Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Pentagon: No Harm in Letting Gays Serve Openly - CBS News

Now the real game begins.....remember John McCain."..I'll follow the Pentagon
lead! " Don't hold your breath on that one. Lets see who can really lead
on this.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/11/30/national/main7102279.shtml

Monday, November 29, 2010

Getting what you want. . . .? hmmmmmm

Gay Relationships: Getting What You Want In Bed

Posted: 28 Nov 2010 09:42 PM PST

“Oh, baby, you’re the best!” In our fantasies, we’re always in bed with a guy who knows just how to push our buttons. He’s neither too rough nor too cautious. He knows all our hot spots. Maybe he even shows us some nerve endings we didn’t know we had. He knows just what to do. It’s as if he can read our mind.
“OW! Watch the teeth, okay?” In everyday reality, we find ourselves in bed with someone who can’t read our mind and who doesn’t know where our hot buttons are unless we tell him. He makes missteps – just like we do. If we’re lucky he’s enthusiastic and attentive. Sometimes were not so lucky. If getting your erotic needs met feels like going to a pot-luck dinner – you take what you get; maybe it will be better next time – it’s time to learn new ways of communicating your desires with your partner....
Talking about sex can seem…unsexy. If we embarrass easily or if we don’t really know just what we want, the whole topic can make us anxious. We worry about sounding stupid or demanding. Worst of all, we worry that talking about sex will spoil the mood. Instead of getting what we want, we may not get anything at all.
Some conversations are easiest to have away from the bedroom and well before you and the object of your affection are naked. “I always talk about safer sex stuff before we get to my place,” Joe says. “It’s easier to ask about how he feels about condoms over dinner than when we’re between the sheets.” Joe’s other tip: he lowers his voice, looks his partner in the eye and tells him how much he wants to ride his partner’s dick all night long – if they can wrap that rascal first. Who could resist an invitation like that?
It’s easier to talk about problems outside the bedroom. “I would really like us to take it slower” is easy to hear over a glass of chardonnay at dinner. “Hey, slow down!” in an irritated voice when you’re getting pounded in bed is more likely to bruise your guy’s feelings. No one wants to feel like a klutz in bed.
Feelings are easy to bruise, especially around sex. Be kind rather than accusatory. See if you can frame requests in a way that is positive. “You know what would drive me crazy? I’d love for you to…” Try to make only one request at a time. If you bombard your partner with suggestions he may feel you are telling him he’s sexually incompetent. No one wants to hear that. Instead, be encouraging. Give him compliments if they are sincere. Sit close; maybe touch him gently and reassuringly.
And when you are getting it on and you get what you want, let him know it. Tell him “Yeah, that’s it!” or moan and sigh, move around, smile. Psychologists like to say when a certain behavior is rewarded, it happens more often. Compliment your partner often (without going overboard). Catch him doing something right, and let him know you love it. Building up his erotic self-confidence is good for you, too. This is one time when it can be very good manners to talk with your mouth full!
Take responsibility for your desires. Make “I” statements rather than “You” statements. There is a big difference between “I’d love you to get more forceful with me” and “You aren’t aggressive enough.”
Almost every man has had the experience of losing an erection during lovemaking. This is not fun. It can be pretty embarrassing. Talking about it is difficult, but discussing your concerns with your partner can be the path to resolving the issue. “I decided I shouldn’t be having sex with anyone if I was afraid to lose an erection with him,” Jorge says. “If I couldn’t feel secure enough for that, I was putting to much performance pressure on myself.” Letting his partners know that his body was sometimes slow to respond even if he was really enjoying himself helped him relax and be less distracted.
Ever heard the advice that to be considered a good conversationalist, you really need to be a good listener? It’s the same with sex. Often we give someone what we hope he’ll give us. We like having our nipples played with, so we play with his – even though it seems to annoy him. This isn’t likely to get you what you want, and it’s also not the way to be the most skilled lover around. You would be much better off telling him what you want and touching him the way he wants to be touched.
Ah, touch. There are so many ways to make physical contact with someone. Touching or being touched in exactly the same manner all the time can become irritating. Enough of exactly the same touch and our brains shut down – you will stop feeling the touch altogether. This is not pleasant. Better to vary how you make physical contact, alternating light touch with firmer, fingernail scratches with holding, teasing with squeezing.
If you are going to try to get more of what you want, it’s only fair that you give your partner more of what he wants, too. Ask him about particular turn-ons or fantasies. What gets him going? What turns him off? Don’t be defensive. You might even see if you can be sexy or playful when you initiate this conversation. You are telling him that he’s important and you want to give him pleasure. This is can be very different from a clichéd what-are-you-into conversation.
Don’t be afraid. Speak up. You will be imperfect and make mistakes. So what? Taking the initiative is masculine and sexy, and makes it much more likely that you will get what you want and deserve.
John R. Ballew, M.S. an author and contributor to GAYTWOGETHER, is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality, relationships and spirituality. If you have any questions or comments you can submit them directly to GAYTWOGETHER or John R. Ballew, M.S. - www.bodymindsoul.org.

~~~~~Thanks to Michael at gaytwogether.com

Sex and Politics in the Oz Down Under

Sun, November 28, 2010 10:14:25 PM

	GREG in Adelaide sent this in. . . .I think we all are interested in what is going on, beyond our own little playpens. Thanks, Greg. My fault, eh? COOL, good, successful blog. . hahahhaaa Tired weary ole Justin O'Shea, back at campus, of a Monday Morning. . .when it is almost December!

Hey Justin,
Things are getting interesting here in Oz.
Politically and socially....at the same time.

