the animals know the difference between a male and a female," he said, before warning that they would face the fate of residents in Sodom and Gomorrah, the biblical cities destroyed by God.
Gay rights activists then stormed the pulpit and prevented the priest from continuing.
An excommunicated priest who has in the past called for people to respect the rights of homosexuals then presided over the rest of the service.


 





.

Posted by at 12 comments:

"Let it snow. . let it snow. . .". . .WASH your mouth out, boy! lol

One of our friends sent off this little one-liner. . . .;-)
. . .. "-Given your response to the comments posted I figure you are completely snowbound, and there is no school.  Correct? "

Yes we d have a good amount of snow.  More difficult, they say, for off campus students to drive, etc.  Why I made it!  Hahahaa. . .I live in another state even. . .!!!  Grammama aka Mme Bouvier lives in "a quaint New England town" across the river from the campus, part of an also-quaint picturesque town.  . . so I 'commute' driving down the street and across the bridge to the campus. . .

And I made it today.  Lots of others did not. . .faculty and students. Tho I wouldn't make the trek home to The Dunes, I did want to get out of the house and "play in the snow". . . .no problems driving. The towns know how to drive trucks and plow roads. . ;-)

So I set up shoppe in my classroom to work there this morning, having arrived just about time my first class begins.  Lo and behold!
some of my students moseyed on in, with backpacks and coffee. . like the survivors they are. . . so we had some informal chats and "hearings" about some important "matters of consequence". . . It was all very pleasant and fun.



Posted by at 8 comments:

Thursday, January 27, 2011

GAY ACTIVIST murdered in Uganda


Ugandan Gay Rights Activist Is Beaten to Death

Associated Press
In October 2010, Rolling Stone, a newspaper in Kampala, published photographs of gay Ugandans. Included was one of David Kato, a gay activist, who was killed on Wednesday.
By JEFFREY GETTLEMAN
Published: January 27, 2011
NAIROBI, Kenya — David Kato knew he was a marked man.
Multimedia

