So. . .What Have I Been Doing This Summer . . ?

Some of you very artfully replied to a similar question a few weeks - or was it a few DAYS - ago?  I had intended sharing my stuff at that time but never quite around to it. . . Hey!  Have you ever seen "a round tuit"?

A few years ago one of the chaplains at the Catholic Center on campus at the beginning of Lent was talking with us about the Season and how we were going to live it.  He then narrated some of the excuses we too often use to put things off and one of the more common excuses . he says, is "One of these days I'll get around to it. . . " and before we know it Lent is over, Spring is here and we are all off and running." Then he asked a few students to walk around the chapel and give each of us A Round To-It.  "Now you no longer have that excuse;  I've given you one."  It was a small, circular piece of wood, around the edge it said "This is a round to - it. "  In the center was a cross.   So many of us carried it around in our pocket the rest of Lent as a reminder.  A few years later my round-to-it is one of the things I keep in my pocket.  A good reminder.

I just wanted to share this with you, since I think it is part of my excuse for this summer.  Have you ever seen a summer fly by so quickly?!   August 1st tomorrow.  

And the End of Summer for Peter and me "on the Cape . . near P'town" is coming to an end.  We did a lot of work this summer getting ready for school and Fall work. . preparing some of the material I want to use in the class of Intro Psych I will be teaching. . . .It has come down to this.  I will teach two sections this semester, meeting with them three times a week.
And working at the Counseling Center on a regular basis.  Plus my own classes beginning the doctoral program in psychology.

Peter becomes a full time student again, in his junior year.  He has been doing a lot of reading and readying to "throw himself into the program."  Added to his undergrad work he  will begin the two year program preparing him to work as part of a med/surgical team in a medical center with the education and hands-on experience to do a lot of the ordinary med-surg procedures in a medical practice. This is for a licensed certification.  This is a relatively newer program starting up in various areas around the country.  A lot of his classes will be in the college of medicine and practical experience in the large excellent teaching hospital connected with the med school here.

And we have spent a LOT of time at the beach, hiking, sleazing-out, just ample time to BE together. . . and we have done a lot of exploring and searching into ourselves, our hopes and dreams, needs and desires in life.  With the relaxed life and ample free time much of this just happened naturally as things presented themselves.

Our lives are going to change. . . not only in the academic parts but in the real nitty-gritty life of living together 24-7.   As I mentioned earlier my grandmother, at whose home I have lived the last few years. . . off campus, of course, and "across the river and through the woods. . .to Grandmother's house we go. .  ..the Fit knows the way. " and so forth.  LOL. . . ..Mme Bouvier has invited me back and also asked Peter to live with us also.   Gram is very fond of "her boys" and likes having her "men around the house."

Without having to change much to her living quarters, we will have an Up and Down living apartment.  Upstairs are two good-sized bedrooms, and a large bathroom.  This bathroom. . . .must have been the master bath . . .has two sinks, a separate shower and a bath tub. . .and only one Throne. . . .hahahaa . . . we plan on keeping the two bedrooms, will share one. . .we always do. . .and use the other for other stuff. . . .maybe when one of us needs to stay up reading, etc. we can do that without disturbing one another.   The first floor is one large room. . . .one part kitchen and dining, the rest a wonderful roomy place to watch TV, read, study, hangout. . . very convenient.

Most of the time we will be eating with Gram. . . she loves having her boys to cook for. . . .and this is a good incentive for her to eat healthily herself., having us to cook for means she will have the meals planned:  excellent for the three of us. . .but we are not "chained in", as she puts it "to eat with the old lady. . It's no fun just cooking for myself. . ."  So this is definitely a win-win sitz for the three of us.

Later on this week we will be packing up our cars and heading back to school. . . We will dump our stuff, get some of it settled and then we are heading out for some vacation traveling for ourselves.  We are going to Canada, La Belle Provence de Quebec, and specifically MONTREAL.  I've been there before 'with the family'. . .our first time there alone. . .with each other, of course.  One of my colleagues from grad school has invited us to stay at his place. .. in the city. . .
in "old Montreal". . . in the Gay Village. . . . A lot of the homes have the stairways to the second floor apartment[s] on the outside of the building. . .mostly iron/metal stairwell, but on the outside. . many are circular.  Very different. . .and often quite beautiful.

And then after seeing/being there for a few days we will head back to school, to settle in and, before we know, be "back in school". . ..exciting. . .a whole new world opening for both of us. . . . WoW-zer what will all this be like. . .. ? 

The political flow chart

 
When the top level guys look down, all they see are shitheads;

When bottom level guys look up, all they see  are assholes.

 

I have never seen a more apropos flow chart.

BRAKES. . . part 2

Gay Relationships: Sometimes You Just Have To 'PUT ON THE LOVE BRAKES' To Make Sure You Go The Distance! - Part Two

 [ contiuned from yesterday ]   So how do you control yourself when you want nothing to do but to rip the clothes off of your new guy even though you know it’s best to wait?  How do you handle these powerful feelings of attachment without losing your sense of self and without becoming too intertwined? Here are some action challenges to help keep you on the right track toward promoting a healthy relationship progression with your new dating prospect:

1. Be proactive, not reactive
This means to avoid acting on every impulse you have when it comes to your dating partner. Do you really need to call him for the fifth time today? Is it wise to send him one email after the other on the same day? Do you have to see him every day this week? By thinking about the consequences of your actions, you’ll be in a better position to guide the relationship along. If you need to, snap yourself with a rubber band to break out of an “impulse trance” to avoid making impulsive moves.

