Sunday, June 22, 2014
Saturday, June 21, 2014
A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE
Posted: 18 Jun 2014 05:25 AM PDT
"Systemic challenges due pose potential barriers to your dating life, they only have to have power if you allow them to do so. We are not victims; growing up gay requires significant courage, perseverance, and resilience. To survive and prosper through this means we can handle anything."
Step one requires taking back personal control and refusing to allow these dating challenges and disappointments to have emotional power over you.
* Start keeping a journal and write about your dating efforts and lessons learned to watch your evolution in progress. Make a list of all the reasons why you’re a “good catch” and why it’s important to keep your head held high when things aren’t going so well. Write about the benefits of being single and what this affords you. Refer to this when you get into “funks” as a way to keep yourself motivated and centered on the positive. When you hear a quote or motivational saying that resonates with you, add this to your journal for additional affirmation and incentive.
* Start keeping a journal and write about your dating efforts and lessons learned to watch your evolution in progress. Make a list of all the reasons why you’re a “good catch” and why it’s important to keep your head held high when things aren’t going so well. Write about the benefits of being single and what this affords you. Refer to this when you get into “funks” as a way to keep yourself motivated and centered on the positive. When you hear a quote or motivational saying that resonates with you, add this to your journal for additional affirmation and incentive.
* Since we are only in control of ourselves and cannot change other people, avoid blaming “the system” or other gay men for the current state-of-affairs as they are.It’s much more productive to focus more on yourself and dig deep to identify any potential areas where you might be contributing to difficulties. For some ideas on where to get started with this, check out my article on “Am I Mr. Right?” and break out your journal and start writing and tackling those issues that will improve your quality-of-life.
* A recent survey I took indicated that the vast majority of gay men do not initiate conversations with gay men they find attractive, preferring instead to take the passive stance of waiting for others to approach them. Huge mistake! Imagine how many relationships could have started had these men made the first move. Make it a habit every time you go out to initiate conversations with at least one person. If this is a scary thought, take a class in public speaking or join your local Toast Masters club for practice. This very important social skill could really give your dating life that extra boost!
* Be visible in as many different venues as you can. Live your life to the max and join as many social groups, classes, volunteer activities, and events that cater to your hobbies that will get you into the mix with other gay men. If you happen to meet someone special there…bonus! Go into these situations with no expectation of outcome (and that won’t be difficult because you’re in a venue doing something you love to do!).
* If you have a personals ad, make sure you have a captivating headline that draws attention and make sure your personal requirements for a partner and relationship are sprinkled throughout the content to screen appropriate candidates better. Heck, could even start your own gay singles support group or recreation club in your own community. All it takes is some creativity and imagination!
* Alone we can’t change unhealthy scripts in the gay community, but one person at a time and banding together can create a shift in eradicating stereotypes, objectification, and creating value in relationships and intimacy. Is there anything that you’re willing to do to make that impact?
Conclusion
Being single has its pros and cons just like anything else. The trick is to make the most of this time of your life and to view it as an opportunity rather than a liability and explore different ways you can bring more meaning and purpose to your life rather than defining success around having a boyfriend.
When that time comes, it will make the experience that much more rewarding and fulfilling.It absolutely can make you go stark-raving-mad when that guy doesn’t call you back when he says he will or if it doesn’t seem like you’ll ever meet a guy who wants more than just sex. The point is to acknowledge these feelings, but then redirect yourself and re-frame this by recognizing the disguised blessing in these happenings–this void may actually be preparing you for when the right time does come and has just freed you from missing out on such a potential opportunity.
By taking control of your dating life and living a rich and enjoyable lifestyle, you’ll have the power to cope with dating woes and view them from a more positive perspective.
© Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach
The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.
Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc. http://thegaylovecoach.com
Friday, June 20, 2014
Thursday, June 19, 2014
THEY JUST WANDERED IN. . .. .
. . ..AND SAID "WE'RE STAYING. . " AND. . .STAY THEY DID.
