Gay Relationships: Ready To Find Mr. Right? Posted: 09 May 2012 05:20 AM PDT Sometimes it seems like every single guy in the world is out there trying to find Mr. Right.  (Not everyone, of course; some guys are perfectly happy to be single, and that’s a valid choice.) Frustrated by the search, some men hear advice like this when they complain to friends:  “When you’re really ready, he’ll show up in your life.”  So how do you know when you’re ready? Here are some signs that you’re not ready for a relationship: - You imagine that a relationship will raise your low self-esteem; - You look to a relationship to give your life purpose that it now lacks; - You have very few healthy, caring relationships of any sort now, and you figure a lover is a good place to start. Becoming part of a couple doesn’t provide these things; instead, it requires them before you are ready to start the relationship. You’re also not ready for a partner if you are overwhelmed by unfinished business – especially the business that comes from having recently broken up with someone else. These rebound relationships are almost always a disaster. If you’ve recently left a relationship, the pull to find a new partner can be strong. Resist the urge. You’ve got work to do first to figure out what there was for you to learn and anything you might do differently next time. You’ve also got emotional work to do: grieving, working through sadness or anger, whatever. It’s as if the first guy has to finish moving out of your heart before there is space for anyone else to move in. Some criteria for readiness are exactly the same as for anyone else interested in emotional health and well-being.  For instance, guys who are ready for relationships have a healthy sense of themselves. They understand and respect differences and individuality, and don’t lose themselves or overwhelm a boyfriend when they are dating. They are generally positive and realistic about life and have basically healthy values and priorities. The way they lead their lives is consistent with those values and priorities. They are capable of being rational and logical. They can certainly get angry, but they do so in healthy ways. (Unhealthy ways would include either denying anger and acting it out in a passive-aggressive manner on the one hand, or becoming explosive and out of control on the other.) How do you act when you’re hurt or confused? Do you become so passive and dependent that you lose your sense of yourself, or do you express your feelings and work through them? It’s perfectly healthy to have negative feelings sometimes. When we find ourselves becoming a prisoner to that sort of negativity, it impairs our ability to connect well with others. We are at our best when we have access to the whole range of our feelings. Someone who is actively addicted to alcohol, drugs or anything else is not going to be successful in maintaining a healthy relationship for very long.Addictions are “jealous lovers,” and won’t tolerate a rival for long. Compulsive patterns of behavior keep us distracted from being totally present to someone else. That just won’t work. Deal with the problem, and then go look for Mr. Right. John R. Ballew, M.S. an author and contributor to GAYTWOGETHER, is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality, relationships and spirituality. If you have any questions or comments you can submit them directly to GAYTWOGETHER or John R. Ballew, M.S. -www.bodymindsoul.org.

~~~thanks, Michael@gaytwogether.com

President Obama supports Gay Marriage !!!


http://gma.yahoo.com/obama-announces-his-support-for-same-sex-marriage.html

Quote from The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.  . . . . 

1. Sonny Kapoor:  "I have a dream, Mommy. . To create a home for the elderly, so wonderful that they will simply refuse to die. . . "

SONNY  is played by DEV PATEL, the hot Indian Guy [spot, not feathers] who had the lead in SLUM DOG MILLIONAIRE.




Here. . .have some fun. . . several times. . .lol. . . watch the Official Trailer. . . . go ahead. . 


it's catching. . . . .nyuk. . .nyuk. . .   justin




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHc_ZTEH0VU

In North Carolina, Lay Catholics Take the Lead to Support Marriage Equality by newwaysministryblog Voters in North Carolina go to the polls today to vote on a constitutional amendment which would ban marriage equality for lesbian and gay couples in that state.  While the Catholic bishops of the state have campaigned hard for passage of the amendment, at least one Catholic parish in Charlotte, NC, has promoted having an open mind about the matter.  And scores of Catholic lay leaders are working for the amendment's defeat. St. Peter's Church, Charlotte's oldest parish, hosted a forum on the amendment this past month where both sides of the issue were presented. (St. Peter's has long been listed on New Ways Ministry's gay-friendly parish directory.) According to a news story in The Charlotte Observer: "The event made some diocesan leaders uncomfortable. Bishop Peter Jugis, the spiritual head of some 500,000 Catholics, has been an outspoken leader in the campaign for the amendment’s passage. "While members of St. Peter’s say they tried to avoid controversy with their leaders, they don’t apologize for what they did. “ 'Faith … it’s a struggle and a journey,' said parishioner Robert Singagliese, who helped organize the event. 'Open conversation and discussion, no matter where it leads, can only enhance that.' " Though the parishioners alerted the diocesan office about the two-sided discussion, and even arranged for the diocesan spokesperson, David Hains, to be a participant, Hains dropped out of the event three weeks before it occurred.  According to theObserver story: "In an email to Singagliese, Hains said he had thought he was to be the night’s only speaker, as was the case during all his visits to other parishes. A panel discussion, he said, would challenge the authority of church teachings. "Asked about his decision this week, Hains said he had discussed it beforehand with Jugis. “ 'I felt, and the bishop agreed, that church teachings do not belong in that kind of context,'  he said. 