> Senior cabinet ministers now believe it is "inevitable" that a conscience vote on same-sex marriage will be endorsed at the ALP's national conference late next year, setting the scene for parliament to debate legislative reform in 2012

We have the situation where our last election left the govt with the only option of forming a coalition and the factions are making it hard for the traditionalists within the labour party.
Some compromises are afoot and some interesting leverages.

Check this out.
http://www.news.com.au/national/wong-gay-push-sparks-fears-of-labor-hijacking/story-e6frfkw9-1225962418126

I don't think they'll get it through this time...but it is getting closer for sure.
No time for politics. I vote and give my opinion, but I do not seek to change other people's minds other than by example.

To be honest I've never closely followed what our nation and govt have been doing as regards gay marriage and gay rights, we don't have it bad here, discrimination is not really bad, we don't seem to have a lot of violence against gays here. Sure there is some, but it is certainly not the norm.

Since I'm not really out, I've never felt the effects...in fact, thinking back, I don't think I've ever been discriminated against ... not that I'm aware of.
Sure, there are plenty of close friends that do know about me...and no doubt quite a few of them would have let it slip into a wider circle, and others might have guessed or wondered, but no sign of anything bad. Lucky I guess.

To be honest, being gay has not been a consuming part of my life. Living life has been more important to me.
Friends, family, people in general have always been the most important thing in my life.
As for myself, learning, seeing new things, achieving, designing and learning how to make and build things...(electronics, and mechanics) has always been my passion.
Helping people, being liked because I am a nice, witty, fun person to be with, racing motorcycles, food, cooking, travel, pets, ....and my great circle of friends, yep, that about sums me up.

Sorry I'm rambling..about me again...me me me me!...ha!

Here's a bit from a recent piece that a noted radio and TV commentator/journo recently had published in the national newspaper "The Australian"
>
> Our new Prime Minister is an atheist. She doesn't believe in God, but she believes in the sanctity of God-blessed marriages except for gay people.
>
> Sounds hypocritical to me. She lives with her partner Tim Mathieson, a condition the church would quaintly describe as "living in sin".
>
> If the hairdresser with whom Gillard lives had been female I wonder if her views would be different? And where does Penny Wong stand on this? She is a cabinet member who has fewer civil rights than her colleagues, purely because of her sexuality.
>
> Gillard said: 'We believe the Marriage Act is appropriate in its current form, that it's recognising that marriage is between a man and a woman."
>
> That statement came on the same day the female Prime Minister of Iceland married her female partner. In Mexico City, capital of a fiercely Catholic country, same-sex marriages and adoption by same-sex couples have been legal since March of this year.
>
> In the US some states recognise same-sex marriages although those laws have been rolled back by referendum in places such as California. Closer to home, the Labor-dominated territory government in Canberra legalised same sex marriages, but was overruled by the federal government, in the same way the Howard government blocked voluntary euthanasia in the Northern Territory. The Victorian Labor Party (Gillard's home state) supports gay marriage.
>
> Gillard says her government (and Kevin Rudd's government) had taken steps to equalise treatment for gay couples over matters such as social security benefits.
>
> But she is not going to scare the voters, especially the religious Right, by advocating anything more than that.
>
> The Liberals and Nationals are even more locked in. After all, The Leader of the Opposition, Tony Abbott, has admitted he feels "threatened" by homosexuals. That's weird. What's also weird is the strident opposition when most marriages in Australia are these days conducted by celebrants and not in churches, only about 10 per cent of Australians are weekly churchgoers, two out of three marriages end in divorce, and one in three Australian children are born out of wedlock. What are people afraid of?
>
> The only encouraging thing for gay people is that they know their day will come. Equality will prevail. One day.
>
> Remember, how many African-Americans living in Georgia in the 1960s could even dream of a Barack Obama in the White House.
>

This guy was anti-gays for years, loud and outpsoken. Often controversial on various subjects, but he does have a lot of followers, so his 'conversion' (ha!) is something significant, people are at last speaking out....maybe it will happen this time, maybe I'm wrong, but then the wheels of politics turn very slowly and it won't be addressed for another year or so.

I blame you for getting my interest up (!) in sex and politics and social change... I hope you find the goings on in the Australian political sex-stakes interesting as I am now doing,....and that Penny Wong is really an impressive and intelligent person, she can really talk and deliver a speech with conviction that would even fool me....but I think she is honest and has integrity, unusual for a politician, I sort of trust here, so she must be good, haha!......if we were both straight I reckon I'd go for her!...Ha!
Cheers mate,
Greg

A speech by Penny Wong

370504-aus-news-file-penny-wong-transcript-281110.doc (28KB)

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Black Friday. . . .afterthoughts

This from the Boston Globe shares more startling revelations. . . .akin to but more subdued that J's vibrant description. . . ;-)

The Boston Globe reports:

Gabrielle Mancuso, a nursing student and certified nursing assistant, adores shopping. American Eagle, TJ Maxx, H&M, those are her haunts. But with bad economic news bombarding her daily, there's something that brings the stylish Mancuso more pleasure than buying jeans and tops: returning those jeans and tops -- unworn.
"I get cash back," Mancuso, 19, of Franklin, explained as she browsed at the Prudential Center recently. "It's instant gratification."
...
"There's a weird euphoria when you return something," said Michelle Foss, 33, as she shopped. "You're relieved that it's coming off your credit card."

Unlike "wardrobers" - crooked shoppers who buy with the intention of using their purchases before returning them - returnistas are guilty of nothing more than a bad case of buyer's remorse. Some have lost jobs and know they shouldn't be shopping at all, others haven't seen a decrease in income, but worry they should be saving for an uncertain future. Some feel guilty about spending when others can't.

