BOUNDARIES for you and your guy

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Gay Relationships: Boundaries For You & Your Guy

Have you ever skipped going to the health club one day because you just absolutely had no motivation to get all sweaty and tired?Or what about gorging on a half-gallon of ice cream to cope with your stress? Ever leave the mall wondering what the heck you were thinking maxing out your credit card? Do you work more hours at your job than need be? These are situations where a boundary violation of the self has occurred and we’ve all been there.

Boundaries are the limits we set around ourselves to keep safe, centered, and accountable. They are usually drawn from our values and they define who we are and what we will and won’t accept in our lives to keep our integrity and well-being intact. The more aligned our behavior is with our defined boundaries, the more balance and harmony we tend to experience in our lives. When we act outside the confines of our boundaries, our self-esteem can take a hit and we actually can create a whole host of other stressors that will disrupt us and leave us feeling badly and out-of-integrity. It is human nature to stumble outside our boundaries from time to time, but when it becomes a way of life, underlying issues may be at play that will require some attention and intervention to avoid ongoing conflicts in one’s life.

Not only do we have self-imposed boundaries, but boundaries also pertain to our relationships. A healthy relationship is comprised of two men with a solid sense of self and identity. Boundaries help protect the partners of a couple from abuse or outside influences of others. They help create a sense of security in the partnership, allowing safe communication of needs and feelings between the partners that helps to solidify a positive connection and intimacy. Boundaries help cement what is deemed appropriate and inappropriate conduct both within and outside the context of being a couple and help to define who you are and what you stand for as life partners.

Boundaries & Relationship Types - Here’s an illustration as to why boundaries are important to your relationship. Take out a piece of paper. At the top of the page, draw two circles on opposite sides of the page. This represents the type of relationship where the couple identifies themselves as a pair, however they have little connection with each other and live parallel lives with minimal contact, sharing, or interaction that would support an intimate commitment. This relationship exhibits boundaries that are too strong to allow closeness and which there’s too much separateness and division between the two men. Little will grow from this except more of a “roommate feeling” and dissension. This style has too much individual identity.

In the middle of the page, draw two circles with one on top of the other. This relationship type is called enmeshed, where the couple is practically one whole. You are your partner; you live and breathe your partner with very little independence and individuality. You are merged together so completely that you lose your sense of self because you’re so fused and any perceived threat that exists to your relationship is thought of as devastating. The problem with this relationship style is that partners can feel suffocated and overly-dependent on each other; controlling behaviors are not uncommon and you can feel restricted and trapped. This style has too much couple identity.

At the bottom of the page, draw two circles that are mildly intertwined at the sides. This is a healthy relationship where the partners are slightly merged. There is a healthy balance of separateness and togetherness. The couple is flexible, honoring their uniqueness as individuals and their shared connection as partners. Because of this balance, “fresh air” is constantly being breathed into the relationship, revitalizing it and making it exciting, unlike the staleness of the former relationship type where everything is about the other person. This style works because the boundaries aren’t too rigid or loose and they take into account that healthy relationships have both individual and couple identities. This is what you want to shoot for!

Boundary Violations In Gay Relationships - We’ve talked about self-oriented boundary violations like straying from your diet or cheating on a test. Violations in your relationship with your partner can be particularly damaging, however, as they can diminish your trust in each other and cause significant conflicts and emotional distance that can tear down the foundation of commitment you’ve built. Again, it’s human to stray from our boundaries at times, but when it becomes pervasive and isn’t talked about with your partner to try and remedy it, serious consequences can arise.

Here are some examples of common boundary violations in relationships to give you a better idea of what we’re talking about:

• You drink too much at the bar with your friends and flirt with all the men near you while your partner is away on business
• Your partner pressures you to experiment with sexual practices you’re not comfortable with
• You don’t stick up for your partner when your family badmouths him
• Your partner makes other things, like work or his hobbies, more of a priority than spending quality time with you
• You don’t voice your opinions about the way you would like things to function in your relationship and then harbor feelings of resentment toward your partner when he makes all the decisions
• Your partner strays from your monogamous relationship by cheating with someone he met on the Internet
• Negativity, jealousy, passive-aggressiveness, lying, withdrawal, blaming…these are also “red flags”

And the list goes on and on! It is only a violation if either of you behave in a way that contradicts the relationship vision or mission that the two of you should have and should continue to be co-creating from the inception of your partnership. Communication of your expectations and values is critical from the very beginning of your relationship and should continue to be re-visited periodically to ensure you both are still “on the same page”. Your relationship and the players involved in it will grow and change, which is a normal part of your maturation, and you’ll need to be open to this and make revisions to your original “contract” as necessary.