2. Balance togetherness with separateness Beware of spending every waking hour with each other. You need breathing room and you don’t want the relationship to become suffocated by becoming too enmeshed. By having your own independent life separate from the relationship, you’ll be bringing fresh air into it that will help vitalize it and keep it exciting. Don’t forget you have other roles, responsibilities, and relationships that deserve and need your attention as well.

3. Find outlets for your impulses
Stave off those self-sabotaging urges by finding productive outlets for those impulses to “rush things along.” Such things as exercise, masturbation, fantasy, or writing can be helpful pursuits to channel your thoughts and feelings toward when all you want to do is direct your energies at your love interest. They can be constructive distractions and physical releases for “emergency relief.”

4. Stay anchored in the here-and-now
New lovers often times in their exuberance talk about what their futures will be like together and this definitely accelerates the pacing of the relationship. Instead, be fully present in every moment you share together and enjoy each opportunity together as a gift in “the now.” To help stay on an appropriate timeline for yourself, you can create a personal scrapbook of the memories and experiences you’ve shared with this special guy as a time-table and way to stay centered on going slow and relishing in getting to know each other.

5. Communication starts from “Day One”
Talk to each other about the thoughts and feelings that you’re having. This shared dialogue will help cement the bond between you even more and communication is one of the avenues toward building trust, respect, and intimacy. By keeping the feelings and temptations vocalized, they can be dealt with more directly.

Unspoken, suppressed desires have a way of erupting spontaneously and you’re more at risk for acting-out by keeping everything hidden. Obviously you’re not going to want to share everything you’re fantasizing about with your dating partner (there do need to be some boundaries!), but keeping the dialogue open and honest can help pace the momentum.

6. Always stay in touch with your personal requirements
Being mindful of the qualities and characteristics of your ideal partner and relationship can be an excellent barometer to gauge the pacing of your relationship. With every experience and contact you have with your new dating partner, you’re learning more and more about whether this is truly a goodness-of-fit.

• Does he share similar values?
• Does he stimulate me intellectually?
• Is he trustworthy and loyal?
• Can I be vulnerable with him and share my feelings?
• Do we have physical chemistry and sexual compatibility?

These are all things that are learned in the process of your dating journey with this particular man. Stay true to your personal requirements and non-negotiable needs for a partner and relationship, and you can’t go wrong!

The beginning of a new dating relationship is often times characterized by an abundance of feel-good feelings that can be mind-boggling and overwhelming. Enjoy the thrill of what is happening to you and at the same time make sure that you stay in control of these feelings as opposed to the other way around.
Perhaps one of the most important questions you can ask yourself to ensure your relationship is pacing at a rate you are comfortable with before allowing yourself to be vulnerable and consider commitment would be: Has my dating partner consistently demonstrated through his words and actions that he is safe to let into my life and share my heart? The answer to that question can only be answered through the passage of time and shared experiences.


So slow down, think, and enjoy the ride!

 © 2007 Brian L. Rzepczynski
 
Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc. http://thegaylovecoach.com

Thanks, Bryan, and also Michael at gaytwogether.com

 

Putting On The Brakes

Gay Relationships: Sometimes You Just Have To 'PUT ON THE LOVE BRAKES' To Make Sure You Go The Distance! - Part One

Posted: 22 Nov 2010 05:38 PM PST

 So now you’ve met someone from your personals ad who you really like and you both are eager to begin exploring the potential that exists in your new dating relationship. This is commonly called “the honeymoon phase” of a relationship and is definitely an exciting and invigorating time. It’s a time of aliveness where the attraction you have for your new boyfriend prospect bubbles over, causing you to think about him and wanting to be with him every waking second.

The separation pangs when you are apart nag at you and distract you from your daily tasks. You ache to be with him and find yourself preoccupied with thoughts and fantasies of what “could be” that fuel your desire even further.

There’s actually a clinical term used to describe this phenomenon that exists at the beginning of every romantic relationship. Coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov, limerence is an involuntary state of intense desire and attachment toward another person whom you become attracted. You begin to idealize him and magnify all his good qualities.

It’s intrusive and provokes feelings of deep longing and passion to be with that person and these feelings can be blindingly strong. In fact, our bodies naturally produce an abundance of chemicals and amphetamines during the romantic love stage, including dopamine and the “love drug” phenylethylamine (PEA), that account for this state of euphoria and ultimate bliss.

The point of all of this is that when you first meet someone whom you share a strong attraction with, there’s a lot of powerful currents going on that could cause you to get swept away in the tidal wave of emotion and lead you to make impulsive and reckless decisions that could sabotage a potentially good thing you and your new dating partner could have if you’re not careful.
Many gay men make the mistake of rushing things along too quickly because it feels good, like having sex too soon or moving in together prematurely.