Most of us know the thrill of the buy, and perhaps both empathize and at the same time see the spiritual poverty in this behavior. There is sin here, and it includes the costs the behavior imposes on retailers and other buyers. At the same time, retailers know the thrill of the purchase, and have long used it in marketing.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Black Friday. . . . .A Sellathon Orgy

I supposed the crazies were up and out for 4 a.m. openings of shopping madness. . . For you non-territorials here in The States we have this day-after-Thanksgiving orgiastic madness started, i guess, to boost the sinking economy, to stimulate the drooling passions for acquiring STUFF at great savings of shekels and rupees. . . .in simple words to make MONEY. Even this time of day - noonish - you cannot find parking at the multi-acreage shopping centers. Many an Irish Catholic . . .of the various levels and enlightenment. . LOL. . drive around fervently muttering prayers: "Hail Mary, full of grace, help me find a parking space. ." The wording of this incantation varies as the frustration rises. . . . ahem. . .not for pious ears. LOL

That is a phenomenon which doesn't occur way out here, 30 miles out in the Atlantic from Boston, and which, perhaps, you might encounter the closer one gets to the mainland. the various Malls south of Boston, along the Int 95 corridor. I wouldn't be caught dead there in "that" . . . partly because of CapeCod sanity and real New England snobbery. Have you ever seen photos of those critters, even some who camp out the day or night before (even a week in some places. . .imagine!)? Last year they even reported people being injured, and one employee at Walmart being trampled to death by the hordes stampeding to get their grubby little hands on some bargain "totally worth dying for!" eeeeewwwwies!

You want to know why I feel this way? [ "Sure, you think to yourself, you're gonna tell us anyway" ] I HATE shopping with a greenish passion! I don't "go shopping" which means roaming the ailes of every store, looking to catch a glimpse of something at a bargain price which you could convince yourself you absolutely and cannot-live-without-need. . . . NO! NO! NO!

I figured it out: I do not shop; I purchase! There is an item I want/need/am going to buy. SO . . I go. . .find it. . .pay for it. . .leave the store. BINGO! I will drive someone to the Mall, drop them off, pick them up at an
agreed upon time. . . .then I adjust the time by 15 minutes later than agreed on. .. gives them time. . ..

I refuse to join the other devotees at the Temples of Commerce in fighting over the last 106 inch HDTVLED for this low low price. . .hahahaa. . ..I no longer have football uniform and cupped jock to protect myself from the sweet senior and younger ladies [and men!] who carry out their trophy to the waiting car. . . .. when they can find it. . . .to the tunes of Cleopatra's Triumphal Procession into Caesar's Rome.

And so be it ! hahahahaa. . . indulge my silliness, for just a moment. And, Mr Kelly, move over and share your GrumpChair. . . hahahahah

Here's a link to MEDIA report. . .http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20101126/ap_on_bi_ge/us_black_friday_shopping

ROAD TRIP 3: Black Friday

Good morning, World. . .to all those here and to those too who wish they were here. . . ;-)

THANKSGIVING DAY: As always, gratefully, our festivities went on with great fun. . .all the flash and flourish, china and silver and massive linen napkins. . . .and superbly excellent food. With Mom, Mme Bouvier, my sister and sister-in-law in the kitchen - everything was not only beautiful to look at, but more beautiful to enjoy, to eat, and then repeat, too. LOL The three nephews and my favorite (and only) niece are old enough [4 -5 -6 -7 yrs] to behave and be good without prodding and actually are beginning to join in the conversation -- as long as it doesn't distract them from "food. . .glorious food". . . .(Oliver. . . wasn't it ?)

Eventually some one asked why this day was more special than other days. . .and, like the Jewish Passover Seder the freedom journey of our Pilgrim Mothers and Fathers was told again. . .embelished with tidbits from the urchins. . .A nice tradition we've started and Dad ends the chat with the reminder that not ALL enjoy the freedoms we do have. . . and, that as long as men and women and children are abused, oppressed, hunted, suffering. . .so is our freedom somewhat diminished for we are all ONE PEOPLE and we do affect one another's live and pursuit of life, liberty and freedom. . . . .AMEN . . .

Weather was mild for New England-in-the-Atlantic, lower 50*s, some wind. And some of went for a longish walk after dinner along the beach, looking to see what the waves brought in. . . .it was low tide - at one or t'other end of it. . . .simple things.

When the "proper family amenities" had been sufficiently observed Peter and I managed to slip away from our respective families and meet at our "special place". . .and 'observe the seasonal festivities'. . .we walked around a rather quiet and subduded Commercial Street just enjoying being together. . . . Then we felt we were a tad hungry we drove home to The Dunes and had a late supper lunch. . .the munchskins had gone to bed, settled in for the night, so we adults...ahem!. . .sat around cathching up on news, our comings and goings. Gradually one by twos, peeps began to drift off to their saundry parts of this big old rambling house. . .and so Peter and I made our "good nights, adieus, to yer and yer "and up the stairs to Chez Moi. . . .and settked in. . . .:-)

[ed.note. . .So the saga continues. . . .Sorry there are no photos, but no family pics get posted on JustinDunes. . . . ..I am sure you understand the whys and wherefores. . .;-). . .]

Things are rather quiet in Provincetown

Last Minute Availability

BOSTON GAY MENS CHORUS

New Years Eve

Martin Luther King Weekend 2011

Valentines Day Weekend 2011

Upcoming Events

Casino Night

Fri Nov 26

PBG Casino Night

Fri Nov 26

Holly Folly

Fri Dec 3 - Sun Dec 5

BOSTON GAY MEN'S CHORUS

Sat Dec 4

View Full Calendar

There's no better place than Provincetown to spend time with family and friends. Walk off that Thanksgiving meal on the beach or forest trails. You can get a head start on your holiday shopping at the unique shops and art galleries where you know you'll find that perfect gift.