HUAAAAAAAAAHHHHH
HUAAAAAAAAAHHHHH
The Truth About Eating Before Bed
June 17, 2014
MUST SEE NUTRITION VIDEOS
Leslie Bonci on Nutrition Mistakes
J.J. Watt Talks Practicing Hard and Eating Right at Super Bowl XLVII
Wheaties Presents: Nutrition for Performance
"Eating before bed makes you gain fat." Sigh. Eating right before bed does notmake you gain fat. It's actually quite the opposite. Eating before bed will not only help you build muscle, it will also improve recovery between training sessions, games and practices.
Just be sure to follow these simple rules when you eat before bed.
RELATED: Athletes: Focus On These Five Things
Rule 1: Choose Slow-Digesting Protein
This can come from cottage cheese, chicken breast, lean turkey breast or casein supplements. Each of these protein sources contains protein that digests slowly and feeds the muscles throughout the night. They are also high in leucine, the amino acid responsible for stimulating the protein mTOR, which activates muscle protein synthesis. Consume 14-30 grams of slow-digesting protein 30 minutes before bed. Stay away from red meat, whey concentrate and isolate proteins, since these digest more quickly, leaving you without critical nutrients.
Rule 2: Choose Carbohydrates Wisely
Carbohydrates don't deserve their bad rap. The body needs them to replenish glycogen stores post-workout and to limit the rate of muscle protein breakdown. Having carbohydrates at night can diminish the rate at which muscle protein breakdown occurs while you sleep.
The key is to stick with high-fiber vegetables and fruits that are low in sugar and won't elicit too large of an insulin response, especially if your goals are to lose fat and build muscle. Cherries and berries are good selections, because they are low on the glycemic index. Each is high in vitamins C and E, which play important roles in controlling inflammation and soreness.
Stay away from starches high in sugar like candy, chips and bread. These foods generate a large insulin response, which aids in storing fat, and sugar can interfere with the sleep cycle. Consume under 20 grams of carbohydrates 30 to 60 minutes before bed.
RELATED: Non-Boring Sweet Potato Recipes
Rule 3: Eat a Small Amount of Fat
Healthy fats from sources like oils and nuts are a great addition to your bedtime protein snack. Fats are resistant to water and, when ingested, slow the emptying of food in your stomach through the release of the hormone cholecystokinin. Therefore, the ingestion of fat helps those slow-digesting proteins feed your muscles even longer through the night. Almonds, nut butters and fish oil are great choices.
Examples of Easy Bedtime Meals
- 1 cup 2% low-fat cottage cheese
- 2-4 oz. chicken breast with 1 cup red peppers and 1/2 cup bing cherries
- 2-4 oz. turkey with 1 cup almonds and 1 cup broccoli
- Protein shake with 1 scoop of a low-carb protein blend, 1 cup unsweetened almond milk, and 1 tbsp. of almond or peanut butter
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Thursday, June 12, 2014
"A LOST POST" ?????
I do not know if this post from Gary ever got posted.
I just ran onto it now; I do not recall reading this before. Gary, you stir up memories, good ones, that are still special, precious even. . . good to recall. Thanks.
Sorry for missing this earlier.
~~ JustinO
Gary Kelly has left a new comment on your post ""Doncha know this. . . ?"":
Remember our prepubescence when sharing a bed with our best mate during a sleepover, as well as his company generally, was an innocent pleasure completely devoid of complication?
Remember when the two of us went everywhere together, shared recess at school together, visited each others houses at every opportunity, and were seen as a pair far more often than alone?
Little did we realize then that we were sharing one of life's truly great gifts.
I just ran onto it now; I do not recall reading this before. Gary, you stir up memories, good ones, that are still special, precious even. . . good to recall. Thanks.
Sorry for missing this earlier.
~~ JustinO
Gary Kelly has left a new comment on your post ""Doncha know this. . . ?"":
Remember our prepubescence when sharing a bed with our best mate during a sleepover, as well as his company generally, was an innocent pleasure completely devoid of complication?
Remember when the two of us went everywhere together, shared recess at school together, visited each others houses at every opportunity, and were seen as a pair far more often than alone?
Little did we realize then that we were sharing one of life's truly great gifts.