Related

As the most outspoken gay rights advocate in Uganda, a country where homophobia is so severe that Parliament is considering a bill to execute gay people, he had received a stream of death threats, his friends said. A few months ago, a Ugandan newspaper ran an antigay diatribe with Mr. Kato’s picture on the front page under a banner urging, “Hang Them.”
On Wednesday afternoon, Mr. Kato was beaten to death with a hammer in his rough-and-tumble neighborhood. Police officials were quick to chalk up the motive to robbery, but the small and increasingly besieged gay community in Uganda suspects otherwise.
“David’s death is a result of the hatred planted in Uganda by U.S evangelicals in 2009,” said Val Kalende, the chairwoman of one of Uganda’s gay rights groups, in a statement. “The Ugandan government and the so-called U.S. evangelicals must take responsibility for David’s blood.”
Mrs. Kalende was referring to visits in March 2009 by a group of American evangelicals, who held rallies and workshops in Uganda discussing how to make gay people straight, how gay men sodomized teenage boys and how “the gay movement is an evil institution” intended to “defeat the marriage-based society.”
The Americans involved said they had no intention of stoking a violent reaction. But the antigay bill came shortly thereafter. Some of the Ugandan politicians and preachers who wrote it had attended those sessions and said that they had discussed the legislation with the Americans.
After growing international pressure and threats from a few European countries to cut assistance — Uganda relies on hundreds of millions of dollars of aid — Uganda’s president, Yoweri Museveni, indicated that the bill would be scrapped.
But more than a year later, that has not happened and the legislation remains a simmering issue in Parliament. Some observers think the bill could be passed in the coming months, after a general election in February that is expected to return Mr. Museveni, who has been in office for 25 years, to power.
On Thursday, Don Schmierer, one of the American evangelicals who visited in Uganda in 2009, said Mr. Kato’s death was “horrible.”
“Naturally, I don’t want anyone killed, but I don’t feel I had anything to do with that,” said Mr. Schmierer, who added that in Uganda he had focused on parenting skills. He also said he had been a target of threats himself, recently receiving more than 600 pieces of hate mail related to his visit.
“I spoke to help people,” he said, “and I’m getting bludgeoned from one end to the other.”
Many Africans view homosexuality as an immoral Western import, and the continent is full of harsh homophobic laws. In northern Nigeria, gay men can face death by stoning. In Kenya, which is considered one of the more westernized African nations, gay people can be sentenced to years in prison.
But Uganda seems to be on the front lines of this battle. Conservative Christian groups that espouse antigay beliefs have made great headway in Uganda and wield considerable influence. Uganda’s minister of ethics and integrity, James Nsaba Buturo, a devout Christian, has said, “Homosexuals can forget about human rights.”
At the same time, American organizations that defend gay rights have also poured money into Uganda to help beleaguered gay men and women.
In October, a Ugandan newspaper called Rolling Stone (with a circulation of roughly 2,000 and no connection to the American music magazine) published an article that included photos and whereabouts of gay people, including several well-known activists like Mr. Kato.
The paper said gay people were raiding schools and recruiting children, a belief that is quite widespread in Uganda and has helped drive the homophobia.
Mr. Kato and a few other gay activists sued the paper and won. This month, Uganda’s High Court ordered Rolling Stone to pay hundreds of dollars in damages and to cease publishing the names of people it said were gay.
But the danger remained.
“I had to move houses,” said Stosh Mugisha, a woman who is going through a transition to become a man. “People tried to stone me. It’s so scary. And it’s getting worse.”
On Thursday, Giles Muhame, Rolling Stone’s managing editor, said he did not think Mr. Kato’s killing had anything to do with what his paper had published.
“There is no need for anxiety or for hype,” he said. “We should not overblow the death of one.”
That one man was considered a founding father of Uganda’s nascent gay rights movement. In an interview in 2009, Mr. Kato shared his life story, how he was raised in a conservative family where “we grew up brainwashed that it was wrong to be in love with a man.”
He was a high school teacher who had graduated from some of Uganda’s best schools and he moved to South Africa in the mid-1990s, where he came out. A few years ago, he organized what he claimed was Uganda’s first gay rights news conference in Kampala, Uganda’s capital, and said he was punched in the face and cracked in the nose by policemen soon afterward.
Friends said Mr. Kato had recently put an alarm system in his house and was killed by an acquaintance, someone who had been inside several times before and was seen by neighbors on Wednesday. Mr. Kato’s neighborhood on the outskirts of Kampala is known as a rough one, where several people have recently been beaten to death with iron bars.
Judith Nabakooba, a police spokeswoman, said Mr. Kato’s death did not appear to be a hate crime, though the investigation has just started. “It looks like theft, as some things were stolen,” Mrs. Nabakooba said.
But Nikki Mawanda, a friend, who was born female and lives as a man, said: “This is a clear signal. You don’t know who’s going to do it to you.”
Mr. Kato was in his mid-40s, his friends said. He was a fast talker, fidgety, bespectacled, slightly built and constantly checking over his shoulder, even in the envelope of darkness of an empty lot near a disco, where he was interviewed in 2009.
He said he wanted to be a “good human rights defender, not a dead one, but an alive one.”
Josh Kron contributed to this report from Juba, Sudan.
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Still looking ?