FREE PARKING IN MUNICIPAL LOTS FROM NOVEMBER 1ST TO MARCH 30TH!

Below the events are open restaurants, stores, galleries, specials, and more.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving

the following restaurants will be open:

Fanizzi's Restaurant, 539 Commercial Street
Featuring our Thanksgiving Buffet from 2:00pm to 6:00pm. $24.99. 508-487-1964.

Mews Restaurant & Cafe, 429 Commercial Street
Open for Thanksgiving 5-8PM. Regular menu as well as special Thanksgiving dinner. 508-487-1500.

Bistro At Crowne Pointe, 82 Bradford St
Serving a traditional Thanksgiving Dinner 1-7pm.
tel. 508-487-2365 or www.provincetown-restaurant.com

Far Land Provisions, 150 Bradford St
Thanksgiving Day Prepared Foods - All prepared foods will be available beginning Tuesday afternoon, and may be picked up as late as 11 am on Thursday. Order in-store, or call ahead to place an order with us as early as possible.
Helger’s Turkey Ranch turkeys are all natural, hormone free and additive free. They are bred and hatched on the premises in Tiverton, RI.. They are fed only the freshest, natural grain selected by nutritionists from Cargill Animal Nutrition Co. Pre-order for Thanksgiving by 12:00 noon Thursday, November 18 for delivery by Tuesday, November 23th.
9-inch Pies, home-made with crust made from scratch and fillings made in-house from fresh fruits and other ingredients - $19.00. Pre-order for Thanksgiving by 12:00 Friday, November 19th for pick-up by Wednesday, November 24th
WE SUGGEST YOU PRE-ORDER TO GUARANTEE AVAILABILITY.

Giving Thanks at the Shui Spa at the Crowne Pointe Historic Inn, 82 Bradford St.
Thanksgiving Day Special $10 off a 55 minute or $20 off an 85 minute Massage combining ‘Swedish’ and ‘Deep Tissue’. Open 10am-3pm. After your treatment relax in the mineral soaking tub, steam room and sauna or enjoy other treatments we have to offer at Shui Spa. Call 508-487-3583 for available times or visit www.shuispa.com

9:30 PM - 1:00 AM, Karaoke and Dance That Stuffing Away at the Atlantic House, 4-6 Masonic Avenue
Karaoke starts at 9:30pm in the Little Bar. The Dance Club opens at 10pm. www.ahouse.com

Friday, November 26, 2010

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Massage by Lenny at Romeo's Holiday, 97 Bradford Street
Massage by Lenny is offering a full hour massage special for only $60. You must mention PBG Special to get the discounted rate. This special is being offered all weekend, Wednesday through Sunday. Tel. 508-487-6636 or visit www.romeosholiday.com.

Giving Thanks at the Shui Spa at the Crowne Pointe Historic Inn, 82 Bradford St.
-$199 Couples Massage. Give thanks to the one you love with a romantic massage for two. In the couples sanctuary for a combination of ‘Swedish’ and ‘Deep Tissue’ 55 minute massage.. Open 9am-7pm. After your treatment relax in the mineral soaking tub, steam room and sauna or enjoy other treatments we have to offer at Shui Spa. Call 508-487-3583 for available times or visit www.shuispa.com

6:00 PM to close, "The Leftovers Party", at the Shipwreck Lounge, 8 Carver Street at The Brass Key
Come to the Shipwreck Lounge to celebrate Thanksgiving Weekend. www.ptownlounge.com

8:30PM, Suddenly Susan Boil! Featuring Adam Berry, in the Paramount, at the Crown & Anchor, 247 Commercial St. (Tickets $25.00)
Direct from the SyFy channel’s hit TV show Ghost Hunters, Adam Berry will star in the cabaret extravaganza Suddenly Susan Boil! Expect incredible all live singing and a hilarious impersonation of this worldwide sensation. Adam Berry’s rendition of the overnight sensation Susan Boyle (Britain’s Got Talent) has garnered him three SHOWGIRLS wins in the past season in Provincetown.
In this theatrical concert Ms. Boil will take her audience on a gobsmacking journey, singing some of her favorite classics LIVE, including her smash hit “I Dreamed A Dream” For this show Ms. Boil has recruited the help of her really famous and talented friends to perform via satellite. Special video appearances will include: Varla Jean Merman and YouTube & Broadway sensation Miranda Sings. Limited VIP seating $30, General Admission $25. Advance tickets available by calling the Crown Box Office at 508-487-1430 ext 2

9pm – Midnight, Todd Alsup in the Central House Piano Bar at the Crown & Anchor, 247 Commercial Street (No Cover)
Singer/songwriter/pianist Todd Alsup is a welcome throwback to classic songwriting and showmanship – an exciting artist who can consistently rock a crowd with astonishing vocals and honest songs bursting with groove and personality. It is a pleasure to welcome Todd back for this special holiday appearance. www.onlyatthecrown.com

10:00 PM - 1:00 AM, Dance Club at the Atlantic House, 4-6 Masonic Avenue
www.ahouse.com

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Giving Thanks at the Shui Spa at the Crowne Pointe Historic Inn,82 Bradford St.