You want to ensure that you get your budding relationship off on the right path toward success! Enjoy this wonderful feeling that you’re having and bask in the glow of it; this is truly one of the greatest joys of life! And while you’re savoring it all, it’s also important at the same time that you balance and regulate these feelings so they don’t impair your judgment and cause you to act in ways that might disrupt healthy relationship development.

The key to accomplishing this is through pacing. Pacing refers to taking things slow and letting the relationship evolve and mature naturally. While there certainly are those relationships that prosper when the couple had sex on the first date, for example, having sex too early or rushing the relationship too quickly tends to be defeating because a foundation of trust and intimacy has not yet been set to withstand any eventual conflicts or strain that are a part of growing as a couple.
So how do you control yourself when you want nothing to do but to rip the clothes off of your new guy even though you know it’s best to wait? 

[ continued tomorrow ]
© 2007 Brian L. Rzepczynski
Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc. http://thegaylovecoach.com

~~~~ Thanks to Brian and to Mchael at gaytwogether.com

What have we learned. . ?

 

What we have learned in 2,056  years?

"The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled,

public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands  should be curtailed lest Rome becomes bankrupt. People must again learn  to work, instead of living on public assistance."

- Cicero - 55  BC

Apparently nothing!

 

 

TIPS for Couples

Gay Relationships: 8 Success Tips For Couples Posted: 24 Jul 2011 07:33 PM PDT As gay men, you've struggled through and endured all the challenges inherent in finding true love with another man in this homophobic society, but you did it! You found your Mr. Right! So now what?! Not only did we as gay men not receive any education or guidance in how to date another man, but we certainly didn't get the training manual on how to sustain a healthy, intimate partnership with him once we found our ideal guy and decided to form a commitment with him. Gay partnerships can be very rewarding and fulfilling, but they require conscious effort and attentiveness to foster their successful growth and intimacy. What follows is a short tips list that gay couples can use as a quick-reference guide for keeping their relationships on track. Keep these bullet points in mind and you'll have a solid foundation in place to make your relationship solid gold! Relationship Success Tips 1. Avoid placing all your emotional needs on your partner. Develop your own individual identity and through those experiences, your relationship will be enriched as you keep breathing new life into it. 2. Even if you’ve been together a long time, never expect your partner to know what your needs are. Mind-reading and making assumptions only leads to misunderstandings and potential conflicts. Learn to be assertive and ask directly for what you want. 3. Periodically have a “check-in” with your partner to reexamine how the relationship is going and how satisfied you and your partner are. This keeps the channels of communication open and can help renew the relationship, reinforcing the positives and uncovering areas in need of attention before things get too misguided. 4. Characteristic of relationship development, most couples have a diminishment of that honeymoon phase “high” that’s experienced in the beginning of a relationship when they first started dating. This is normal and not a reason to be concerned that there is something necessarily wrong. When this occurs, strive to bring more creativity and vitality into your relationship and sex life to spice things up. Surprise your partner. Be spontaneous and playful. Make him see how special and important he is to you. 5. Examine your satisfaction with the roles you play in your relationship. A real advantage of gay relationships is the ability to be flexible with life roles and not to have to ascribe to traditional sex role stereotypes commonly held in heterosexual relationships. Negotiate such roles and tasks openly and freely with your partner, acknowledging areas of strength and talent in this decision-making. 6. Avoid letting disagreements turn into ugly verbal battles where things could be said that are later regretted. Learn basic anger management principles and know when to call a “Time-Out” to defuse unproductive anger. Also learn how to re-engage following the cool-down period so issues can be resolved peacefully. 7. Protect your relationship legally by seeking assistance from an attorney to obtain the necessary legal documents befitting your particular relationship situation, including such things as power of attorney, wills, beneficiary designations, etc. Planning ahead with such things can insure that you’re each taken care of in the event that something was to jeopardize your union. 8. Don't let the busyness of life take away from your relationship. Find a balance between work, alone time, friends, family, and time spent as a couple. Make “Date Night” a regular part of your lifestyle where you avoid discussing your problems or issues and just enjoy spending that quality time together. Never take each other for granted and remember that you’re a team. ©2004 Brian L. Rzepczynski Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc. http://thegaylovecoach.com   Thanks to Brian and to Michael @gaytwogether.com

The Boy Who Wasn't Gay Enough

Richard sent me this in early June. . . seems it got "lost" among all the good stuff. . . hahahaa. It's fun. . . ;-))

Surely one of the cutest videos of the year.

 

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txg9PBGy7FY

 

The Gay Who Wasn't Gay Enough

By Muddy York RFC| 1 video

1. 
   

View Slideshow

Mother Nature's Beauty Tips

8 Foods for Gorgeous Skin

While genetics and lifestyle habits play a significant role in skin health, the right foods can also help you fight acne, minimize wrinkles, and enhance your skin's natural beauty.