Tips For Boundary-Setting Success

• As an individual, determine whether you struggle with maintaining healthy boundaries in your relationships and life in general. Difficulties with boundaries can come from many sources, including: being raised in a dysfunctional family where unhealthy boundaries were modeled, low self-esteem, lack of individual identity and codependency, poor assertiveness and social skills, being in an abusive or toxic relationship, being easily guilt-prone, having addictions of any kind, having power/control issues, getting a sense of validation for catering to a relationship partner, etc. Try to identify where your struggles with boundaries originate and keep track of what triggers your self-sabotaging behavior. Work aggressively at overcoming these personal hurdles to promote a more solid and confident sense of self.
• Take a class on assertiveness training or get some counseling to help you build skills in identifying your needs and feelings and how to directly express them without guilt or qualification.
• As a couple, plot out a relationship mission statement that specifies your values and expectations for behavioral conduct as individuals and as a couple. This becomes your “relationship contract” that will give you a structure by which to live your life with integrity and stability. Introduce spontaneity and novelty into your relationship from time to time so you don’t feel like you’re living according to a policies and procedures manual and to keep the spark alive.
• Make sure that you both define your particular boundaries around money, household management and domestics/division of labor, sex, monogamy vs. non-monogamy, parenting roles (if applicable), work, friends, family, health, spirituality, the way anger is dealt with, how you spend your time, etc. It may seem like a lot of material to cover, but the more that’s communicated will lessen the opportunity for surprise violations to occur in the future. It’s a great way to learn more about each other too and create further growth as a couple.
• Realize that you and your guy will not always see eye-to-eye on things. It will be important to recognize and appreciate your differences and have systems in place to manage disagreements (eg. fair-fight rules, taking Time-Outs when anger gets unproductive, following the problem-solving process for reaching win/win solutions, practicing forgiveness and compromise, etc.). Communication is key of course! Make sure you’re both well adept in the fine art of active listening to help pave the way toward resolution.
• Boundaries protect your relationship from outside forces as well. Should family or friends try to come between you, even if well-intentioned, always stand by your man and reinforce your commitment to each other. Don’t enable other peoples’ efforts to force their viewpoints and projections onto your relationship.

Conclusion - So whether you’re single and looking for Mr. Right or you’ve already found him, recognize the profound importance boundaries have on your well-being and quality of life. Without them, you’re left in a vulnerable position and can make poor choices that could adversely affect the course of your life. Knowing yourself and standing up for what you believe in can empower you to enjoy life to the fullest and accomplish great things in your relationships.

John R. Ballew, M.S. an author and contributor to GAYTWOGETHER, is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality, relationships and spirituality. If you have any questions or comments you can submit them directly to GAYTWOGETHER or John R. Ballew, M.S.

© borrowed from GAYTWOGETHER.COM

RELATIONSHIPS / DATING / HANGIN' OUT

"You'll never find peace of mind until you listen to your heart." - George Michael, "Kissing A Fool"

#Gay Relationships: Intimacy & Commitment

Intimate relationships come in many flavors: dinner-and-a-movie dates that develop slowly into something else, dating one guy exclusively and becoming boyfriends, establishing something more permanent, perhaps as lovers or husbands or partners. Some relationships evolve hastily; others take time. Some men are comfortable “playing the field,” while others move so quickly to stake a claim on a boyfriend’s affections that it feels like a return to California Gold Rush days.

“An unarmed encounter between two vulnerable individuals” is my favorite definition of intimacy. Most of us understand the “unarmed” part of that equation without too much difficulty. But “vulnerable?” That’s tougher. Especially for men; toughness is associated with masculinity – vulnerability is something we’re taught to avoid. Vulnerability is a paradox. A friend recently talked to me about how much closer he felt to the person he was dating after getting food poisoning while on a skiing trip.