Nov 28th-Treat yourself and feel the relief of the busy weekend with a deluxe Manicure/Pedicure or Reflexology treatment at $20 off. Open 9am-5pm. After your treatment relax in the mineral soaking tub, steam room and sauna or enjoy other treatments we have to offer at Shui Spa. Call 508-487-3583 for available times or visit www.shuispa.com

10:00 PM - 1:00 AM, Classic Disco at the Atlantic House, 4-6 Masonic Avenue
www.ahouse.com

Restaurants

Fanizzi's By the Sea, 539 Commercial Street
Open everyday - Lunch 11:30am to 4:00pm, Dinner 4:00pm to 9:30pm. Enjoy Early Bird Specials from 4:30pm to 6:00pm, Fish Fry Friday only $11.95 with house salad, and Sunday Buffet Brunch 10:00am to 2:00pm. Contact: 508-487-1964, fanizziinc@aol.com or visit fanizzisrestaurant.com.

Central House at the Crown & Anchor, 247 Commercial St
Open Friday through Tuesday, Closed Wednesday & Thursday
Lunch 11:00am – 4:00pm, Dinner 5:00pm – 9:00pm
508-487-1430 ext 3 www.onlyatthecrown.com
Bayside Betsy's, 177 Commercial St
Open Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
Reservations now being accepted for New Year's Eve:
tel. 508-487-6566 or www.baysidebetsys.com
Bayside Betsy's will be under going renovations during the winter and will be re-opening February 11, 2011.
Bistro At Crowne Pointe, 82 Bradford St
Open Thursday through Sunday. Wednesday November 24th - 2 for 1 Entree Night. Thursday November 25th - Thanksgiving serving Traditional Thanksgiving Dinner 1-7pm. Sunday November 28th - Sunday Super Italian Night 14.95
tel. 508-487-2365 or www.provincetown-restaurant.com

Shops & Attractions

Perry's Wine & Liquors, One Tremont St (at Commercial)
Enjoy Saturday wine tastings year round from 4pm to 6pm. Tel. 508-487-0140 or visit www.perrysptown.com.
Hersheldon's Leather, 317 Commercial St
Open year round. Call 508-487-9046 for exact hours. Selected coats 50% off. Selected footwear 50% off. Sales last year round while merchandise lasts. Largest footwear selection you have ever seen.
Provincetown Art Association and Museum, 460 Commercial St
Open year round - Thursday to Sunday Noon to 5pm including holiday Mondays. The museum will be closed Thursday, Thanksgiving Day. Call 508-487-1750 or visit www.paam.org for information on exhibits.

Lodging

Prince Albert Guest House, 164-166 Commercial St
Prince Albert Guest House is offering "Stay two nights, get the third for 50% off" between November 1st and May 15th, subject to availabilty and holidays may be excluded". Tel. 508-487-1850 or visit www.princealbertguesthouse.com.

Events,etc.

Annual Toy Drive to benefit the St. Peter’s Kitchen Angels Toy and Necessities Fund at The Crown & Anchor, 247 Commercial Street
The toy drive will run from Friday, November 5th through Saturday, December 4th. Toys should be new, unwrapped and can be for any age, from toddler through teenager. All donations may be dropped off at the Central House Restaurant or to The Crown & Anchor office. Monetary donations in place of toys can be made in the form of a check, and can be made out to St. Peter’s Kitchen Angels. The St. Peter’s Kitchen Angels is an organization that assists families in Provincetown & the outer Cape and works in conjunction with other local support groups, such as Helping Our Women (HOW). The Kitchen Angels Organization is in operation year round and is staffed by local volunteers. The Crown & Anchor’s goal this holiday season is to collect enough toys to fill the sleigh that is displayed on the patio of the Central House throughout the Toy Drive. If you have any questions please contact Rick Reynolds at 508-487-1430 ext. 227.

We will be continuing to update the events so visit this page often.

Are you a PBG member and would like to see your business listed? Just email info@ptown.org with the details.

Provincetown Business Guild	3 Freeman Street, #2, P.O. Box 421, Provincetown, MA 02657
info@ptown.org	Phone 508.487.2313 or 800.637.8696 - Fax 508.487.1252

Thursday, November 25, 2010

H A P P Y T H A N K S G I V I N G

"Vintage thanks

A sometime familiar scene. . . . . . LOL

The Best of Everything to One and All. . . .THANK YOU !

JUSTIN and PETER

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

It Gets Better -- Wisdom from Our Gay Elders

YouTube - it gets better: wisdom from our gay elders

...

	http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZ-tPsv1tBI&feature=player_embedded#!

ROAD TRIP. . . .Day 2

Excellent waking up in my home-bed. . . .with brilliant sunshine. . . .temps mid-40s, breezy. . .

The siblings and their progeny will arrive this afternoon. Holidays-at-Home are de riguer. . . .so my brother, older by twelve years, his wife and two sons, ages 7 and 5, live furthest away but, knowing my brother, they will be here early afternoon. My sister, 10 years older, her husband and and two children, nephew 4 and niece 6, will come rolling up the dunes later afternoon.

I hadn't averted to it till I wrote this down. . .the grandchildren are 4, 5, 6, 7. Three nephews and one niece. . .I tell her she is my favorite niece! From the time they began to speak. . . .and like their uncle they haven't stopped. . .LOL. . .they started calling me "Unca Justi". . .coined by the oldest nephew, of course. . .and that does not change. . ..now it is O'Shea Family Tradition which is sacrosanct. . . .via Kerry Irish, Burgundian French and Roma Gypsy blood! Don't cross it. ;-)

The kiddies love Unca Justi and think nothing is more fun ever than bursting into Unca Justi's room at the crack of dawn, especially at Christmas, and jumping into his bed. Oooooh waaaaay. However, since Peter arrived on the scene. . .and I always sleep in my birthday suit. . . .the urchins do not seem to catch on to "Knock on a closed door and do not enter until invited in!". So, introduce The Lock.   Never had to do that. . . .as I am the only one who sleeps upstairs. . . . .except when THEY are all here! My parents have their own suite on first floor. . . apart from the rest of the house.