Tvt011711g2gl19w


~~~ from the exquiste taste of Gaytwogether.com
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Arkansas Birds Killed by Don't Ask, Don't Tell Repeal

Hello All Y'All. . .. 
Have you had a good morning laugh today?  Here's one for you. . . .
Isn't it amazing people take stuff like this seriously?!  How desperate they are for something, anything to hang onto.  A prophet,  any prophet,  will do. . .to profit the cause.   ssshhheeeesssssshhhhh.
T'would seem they think homosexuality is 'catching'. . .that it might spread its enticing tentacles and trap them into a life of 'debauchery'. . . . . or is this a case of unconscious desire/fear/wishful fantasy? Whatever and 'from whence' it is downright silly. . .and pathetic.
Not-for-profit  Justin O'Shea    ;-)







A new message from your friends at People For the American Way.
 
 


Cindy Jacobs says the birds are dying because of Don't Ask, Don't Tell repeal.

Watch the video to witness the tortured logic she uses to connect those dots.

cindy jacobs
Before shrugging off this self-identified "prophet" as just another crazy, remember that she and others with similarly extreme views are the new face of the Religious Right, a constituency whose influence has grown immensely with the Republican gains of this last election.

Dear Justin

Have you been wondering about those thousands of birds that fell from the sky in Arkansas on New Years Eve? According to "respected prophet" and Religious Right rising star Cindy Jacobs, the event which some have playfully dubbed the "aflockalypse" was the result of ... wait for it ... the military's Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy getting repealed. I wish I was kidding. You really have to see this.

Recently, PFAW's RightWingWatch.org blog discovered footage of Cindy Jacobs' response to the mass bird deaths. Since then the video has been watched on YouTube more than 270,000 times and has been featured on blogs, TV and radio programs around the world.

The "prophet" Cindy Jacobs, the cofounder of an organization called Generals International, has been steadily gaining prominence in the right-wing movement over the past year.

We started tracking Jacobs last year when right-wing leaders Harry Jackson, Jim Garlow, and Janet Porter participated in a conference she organized during which Porter prayed that God would give Christians control over the media and Jacobs carried out a faith healing on audience members. And she is only one example of the Radical Right leaders we track whose influence is growing both within their movement and in our national politics.

Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association, despite the viciousness of his unabashed anti-gay and anti-Muslim bigotry and his penchant for crossing the lines of decency and rationality, routinely plays host to some of the most powerful Republican members of Congress and potential presidential candidates. Most recently, he had on his radio show supposed "moderate" Tim Pawlenty, the former governor of Minnesota, who said that if he is elected president he will reinstate Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Fischer is profiled in the latest Newsweek, which cites our research.

David Barton, whom we've tracked extensively for years and will be releasing a Right Wing Watch In Focus report on soon, has made a career of peddling concocted falsehoods about our nation's history and its founders. He was instrumental in the recent attempt by the Texas State Board of Education to inject right-wing propaganda into textbooks in place of actual history and he's been a regular guest of Glenn Beck, who calls Barton the "most important man in America today." Barton is now scheduled to bring his brand of right-wing revisionist history and faux scholarship to the halls of Congress by teaching one of Rep. Michele Bachmann's Tea Party "classes" on the Constitution.

You don't need to get these updates on important players in the new right-wing movement from me ... you can go right to the source at RightWingWatch.org.

Sign up for periodic "Best of the Blog" email updates >

Subscribe to the RightWingWatch.org RSS feed >

RightWingWatch.org is currently ranked by Technorati as one of the top U.S. political blogs and is the leading source for information on the extremism of the Religious Right, the Tea Party and the right-wing movement as a whole.

I urge you to take advantage of this resource and visit regularly.

Thanks,
Michael B. Keegan signature
Michael Keegan, President


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Wednesday, January 26, 2011

re Unfinished Business


Pgt_112106_1 Some men are pretty good at dating, but seem mysteriously unable to close the deal and form a lasting and committed relationship.   There are plenty of reasons why this might be the case; one reason is that we often have unfinished business elsewhere in our lives that keeps us distracted or unavailable for the sort of intimacy that demands our fullest attention. Unfinished business comes in many forms. 

For some men there are issues left over from their growing-up years that haven’t been resolved – issues like abuse within the family of origin, or stuff that created feelings of abandonment.  We know that how we experience our family life during our early years influences the issues we bring to relationships as adults. It’s often necessary to make progress in dealing with this material before we can be truly ready for a satisfying adult relationship.
A guy who hasn’t completed the work of coming out is also going to find it tough to create a healthy relationship. If a relationship must be kept secret from family members, for instance, the partner of the man with the secret is likely to feel discounted – especially at times like the holidays.

Coming out is good for an individual’s mental health and for healthy partnerships.
Remember the first time you fell in love? It would be nice if that relationship “took” and the guy involved became your one and only for the rest of your life, but that’s not usually the case. We usually date any number of men before we find the right qualities and mutual attraction that let us know we’ve found the guy to settle down with.

That means that dating can also leave us with incomplete stuff. Maybe we’ve never quite gotten over that guy who called it quits a year ago. Or perhaps we ended a connection with someone else and have always felt incomplete about the way it happened. If the relationship was of longer duration (say, a lover of several years with whom we parted company), the feelings of attachment to the former relationship can be even stronger. Maybe we continue to have business or emotional attachments. Maybe we’re still grieving, especially if the relationship ended with the previous partner’s death.

This sort of unfinished business will get in the way of establishing a new relationship if we are secretly carrying a torch for someone else, or if we feel we left such a mess behind that we find ourselves feeling guilty. It’s like part of our attention is elsewhere, not on the new guy in our lives. Cleaning up these messy situations one way or another clears away obstacles to opening our heart with someone new.

That cleaning up may or may not involve actual contact with the our ex. What may be most important is to determine if there is something left to unsaid or unspoken. If there are amends that need to be made and if the ex is willing to have allow that to happen, cleaning things up can be a healthy step

forward for both you and the other person. If that’s not possible, there are other ways to bring a degree of closure to the situation. Talking things over with a friend or a therapist can help us figure out what, if anything needs to be done.


Relationships often touch us in deep places and make a lasting effect on us. Taking care of business old and new is one way we allow healthy intimate connections to flourish in our lives. 

John R. Ballew, M.S. an author and contributor to GAYTWOGETHER, is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality, relationships and spirituality. If you have any questions or comments you can submit them directly to GAYTWOGETHER or John R. Ballew, M.S. - www.bodymindsoul.org.