The experience of being cared for while he was weak (and not very attractive!) helped him to genuinely feel the loving words his boyfriend had been speaking for several weeks. He’s not eager to feel that sick again, but he recognized that amid the misery, he received an offering that was very intimate and loving. If we are going to allow ourselves to open up and feel vulnerable, we need assurance that the person we are with will continue to respect us and will not abandon us. We need loyalty from the other person. In a healthy relationship, that means he’ll want a similar assurance from us as well.

Commitments aren’t all the same. Some commitments are lifelong pledges of fidelity, and that’s probably what most of us thing of first when we think of commitment. But a commitment may look quite differently. Ron tells Jeff he won’t date anyone else while they are going out. Mark and Ray agree that while they may have sex outside their relationship of several years, they will always put one another first. Jim and John agree not to discuss ending their relationship until they have given counseling a try. That’s a commitment, too.

It’s understandable that people often feel hesitant, even ambivalent, about making a commitment. Choosing one person means not choosing someone else. It can be hard to make that sort of choice – especially in a culture like ours, that values romance over commitment. Also, many of us have seen marriage commitments not taken very seriously. Why would we be eager to do the same?

The lack of legal structure in gay relationships means that we have great latitude in deciding what we want our relationships to look like; all areas of commitment are open to negotiation. Sometimes the lack of a formal ritual (like a wedding) can mean that we find ourselves with lots of assumptions about our relationships, but little frank conversation about the nature of our relationships.

Making our commitments clear helps to make them powerful. Sitting down with your boyfriend or partner to talk about your spoken and unspoken understandings is important work within a relationship.

Some suggestions:

• Choose a time when things are going well, rather than when your relationship is struggling.
• Speak about your own needs and desires; use statements that start with “I.”
• Listen as much as you speak.
• Remember that a commitment is much more likely to mean something if it is freely offered and not given because your partner feels intimidated.

John R. Ballew, M.S. an author and contributor to GAYTWOGETHER, is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality, relationships and spirituality. If you have any questions or comments you can submit them directly to GAYTWOGETHER or John R. Ballew, M.S. - www.bodymindsoul.org.

S E X . .. . . i approve

FIRST I want to apologize for my delay in replying to this post suggestion fro loki4469.

Life just got too busy all of a sudden. So home on this Friday night in early Autumn I

am making time to cartch up on a few things.

loki4469 said...

What is your view on sex, do you believe in one night stands, do you have to know the person for awhile, do you have to be in a relationship? How old were you when you lost your virginity, was he older or younger? Was it even a "he" who you lost your virginity to? Do you believe in defined rolls in a relationship i.e. top & bottom, masculine & feminine?

September 17, 2009 7:43 PM

S E X . .. . . i approve

My view on sex. hmmmm. Well after LIFE I think probably sex is the best gift God ever created and gave to his creation. I dare suggest it is probably the most used and longest-time in use of all G-d's gifts!

Of course the guilt-ridden would never agree with me here. They think - even as much as they indulge in it - that if they could just stop it, stop feeling/doing it, they would be "good boys". Somehow and for many reasons, I suppose, use of sex has become "the greatest of sins leading to eternal damnation and hell-fire for all eternity." So if they could just eliminate that they would be "good".

Unfortunately their guilt and not being "good" has little to do at all with human sexuality, or the use or abuse of sexual activity. I goes deeper to how they feel about themselves. . . . .often as unloveable. . "Who could possibly love me?" Then they spend lots of time over the years assembling 'proofs'. . .actions, activities to prove it. In our society and often family background, sexuality and a gay orientation give us ample proof that 'deep down we really are trash.'

One-night-stands as a lifestyle do very little to fill the deep-down need we have to love and be loved. Why? I think that if that is all we experience we and others become sex-objects, things, toys. Sex becomes depersonalized. . .there is no real sharing of persons, except perhaps on the most primitive of levels.

I think knowing someone, being in some sort of loving/affective relationship is really very desirable.

Obviously these are my relies to Loki's questions. How others would answer would be interesting.