And there are the times when, for one reason or another, I 'forget' to lock the door. . . . .and in they came. .and then stopped, frozen in their tracks. . .stood there. . .mouths open with surprise. . ..to see Peter and I both in my large bed. . . . When we didn't yell at them, they unfroze and leapt into bed to "rough house". . . .lol I do not drink alcohol so I am always "the safe person" to keep an eye on the kids and go walking with them in the Dunes and down to the beach.   I do not mind and no one makes a prisoner out of me. . . ;-)

So I await the next phase of the Holiday. . . .the Grand Arrivals. . . . .More to come. . . .;-)

Post Script to Story of Boy Raised As Girl

Hello. . there often is more to a story. . . .esp to an "old story". . . ahem. . .I sent this to a transgendered lady on our psych faculty. This is her response:

<< This story is really old news. Since it was published some years back, a decade or so or more, the Intersex movement has come into being. Intersex people are those born with ambiguous genitalia who previously had been assigned a sex by doctors concerned that the child would have difficulty socializing if they did not 'fix it." Intersex people have protested this and insisted that they be the ones to make the decision as to which sex they are or to remain as Intersex persons.

Gender identity is not the same as sexual biology. As transsexuals testify again and again, one can have the genitals of one sex but the gender of the other sex. Thus, doctors should not presume to know simply on the basis of the biological evidence at the time of birth..

Clearly, in the case of John/Joan Dr. Money made a big mistake and what is more didn't discover it, but continued to publish his erroneous conclusion after he stopped seeing the child.. A grad student went back to see how things were working out and discovered the tragic outcome. This case supports the right of the individual to determine their gender identity and interventions should not be made until that person is old enough to accept responsibility for the decision.

How come you got to escape early and skip school today? tsk tsk tsk. . .You youngsters keep us all hopping. . . .never know where you are and what you are about. LOL Enjoy your holidays, boy !

Auntie Mame

= = = = = = = =

See. . . .when you are notoriously infamous one never escapes scrutiny. I told her I left early to avoid the the TSA pat-downs. . . .lol Mame remarked << Since when did they start that at Interstate Toll Booths?????>> hahahaaaa

Going the Distance. . . .. part 2

Gay Relationships: Sometimes You Just Have To 'PUT ON THE LOVE BRAKES' To Make Sure You Go The Distance! - Part Two

[ contiuned from yesterday ] So how do you control yourself when you want nothing to do but to rip the clothes off of your new guy even though you know it’s best to wait? How do you handle these powerful feelings of attachment without losing your sense of self and without becoming too intertwined? Here are some action challenges to help keep you on the right track toward promoting a healthy relationship progression with your new dating prospect:
1. Be proactive, not reactive
This means to avoid acting on every impulse you have when it comes to your dating partner. Do you really need to call him for the fifth time today? Is it wise to send him one email after the other on the same day? Do you have to see him every day this week? By thinking about the consequences of your actions, you’ll be in a better position to guide the relationship along. If you need to, snap yourself with a rubber band to break out of an “impulse trance” to avoid making impulsive moves.
2. Balance togetherness with separateness Beware of spending every waking hour with each other. You need breathing room and you don’t want the relationship to become suffocated by becoming too enmeshed. By having your own independent life separate from the relationship, you’ll be bringing fresh air into it that will help vitalize it and keep it exciting. Don’t forget you have other roles, responsibilities, and relationships that deserve and need your attention as well!
3. Find outlets for your impulses
Stave off those self-sabotaging urges by finding productive outlets for those impulses to “rush things along.” Such things as exercise, masturbation, fantasy, or writing can be helpful pursuits to channel your thoughts and feelings toward when all you want to do is direct your energies at your love interest. They can be constructive distractions and physical releases for “emergency relief.”
4. Stay anchored in the here-and-now
New lovers often times in their exuberance talk about what their futures will be like together and this definitely accelerates the pacing of the relationship. Instead, be fully present in every moment you share together and enjoy each opportunity together as a gift in “the now.” To help stay on an appropriate timeline for yourself, you can create a personal scrapbook of the memories and experiences you’ve shared with this special guy as a time-table and way to stay centered on going slow and relishing in getting to know each other.
5. Communication starts from “Day One”
Talk to each other about the thoughts and feelings that you’re having. This shared dialogue will help cement the bond between you even more and communication is one of the avenues toward building trust, respect, and intimacy. By keeping the feelings and temptations vocalized, they can be dealt with more directly.
Unspoken, suppressed desires have a way of erupting spontaneously and you’re more at risk for acting-out by keeping everything hidden. Obviously you’re not going to want to share everything you’re fantasizing about with your dating partner (there do need to be some boundaries!), but keeping the dialogue open and honest can help pace the momentum.
6. Always stay in touch with your personal requirements
Being mindful of the qualities and characteristics of your ideal partner and relationship can be an excellent barometer to gauge the pacing of your relationship. With every experience and contact you have with your new dating partner, you’re learning more and more about whether this is truly a goodness-of-fit.

Does he share similar values?
Does he stimulate me intellectually?
Is he trustworthy and loyal?
Can I be vulnerable with him and share my feelings?
Do we have physical chemistry and sexual compatibility?