Page 1 of 8 Tropical Fruit Eating guava, pineapple, papaya, kiwi, and other tropical fruits that contain vitamin C will help defend your skin against damaging free radicals. Vitamin C is a powerful antioxidant that is naturally found in the skin, so eating tropical fruits and other vitamin C–rich foods can replenish your skin's stores. Vitamin C also helps your body produce collagen, a protein that helps keep your skin firm and elastic. Next: Broccoli

p.s.   I didn't see Tangy Peach Mango Frozen Yogurt listed here. . . . nope!  ;-)

Cannes Film Festival. . . . .a must see

This summer, the renowned director/producer Ridley Scott launched a global filmmaker competition dubbed “Tell It Your Way” following its Cannes Lions award-winning short-film project “Parallel Lines.” The entrants were given freedom of expression and could take up any theme they wanted; still there were two strict rules—there had to be the exact six-line dialogue as it was in the Parallel Lines films, plus the entries could last no longer than three minutes.

 Here’s the prize-winning entry in the “Tell It Your Way” competition.
 http://www.porcelainunicorn. com/

AFRICAN MANGOES

Lately I've come across articles about a certain extract from the African Mango which supposedly. . . .and kinda mysteriously. . . aid in shedding pounds and inches.  I suppose one would lose weight and shed inches if that was all you ate from 28 days. . .hehe. . .imagine life without any and all junk food,  and mangoes !  I do not think I am a junk food junkie, by any means, and I do like mangoes. . . .

Today at the supermarket I happened upon some frozen yogurt with the flavor name Tangy Peach Mango .  Do you think this would count???   hahhaaa   Sounds like real wicked health food. . . don't you think?  You ought to try it.  I am sure that is served in Heaven. . .maybe in Hell too.  I'm no authority on that locale.  ;-)

Virtual Sex. . .?

Virtual sex can't substitute real sex

ANI Jul 19, 2011, 12.00am IST

The way people get involved in and develop sexual relationships with others has changed dramatically over the last 20 years due to the increased availability of devices such as computers, video cams and cell phones.
But at the end of the day there is no substitute for physical, face-to-face contact in our sexual relationships, according to a new study.
Diane Kholos Wysocki from the University of Nebraska at Kearney, and Cheryl Childers from Washburn University in Topeka, Kansas, investigated the behaviors of infidelity on the Internet and sexting - sending sexually explicit text messages and photographs via email or cell phone.

Sexting is a fairly new phenomenon, where adults send their nude photographs and sexually explicit text messages to another adult to turn them on and increase the likelihood of a sexual relationship.
At the same time, the Internet has made the act of infidelity much easier.
In order to explore both sexting and infidelity and understand how people use the internet to find sexual partners, Wysocki and Childers placed a survey on a website aimed at married people looking for sexual partners outside their marriage (AshleyMadison).
A total of 5,187 adults answered questions about Internet use, sexual behaviors, and feelings about sexual behaviors on the Internet.
In particular, Wysocki and Childers found that respondents were more interested in finding real-life partners, both for dating and for sexual encounters, than online-only partners.
"While social networking sites are increasingly being used for social contact, people continue to be more interested in real-life partners, rather than online partners. It seems that, at some point in a relationship, we need the physical, face-to-face contact. Part of the reason for this may be that, ultimately, humans are social creatures," the researchers concluded.
Their findings were published online in Springer's journal, Sexuality and Culture .

Gay couples begin seeking marriage licenses in NYC

By CHRIS HAWLEY - Associated Press | AP – 46 mins ago

• 
  Jeannette Coleman, right, holds back tears as she and Kawane Harris, both of New …
• 
  Richard Skipper, left, and Daniel Sherman, of Sparkill, N.Y., wait to get married …

NEW YORK (AP) — Gay couples have begun seeking marriage licenses in New York City on the first full day same-sex weddings are legal in the Empire State.

New York City officials expect to host hundreds of same-sex weddings Sunday. Clerks in New York City and about a dozen other cities statewide are opening their doors Sunday to cater to same-sex couples.

In Manhattan, a line of about 100 couples waiting to be wed at city offices stretched down the block on a sweltering morning. The first few couples entered the clerk's office early Sunday, some carrying bouquets. Once they get a license, a judge can waive a mandatory 24-hour waiting period and marry them.

A small number of same-sex couples got married at the stroke of midnight around the state.

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Stethoscope

http://www.angelfire.com/ak2/intelligencerreport/stethoscope.html

....from a  friend of mine.....
                                            Justin

WHAT ARE ALL Y'ALL DOING TODAY?    ANYTHING GOING ON AT ALL?  ANYONE HOME THESE DAYS?  ;-)

JUST WONDERING. . . . ;-)

JUSTIN IN THE DUNES

BOUNDARIES

Gay Relationships: Boundaries For You & Your Guy - Part One

Posted: 26 Oct 2010 01:20 AM PDT

Have you ever skipped going to the health club one day because you just absolutely had no motivation to get all sweaty and tired?Or what about gorging on a half-gallon of ice cream to cope with your stress? Ever leave the mall wondering what the heck you were thinking maxing out your credit card? Do you work more hours at your job than need be? These are situations where a boundary violation of the self has occurred and we’ve all been there.

Boundaries are the limits we set around ourselves to keep safe, centered, and accountable. They are usually drawn from our values and they define who we are and what we will and won’t accept in our lives to keep our integrity and well-being intact. The more aligned our behavior is with our defined boundaries, the more balance and harmony we tend to experience in our lives.


When we act outside the confines of our boundaries, our self-esteem can take a hit and we actually can create a whole host of other stressors that will disrupt us and leave us feeling badly and out-of-integrity. It is human nature to stumble outside our boundaries from time to time, but when it becomes a way of life, underlying issues may be at play that will require some attention and intervention to avoid ongoing conflicts in one’s life.