~~~ Thanks, Michael. . .gaytwogether.com
 

Posted by at No comments:
Lessons in Grace From Maurice Mannion-Vanover - NYTimes.com
 
 
Justin...an interesting article in relation to the story of the billboards
and the difficulty of being gay and African-American. From all accounts,
these guys did more than an admirable job with their son....they were a
model that many could emulate.... Even when their own relationship began to
falter. Though sad, it was a nice story to read.  Hope you are settled in
for the semester and surviving "the chill." It was 27 below here Monday
morning:)  Pat


http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/24/nyregion/24towns.html?_r=2&src=me&ref=home
page
Posted by at 4 comments:

Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Week 3: Taking Care of Yourself

Welcome to the third installment of your "Partners In Life" 5-week e-program brought to you by The Gay Love Coach: Man 4 Man Coaching Services™.
You can best take care of yourself by being responsible for getting your own needs met.
In addition, you are not helping yourself, your partner or your relationship if you are so solicitous of your partner that they do not need to take responsibility for getting their needs met.
You can practice mutuality by asking your partner to cooperate in meeting your needs, and by responding cooperatively when your partner asks you.
Taking care of yourself means not mind-reading your partner or anticipating his or her needs, and not expecting your partner to mind-read or anticipate your needs.
Do not try to make life "OK" for anyone but yourself, and do not expect anyone to make life "OK" for you. Realize only you can make yourself happy.
In addition, taking care of yourself means making it a priority to maintain a balance in your life between your own needs, and the needs of your partner, children, employer, etc.
Relationships fail when a partner lets their needs, values, goals, and interests fall by the wayside, only to resent and/or regret it later.

Recommendations:
1. Write down your top goals and interests before you met your partner, and find ways to further them while in your relationship.
2. Design and practice your own "Daily Balance Practice;" something you do every day to help you stay centered, clear, balanced, and grounded. Examples include prayer, meditation, exercise, journaling, tai chi, yoga, taking a walk, etc. This only needs a few minutes a day, and can make all the difference in the world between being relaxed and centered for the day, or stressed and overwhelmed.
3. Make sure you're living your life to the fullest extent possible, full of purpose and passion! Maintaining a long-term relationship with your life partner is only possible when you balance attention and nurturance to the relationship and ensuring that you're living a life of meaning that's fulfilling and energizing for you as an individual as well. Find out how to discover your true life purpose and how to bring about more passion into your life by reading the book in the Recommended Reading section below that is co-authored by The Gay Love Coach, Brian Rzepczynski.
4. Read the article "Calming the Storm In Your Relationship" by Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach™, for tips on anger and conflict management in gay relationships by clicking here.