'So I withdrew.' ” Interestingly, parishioners remain divided on the issue of the amendment: "Panelist and parishioner Jerry Schmitt said he believed in fairness for all but that his Catholic beliefs would lead him to vote yes Tuesday. "Jeremy Needham said his same beliefs would lead him to vote no. "Needham, a longtime lay leader at St. Peter’s, is gay. He and his partner, Rick Hudson, often help Earl on the altar during mass. "They have two adopted sons, Luke and Rudy. Both were baptized at St. Peter’s. "The couple says they had cut back on their activism in recent years to focus on being parents. “ 'But then this amendment came up,' Needham said. 'And now we want our children to see us as vocal and standing the ground on something we truly believe in.' "During the forum, Needham was among the last to speak. “ 'Gay people don’t choose to be gay, but we choose to live honestly,' he said. 'We are created in the image of God just like you. God did not make a mistake when he created me.' ” An article in The National Catholic Reporter on the amendment examines how other lay people, particularly parents,  in the state are working to defeat the amendment which the state's bishops support.   Stan Kimer, a former Catholic who is president of the North Carolina Council of Churches has been leading the religious campaign to defeat the amendment, and that he is supported in that effort by his Catholic mother: "His mother, Fran Kimer, has been a member of Raleigh's St. Raphael the Archangel Catholic Church since 1970. "Fran Kimer says she supports the church's view on marriage, but for her, freedom trumps theology. 'The way I feel, a marriage should be between a man and a woman, and they have children, but I respect the lesbians and the gays, and I feel that they should be given every single opportunity and every advantage that I myself have,' she said. " 'I was brought up to be very broad-minded and accepting of everybody; it's my background,' she said. 'I believe as long as you're a good person, which my son is -- he's an excellent son -- as long as you're a good person -- you obey the laws, you don't steal, rob, kill -- to me, you should be accepted. Most of my friends are very accepting of lesbians and gays. A few them, I just don't understand how they feel. To me, they are not good Christians. They say they are, but they're not.' " Mrs. Kimer's position in the article is supported by another vocal Catholic North Carolinian parent: "Gail Phares of Raleigh is a former Maryknoll missionary and cofounder of Witness for Peace. Her daughter is gay. " 'As a Roman Catholic with a beautiful daughter who is gay, I am deeply saddened to read about some of the U.S. Catholic bishops' stand against gay people and gay marriage,' she said. 'I believe that God loves us all more than we can imagine -- everyone. I believe that God loves people who are born gay just as God loves everyone else. Why would any church leaders take a stand against some of God's beautiful and gifted people? The Gospel is very clear -- love one another.' " Enough said. --Francis DeBernardo, New Ways Ministry newwaysministryblog | May 8, 2012 at 5:33 am | Tags: Amendment 1, Amendment One,Bishop Peter Jugis, Catholic, Catholic Church, Charlotte Observer, David Hains, Fran Kimer, Gail Phares, Jeremy Needham, Jerry Schmitt, National Catholic Reporter, North Carolina, Peter's,Robert Singagliese, St, Stan Kimer | Categories: Bishops, Catholic, Church Teaching, LGBT,Politics, U.S. | URL: http://wp.me/p21uEP-yD Comment    See all comments

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 Subject:  VP Biden on Gay Marriage: "Who do you love?"
ABC News. . . .


"I am totally comfortable with it.  For me, it's a matter of the 
  heart. " 

Date: May 6, 2012 1:21:05 PM EDT

To: Justin OShea <jstn_oshea@yahoo.com>

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/politics/2012/05/biden-on-gay-marriage-who-do-you-love/

Janitor's Note. . .

Dear Friends and Neighbors. . . .


Today is May 1st and I've noticed that there have been 99,026 pageviews at Justin Dunes.  So we shall soon reach the 100,000
momentous mark.  ;-)


I began the blog in July 2009. . . and "the rest is history".  Thank you for your interest and your so-many page views.  Thank you especially for sharing your lives and hearts with those of us who read here and post our lives and hearts.  As I write this I reflect on the "regular faces" who are so special and form the nucleus of the community which has become and is The Dunes.  Thank you. . .very much.


I wrote on Day One something like this:  "This is my first attempt at a blog.  Let's see where it goes. . . . ."  Yes, let's continue to do that and see where we meander along The Dunes.


~~~ with love, care and affection,


            justin. . . . .who also answers to   JustinO

Another Pithy Saying. . . ;-)

This is today's Words of Wisdom from Michael

at gaytwogether.com.

This is an item we might post on the refrigerator door, or maybe better still on the mirror above the bathroom sink. . . .or on the wall opposite to the toilet.  LOL

Another one which people have found out the "bad way" often enough is If you don't want the world to know then don't post it on the w.w.w.  And these letters mean what they designate:  Whole Wide World !  LOL

Have you ever posted something which, after the fact, you wish you hadn't?  Then, as you later worry about it you lull yourself into some sort of relief. .. "Well, most likely most people won't even see it or read it. . "  And then, to your chagrin, you begin to discover again that it has indeed been seen by the Whole Wide World and W.W.W. is only happy to let you know and add to your embarrassment!  ;-)  Sweet peeps.  

These comments having been made, most importantly, Thank You,

Michael, for allowing me to so freely "borrow" from your excellent blog. . . .so I can spread the Good Word.

muchas gracias,

   justin o'shea