Not only do we have self-imposed boundaries, but boundaries also pertain to our relationships. A healthy relationship is comprised of two men with a solid sense of self and identity. Boundaries help protect the partners of a couple from abuse or outside influences of others. They help create a sense of security in the partnership, allowing safe communication of needs and feelings between the partners that helps to solidify a positive connection and intimacy. Boundaries help cement what is deemed appropriate and inappropriate conduct both within and outside the context of being a couple and help to define who you are and what you stand for as life partners.

Boundaries & Relationship Types - Here’s an illustration as to why boundaries are important to your relationship. Take out a piece of paper. At the top of the page, draw two circles on opposite sides of the page. This represents the type of relationship where the couple identifies themselves as a pair, however they have little connection with each other and live parallel lives with minimal contact, sharing, or interaction that would support an intimate commitment. This relationship exhibits boundaries that are too strong to allow closeness and which there’s too much separateness and division between the two men. Little will grow from this except more of a “roommate feeling” and dissension. This style has too much individual identity.

In the middle of the page, draw two circles with one on top of the other. This relationship type is called enmeshed, where the couple is practically one whole. You are your partner; you live and breathe your partner with very little independence and individuality. You are merged together so completely that you lose your sense of self because you’re so fused and any perceived threat that exists to your relationship is thought of as devastating. The problem with this relationship style is that partners can feel suffocated and overly-dependent on each other; controlling behaviors are not uncommon and you can feel restricted and trapped. This style has too much couple identity.

At the bottom of the page, draw two circles that are mildly intertwined at the sides. This is a healthy relationship where the partners are slightly merged. There is a healthy balance of separateness and togetherness. The couple is flexible, honoring their uniqueness as individuals and their shared connection as partners. Because of this balance, “fresh air” is constantly being breathed into the relationship, revitalizing it and making it exciting, unlike the staleness of the former relationship type where everything is about the other person. This style works because the boundaries aren’t too rigid or loose and they take into account that healthy relationships have both individual and couple identities. This is what you want to shoot for!

(Part Two  - Tomorrow)
Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: "I work with gay men who are ready to create a roadmap that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right." To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs, teleclasses, and the self-help book he co-authored, "A Guide to Getting It: Purpose & Passion," please visit http://www.TheGayLoveCoach.com Thank you!


Thanks to Brian and to Michael @twogether.net

<< I am black. . .and so beautiful. ..>>

The Song of Songs. . . in the Bible

MATT DAMON, 40 yo. . . . .BALD

http://wonderwall.msn.com/movies/pic-matt-damon-goes-bald-1631092.story?gt1=28135

More on Drawing Attention

Shelley Berman - being noticed

Wednesday, July 20, 2011 7:24 PM

Message body

G'day again JustinO,

 

Further to Coop's question, is it right to draw attention to oneself, I happened on this clip of American comedian Shelley Berman talking about what drove him to being noticed. Interesting stuff. I discovered Berman when I was about 16 and thought he was hilarious.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kP8tFJsuM0&feature=related

 

Gary

 

Unscripted: Shelley Berman

By VISIONTV| 1 video

Drawing attention to oneself.

Hide Details

Wednesday, July 20, 2011 6:34 PM

Message body

G'day JustinO,

 

Funny Coop should ask the question. Here's a piece of writing I discovered just now about a bloke who was terrified of drawing attention to himself. Definitely worth a read.

 

http://www.redbubble.com/people/maninthebox/writing/7485716-water-slide

 

Gary

 

IS IT WRONG ?

In the first posting I read this morning from my buddy, pal, soulmate up on the North Shore. . .  the Coopsta to point a finger, musing half out loud, as always posing questions. He points out that some time back I "blatantly invited" him to post his own comments/thoughts/opinions "on the topic de jour"  and yes, correctly expressed. . ;-).
Then came this queery:  Here is a counter-point. Is it wrong to draw/divert attention to oneself. Doesn't that seem arrogant? Self-centered?

HoKay, CoopstaBabes, where is that one coming from?  Which thread from your notorious past [an attempt at humor. . LOL] did you snag this morning?

From your "logic" here I and other bloggers and those who co-habitate Justin Dunes must be among "the most arrogant and self-centered" people in the Blo-gas-phere. .hehe .!  So I went back to the very first few posts, starting July 4, 2009 for a look-see.  So Justin Dunes is into year three.  . . having been suggested and pushed off the bridge by the Star of the Aussie Kingdom Shannon Boh. .taaaduuuuuhhh . . .so you see, ShazzBoh, Tink is still dog-paddling:  Thank You!  ;-) 

Sharing ideas, thoughts, comments, " our experience, strength and hopes". . . in other words  communication is one of the quint-essential aspects of human living and loving. . . .and what could be more important that these two?!  "A relationship is only as good as its communication." [Intro=Psych 101. . hahahhaaa]  And think of it, isn't it awesome we can do that, especially thru the internet. Think of all the wonderful people we have met and chatted with on the NET!