Recommended Reading:
A Guide to Getting It: Purpose& Passion, co-authored by Brian Rzepczynski, MSW, The Gay Love Coach™. It is available for purchase here.



©2005 by Relationship Coaching Network / All rights reserved / www.RelationshipCoachingNetwork.org


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Monday, January 24, 2011

Some good techniques to enhance communication

  At superficial glance the techniques to enhance communication skills may look trite and ineffective.  (I know this reaction well; and work at eliminating it!  ;-) )  But giving some time, first of all, just to reflect on what each one offers brings with it some insight into how I might improve.  Over time, actually using them, shows me how effective they can once I make them "my own".   
                     Justin

Gay Disagreements aren't necessarily bad.  Couples that never argue are often in pretty boring relationships. Whatever the area of conflict, though, resolving the inevitable disagreements in relationships requires effective communicating.  Communication is a skill, and skills can be developed.  If you are good at verbal interaction with your partner, you may have learned it from watching your family of origin handle disagreements in healthy ways.  

If your family didn't handle this sort of thing effectively when you were young, however, you may find that communication is a frustrating or difficult experience for you.  Did you ever watch someone try to communicate with a non-English speaker by over-enunciating each word they speak, or by talking very loudly?  We sometimes do the same thing with one another. Some people deal with that frustration by turning up the volume and becoming aggressive with their partner.  Others of us may withdraw from conflict out of anxiety or fear.  

A relationship with two high-volume guys is likely to be energetic but overheated at times.  Two conflict avoiders may have a placid relationship, but each partner may feel rather disconnected from the other. You can learn to communicate, even if it feels a bit like going against your nature.  Here are some guidelines:
 
1.  Make certain that each of you is present for the conversation.  Trying to talk while you are in different rooms or while distractions are present (watching the television, absorbed in reading the newspaper) is not likely to work.

2.  Don't assume you know what the other person is going to say, or that you know what he means.  We often misunderstand even people we think we know quite well.  Ask questions to help make meanings clear. 
 
3.  Make sure the questions you ask are real questions. “Do you mean…?” is a good question.  “Why do you always…” may sound like a question, but it’s really making a statement. 

4.  Take responsibility for your feelings. If you have been in therapy, you probably learned to use language like “I feel uncared for when you don’t call me” rather than “You never make time for me.”  

5.   It helps to be considerate of your partner's feelings. Being accusatory will often create a defensive response.  Defensiveness keeps communication from flowing
.
6.   Listen as much as you speak.  If you aren't clear about something, ask your partner to clarify.  Another good tip:  restate what you are hearing and repeat it back to your partner.  That helps you to be certain you heard correctly and it shows your partner that you are paying attention. 

7.  In disagreements, getting the desired result is more important than proving that your point is the right one.  See if there is a way for both of you to get what you want – for both of you to win
.
8. If at all possible, don't let the conversation end without the issues raised being clearly resolved.  Communicating clearly can feel like a lot of work.  If there is no resolution, it can feel like there is no payoff for all that investment.  If there isn’t time to finish the conversation right now, plan on when and how you’ll pick it up again.

You don't have to be perfect. Being even a pretty good is enough to enrich your relationships.  Practice these techniques and see what happens!

 
John R. Ballew, M.S. an author and contributor to GAYTWOGETHER, is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality, relationships and spirituality. If you have any questions or comments you can submit them directly to GAYTWOGETHER or John R. Ballew, M.S. - www.bodymindsoul.org.

Again, thank you, Michael, at gaytwogether.com

Posted by at 1 comment:

Friday, January 21, 2011

Price of Printer's Ink. .. ????


The price of Gas versus Printer Ink

All these examples do NOT imply that gasoline is cheap; it just illustrates how outrageous some prices are....