I don't know when I "lost my virginity". . . ..LOL. My first guy-guy sex was when I was 15. My track partner, a year older, and I came in late from running one late afternoon. . .and the locker room and shower were empty. We fooled around a bit and hit the showers where we fooled aound more. Dammit, we heard somone come into the locker room. . . ..dressed and headed out home.

He gave me a ride home and, on the way, stoped, got my jean down [easily, by the way] and WoW. . .my first BJ. . . . .whooooaaaaaaaahhhhhh. We had a very interesting year. heheheheee

Defined roles. . like top or bott, M /F. etc? Fine, I guess, if that's what they want.
I prefer things more more 'organic' . . .go with flow. . .see what the moment brings, etc etc. That's it. Vague, I know. . . .hehehe. . .by choice.

I believe in real honesty, openness, real sharing of mind and heart, not hiding or being ashamed of who I am.. . what I do. . .

I believe Loki4469 and I would luv to hear what others think on these matters. . .

the ball is in your lap. . . . .so to speak. hehehe

hugs n stuff,

justin

BACK ON BLOG

ISN'T HE THE HOTTIE? CUTE. . . .
My life has become very busy. . . .the TA work piles up way to quickly. As a
teaching assistant I get to look over al the papers students hand in, grade
quizzes and keep the records.

Plus, I have a class of my own to prepare and present three times a week.
My professor-mentor, after sitting in on a few classes, decided he didn't
need to sit in on my updated last year's presntstions for Intro Psych 101.
The students are a lot more vocal and participative when Professor B. is
not there.

Then I have my own work to do for my Masters degree psych program which
includes classes, seminars, group therapy sessions.

SO I am well occupied.

Now I want to respond to J 's question / comment about professional ethics on
campus. .Here is what he asked. . . .

""Your post revealed one of the more controversial aspects of academic life, which
is intimate relationships among students and instructors. I'd like to hear your and
your university's take on the ethics of the situation, and the extent of adherence

to the rules. ""

J was referring to the student in last year's class who had a rather active crush on
the instructor. . . ME. And was agressive in a funny, amusing manner. Cute, really.
However, this could go no where. And it never did!

University policy is loud and clear: No fraternization between faculty and students.
In other words, if you want your job, tensure, a salary. . .hands off ALL students, You
don't party, hang out together, date. . . . etc.

As a teaching assistant this applies to me, even though I am not in tenure or a full time
prof or faculty member. Plus I would loose the grant i was awarded at graduation
and be asked to leave! NO FOOLING AROUND.+

Strictly interpreted. In these days of instant litigation, no one is going to risk it.
In an article in Forbes magazine a couple years ago, written by two lawyers, aside
from the fiasco going on in USA courts with the litigations going on with the Catholic
Church, "there is gold in them thar hills": education, medicine, social workers. .and'
plans were being made to "find all the gold" in the various pots at the ends of the
rainbow. . . .

You know one of the reasons stressed to blame the older person involved: POWER.
The professor, the aggressor, exercised/used power to seduce the younger.

So that's how things go. However, in sex evaluations among counsellors/social workers
it is comely held that in such cases of older-younger nine times out of ten the younger is the
aggressor.. .and the seducer.

So. . .what do you make of them apples? LOL

BOYOLOGY 101 - does this apply to gay guys also? Opinions?

Boys 101: Writer offers teen girls a crash course

Book gives tips for navigating new relationships, making smart choices

Video

A teen girl’s guide to boys June 3: TODAY’s Al Roker talks to Sarah O’Leary Burningham, author of “Boyology,” and parenting expert Michele Borba about how teen girls can protect themselves from broken hearts. Today show

They say heaven knows ... so why not see what stars have in store for you today?

TODAY books

updated 10:39 a.m. ET, Wed., June 3, 2009

Relationships with boys are tricky — especially for teen girls who are still figuring out who they are themselves. In her book “Boyology,” Sarah O’Leary Burningham offers a crash course in understanding boys.

Chapter 3: I ♥ You: When You’re Head-Over-Heels In Like
You’ve finally met that one-in-a-mil guy. He’s smart and sexy, and every time he turns around and meets your eyes during chem class, your heart practically stops and you realize you’re holding your breath. He’s definitely the guy for you. Only he doesn’t know it yet.