Are we self-centeredly calling attention to ourselves?  Is this being arrogant?  Hon, I do not think so at all!  In general if guys were describing me. . . . or I was describing myself. . . .very few would choose arrogant and self-centered terms.  Trust me, in the years now I have been studying psychology and especially in the honest and often times raw honesty of therapeutic sessions, work groups, and the like, among my peers. . . most of whom I would describe as energetic, self-searchers, compassionate and emphathetic young males. . . that is a huge amount of hutzpah and testosterone in action. . . . rarely would we use the term arrogant to describe ourselves or others. . . . .


And, Duude, my bro. . . I certainly do not see YOU as arrogant or self-centered, or calling attention to yourself in an "arrogant self-centered manner". . . so I would have to say. . . .go ahead, try n force me. . .hahahahaa. . . ..YES I think it is wrong to assess your involvement in The Dunes as that!  Look, in a real sense we do that all the time. . . I walk into a room, open my mouth or not, I have diverted attention to myself.. . .at least momentarily.  Wrong?  Of course not.  I am simply inter-acting with others present.  If I do that with 76 trombones and a big parade. . . .well, I do think that would be a bit out of line and exaggerated.  Yepper. I do.


And that is about all I am going to say on that topic. . .a topic now du jour. .. or is it de jour?  Who cares!  Not putting on my Dr Freud look, inviting you to the couch, and engaging in any more psycho-babble.  That would be about as useful now as counting the  buttons of the guy's baggies sitting across from me!  hahahaha  Y'ever been so bored out of your skull in a lecture from someone-pretending-he-is-some-sort-of-god that you've resorted to some sort of behaviour like that?  Hahahaha. .. . .aaaaaahhh the endless resourcefulness and creativity of the human male animal!


Keep coming back, COOPster. . . we all love you. . . .you're a regular DUNESTER STAR ! ho ho ho
                                                    justin o'shea . . .dunes keeper

 

 

Shy Guys Are Good BoyFriends - part 2

Gay Relationships: Shy Guys Make Good Boyfriends Too - Part 2

Posted: 29 Sep 2010 11:08 PM PDT

Why So Shy?  - Most psychological experts believe that shyness is a learned behavior or a reaction to a negative event that inhibits the person. For example, if you were raised in a family where you were made to feel “less than”, your shyness could have developed out of a belief that you were only worthwhile if you lived up to certain expectations, so you became more inhibited and stifled as a result. If you lived with others who were shy or emotionally identified with an attachment figure who was shy, you may have observed and modeled that behavior yourself and it became a part of you.

  

Growing up gay doesn’t help the shy guy much either. Living “in the closet” and trying to cope with being different in a homophobic society could have inhibited you even more, amplifying the effects of shyness. Having been a shy guy myself, feeling more comfortable with my sexual identity and “coming-out” helped me tremendously in breaking out of my shell and becoming more socially confident as I was finally able to be the “real me” and let loose without the fear of scrutiny. Where does your shyness stem from? Try to understand the origins of your shyness by examining your attitudes and past experiences more closely.

Battle Strategies For Overcoming Shyness:

  

Conquering the shyness beast is not a quick-fix, so it’s important to go slow, pace yourself, and take small steps toward your goals. From my own personal experience and from my work as a therapist and coach with clients, the following are some practical coping tools for taking some steps toward overcoming shyness for those guys who don’t want to be held back any further from realizing and living their visions for fulfilling social and dating experiences.

  

* Become educated in anxiety management strategies. Learn relaxation techniques that will help you cope more effectively with nervousness so you don’t keep succumbing to the power of your physical reactions.

 

* Develop a contract with yourself or a close friend/family member detailing an action plan for how you intend to conquer your shyness problem. Schedule times every week that will stretch you out of your comfort zone and put yourself in social situations where you can practice becoming more confident and savvy. Learn about systematic desensitization to help gradually expose yourself to anxiety-provoking situations.

 

* If throwing yourself into a social scene is too overwhelming to start with, start slower by taking an acting class or joining a public speaking meeting like Toastmasters. These venues are excellent places to teach you valuable social skills in a structured, safe, setting that will give you the practice you need to feel more self-assured. They’re great for building your confidence and self-esteem too and you can make some great new friends! When you’re ready, try the structured Speed Dating craze as a segue to experimenting in the dating world. For now, don’t attach any investment in outcome. Use the more non-threatening parts of your world as your practice laboratory. In time, you’ll develop more of a sense of mastery and comfort in your own skin.

 

* Learn communication and active listening skills that will assist you in having conversations with others. Be mindful of your body language and how you carry yourself too. If you need to, plan ahead and make a list of topics you can talk about at a social gathering or event, but don’t be rehearsed.

 

* Picture yourself as you’d like to be and visualize this on a regular basis to rehearse and internalize this more socially sophisticated you. Role-play with a trusted friend. Create a collage with pictures, words, and symbols that represent the image of the “new you” and keep it posted in a place where you see it every day to keep centered and motivated on where you’re headed.

 

* Break out of the self-absorption trap by transferring the focus to helping others. Channel the energies that reinforced your shyness into rewarding activities that will benefit others in some way. Paradoxically, you’ll be helping yourself too!

 