SPECIAL TIOUCH
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Posted: 11 Jun 2014 05:25 AM PDT
 Developing skill with touch is an important part of having successful relationships. Touch is critical to human beings.The love and support communicated through touch affirms our connection to others and has even been shown to contribute to the health of our immune systems. Many studies have shown that when infants are neglected and not held, they fail to thrive. Something similar seems true for us adults.
Too many men have limited skill when it comes to touch.Their experience with the way men make contact is limited -- a slap on the back from Dad, wrestling with friends growing up, the touch of a boyfriend during sex. For others, touch has too often been abusive -- being smacked around by schoolmates or parents, or uninvited and unwanted sexual touch.
Maybe you’ve found yourself in a bar talking with a friend, only to find someone rubbing up against you. This can be fun and a turn-on or annoying and intrusive, depending on your frame of mind and how you feel about the person initiating the physical contact.
Unfortunately, some men have the opinion that if you’re a gay man and I’m a gay man, then I automatically have the right to touch or grope you if I want to. And even more unfortunately, others of us have never learned that we have the right to say “no” to unwelcome touch.
Have you ever gone to a movie with a date and found him stroking your arm over and over and over again in exactly the same way -- almost as if he was a robot? You suspected that he meant to be affectionate, but pretty soon you were ready to run screaming from your seat! Touch that doesn’t have presence and attention behind it can create the same sensation as fingernails raking down a black board.
Physical contact that works and is welcome can have just the opposite effect -- calming us, drawing us closer to the person with whom we are sharing touch.
To increase the quality of your touch, think of your hands as an extension of your heart. Instead of casually brushing your hand over someone, bring focus to your touching; you are touching them with your heart. Imagine that this is the only person in the world who exists right now. He has your undivided attention while you are in contact with him. Take your time
.
Not all touch is sexual. If touch equals sex for you, you may need to slow down and explore a bit. Friendly, inviting contact between people can be reassuring, comforting and enjoyable in its own right and need not be an invitation to sex. Some people are uncomfortable with touch when they assume that the person initiating contact has an unspoken erotic agenda.
Touch which is repetitive or constant becomes boring and easy to ignore. Vary the intensity and pressure of your touch. This is true whether you are touching a friend to make a point during conversation or whether you are caressing your partner to bring him to orgasm. Touch can be with finger tips or the whole palm. It can be quick and invigorating -- think of a back rub -- or slow and soft
.
Learning new ways to make physical contact increases our “touch vocabulary,” and helps us communicate with others.
John R. Ballew, M.S. an author and contributor to GAYTWOGETHER, is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality, relationships and spirituality. If you have any questions or comments you can submit them directly toGAYTWOGETHER or John R. Ballew, M.S. - www.bodymindsoul.org.
~~~ thanks Michael@gaytwogether.com
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Saturday, June 7, 2014
Friday, June 6, 2014
Justin's Musing from The Dunes. . .
Good morning Friends and Neighbors and Assorted Nice People. . . :-))
Just a couple of wandering thoughts I grabbed onto before they were too far out of reach. . . First of all I am most impressed with what the weather personnel seem to see in the present moment. . . ..fantabulous. Now I am waiting to see their forecasts and promises to find US!
Observation. . . now that I have resumed summer work. . . yepper. . .I am working "on construction" . I am a dry-wall hangar by avocation. Wonderful change from what I do the rest of the school year. ;-)) As I try to think of things to post on The DUNES which might be of some interest to you. . . and I am often surprised by what attracts and promotes comment, ideas, sharings. . . .and, sorry to say, the seeming lack of stimulus in sharing, getting involved. I am trying to assist us in learning, growth, wonderment, etc. . .in the real existential circumstances in which we live. . . I find it difficult to respond to and engage when nothering is shared, offered. For example, out of the 107 visits to The Dunes yesterday. . not one person found anything to add, say, object to, share, introduce new topics, ideas. . etc.
Please, tell me. . . if you really think THE DUNES is a waste of time and energy, etc. . why not just tell me. . .outright. . . ? That way I will better know how to react to my wonderings, ideas. . . OR. . .has this gone on just too long? LOL
Please, tell me. . I try not to assume, or presume. . . nor really looking for something to do with my time "to get me thru the nght. . " ho ho ho
ciao ciao, everyone. . . .Good Things all over you!
justin
Just a couple of wandering thoughts I grabbed onto before they were too far out of reach. . . First of all I am most impressed with what the weather personnel seem to see in the present moment. . . ..fantabulous. Now I am waiting to see their forecasts and promises to find US!