These are all things that are learned in the process of your dating journey with this particular man. Stay true to your personal requirements and non-negotiable needs for a partner and relationship, and you can’t go wrong!
The beginning of a new dating relationship is often times characterized by an abundance of feel-good feelings that can be mind-boggling and overwhelming. Enjoy the thrill of what is happening to you and at the same time make sure that you stay in control of these feelings as opposed to the other way around.
Perhaps one of the most important questions you can ask yourself to ensure your relationship is pacing at a rate you are comfortable with before allowing yourself to be vulnerable and consider commitment would be: Has my dating partner consistently demonstrated through his words and actions that he is safe to let into my life and share my heart? The answer to that question can only be answered through the passage of time and shared experiences.
So slow down, think, and enjoy the ride!

© 2007 Brian L. Rzepczynski
Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: “I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right.” To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs, and teleclasses, please visit www.TheGayLoveCoach.com

Happy Thanksgiving, Michael. Thanks you for allowing us to learn from your blog too!

BAHRAIN

Good morning. . . .;-)
I noticed we had 3 visitors from Bahrain. Where is Bahrain? Well, I had to look this up. . .You might be interested also.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bahrain

The Case of a BOY Raised as a GIRL

G'day JustinO,

Not sure if this story is appropriate for your blog. It's not about homosexuality or heterosexuality but simply sexuality and how relevant the "right" sexuality can be to a person's sense of worth and well being.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-11814300

Gary

G'day, Gary. . . This is an interesting report of a fascinating study. It sure IS appropriate for JustinDunes. . .It is about people and how we tick, live, love, work, desire, serve. . . .etc so it fits right in. Thanks so much for this.

justino

By 9:00 am Cape Cod Time ;-) there have been 107 visitors from these countries!

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DADT - photo exhibit

Video - Breaking News Videos from CNN.com

...

An exhibit of poignant photos of gay service personnel living, serving under DADT.

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2010/11/12/natpkg.dont.ask.cnn?iref=allsearch

Being Gay and Aging

So Justino!... here is where this could be interesting in terms of conversation.... Gary says, "what about something for the geriatric crowd?".... a crowd I am closer to being included in than any group you would be included in:) You have written a lot about bullying and the effects of bullying on the young who are trying to come to grips with their sexuality. I might suggest that in your future practice, you might have more dealings with the "oldsters" who are still struggling to find acceptance in the surroundings they find themselves in. Bullying at that age is a reality also. How we as gay people handle the adjustments in new life situations can be as difficult for us as adults as it is for teens, and often, adults choose the same out, suicide. Here is an article I saved from a few years ago. We might like to think that we can control our circumstances in life until we die, but too often where we wind up is beyond our control. It is in our best interest to be concerned for one another now:) I'd be interested in your reaction to this.

Aging and Gay, and Facing Prejudice in Twilight

By JANE GROSS

Even now, at 81 and with her memory beginning to fade, Gloria Donadello recalls her painful brush with bigotry at an assisted-living center in Santa Fe, N.M. Sitting with those she considered friends, “people were laughing and making certain kinds of comments, and I told them, ‘Please don’t do that, because I’m gay.’”

The result of her outspokenness, Ms. Donadello said, was swift and merciless. “Everyone looked horrified,” she said. No longer included in conversation or welcome at meals, she plunged into depression. Medication did not help. With her emotional health deteriorating, Ms. Donadello moved into an adult community nearby that caters to gay men and lesbians.

“I felt like I was a pariah,” she said, settled in her new home. “For me, it was a choice between life and death.”

Elderly gay people like Ms. Donadello, living in nursing homes or assisted-living centers or receiving home care, increasingly report that they have been disrespected, shunned or mistreated in ways that range from hurtful to deadly, even leading some to commit suicide.

Some have seen their partners and friends insulted or isolated. Others live in fear of the day when they are dependent on strangers for the most personal care. That dread alone can be damaging, physically and emotionally, say geriatric doctors, psychiatrists and social workers.

The plight of the gay elderly has been taken up by a generation of gay men and lesbians, concerned about their own futures, who have begun a national drive to educate care providers about the social isolation, even outright discrimination, that lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender clients face.

Several solutions are emerging. In Boston, New York, Chicago, Atlanta and other urban centers, so-called L.G.B.T. Aging Projects are springing up, to train long-term care providers. At the same time, there is a move to separate care, with the comfort of the familiar.

In the Boston suburbs, the Chelsea Jewish Nursing Home will break ground in December for a complex that includes a unit for the gay and lesbian elderly. And Stonewall Communities in Boston has begun selling homes designed for older gay people with support services similar to assisted-living centers. There are also openly gay geriatric case managers who can guide clients to compassionate services.

“Many times gay people avoid seeking help at all because of their fears about how they’ll be treated,” said David Aronstein, president of Stonewall Communities. “Unless they see affirming actions, they’ll assume the worst.”

Homophobia directed at the elderly has many faces.

Home health aides must be reminded not to wear gloves at inappropriate times, for example while opening the front door or making the bed, when there is no evidence of H.I.V. infection, said Joe Collura, a nurse at the largest home care agency in Greenwich Village.

A lesbian checking into a double room at a Chicago rehabilitation center was greeted by a roommate yelling, “Get the man out of here!” The lesbian patient, Renae Ogletree, summoned a friend to take her elsewhere.

Sometimes tragedy results. In one nursing home, an openly gay man, without family or friends, was recently moved off his floor to quiet the protests of other residents and their families. He was given a room among patients with severe disabilities or dementia. The home called upon Amber Hollibaugh, now a senior strategist at the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force and the author of the first training curriculum for nursing homes. Ms. Hollibaugh assured the 79-year-old man that a more humane solution would be found, but he hanged himself, Ms. Hollibaugh said. She was unwilling to identify the nursing home or even its East Coast city, because she still consults there, among other places.