* Most importantly, challenge the negative thoughts that go through your head. These feed your insecurity and breed shyness. Learn about cognitive distortions and learn how to “talk back” to self-defeating thoughts that sabotage you. Look at situations realistically and substitute those toxic thoughts with more affirming ones that will empower you to see and act like the great guy that you are.

 

* Read as many books and workbooks on shyness and social anxiety as you can. Enlist the help of a therapist or coach to go through them with you to help you generalize your learning to the places where it counts most.

 

Conclusion:

  

Realize, shy guys, that the more you run from and avoid your anxiety-provoking situations, the more strengthened and reinforced your shyness gets. The key is to stop giving away your personal power to others (in what you perceive of them thinking of you) and learn to become more assertive. Stand up for yourself, take charge of your life, and don’t stay home another Friday night alone in front of the TV. Get out there and make your dreams come true! You have a lot to contribute and give, but you must realize this first and take proactive steps to making your vision a reality.

 

And a special note to all you single, extroverted, outgoing, non-shy guys….

  

Don’t be so quick to dismiss a guy just because he’s a little quiet or reserved. Shy guys can very easily get “lost in the crowd” and get overlooked by the more colorful, sociable men that tend to draw the attention in social circles.

 

Never underestimate the power and value of a shy guy. He is very creative, passionate, loyal, and caring. Sometimes he might need a little extra encouragement or reassurance, but he’s loving and he’s got your back and he can add a lot of meaning to your life. So never turn a blind eye, because shy guys make good boyfriends too. And who knows, he could even turn out to be your life partner.

  

©2007 Brian Rzepczynski

Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc. http://thegaylovecoach.com

THANKS   BRIAN  and Thanks Michael at gaytwogether.com !

RESPECT FOR MARRIAGE ACT

Justin,

 

To those who want to dump on the President, see below:

 

After over 25,000 of you signed a petition to President Obama asking him to endorse the Respect for Marriage Act, which would repeal DOMA, today White House Press Secretary Jay Carney announced the President will endorse the bill! This -- the White House endorsing legislation that has yet to pass either house of Congress -- is extremely rare, and marks the urgency with which the President wants to see DOMA erased forever.

The mills of the gods, the mills of the gods.

 

Richard

"The Sharks Are Comin". . . " Got-cha ! lol

Great White Sharks Amass off Martha's Vineyard, just a bit South of Cape Cod, and Chatham. . .

Site of 'Jaws' movie sees boom in predators after seal population explodes  [Have you seen the old film JAWS?  The music when the sharks are around get your heart a-pounding. . .lol....justin]

Massachusetts Department of Fish and Game

A great white shark swims near Martha's Vineyard. He's got plenty of company with him this year as the sharks make their annual pilgrimage there.

By Jennifer Viegas

updated 7/18/2011 1:40:29 PM ET

Gathering by the shores of Monomoy Island near Martha's Vineyard, where much of the movie "Jaws" was filmed, great white sharks have people on notice in the Northeast.

The sharks make a pilgrimage to this region every year to feed, but a particularly large gray seal population has become an enticing magnet for the large, toothy predators. The presence of the sharks has created a booming tourism business as well as some jitters in the area.
"Gray seals have a lot of blubber and meat, so they are a high efficiency preferred menu item of great white sharks," New England Aquarium spokesperson Tony LaCasse told Discovery News. "Somehow the word is out in the great white world that this is the place to be."
He added, "Humans are not on their menu because we are a completely inefficient meal, since great white sharks are looking for maximum calories per kill."
Federal protection of marine mammals has been in place since 1972, and has led to the recovery of gray seals in the area, which are larger and fattier than Harbor seals that are in the waters off of Cape Cod. LaCasse suspects it took this long for gray seals to build up their population.
When seal numbers were down, the great white sharks mostly fed on dead whale carcasses, called "floaters." LaCasse said just this May, a fisherman went to explore a dead Minke whale near Martha's Vineyard and was surprised by a great white shark that swam out from under the whale "and checked him out.” The fisherman escaped without injuries.

Monomoy Island, where the great whites have been spotted, is an 8-mile spit of sand extending southwest from Cape Cod, and a national wildlife refuge, where access is limited. This has helped to keep people safe from the sharks. A booming tourism industry, with great white sharks as the No. 1 draw, has emerged in nearby Chatham, Mass. Tourism dollars are down by 4 percent in the Cape as a whole, but Chatham has seen a 15 percent uptick, especially now that it's the summer vacation season. LaCasse said during one recent tour, "a great white took a free-swimming seal" in a bloody, violent battle viewed by families riveted to the real life event.

Recent research supports the rise in great white shark numbers off of Cape Cod. A tagging project led by Greg Skomal of the Massachusetts Division of Marine Fisheries (DMF), succeeded in tagging six white sharks, ranging from 10 to 18 feet in length, off the coast of Monomoy Island. The DMF notes there has been a "recent increase in shark sightings," mentioning "the growing population of gray seals."
Not everyone appears to be pleased by the changes. In the past several weeks, five adult gray seals were found shot on Cape Cod beaches from Dennis to Chatham. Some local fishermen have expressed concern over the seals' presence, which has decreased the prevalence of certain fish. It remains unclear, however, who shot the seals.

No shark attacks have been reported off of Massachusetts this year, according to Bethan Gillett, a technician at the International Shark Attack File at the Florida Museum of Natural History.