In the animal kingdom, flirting is an intricate dance — sometimes literally. One bird, the male rainbow lorikeet (a really colorful parakeet), woos his mate with a series of wobbly steps that resemble footwork from “Saturday Night Fever.” As soon as he sees a potential girlfriend, he busts a move. If the female bird is into it, she’ll nuzzle up against him and let him smooth her feathers. If she’s not interested, she moves on and he finds someone else to flirt with.

Story continues below ↓

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It’s the same thing with you. You’re dancing around your feelings, opening up a little but not completely, and testing the waters with the other bird. If he’s interested, he might let you smooth his feathers. And if not, at least you know so you can move on to a different, worthier dance partner.

Get Your Flirt On
Since bird-mating moves aren’t likely to work on McDreamy, you’ll need some other ways to let the flirting fly. And as with all things, some ways are better than others. Here are a few good and bad ways to perfect your “dance.”

BAD: Making eye contact by staring at him.

GOOD: Catch his eye and hold his glance just a little longer than usual. Then give him a little smile.

The key to eye flirting is keeping it light. If you stare at a guy, it will seem like you’re either staring him down or acting stalker-ish. Neither is good. Just a quick glance (with the essential grin) is flirting — even without saying a word!

***

BAD: Laugh at every word that comes out of his mouth. You want him to know you like his jokes, right?

GOOD: Laugh when you think he says something funny.

Laughing hysterically every time your crush says something is a surefire way to come across as insincere. Fake laughter is as transparent as clear lip gloss; he’ll be able to tell that you don’t mean it. Instead, smile at him when you think he’s being cute, and when he says something funny, feel free to give him a wholehearted, utterly sincere giggle.

BAD: Hanging on him every time you’re together. You have to touch him to show you’re interested.

GOOD: Occasionally brushing up against his shoulder or touching his arm.

In flirting, a little contact goes a long way. You want to show your crush that you’re into him and get a sense of how he feels about you. Does he smile back when you flash your pearly whites? Does he step closer to you when you whisper something? Draping yourself all over him does not constitute flirting because you really won’t be able to gauge his feelings if you’re suffocating him (or vice versa). Instead, stay cool and keep it playful — flirting is meant to be fun!

***

BAD: Gush over every little detail, like his sweater, hat, jeans, shoes, socks—you get the picture.

GOOD: Compliment him on something specific, like his new iPod. You love the green color.

Guys love a little flattery (who doesn’t?), but keep it sincere if you want to make an impression. Going overboard and complimenting every little thing about him makes it sound like you’re putting him on a pedestal, which can be totally overwhelming. Focus on one or two things you really like about him. Considering he’s your crush, you shouldn’t have a hard time finding something!

Of course, those are just the basics. Here are six other tried-and-true ways to show him that you want to be more than just friends.

1. Find out what you have in common. If he spends time after school at the gym and you’re a total yoga buff, suggest you start working out together. Hanging out in the same places and doing things you both enjoy will give you more time to get to know each other.

2. Start a real conversation by asking him a semi-personal question. Don’t ask him something he’d only share in therapy, mind you, but something to get him talking about his interests and what he likes to do. A basic question that requires more than a “yes” or “no” answer, like, “What did you do last weekend?” is a good way to get things rolling.

3. Stand closer to him than you have to. Don’t stand so close that you’re going to lose your balance and fall over, but close enough that he can feel you there. Believe me, he’ll notice!

4. Do something spontaneous (but not crazy). Did it just snow? Suggest you go make snow angels. Is it superhot? What about taking a run through the school sprinklers? Guys love it when girls are willing to try new, silly things.

5. Be a good friend. By being there if he needs to talk or wants a study-buddy, you’re showing him that you really care. Just remember not to forfeit your own life for his. You don’t want to be the kind of person who is always hanging around, like the third wheel.

6. The good-ole music mix. Make him an iPod mix or burn a CD with some of your favorite songs. As DJ AM says, “The best way to get closer to a guy you have a crush on is to have a music-listening session together.”

CONTINUED : What's hot and what's not

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1 | 2 | 3 | Next >

ome’ aims to save couples

B U N S . . . . but. . .