While this outcome is exceedingly rare, moving gay residents to placate others is common, said Dr. Melinda Lantz, chief of geriatricpsychiatry at Beth Israel Medical Center in New York, who spent 13 years in a similar post at the Jewish Home and Hospital Lifecare System. “When you’re stuck and have to move someone because they’re being ganged up on, you put them with people who are very confused,” Dr. Lantz said. “That’s a terrible nuts-and-bolts reality.”

The most common reaction, in a generation accustomed to being in the closet, is a retreat back to the invisibility that was necessary for most of their lives, when homosexuality was considered both a crime and a mental illness. A partner is identified as a brother. No pictures or gay-themed books are left around.

Elderly heterosexuals also suffer the indignities of old age, but not to the same extent, Dr. Lantz said. “There is something special about having to hide this part of your identity at a time when your entire identity is threatened,” she said. “That’s a faster pathway to depression, failure to thrive and even premature death.”

The movement to improve conditions for the gay elderly is driven by demographics. There are an estimated 2.4 million gay, lesbian or bisexual Americans over the age of 55, said Gary Gates, a senior research fellow at the Williams Institute at the University of California, Los Angeles. That estimate was extrapolated by Dr. Gates using census data that counts only same-sex couples along with other government data that counts both single and coupled gay people. Among those in same-sex couples, the number of gay men and women over 55 has almost doubled from 2000 to 2006, Dr. Gates said, to 416,000, from 222,000.

California is the only state with a law saying the gay elderly have special needs, like other members of minority groups. A new law encourages training for employees and contractors who work with the elderly and permits state financing of projects like gay senior centers.

Federal law provides no antidiscrimination protections to gay people. Twenty states explicitly outlaw such discrimination in housing and public accommodations. But no civil rights claims have been made by gay residents of nursing homes, according to the Lambda Legal Defense Fund, which litigates and monitors such cases. Potential plaintiffs, the organization says, are too frail or frightened to bring action.

The problem is compounded, experts say, because most of the gay elderly do not declare their identity, and institutions rarely make an effort to find out who they are to prepare staff members and residents for what may be an unfamiliar situation.

So that is where Lisa Krinsky, the director of the L.G.B.T. Aging Project in Massachusetts, begins her “cultural competency” training sessions, including one last month at North Shore Elder Services in Danvers.

Admissions forms for long-term care have boxes to check for marital status and next of kin. But none of the boxes match the circumstances of gay men or lesbians. Ms. Krinsky suggested follow-up questions like “Who is important in your life?”

In the last two years, Ms. Krinsky has trained more than 2,000 employees of agencies serving the elderly across Massachusetts. She presents them with common problems and nudges them toward solutions.

A gay man fired his home health aide. Did the case manager ask why? The patient might be receiving unwanted Bible readings from someone who thinks homosexuality is a sin. What about a lesbian at an assisted-living center refusing visitors? Maybe she is afraid that her friends’ appearance will give her away to fellow residents.

“We need to be open and sensitive,” Ms. Krinsky said, “but not wrap them in a rainbow flag and make them march in a parade.”

Some of the gay elderly chose openness as the quickest and most painless way of finding compassionate care. That is the case for Bruce Steiner, 76, of Sudbury, Mass., whose 71-year-old partner, Jim Anthony, has had Alzheimer’s disease for more than a decade and can no longer feed himself or speak.

Mr. Steiner is resisting a nursing home for Mr. Anthony, even after several hospitalizations last year. The care had been uneven, Mr. Steiner said, and it was unclear whether homosexuality was a factor. But Mr. Steiner decided to take no chances and hired a gay case manager who helped him “do some filtering.”

They selected a home care agency with a reputation for treating gay clients well. Preparing for an unknown future, Mr. Steiner also visited several nursing homes, “giving them the opportunity to encourage or discourage me.” His favorite “is one run by the Carmelite sisters, of all things, because they had a sense of humor.”

They are the exception, not the rule.

Jalna Perry, a 77-year-old lesbian and psychiatrist in Boston, is out, she said, but does not broadcast the fact, which would feel unnatural to someone of her generation. Dr. Perry, who uses a wheelchair, has spent time in assisted-living centers and nursing homes. There, she said, her guard was up all the time.

Dr. Perry came out to a few other residents in the assisted-living center — artsy, professional women who she figured would accept her. But even with them, she said, “You don’t talk about gay things.” Mostly, she kept to herself. “You size people up,” Dr. Perry said. “You know the activities person is a lesbian; that’s a quick read.”

Trickier was an aide who was gentle with others but surly and heavy-handed when helping Dr. Perry with personal tasks. Did the aide suspect and disapprove? With a male nurse who was gay, Dr. Perry said she felt “extremely comfortable.”

“Except for that nurse, I was very lonely,” she said. “It would have been nice if someone else was out among the residents.”

Such loneliness is a source of dread to the members of the Prime Timers, a Boston social group for older gay men. Among the regulars, who meet for lunch once a week, are Emile Dufour, 70, a former priest, and Fred Riley, 75, who has a 30-year heterosexual marriage behind him. The pair have been together for two decades and married in 2004. But their default position, should they need nursing care, will be to hide their gayness, as they did for half a lifetime, rather than face slurs and whispers.

“As strong as I am today,” Mr. Riley said, “when I’m at the gate of the nursing home, the closet door is going to slam shut behind me.”