She did indicate there's been a modest rise in attacks nationwide since May, with seven happening that month, seven reported in June, and three occurring in July so far.

"I don't think we are seeing a spike in attacks, though," Gillett told Discovery News. "The attacks are correlated with more people in the water for recreational activities."
One shark victim was a 12-year-old boy who was bitten in the foot by a bull shark off the Texas Gulf coast. The boy has endured several surgeries and requires more, but he is expected to make a full recovery.
"This was very unusual for Texas," Mike Cox, a spokesperson for the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department, told Discovery News. "We haven't had a fatality due to shark attack since 1962, so no one feels this is cause for panic or alarm. You are more likely to be hit by lightning than to be bitten by a shark."
LaCasse pointed out that bull sharks can be particularly tenacious, since they have the highest measured testosterone of any animal. To avoid encountering one, or any shark, he advises, "If you see a seal in the water, you should not be in the water. We're poor swimmers, and when sharks see us thrashing around, they can confuse us for their desired prey."
He also advises not to swim alone in deep water and not to swim at dusk, when visibility is down and shark numbers might be up.

Hey . . ."SHY GUY". . . ..Yes, YOU ! This is for YOU. ;-))

Gay Relationships: Shy Guys Make Good Boyfriends Too - Part 1  

Posted: 17 Jul 2011 08:39 PM PDT

You look up from your book at the coffee shop and become paralyzed with nervous anticipation as you see the hot guy you’ve been smitten with from afar sit down at the table across the room.He’s alone today and what a great opportunity it would be to finally approach him and introduce yourself. But the anxiety is mounting as you visualize yourself doing this and you bury yourself back in your book. 

You feel your face burning as you berate yourself for not having the guts to make yourself known. “He’d never be interested in me!” “I’d just die if he rejected me!” “And what if he did show some interest? What would I say? He’d think I’m a complete idiot and loser the second I’d open my mouth!” These thoughts swirl through your mind as you look up to find another guy has swooped in for the kill and has been invited to sit at the table with the object of your desire. Another missed opportunity!

If you’re a shy guy, and don’t want to be, dating can be a frustrating and daunting experience. When you’re out and about, it looks so easy for other guys to approach and cozy up to other men. Or if you do have advances made toward you, you just want to kick yourself when you freeze up and don’t know what to say and feel like you’ve made a bad impression and scare him off.

This article will shed some light on the symptoms and psychology behind shyness and offer some suggestions for breaking free of its chains that hold you back from experiencing a satisfying social and dating life.
  What It’s Like For The Shy Guy:
Shyness ranges on a continuum from situational to dispositional. Some people tend to be socially inhibited in just certain types of settings or circumstances, whereas for other people this anxiety tends to be more of a personality trait that is a predominant way of life, manifesting itself in many different types of scenarios across the board. 

Shy guys tend to be more introverted, preferring more solitary activities to their extroverted counterparts, who tend to like to recharge their batteries through social contact. Neither is better or worse than the other, though society does tend to favor the more outgoing personality-type and stigmatizes the more quiet, internal individuals. The more important aspect here is whether or not any negative consequences are experienced as a result of one’s particular leanings.

Although there are exceptions, generally speaking many shy guys tend to feel uncomfortable in social situations and dislike having attention called to themselves. This anxiety can be translated into stumbling on their words/stuttering, becoming easily embarrassed, and showing many physical signs of being nervous. They tend to feel judged by others and are highly sensitive to the opinions of others, wanting to avoid any type of criticism or rejection. They can feel inhibited, self-conscious, have a difficult time relaxing, and are very internal and self-focused in the sense that they are very preoccupied with their own thoughts, feelings, and physical reactions. They have a difficult time meeting people, struggle with initiating and maintaining conversations, dread group interactions, and can have a hard time standing up for themselves and voicing their opinions and needs. Unfortunately, many people can misinterpret a shy guy’s behavior as his being snooty, stuck-up, arrogant, or aloof and cold when that’s really not the case at all.

Shy guys often times shine when they are in settings where they feel safe or are around people they know well. They also often perform well in structured situations where the players interact in scripted-like roles where there’s little need for spontaneity or mingling without a purpose. 

Positively speaking, shy individuals tend to be very creative and have great imaginations that can lend themselves remarkably well to relationships and situations of leadership and change. Their biggest culprit is the negative self-talk in their heads that minimize their competence and value; if this obstacle could be removed, their quality of life would boost to a much higher level.

[ Part Two - Tomorrow

©2007 Brian Rzepczynski

Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, contributing author to GAYTWOGETHER, is one of the leading love coaches for the gay community. As a licensed dating and relationship coach, Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW has over 18 years experience as a psychotherapist and life coach specializing in helping GLBT individuals and couples develop and maintain successful and fulfilling intimate relationships. He holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a master’s degree in clinical social work from Western Michigan University. He also runs a successful private therapy practice, Personal Victory Counseling, Inc. http://thegaylovecoach.com

THANKS  Brian  and Michael at gaytwogether.com