There. . . did I catch your attention a bit? ;-)
Subject: BLOG TOPICS

Hola Gents:
Are there topics you would like to talk about, natter about, share ideas about?
Suggestions? Open here. . . ;-)
If you do not wish your comment to appear on the blog but only for me to read, just head it: "do not print please." and it will ner' be seen by anyone else.

My own classes/seminars, group therapy work [supervised, of course. . lol ] are
going quite well. Full days and some evenings. . .but still ample time to LIVE!
The freshman intro pysch class I am teaching - as part of my TA job [i.e., teaching assistant] is going briliantly, if I my say so. . .and I do. . .LOL. The students are bright and interested. They are very vocal and participative especially on the days when my prof-mentor doesn't attend. Lots of curious questioners. . .willing to be involved in stuff.

One of my students from last year who labored under a wicked crush on me is not in my class again. . .phew!!! HE WAS SO HAAAWWWT. . .and aggressive. .LOL.
He stopped by the other day and said he wanted to transfer back to my class. . .
"WHOOAAAA babe, you've got to be joking. . .!" Right. Phew!!! "Don't you remember you gave me an A . . . . . for effort! I couldn't re-enroll" Good for regulations!

Then he wanted to know why he didnt see me any more in library/second floor. .
"I've been looking. . .hehehe" I called him The Stalker. . . .says he back: "and you loved it. . ." heheee I did. . .LOL

So let's hear from all 20 of you. . . would be nice.

Thanks, guys.

justin

BTW. . . .this photo is NOT me. . . .hehe. . . just nice ass, etc.
to whet the tastebuds, as it were. . .ho ho ho

HUBBY-HUBBY ICE CREAM

This is 'borrowed' from ROBBIE's blog WhatOthersHaveMissed http://whatothershavemissed.blogspot.com Hope you don't mind, Robbie. . ;-) justin How Vermonters Celebrate New Gay Marriage Law

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Hubby Hubby

I friend of my posted a link to this article on facebook and I thought that it was worth a repost here. Hope you don't mind Carl :-) Now Chubby Hubby is not one of my favorite flavors from Ben & Jerry's, I'm more of a Cherry Garcia or Magic Brownies kind of guy. I hope that they release it nation wide I'd love to see it in the freezer section here in Georgia, you can smell the fire and brimstone now. I'm sure that this show of support will only draw the sights of the bible thumpers down on them. We all know how their boycott of Disney hurt that company's bottomline, LOL. Anyway grab a pint of your favorite flavor and enjoy. Ben & Jerry's you guys Rock!

http://www.benjerry.com/hubbyhubby/

Ice cream company fetes gay marriage

By Jerry Kronenberg | Tuesday, September 1, 2009 http://www.bostonherald.com

Ben & Jerry’s is temporarily renaming popular “Chubby Hubby” ice cream “Hubby Hubby” beginning today to celebrate the start of legalized gay marriage in its home state of Vermont.

“The legalization of marriage for gay and lesbian couples in Vermont is certainly a step in the right direction, and something worth celebrating with peace, love - and plenty of ice cream,” Ben & Jerry’s CEO Walt Freese said in announcing the sugary switch.

Ben & Jerry’s, which has long backed liberal causes, plans to rebrand “Chubby Hubby” as “Hubby Hubby” for 30 days to show support for Vermont’s new law.

The move is mostly symbolic, as Burlington-based Ben & Jerry’s isn’t changing labels on “Chubby Hubby” pints sold in stores.

Spokesman Sean Greenwood said revising product labels takes 18 months, although he said Ben & Jerry’s hasn’t ruled out retailing “Hubby Hubby” in the future.

In the meantime, a wedding-themed Ben & Jerry’s truck will hand out free “Hubby Hubby” across Vermont today. Scheduled stops include the Vermont Capitol, where lawmakers passed a gay-marriage law that takes effect today.

Ben & Jerry’s six Vermont ice cream parlors also plan to sell special “Hubby Hubby” sundaes during September.

Gay-marriage backers see Ben & Jerry’s move as sweet sign of support.