You will be really shocked by the last one!
(At least, I was...)

Compared with Gasoline......

Think a gallon of gas is expensive?


< /SPAN>

This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective.

Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 ... $10.32 per gallon


Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 ..........$9.52 per gallon



Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 ..... $10.17 per gallon



Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 ......... $10.00 per gallon



Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 ...... $33.60 per gallon



Vick's Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 ... $178.13 per gallon



Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 .. $123.20 per gallon


Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 ....... . $25.42 per gallon


Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 .....$84.48 per gallon



And this is the REAL KICKER...

Evian water 9 oz $1.49..$21.19 per gallon! $21.19 for WATER and the buyers don't even know the source
(Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)

Ever wonder why printers are so cheap?

So they have you hooked for the ink.
Someone calculated the cost of the ink at...............
(you won't believe it....but it is true........)
$5,200 a gal. (five thousand two hundred dollars)

So, the next time you're at the pump,be glad your car doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, Pepto Bismol, Nyquil or God forbid, Printer Ink!

Just a little humor to help ease the pain of your next trip to the pump...

And - If you don't pass this along to at least one person,
your muffler will fall off!!
Okay, your muffler won't really fall off...but, you might run out of toilet paper
 


 

 








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Noble Aims and Goal

PTT-011911-GAYTWOGETHER





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   I think that gay guys are often very motivated, filled with ideals, hopes and desires, and struggle to fulfill these and live them out in our relationships.  Just look at this photo from Michael's blog w.w.w.gaytogether.com. . . .beautiful.  And the feelings and/or aim and goal in relationship:  that is awesome, challenging, encouraging.  It expresses well how I feel in my relationship with Peter.  This is who and how I want to be.  Just suppose if both of us. . ..both of YOU. . .had this ideal as priority in our lives. . . .just think how good, balanced, enjoyable a relationship would be.   WoW !  The beauty of the photo caught my eye; the  nobility of the words caught my heart.  It says very well how and what WE are trying to BE/DO !  So we help each other. .  .hand in hand. . .justino
   
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Relational Success in 2011 !

``reposted with permission of Brian. . . thanks, B.
Thanks also to Michael @gaytwogether.com
ASI117220_resize Since many New Year’s Resolutions are broken within the first month, how can you achieve your dating and relationship goals to ensure they are successfully met and not sabotaged along the way? Here are a couple pointers to pave the way toward accomplishing those love-life dreams without a hitch!

For Singles:
The first step is to define your vision for your ideal partner and relationship when developing your dating goals for the New Year. What are the qualities you’re seeking, and of those characteristics, which of those needs are negotiable versus deal-breakers. This then becomes an excellent screening tool when meeting potential dating partners.

Break out your “inner child” and create a collage or mobile representing this vision by cutting out words, pictures, and symbols from magazines that resonate with these desires and affixing them to a big poster board. Post this “Dating Vision Board” in a location of your home where you’ll view it every day and ask yourself each morning, “What will I do today that will take me one step closer to achieving this particular vision?” And then commit yourself to doing it.

The next step is to pick one specific goal and break it down into objectives involving behavioral “what-I’m-going-to-do” tasks. A favorite technique is to brainstorm and list all the different things you could do to accomplish your stated goal. Then draw a ladder on a piece of paper and prioritize all your “to do” items from low-level to high-level risk or difficulty. Arrange and write each behavioral objective on the rungs of the ladder and begin your journey up the ladder beginning at the first rung. And then climb your way to success once you’ve mastered each rung one at a time!

For Couples:
A similar approach can be taken with those already partnered. The two of you can discuss your own “Relationship Vision” by identifying your ideal union. It’s always a fun exercise for couples to create the aforementioned vision board/collage together as it facilitates important dialogue about each partner’s needs and dreams in the context of a playful shared activity. You just might learn something new about your partner along the way! This shared vision then becomes your path in which goals and objectives will be created along the way to realize your legacy as a couple.