Observation. . . now that I have resumed summer work. . . yepper. . .I am working "on construction" . I am a dry-wall hangar by avocation. Wonderful change from what I do the rest of the school year. ;-)) As I try to think of things to post on The DUNES which might be of some interest to you. . . and I am often surprised by what attracts and promotes comment, ideas, sharings. . . .and, sorry to say, the seeming lack of stimulus in sharing, getting involved. I am trying to assist us in learning, growth, wonderment, etc. . .in the real existential circumstances in which we live. . . I find it difficult to respond to and engage when nothering is shared, offered. For example, out of the 107 visits to The Dunes yesterday. . not one person found anything to add, say, object to, share, introduce new topics, ideas. . etc.
Please, tell me. . . if you really think THE DUNES is a waste of time and energy, etc. . why not just tell me. . .outright. . . ? That way I will better know how to react to my wonderings, ideas. . . OR. . .has this gone on just too long? LOL
Please, tell me. . I try not to assume, or presume. . . nor really looking for something to do with my time "to get me thru the nght. . " ho ho ho
ciao ciao, everyone. . . .Good Things all over you!
justin
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
PERSONAL ISSUES ON MARRIAGE
This morning Gary sent this commentary. I shall ost it here in entirety so we can all gain by his ideas, questions, wonderings. . . . .
Gary Kelly said...
Hehe, you and your undertones, JustinO. You're sounding like a shrink. No... it's a serious question. I'm not sure I was ever the marrying type, which may explain why I'm still single. On the other hand, it concerns me that if I had taken the plunge, I may not have lasted the distance.
Also, now that I'm further up the mountain and can see more of the valley below, I have misgivings about younger people's lack of life experience when making decisions that could potentially end up as serious baggage.
By the same token, there'd be little going forth and multiplying if the getting of wisdom was a prerequisite. Hehe.
So it's all a bit confusing, really. Given the high divorce rate, the high proportion of dysfunctional families and the frequency of relationships that end in tragedy, I'm wondering how much of a role luck plays in making a life commitment that succeeds. =`=`=`=`=`=`=`=`=`=`=`==`=`=`=`=`=`=`=`=`=`=`=` TRUST me, GARY, I am not just "hmmmmm" you ideas/wanderings. No way. But, don't you think it might be a good idea if I started to "sound like" the profession/art-skills by which I am trying to contribute help better our lives? ho ho ho. . . .I am learning from you and the ideas you are sharing. You give a perspective which I have no other way of get on my own. . . .and, you want to know this? I really DO understand from my point of view what you are wondering, asking. . . .I do. . .and I think these are very important issues. . . .and I bet a LOT of us wonder about and hesitate over the very same things. So,Gary, keep on talking. . .and I will reply and question also. What kind of garantee "I want to do this for the rest of my life??? Can I stand this or will I feel stifled. . . .and, let's face it. . BORED "forever and a day". etc. I hope more guys. . . ..any gals out there? there used to be. . .LOL. . . .will join in and share their "experience, strengths and hopes". . . .or sorrows. Like. . here's one of mine. . . I cannot really imagine this nor do I see signs of this. . .BUT. . .what would I do if Peter turned into a first class mess-nic??? personally, socially, hygenically? OMGGGGGGGGGG. . ..major problem. I've npt said this out-loud before. . .and, let me repeat I see no signs of this. . . .but. . ..what if. . . ? ciao ciao ~~ justin
Also, now that I'm further up the mountain and can see more of the valley below, I have misgivings about younger people's lack of life experience when making decisions that could potentially end up as serious baggage.
By the same token, there'd be little going forth and multiplying if the getting of wisdom was a prerequisite. Hehe.
So it's all a bit confusing, really. Given the high divorce rate, the high proportion of dysfunctional families and the frequency of relationships that end in tragedy, I'm wondering how much of a role luck plays in making a life commitment that succeeds.
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