“As we continue to fight for equality, it’s heartening to see businesses like Ben & Jerry’s demonstrate their support,” said Scott Gortikov of pro-gay-marriage organization MassEquality. “I look forward to the day when ‘Hubby Hubby’ is available in supermarkets in all 50 states.”

But the name change is giving gay-marriage opponents an ice cream headache. “It’s a bad idea, especially because I think they’re just doing it to rub it in that Vermont has legalized gay marriage,” said Brian Camenker of MassResistance.org.

Article URL: http://www.bostonherald.com/business/general/view.bg?articleid=1194593

Is THIS how it is?

Here is a clip from a series on two young gay guys.
This one deal with coming out to each other. . or acting
out their feelings for each other.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvy7VhwwLeg

[click for full screen]

We've read the crap about gay = choice. . that we choose
to be "the way we are". . . When did you 'choose'? LOL
I didn't; I just was/am. I'd like to say to church people
"Are you out of your mind? With society as it is, with the
church as you are and the grief you cause, who would choose
to be gay?"

Was your family the most difficult to come out to? Gary says
I am spoiled rotten. . .hehe. . Could be. LOL I told my mom and
dad I was gay when I was 15. . .6 years ago. . .seems like a century
ago!

Mom's reply: "We know, honey. Your father and I have wondered
when you'd get around to telling us." Parents are smarter than we
give them credit for being! LOL I think most of the time they
already know, especially moms. I guess they are afraid it might
be true.

What do you think?

WE CAN'T WAIT !

PLEASE check this out. .do what you can.
THANKS

Watch MoveOn and R.E.M.'s "We Can't Afford to Wait" and then tell your friends

Email this powerful video to your friends and share it on Facebook and Twitter. With the news that some in the White House are considering a “trigger“—a delay tactic designed to kill the public option—it’s more important than ever to get the word out that we simply can’t afford to wait for real reform. Send the video to your friends today.

Read More >

BACK TO SCHOOL

And so it begins all over again!

I did my goodbyes, so-long, farewells, dieus. . .to yer..and yer. .and yer...
my FIT all packed and ready and drove west off Cape Cod with holiday
traffic headed home. . . as the afternoon grew on the traffic would get heavier.
I wanted to get beyond Boston before traffic mania took over!

As a post-grad student I am again this year living off campus. My gram
Madame Bouvier. . ..hehe. . .invited me to use the apartment at the end of
her home. She lives across the river in a small town a few miles from
campus. Great for me and good for gram. . she feels safer with me around.
And her meals are far finer than campus food. . ;-) Gram likes having
her youngest grandson around the house. She wants to do too much for
me. . .I insist on doing my own laundry; she insists on doing my shirts!
Great for me. . . LOL

Tomorrow I meet my Intro Psych 101 class which I team teach with my
faculty advisor and psych department chairman. I work as a TA [teaching
assistant] which means teaching one class, correcting and grading exam
papers, and doing my own classes, seminars, working for my Master's in
psychology. A lot of serious work and I love it!

Only one sadness: I had to leave my Portugese Peter back in Provincetown.
but there are weekends, and only 4 hours drive away. . . .

More later. . . .as something develops!

Oh, SHARKS! Great White Sharks. . over 12 feet long. . .5 off them
about 1 mile off shore. . .right in the area of our beach at home! Beaches
closed. Why are they there? Simple answer: there are 100s of seals resting
off our shores. . . .good seal hunting. A stat: no one has been attacked by a shark off the Massachusetts coast since 1936. So. . . you never know! ;-)

ciao ciao ~
justin

GAY TOWN

Beautiful colors in brilliant sunshine. . . . .ma belle ville! ;-)

PROVINCETOWN...LABOR DAY...2009

xxx

vvv

peace. . .love. . . . . . .woodstock? ;-)

LOOK who I rescued last night. . . .LOL. . . .enjoying morning coffee. . . .

The Lingering Days of End-of-Summer

Between and post=hurricanes the weather here at the Outer Cape has been extraordinaily nice and, this year, for me poignant. I hate seeing these days wind down. . . and the thought of leaving Monday and back to school - at the last moment, by the way - does me in. . .

This is what we did on Sunday. . . . hehe. . . .one of the Island Faeries took this photo.
P. in the water; J. on shore. . . .