Another favorite technique is to have what I call a “Relationship Pow-Wow” to ensure your goals don’t get forgotten or misguided. You and your partner would establish a ritual of having a “couple’s meeting” at a regularly scheduled time and frequency in which you would discuss your relationship and goals status. It’s a time to talk about what’s going well, what’s not going so well, your dreams and goals, your progress with stated goals, etc. With this becoming a structured part of your lifestyle, it will always be ascertained that your relationship is being attended to and there will be a consistent forum for the discussion about your relationship quality-of-life. The Pow-Wow is a great way to stay accountable to your relationship goals, so stay true to the process and don’t skip any meetings!

Additional Tips for Your Relationship Goals:
* Make sure your goals are in alignment with your vision, values, passions, and life purpose.
* Keep your goals SMART (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, & Timely)
* Make your goals public. There’s something about telling someone of your intentions that helps motivate us to stick with it when the going gets tough. Hire a life coach!
* Build in incentives and/or consequences for meeting your objectives along the way for motivation enhancement.
All the best on embracing your potential! Go get ‘em, you’ll be great!


© Brian Rzepczynski

Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach:“I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right.” To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs, and teleclasses. Brian is a friend and contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, please visit him at http://www.TheGayLoveCoach.com
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UpState New York. . . ..Capitol area

'I am gay' billboards igniting controversy

Supporters say signs bring awareness; foes say they give wrong message
By PAUL NELSON Staff Writer
Published: 12:00 a.m., Saturday, January 15, 2011
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  • This sign is an example of one of the billboards showing up ini the Capital Region that are designed to promote awareness, though some in the community say it sends the wrong message to youth. (Courtesy of Tandra LaGrone)

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SCHENECTADY -- The colorful attention-grabbing billboards of gay black men in a church and on the basketball court are creating a firestorm of controversy on an issue that continues to drive a wedge in segments of the African-American community.
City Councilman Joseph Allen said Friday that he came in for both scorn and support after publicly expressing his displeasure this week that the billboards send the wrong message to impressionable youngsters, particularly those being raised by single mothers who may not have positive male role models.
"This kind of billboard is putting the stamp of approval on a gay lifestyle," said Allen, who is black and insists he is not homophobic.
He said he has talked with the city lawyer about taking down the billboards in Schenectady but was told the advertisements are protected under First Amendment rights.
Tandra R. LaGrone, executive director of Albany-based In our Own Voices, said the group is sponsoring the awareness campaign because it is consistent with the mission of promoting the health and welfare of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people of color.
"I thought it would be useful and pertinent to have the campaign in the Capital Region because of the numbers for HIV and AIDS among gay black males have has risen significantly," she said. "You have to start from a place of respect in order to address the stigma and homophobia of being a black gay man."
There are a total of 18 billboards in Schenectady, Albany, Rensselaer and Montgomery counties along with ads on buses and bus shelters, said Peter Constantakes, spokesman with the state Department of Health which gave $50,300 to the campaign.
"This is targeting a group that is reluctant to get tested or to use a condom or other protection," said Constantakes, adding that across the country, black males are one of the fastest-growing groups being infected with the virus that causes AIDS. "There is the stigma that they are keeping everything secretive and are afraid to get tested."
The campaign is modeled after similar ones in Long Island, Rochester and New York City, Constantakes and LeGrone said.
LeGrone called Allen's remarks especially "frightening" considering he is an elected official and black. "He is looking at his constituency as strictly being heterosexual individuals," she said, adding that the message is that gay black men make up every segment of society and are here to stay.
In one of the ads, three men kneel at a basketball with the message, "This is where I play," while another shows an older man with a clerical collar and Bible standing in pew behind a younger man that says, "This is where I pray."
Pastor Richard Parsons of Consecration Temple Church of God Christ in Schenectady said the message he gets when he sees the billboards is that homosexuality is OK. "It's directly against God's word and what God hates, I hate," he said.
Paul Webster, president of the Schenectady chapter of the NAACP, said he would rather see black activists, politicians and clergy tackle the problems of gangs, guns and violence that are addling the community.
The billboards' over-arching message is, he said, about "preserving families and protecting people," Webster said.
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